My Dedication to You

My Sweet Wife,

This day is not a sappy holiday, anniversary, or a day of guilt. I just want you to know about my thoughts for you.

It is not because of how you look,

It is not because of what you have done for me,

It is not because of what you do for me daily,

It is not because of who you are,

It is not because of what you have promised,

It is not what I expect from you.

Years ago I promised to love, and obey you till death do us part. I feel the same way now.

Nothing in life is perfect. We have problems and we try to deal with them. So I try to take it from there. I love you. I respect you. I treasure you. I covet your feminine charms. I want your occasional kinky moods. I don’t judge you. I will serve you as you need me. I will take use, abuse, and love as you decide. I will help you with your problems. Please rely on me, and we will have more joy in our lives.

Yours forever,

The horny guy

Enchanted

I don’t know of any male who has not succumbed to the charm of a woman in his life. A teenage boy meeting an older girl or woman becomes a vegetable when thinking about her. He is obsessed until the next heartthrob comes along, and the experience is repeated.

Later in life he is less easily swayed off his feet, but the stimuli that do it to him do not diminish. It could be a song by a woman. He could see a video about her, or even a clip in a movie that creates a fixation on some of her charms that might leave most women and many men untouched about her. But not him! He is fixated for the nonce.

In some instances all it takes is a photograph to set him in this mode of worship. She does not have to do anything. In fact, she could be totally innocent (oh, well, you know, “this time” anyway).

What is it that men find so attractive about women even in the abstract, such as a photograph that shows only socially approved prudence?

I remember two instances in my life that could have been life changing. They turned out not to be, because I was already married to MW, so any change at these times would have been inappropriate.

One was as I waited in a lobby to meet with a person on professional business. I was out of college, earning a good living, becoming good in my profession. I say this only to point out that I was not one of those horny, hungry, shallow, college students at the time (this was later). I had the perspective of home, family, plan for the rest of my life, etc... As I sat in a chair a young woman walked in to see the receptionist. She was about my height, endowed with curves rather than straight lines. Her waist length hair in a thick single braid swung across her back as she sinuously carried her charms across my field of view. Blond hair, wide curves, tall stature, perfect legs, young beauty. I was impressed. I could have followed her anywhere.

Next time was years later. I was on vacation. I walked into a farmer’s market place wanting to buy some fruit. I was already happily married to MW, so I was not exactly looking for extracurricular affairs. But there she was, the woman of any man’s dream. I stared, salivated, and hid my erection. I left to avoid a problem by embarrassing myself.

A man never really knows how he will be affected by a woman until it happens. Aside from the visual, in some cases aural enhancement that these wonderful creatures provide, there may be others…

My sense of smell is the most powerful of what I have. So, being close to a woman who attracts me can enhance her power tremendously by her emanating something that gets to my olfactory sensors. Perfume is the first one would think. Yes, it is a powerful attraction. Getting closer makes me accessible to subtle scents of her pheromones emanating from her skin, especially underarms. I am not talking gross sweaty odors. I am saying that a woman can be devastatingly charming by imparting some of her scent in an otherwise benign and civilized setting.

We can take this further by assuming some familiarity that would enable, even offer, the scent of her primary attraction. In, shall we say, professional or diplomatic situation, such scent may be offensive. But on a personal basis, when we are attuned to each other’s attraction, it can be devastating to a man. He becomes a slave to her in no time. Figuratively speaking, of course.

There is more about women, and I cannot do justice to it today, in this blog, or ever. But there is another aspect of a woman’s charm that consists of all of what I said above and more. It is total presence of her when a man meets her in person. Her visual attraction, her voice, the way she speaks, her manner of behavior, her dressing to the point, her vocabulary and how she conveys her thoughts can overwhelm any men. Any one or two of these attributes would do it. But in total, the man has no chance.

This brings me to one of my favorite songs, Summer Wine, by Nancy Sinatra and Lee Hazelwood.. I can have any number of interpretations and fantasies about this song. They all come back to a woman who decides to attract a man to herself, and he has no choice. She is confident. She knows what she is doing to him:

“Strawberries cherries and an angel's kiss in spring

My summer wine is really made from all these things

Take off your silver spurs and help me pass the time

And I will give to you summer wine”

I would be attracted to the unfamiliar words and the meanings to be interpreted. Nevertheless, I would be very much attracted in any case. He is a willing victim into her snare. Just follow his words:

When I woke up the sun was shining in my eyes

My silver spurs were gone my head felt twice its size

She took my silver spurs a dollar and a dime

And left me cravin' for more summer wineOhh-oh-oh summer wine

He gives up his former life. His future is not sad, but assured of being of loving service to her. What man would not succumb to her charms?

