Saturday, February 28, 2009

A Real Dominant Woman This Time

Just so you don’t think that I am always negative and critical of blogs (OK, maybe critical), I am presenting you with this evaluation of one whose conclusion is different.

In my previous post I claimed that when a supposedly dominant woman writes her thoughts via a blog, she would present them from her point of view: “Even if she is dominant, and gets into a lot of kink, her interest and emphasis would be on herself, and not be on the man.” This is the criterion I use to decide whether a blog is written by a woman, or a man claiming to be a woman. In contrast to A Year Of Tease And Denial I present you with another link that appears to demonstrate my assertion: The Accidental Domme.

I take a chance on saying that the author of this last blog is real. I look forward to reading what she has to say. The only problem is that I can't leave a comment on her posts. The "word verification" window is presented, but there is no word displayed to enter. Consequently, my comment is not accepted.

Friday, February 27, 2009

Another Potential Fake

I have been reading Denying Thumper for a short time. His saga is interesting and is going somewhere. In this particular link I was offered another link to A Year Of Teasing And Denial as a "good budding T/D blog". I went there and read it.

The blog is tasteful, nicely laid out. The writer is not bad as far as grammar and composition go. The situation presented is from the woman’s point of view, which should be an immediately provocative and attractive source for all submissive males. Simply reading the blog turns me on, and I can fall into the feel of the characters.

But from the beginning I had a feeling that a woman would not generally write this. Even if she is dominant, and gets into a lot of kink, her interest and emphasis would be on herself, and not be on the man. The man can still be her center of attention, but from her point of view, rather than his. If this is indeed a woman writing it, she is unusual, perhaps unique in her way to do all the things that a submissive man desires in such a short time: January 2009.

I think that the blog is based on a real relationship, written by the man, but not relaying real events. What he writes is how he would like his relationship to be and to progress. I don’t want to comment more on it for now, because if the writer gets to read my comments, he would try to adjust it to make it seem more real, therefore extend the deception.

Fake blogs always run out of steam for the reason that there is only fantasy behind it. Although fantasy is without limit, one can get bored with repeating it. This is an excellent example, when most of what a submissive man wants is dumped up front. He can get more kinky later, and he would, but most of what he wants had been covered already in a short time. The substance behind it is not there now, neither will it be there later.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

This Thing About Slavery

I used to get off on reading about men enslaved by women, and used as love slaves, pets, beasts of burden, prisoners, and kitchen drudges. You know the genre of such books. I admit that I still drool reading any part of that, but somehow I transcended to a higher plane.

I read would-be-slave men’s comments on some blogs. They wish to be true slaves. They wish to be used and abused for the rest of their lives. It is a thought of misty softness that allows the man to give himself to a woman that way. She will use him sexually, and maybe lend his services to other women. Some men would also prefer their services provided to other men. It is a no-fault relationship because they are forced. They have no responsibility, just the pain and the joy. Hey, I have been there in my fantasies. I understand.

As far as fantasies go we can be from one extreme to another, and no harm is done. This is why, mostly unattached men, comment along these lines tending to extremes. Discarding for the moment the fake blogs, the rest are more sober in their approach. Some still admit to wishes, some admit to real cuckoldry of various degrees and elaborate on it. Somehow cuckoldry fits in with a version of slavery. At least, the authors try to make it so.

There is the idea that involuntary slavery is the ultimate of submission. This is advocated by the writer of the fake blog Owning And Training A Male Slave. In “her” words from the book, “In my view a male is an inferior being who is fit only to grace my presence as a full and abject non consensual slave.” This fits right up the expectations of some men in need of extreme slavery. Practicality and legality aside, it could be fun for a while. It could also be fun from time to time, say, for a weekend. But long term, or forever, forget it. After your first tooth-ache you will want out.

What most fantasy male slaves don’t admit is that there could be fun only for a very short time. An involuntary slave does not get to pick his mistress or master; he gets picked, and has nothing to say about it. When his food, water, medical care, or even his life, are controlled by some obviously dangerous and likely demented person, be it female or male, the preservation of freedom suddenly kicks in. The joy would quickly lose its edge as soon as the slave’s hand is whacked off for ill behavior, or as a fellow slave is killed just for the joy of the owner. Even in less extreme cases I can see a need of a slave for companionship, acceptence, time off, and just some enjoyment of life. Continuously harsh reality would not satisfy long.

So, I don’t really take it seriously when horny men talk about real slavery. What they mean is “pretended real slavery.” Now, that rocks! You can take it as far as you want, and then say the safe word, and you are out. I could live with that on a short-term basis.

