Monday, January 21, 2008

She Comes First

A Proper Context for the Term

A fellow blogger kindly suggested that I invest in the book “She Comes First …” by Ian Kerner. I agree with his intention and sentiment. I have a vast collection of books over which any budding FLR man would love to orgasm. See my book list in the sidebar for a sample. But before I get into these lubricious details, I want to take a tiny side-tour using the term in the title of this blog.
In our relationship “She Comes First” is more than in the obviously sexual implication. Even back in the vanilla days I tried to be gentlemanly with her. I was awed with her youthful and abundant beauty, so she held my attention as far as any female would. Then we started making babies, and another world of appreciation opened which bound me to her even more. It was not in a manner of “You, my woman, I, your master,” but more like a treasure that needed my protection and repeated appreciation. This is not to say that I was perfect at serving her needs, rather, that in most situations I put her ahead of me for a number of reasons.

We had problems. We were inexperienced in sex, dealing with marriage, emotional problems, economic problems, etc. All that time I was trying to earn a living and a practical college degree that would catapult me from menial to professional jobs. Our sex life was not dull. We learned many things and enjoyed them along the way. But it took her a long time to become relatively free to express her feelings, and I suspect that she is still holding back some.

The idea of “She Comes First” is now even more to the point: I put her ahead of me in all respects. Obviously, sex, although it is high on the list, is not the only item.

The Real Meaning of the Term

I ran across this book maybe a year ago. I considered buying it. I would enjoy reading it, and may do so some day. I am interested in all aspects of the subject. However, after reading the description I realized that other than vicarious pleasure I would get little out of it. The book is for the novice. You may see an excellent review of it at
I will now talk of some of the reasons why I need not buy the book at this time.

I am already very good at giving MW pleasure in any way that she wants, especially along the subject of this book. It is indeed true that she comes first, and that she decides what, when, where, how, etc. Please ask her at if you doubt me. I doubt that I would learn anything new that would enhance her appreciation of what I am already doing. I am not sure that she would allow me to do anything different than what she indicates that I should do. In other words, I hesitate to experiment because she is very touchy.

What I could not learn from any book are the nuances of oral pleasure, which apply to MW. These took a long time to evolve, and are changing even now. I could have learned this only at her feet. While the general technique is portable to other women, the specific application is unique to the lovers that we comprise.

Regardless of how much of an expert I may be as a linguist, it does not matter except in the esoteric and aesthetic senses. I can talk about my expertise and my style, but I will still share the practical part only with MW. As much as I would love to entertain thoughts of her sharing me with others of like preferences, it is not going to happen. I certainly have no plan to do it on the sly. What I have may be precious to her, but it is a commodity whose value is limited only to her.

It is conceivable that some day I would be doing this service to another deserving female, and I would probably love it. If that were the case, I would again have to learn her preferences, rather than applying a manual of cunnilingus or the nuances that MW has taught me.

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