The U-tube link above is close to the quality of the original, which I have on a CD. If you are looking for a video, you will find it, but the singing and sounds are not as good as in the original recording. Sinatra and Hazelwood were both older when they tried to improve the original, which did not work.

You may want to listen to it more than once to really understand it.

Patriarchy or Matriarchy? Either Way Someone Gets Screwed

When people do what they are convinced is good for everybody (read that as being self righteous, self centered, stupid, destructive, etc.) there are others who (1) will not go along with the movement because it is not their theory, (2) will be hurt as a result of the movement’s fallout, or (3) will support it but will be punished by backlash. See a number of religions, suffrage, civil rights, feminism and lately immigrants’ rights. I am not saying that any of these are necessarily wrong. What I am saying is that the promoters are initially well intentioned, even if ill-informed. Then the movement becomes corrupted by the over-zealous. If it is not already one, they tend to turn it into a concept similar to religion: only the righteous support it, others are against it, therefore, they are the enemy. The zealous promoters overlook the original intent and steer the movement toward their own goals at the expense of the original recipients. Ultimately they will anger even those who were for the idea at the beginning. Meanwhile the believers who are still true to the concept need to go underground to avoid reprisal from both sides.

I am skipping over the Eastern and Moslem views of male-female roles in order to simplify an already complex point. In “gender specific roles” as defined mostly in a Western patriarchal society, females have been expected to cook, clean, raise children, shut up before the “provider” of the household. Males have been expected to be stoic in face of adversity, bring home the carcass after the hunt, and keep the neighbor tribe’s members from copulating with his women. The children take whatever is available.

In the last thirty or so years the feminist movement has done some good. It also has done some damage that will take some decades to repair. What we see today is the gender confusion of most males (see metrosexual male, for example), and the disappointment of many females. Neither gender is sure of what is expected of them, so they mill about without true purpose. I find this worse than the original gender specific roles. At least back then every body knew what was expected of them, and could take a course in life to support it or to fight it. Now it is impossible to take a position without angering people on all sides of the issue.

What is not covered by patriarchal or feminist rules is to allow people to do what comes natural to them. It is not necessary to promote patriarchy or matriarchy for all. It could be that a child does not know his or her preferences, and needs to just go with the flow or general education until some sign of purpose is achieved. Surely you can groom a child or young adult to be able to satisfy your beliefs, but your beliefs don’t necessarily work for them on the long run. Some women and men are destined to be leaders. Others are destined to be followers. You can try to change that, but you would be messing with people’s lives against their nature.

Some people will never figure out what they want, and I don’t want to talk about that now. What I find intriguing is the total reversal of patriarchy by some promoters. You could take any patriarchal rule, custom, expectation, behavior, etc., and switch genders. What you get is female supremacy. The potential for a bad outcome is about the same.

There may still be a good fallout from this reversal of roles. It has shown that women can do things that were assumed to be strictly men’s jobs, and that there are things that you cannot or should not do if you are the wrong gender. If we can sort out all of this, we will have improved our society.

Feminization and Sissyfication

I read about certain aspects of D/S and keep running into the terms, “feminization” and “sissyfication”, usually with respect to a female doing it to a male to satisfy a male’s fantasy. The two terms don’t convey the same idea. Feminization is a straightforward tendency for a male to appear or to cultivate feminine characteristics. Whether it is forced, desired, or done in role-playing, it tends to emphasize the coveted attributes of a female. Sissyfication is a little more convoluted. It is trying to do the same, but nobody is kidding anybody about the outcome. The subject is not trying to be, even if forced, to be feminine. Rather, he is emulating the timid, subservient, soft, lack of force characteristics that were expected of the female in a patriarchal society.

I am not castigating anyone who is into this sort of play or life style. I think that it can be fun, it can work for people who buy into it, and it is generally harmless. It’s great when a couple can make it part of their everyday life, or even occasional D/S or role-playing. My only objection is the assumptions implied by the term, “sissyfication”. If one is into FLR, then by definition, the female partner is not a “sissy”. Yet this word, as defined by Merriam-Webster, is “an effeminate man or boy; also : a timid or cowardly person”. It seems almost a double-negative in this context. A supreme woman cannot be a timid or cowardly person, but a man, if one tries hard enough, can be turned into a sissy, which was an effeminate attribute in the first place. So the man is being turned into a woman who is not being herself, rather, she is being a wimp. Only, the man is doing that, not the woman. Or if the woman is doing it, she is doing it to the man. Is anybody following this reasoning?