I know that I have not given you much in the way of demonstration of my essay. You can read the above-mentioned link and see some of the gullible readers gushing about this writer’s ideas. I still can’t tell whether the blog is from the slave's or the owner’s perspective, given the context. Of course, it makes no difference, because they are the same: it is written by the man who is both slave and owner mistress.

But there is a somewhat interesting discussion going on at From Submissive to Slave. It tends to show that a would-be male slave does not really want to be enslaved against his will by just anyone. First it must be a woman, and a strictly clinical definition is not sufficient: she has to be his type in order to be sufficiently attractive so that he can carry out his slavely duties. Next, she must do certain things that a slave owner should do; at least according to his expectations. The list goes on, and it is kind of like a shopping expedition for a toy at the mall: the purchase must be just right.

Well, sheesh! Whatever happened to real slavery?

Oh, I know, this is slavery with conditions. I get it! She does not really own you, she just pretends. You call the shots, and she follows the rules. Hey, it’s just like in a vanilla marriage, “Honey, can you be in charge tonight? I’m really horny. By the way, I’ll need a clean shirt for my golf date tomorrow.”

I don’t mean to dismiss all male slave-wannabies. As I said, I have my needs and fantasies also. But at least I call a spade a “spade”, and not a “friggin’ implement of moving stuff”. We know who we are, so let’s be honest. We can still play and pretend. But let’s not try to fool the reader.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009


I stand in the space between my house and the street. Trees and shrubbery take up the openness. I enjoy the warmth of the sun on this winter day. A shadow passes over me, moving across the landscape swiftly. By the time I look up to see what caused it, the perpetrator is gone.

I look around. In the distant heights now I see a bird. It is large. Vultures are not around this time of the year, so I guess it to be a raven or a hawk. Our ravens are not as magnificent as those around the Grand Canyon or Bryce Canyon in Utah, yet they are more stately than their cousins, the crows and grackles. Sure, they sound like crows, but, please, we are talking stature here. These ravens are near the bottom of the food chain for black birds. They are scavengers, but not large enough to kill much. The huge variety around the canyons could scare the crap out of me with their bulk and size. These local birds are less frightening. They are closer to crows than the others.

Our resident hawks are becoming rare. We used to have them nesting in tall trees around us. We enjoyed the sounds they and their children made as they practiced flying in late spring. The adult birds used to attack their reflection in our windows on the top floor, so we put large pictures inside to make the reflection of them less inciting. Now these magnificent birds are mostly visitors. We still have some open space around where they can nest. But it is diminishing. It may have to do with people using poison to kill their prey. We miss them.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Still Another Male Fantasy

I don’t remember how I acquired this link. It may be my suppressed interest in cuckoldry: C And M. The last post is late last year, so it may be defunct. As interesting as this blog may be to some, it is fake. It is possible that what he writes is loosely based on his actual situation. It is fantasy nevertheless. There are a number of things that point to this conclusion. A real blog may have omissions or repetitions because it is put together chronologically, and is not organized otherwise. However, it should be consistent. In general it relays events as they take place. An invented relationship posed as real may suffer from the same, but since it is not based on chronological events, it is easy to slip and make mistakes.

This is one man’s fantasy gone ape. I don’t begrudge his doing this. I, too, fantasize. Just that, I don’t feel the need to suck vulnerable readers into my fantasies. I would rather write a book and present it as fiction. At least there, credit would be, or not be, given where due.

I guess he ran out of steam in October 2008, which is the last post. If he were real, I would be willing to read the rest and see whether I am right in may assessment, or that I am wrong, and enjoy what he relates. Too bad.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Holding Pattern

We have been in the mode of an aircraft unable to land: holding pattern. MW flipped out of normal existence back in October. It had to do with her family. Sickness, and such. On her part, guilt and anxiety.

I know, this is not the mark of a woman in charge. But give her a chance to set it straight. A lot of things descended on her then, and remained to this day. We get by. She is on some medication to mitigate the stress. Alas, they also mitigate the thrills. She is down.

Today she slept several hours when she would usually be awake. It is not good, but we try to work through it.

I don’t mean to be selfish when I say that this time should come to an end. At least, the causes should come to an end. She does not deserve this torture.

I try to stay rational and supportive. She needs a strong person. She needs a frame of stable reference, a place where she can feel safe. That is our home, that is me, her life support.

Yet she is still doing all she can to take care of the familial obligations. Real soon now, we will be back to normal. Have I said this before?

Sunday, February 15, 2009

It’s Not Easy Being Me

As often happens, I get my inspiration from Mistress Kathy. She brings up the idea of men having to hide their submissive feelings, etc.