Then there is the submissive male who is a “wife” to his dominant female. We need some new terminology here. The problem is that the old meaning of some words don’t suffice. A wife, according to Merriam-Webster, is the female partner in marriage. It does not really say anything about being dominant or submissive, unless one is fixated on a patriarchal or matriarchal view. So, “being a wife to a wife” is confusing in either context. Even more, it is derogatory in this sense, because “being just a wife” is demeaning to a woman regardless of her position. Oh my! Where do we go from here?

If you dig deep enough, you come out on the other side.

Some Other Feminine Words that We Dislike

Many of us know derogatory words when referring to females or certain parts of females. It is interesting that in FLR blogs, one very seldom sees these words. For example, I have never seen the words, cunt or whore, pardon the demonstrational usage. Although they are used in other segments of society, especially in pornography, they are considered impolite and irreverent in this context. On the other hand, I have seen, and even used, the word, bitch. It is less crude, and can be very appropriate, but again, it is seldom used. Other than these, I would be hard pressed to find any derogatory word toward a female. In role-playing anything agreed upon goes. In real life it should be different. Here is where valid education comes in. We in the FLR movement have been educated in the proper way to talk to, talk with, and to address women. Sometimes in play we will use these words with our women, and that is OK, as in, “You may call me a son of a bitch (implying that I am an illegitimate son of a woman of loose morals), but better smile while you are saying it.” At other times it is not proper.

Is Being Polite The Same As Being Submissive?

Why should our education in FLR be different in this respect from our peers’ education or those of our children? Sometimes one will say a crude word for shock value, in anger, in deliberate insult, or to provoke anger in others. Even then an educated and reasonable person can accomplish the same without being crude. It is not necessary to be crude in order to be dominant. Neither is it necessary to be submissive to be polite. FLR takes a cross section of society. There are all kinds of social, economic, religious and ethnic background among us. Yet we come together on these without being forced. Is not that amazing?

Do you ever lose your temper and utter derogatory words? Do you later feel embarrassed and wish that you had not said them? Do you employ impolite or even rude behavior when dealing with people assumed beneath your status?

This approaches an issue I related in an earlier post Screaming Dominance. In it I referred to the action of a so-called Domina in a stylized relationship. She does not have a good handle on the situation, so she resorts to screaming, name calling, repeated vulgarity. Yes, I know, this is not real life. Yet, I can easily visualize a dominant woman with self-control and assurance getting the job done without these unattractive modes of behavior.

I have learned a few things since I dipped my toes into the waters of FLR. I don’t lose my temper. I am polite. I don’t demand things to be done for me. This attitude has carried over to my dealing with other people under varied circumstances. If you observed my behavior, you would see that I am neither a “bully” nor a “sissy”. I can get the job done most of the time by using what I have learned in FLR. If I had to describe this behavior, I would call it “being self-confident and politely assertive”. Of course, this may not be proper when I am under the direct physical control of a trusted female. Then I would follow her rules.

Higher Standard

There is a current news story of a high-ranking sheriff’s officer who lied about using drugs. What did happen was that in his college years he used cocaine once. Many years later as part of applying for a job and certification for law enforcement he did not disclose this itty-bitty error in judgment. He got the job, and all was well. Recently he applied for another job in law enforcement. He was required to undergo a lie detector test. It turned out that he was then confronted with having lied before about drug usage. Now he faces dismissal because of the lie, not because of the one time drug usage.

People commenting on this news article sound off all over the spectrum. Many are vitriolic because of their hatred of the police. These same people don’t seem to care of right or wrong, the purpose of the situation, or the law that is to be applied in general, rather than in exceptional cases.

The fact is that people in law enforcement are, and should be held to a high standard. It is not because they are exceptional, even though they are, but it is because the rest of us tend to maintain a low standard that excuses wrong behavior. It should not be that way, but it is. That is why we need people of high standards in law enforcement. We break the law, they enforce it.

The whole thing is a moral dilemma. If this man had been honest about his momentary lapse of judgment in his younger days, he would not have been hired to a job that he had done well for many years. Yet, by lying about anything puts him in a category of an unreliable witness in the court of law, which he must, on occasion, attend as part of his duties. Do we want to dismiss an otherwise worthy dedicated, and useful person because he did one thing of questionable nature? Who are we to judge in this case?