I have expressed my admiration for today’s women. It is not easy to be one. Not that I know the details, but I have a few insights. For example, look in her purse. She may have keys, nightstick, pepper spray, lipstick, makeup, mirror, various ache remedies, tampons, notepad, tissues, wallet, coins, breath mints, … the list is endless. She needs all that to get through any day.

She gets up in the morning, takes care of children, selects fashionable clothes, puts on makeup, dresses perfectly, drives the highways to get to work, worry about being hijacked or mugged while walking form her car to the building. Then at work she must look prim and fresh, smart but sexy. She must appear enticing but not whorish. She must be smart but not appear smarter than the boss. She must take time for trips to the restroom to touch up her makeup, always having to wait for an available toilet stall. She will have a green salad without dressing for lunch. At the health club she must don the sexy outerwear yet be able to shed heat of the exercise, not to appear like a slut but be attractive, and so on. Let it be known that I appreciate all of that.

Then, one would say, “It is easy to be a man.” He can roll out of bed, belch or fart, stumble to the bathroom and do his thing. He shaves, puts on his Levi’s and some non-descript shirt, He stuffs his wallet and keys in his pocket, then goes to work. He need not worry about being intimidated in any way while driving. Nobody wants to mess with a man. At work he does whatever he is supposed to. He will go to the restroom and stand to piss. He will have his hamburger and french-fries for lunch while ogling the females, and as long as he is not overt, no problem.

There is a lot more, of course. What I have presented is a stereotype of both gender roles. All of it is true in some cases, but does not really show the whole picture. Much is missing from both gender roles. I could write a book about this, but for the current venue I must limit my temptation. You may thank me now. Let’s take the genders in turn.

Being a Woman

I love feminine women. But, being feminine is not makeup or fashion.

I love powerful women. But, being powerful is not kicking men in the balls physically or figuratively.

I love strong women. But, being strong is not being dressed in leather or plastic, or micro-managing a man’s life. It is not being sluttish, vulgar, crass, or mannish.

It is up to you what kind of woman you want to be. If you have the skill, education, and the incentive, you could become who you want to be. There are many examples in real life. But not every woman has all that. Some will have to limit their goals to realistic levels. Some don’t have the means to do much other than being a wife or a girlfriend. Some don’t have those qualities, and go through life searching for a niche in which they excel. These are facts of life.

So, I urge women to be themselves, and make the best of what they are. Even within already chosen roles they can’t be everything.

There is no need for apologies if a woman chooses to be “only a wife”. There are degrees of wives, and she can be wherever she wants to be with all of its implications. She can lead or follow. She can make or break a marriage. And all that time she can be feminine, powerful, caring, loving, charming or a bitch, to any extent she wants. Just skip the stereotyping, and do your own thing.

Being a Man

In my stereotypical parody above I alluded to the assumption that being a man is as easy as stepping on a cow-pie. For some men it is just that easy. It could be terminal insensitivity or stupidity. He would not be bothered by anything unless he is horny (which is most of the time), hungry, or have a need for a beer. And, oh yes, his manhood must not ever be challenged. Other than that, he is all right.

In general, some of us men have a little more on the brain than sex, food, and beer. For example, we might have a plan for the rest of our lives, responsibility for our actions, caring for family and country, etc. Adding to that our expected stereotypical behavior in today’s society, we have some conflicting directives. Then there are our kinks.

Today, a man is expected to be sensitive. He must not grope females in general, and should cry when watching certain movies. He must be well groomed and fit in with peers. See for example, the metro sexual man. He must be strong to take care of roadside emergencies such as changing a flat tire or taking out the garbage or a would-be mugger. He must be nurturing toward his children yet not raise a hand when one of the little buggers refuses to listen to the word “no!” He must be caring for his wife, but not be a sissy. He is to be chivalrous, and take charge in the bedroom, but only when the wife is known to be receptive. He is expected to have male friends to watch games on TV, but not allow anyone to trash the living room. The list is endless.

Then There Is Kink

If the kink is the woman’s idea, the man is likely to go with it. After all, he is usually horny, except immediately after ejaculation, so this is a piece of cake. A kinky woman is a treasure, and she can’t do wrong. Well, I don’t want to cover all kinks, but in general …

If the kink is the man’s idea, then both of them may have a problem. Say, he wants to “dress up”. Does she allow him to do so? Does she allow him to go outside dressed as a woman? Does she allow her friends and relatives to learn of this?

Or, let’s say that he wants her to lead. Some people have no problem with that. Others will go ape: a man is not supposed to follow a woman. Will he be automatically forced to scrub the toiled, piss sitting down, and give up financial control?

Or, let’s assume that he wants to be dominated, but only in the bedroom. Is he being dominant or submissive, or just friggin’ kinky?

Can’t I Be Just Me?

Both men and women can ask this question. Back in history when men were expected to be men and women were expected to do as told, the rules were more simple. Today they are outrageous.

I often feel the need to justify my being apparently subservient to my wife, and then say or do something that shows I still have balls. Less and less so over the years, but the urge is still there. Likewise, my wife still has a problem demonstrating her power over me when it comes to family and friends. I am just supposed to be the nice guy who will shut up and do what is necessary. Then everybody is happy. So we continue acting like everybody else in our respective female and male roles: me with balls, she with boobs, I stand to piss, she sits, etc.

I don’t really have a complaint here, although you might have guessed otherwise. I can handle my end of it just fine. For one thing, I don’t give a sh*t about what most people deduce based on my behavior. I try to be civil, gentle, caring, and will kick some guy in the teeth when he deserves it. About the subservient-to-my-wife role, I don’t flaunt it. I let people make their own conclusion. Just that, I am still judged by the complex rules. And sometimes it pisses me off.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Gov'ment 1

The current “economic stimulus package" proposed by our Democrat president and congress hovers around One Trillion Dollars. That means, “1 with 12 zeros after it.” Most of us don't get to handle a check with more than 2 or 3 zeros after the 1. To be truthful, there are three Republican senators who threw in their lot with the Democrats, so this deauchery is not 100 percent all Democrat.

Imagine that you earn $100,000 per year, and are obligated to use all of that to pay off this 1 Trillion dollar debt based on your annual salary. You would have to work for 10 million years if we don't include interest on the loan.

Of course, you would need a second job, because all your $100,000 annual wages would be spent on repaying that debt, and you would need to buy an occasional beer and jerky. Lucky you, that is not a problem. Since you will not live and work for ten million years, someone else will repay it for you.

But for now, you will still pay. So will your children and grand children. Unless of course, you or they don't earn an honest living. Then you would not have to pay. The gov'ment would take care of you.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Grinding To A Halt

Those of you who are still with me please have patience. I have not been reporting anything of much interest in the way of FLR lately. One reason is, there has not been a reason. The other reason, well, it does not exist either.

That is not saying that our FLR is over, just that we fell out of practice due to some very compelling circumstances. If you are still interested in my writing, please stay with us. I will occasionally produce more pontification, and may even report on current events. At some point I will return to the fun stuff. For now, we will have to wait for certain situations to resolve into manageable scenarios. Without getting too personal, I will mention some reasons for the lack of positive demonstration of our FLR.

Late last year I related that MW was facing elective surgery. The problem behind that has not gone away. She is still trying to deal with it and all of its implication. But another problem surfaced that tends to eclipse the pending surgery: advanced illness on her side of the family. This drains her strength and creates feelings of guilt. Adding to that her tendency to depression makes her life hard. My support of her problems is a given. I love her. But there is only so much that I can do.

We must wait for events outside of our control to take place, and then maybe we can resolve our participation. Meanwhile her interest is not in sex, not in my service to her, and not in anything that is truly positive. I regret my inability to help her. I do what I can. Don’t give up on us.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

FLR: Control Versus Satisfaction

I was enjoying Lady Julia's posting while I arrived at some conclusions that I wish to share. I have been involved with FLR long enough to be able to separate my wishes and needs from MW’s wishes and needs so that I can truly address what she needs and wants. Not that I am that good at giving her what she wants. I am willing mostly, just that it comes back to subtlety that she tries to impart to my dull mind. I don’t work in subtlety. I work in clear and concise directions.

But that is not really the theme of this post. I read people’s comments on blogs, and realize that we are inefficient in communication. I understand what they want or what they are trying to express, but we are not always together on the definitions.

FLR is a complex subject, and there is not a simple way to evaluate it. Without getting into serious analysis I will define two ways of measure: control and satisfaction from two points of view. Note: that is already four different points of view. I did say that FLR is complex.

Control is a way to make sure that one is satisfied. Satisfaction comes from getting what one wants. If satisfaction is not achieved, control is not working. That, in turn, brings up two questions: “Who is in control, and who is satisfied?”

When I say, “Our FLR is total, she makes the rules, I follow,” you all have some mental picture of it. You each have a different one, and none likely to be true. Does she tell me exactly what to do to the smallest detail so that I make no decisions? Am I allowed to have a choice in anything? Am I satisfied with that? Is she happy with being in such intricate control of a supposedly intelligent being?

I know, this is hypothetical; so don’t make much of it. The thing is, we need to sort out who does what to whom, why, and to what extent. If we don’t we are sending the wrong signals in all directions.

The hypothetical case above gives no hint of either control or satisfaction. It is stating a generality. Not only that, but it is stated from one person’s point of view. The same relationship described by the woman would not necessarily be “Our FLR is total, I make the rules, and he follows.” It could be assumed, but would be extremely unlikely. So how do we ever get together on an FLR, and have any kind of satisfaction? I will tell you: occasionally and accidentally.

There are at least two ways to measure FLR based on the above: control and satisfaction. There are nuances that we can impose, but I am happy with just these two for now. Control is the amount that she or he imposes versus what he or she can handle. Satisfaction is more esoteric and dependent on circumstances.

To take an extreme case, she controls 100 percent. That means he has not a single original thought in his mind to execute. He is merely a tool. This brings up questions: Does she really want to use a person whose mind mimics a tool that is equivalent to a shovel? Would not she rather use a tool that can make some decisions, like maybe a computer? Is he really satisfied with being manipulated as if he were a shovel? Does he not really want to make at least some decisions, such as urinating when the urge arises? And really, who is making the rules for all this? If she is controlling him to that extent, is it because she wants to do so, or is it to satisfy his needs?

Do you see that we have the yin and the yang of FLR: control versus satisfaction. Her needs versus his needs all intertwined.

There is a reason for the yin/yang symbol shown within a circle. My interpretation is that when you go far in one direction, you come around to your starting point. The more you control, the less control you have, since you end up having to do everything. The more you give up control, the more control you have, since you don’t have to do anything. You can’t have control without satisfaction, yet you can’t have satisfaction without control.

In a benign FLR you do what you want to do. If it works, it works for you, but only for the moment. Later? Think escalation.

For the rest of us it is something else. We can still share our problems, joys, discoveries, our thoughts. We are curious of how others fare. We like to get ideas and elaborate on them. But each FLR is unique. There is only one rule: “There are no rules.”

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Beauty: Shallow Or Deep

A short time ago I acquired a photograph of a woman who appeared to be in her late twenties at the time. She was beautiful even without my admitting that she had features that I consider “my type”. I have kept it with pictures of other women whom I consider beautiful. If I were religious, this gallery of women could be considered a shrine.

Some time later I found her again in a different context. She appeared to have put on weight and age since the earlier photo. For my purposes, a woman doing that is going in the right direction to a certain point. She was still beautiful with the added weight. Her age did not detract from my earlier assessment of her beauty. This is a natural progression as we grow in age and character.

Today, years later, I ran across a video of her, and very much looked forward to seeing her again. It was a mistake.

Have you ever looked at the picture of a woman (or man) you considered beautiful until she (or he) appeared real in person or some media? It can be disappointing. It could be her voice, her manner, or her behavior. In this video I heard her speak for the first time. Her voice would have been all right in a general conversation. It was her manner that was disappointing. Her vocabulary was limited, and included idioms that implied no education. She giggled repeatedly. She used and re-used phrases many times in a space of several minutes, which should not have been used once. With the heavy makeup on her face she portrayed a woman who had been used hard over the last few years.

I don’t begrudge her lifestyle. She is earning a living, and that is good. I made an assumption of her person based on the original photograph, and this video completely obliterated that assumption. It is not her age or her looks that undid my admiration. It is her demeanor. It is not her fault. She is who and what she is, and it is likely that her real persona has not changed much from the time of her original photograph. It is only my assumptions about her that changed.

A totally unrelated context that has relevance on this subject comes to my mind from way back. I worked at a large corporation where my immediate boss was a woman. She was smart, quick thinking, and did not take crap from anyone. Although I have always liked older women, especially those in authority, I had no sexual desire toward her. She was not my type. In some ways she angered me from time to time because she micro-managed my work. I wanted more freedom to do my job. At some point I took a trip to attend a conference that was relevant to my work. During this time I ran into a problem, and called her at work to get her advice.

Because we worked in the same office, I had not talked with her over the telephone prior to this time. My first surprise was the sensual sound of her voice when not face to face. Wow, she could have been a different woman. She further surprised me by the content and manner of what she spoke. This was an educated, intelligent, caring person. I never realized she was all that, although I had worked with her for many months.

My problem was resolved partly through her suggestions. After I returned from my conference, working with her came to a different level. I still had the same problems with her as before, but I also saw the beauty of her in the ways I learned over the phone.

Beauty is indeed only skin deep when that is all we see. It is exactly like looking at a photograph: two-dimensional. But, when a person opens herself, we can see past this limit. We may find that the layer of beauty is indeed as shallow as it was in the photograph. Or we may be thrilled to find beauty beyond that first layer. It is beauty that did or did not exist at our first shallow perception.