I participated in passing around one joint of marijuana while I was in college. Once! Years later I faced the lie detector test, just as this person, before given a position in law enforcement. I struggled with the problem. After all, it was a trivial usage of one drug, and it was a long time ago. I decided to tell the truth regardless of the potential consequences. The day before my scheduled lie detector test the policy that required testing was changed, so I did not have to take the test that time. I got the job. Knowing myself I can attest that I am no better or worse for having smoked part of that one joint decades ago. I had not done it again, neither was I tempted to do so. But it is totally irrelevant to my decisions on enforcing the law later. Yet, some college-educated know-nothing policy-making bureaucrat would have prevented me from applying myself to do some good years later.

I am used to being held to a higher standard than even our illustrious leaders in Congress and the Presidency are. I very much resent these people getting away with lying and unethical behavior. I also resent their expectation of respect due to their position. I duly respect their office, but not always the person. On the other side, I have complete respect for law enforcement and military officers. These people are not elected. They don't have to compromise their principles in order to serve us. They have worked, and continue to work hard to earn their position. In most instances, we trust them with our lives. Whereas, I would not trust a congressman with my lunch.

Loop Was Cut

I wrote this back in 2008, but did not publish it. Given the previous post I thought it was appropriate to publish it now.

MW and I have talked of piercing for many years. Several years ago we took a vacation during which we had a wonderful time. The place, the company, the experience were perfect. In that setting we planned to include some piercing, the kind that most so-called professionals say, “Don’t try this at home.”

The evening came when I was finished with all chores, and was at her service. We were rather new at this, so she tied my hands together to keep me out of her way. Applying blindfolds to me was the final step before she set up the tools.

I was on my back. She cleansed my tip with alcohol, and proceeded to pierce. I felt a prick then it was over. I felt some more manipulation, but it was not piercing. After that she removed my blindfold and bindings, and told me to go to sleep in the other room. I am uncut, so you have to put this in context. There was not much blood, since the tissue pierced was thin. I was expecting a piercing of the rim of my cock. Instead, she pierced the thin membrane that connect the tip to the underside sometimes called the “frenum”. I was disappointed, yet at the same time thrilled to see the silver ring through my anatomy. You can’t really see the piercing in this picture, for the view would have to be from the side, rather than from the bottom. Still, it shows the yet intact frenum between the tip and the shaft.

Over some years of use the original pierced hole enlarged to the point where I could have pushed a pencil through it. The hole was not visible unless one pulled the surrounding parts just to see it. It did not get in the way. We lived with it.

For some years we have grown used to my wearing some kind of ring around my cock just behind the tip. It was really a wedding ring, only not placed on the ring finger of my right hand. In a way it was more appropriate, and we both felt that. In all other respect my uncut cock looked and functioned normal. But with the ring in place the tissue facing the ring began to thin. I could tell that it was just a matter of time before the membrane became so thin as to part.

The tissue did part. It happened without fanfare, without blood, without pain. One morning I looked at my cock, and realized that the ring was no longer containing the thin membrane. The membrane became cut, separating the tip from the shaft along the frenum. Now I have a cock that is sort of between “uncut” and “circumcised”. The rim in the foreground shows a cleft. It is a result of a former piercing of the rim in which the wire ring migrated to the edge, thereby exiting the piercing altogether.

MW should know all about my cock, since she has handled it much, including two piercings by her, and one observed piercing (PA) by me. I don’t know whether she was aware of the hole in the membrane enlarging over the years. I don’t know whether she knew that the “wedding ring” was instrumental in reducing the connection to zero. At this point I don’t know whether she is aware of the tip having been cut free of the rest. She will probably be very angry to find out. Maybe she will never find out. The loop holding the tip to the shaft became cut during the night of September 28, 2008. Now there is a small flap of skin left at the tip, and at the frenum. It looks different, but otherwise is not a problem.

A Piercing Thought

Back on the farm, we had pigs. Pigs have a habit of digging under fences by using their snouts that have evolved for that task. To minimize the damage that they can do, we pierced the rim of their snout and installed metal rings in it. The result was that the pig decided not to push the issue, and refrained from further digging. Barbaric, isn’t it?

You need to see the actual rim of the pig’s snout before you can make the connection to my current theme. The rim of my cock has had one piercing in the past. The gold wire we used was fascinating, but it worked its way out to the point where I had to remove it before losing it (MW is wearing the ring in her ear now). The reason was that the hole was too close to the edge, and the wire ring migrated to the edge.

There are piercings on other body parts, although not mine, with one exception: my left earlobe is pierced. I wear an ornament that is changed from time to time. At the moment it is a silver ring. In the past it was a gold ring, or a diamond stud. It needs to be changed or removed occasionally to accommodate a job’s personnel requirements, or appearance in court of our peers.

Aside from that, private piercings are an issue with me that is open and welcome. The only time it may be a deterrent is if or when I end up in jail pending arraignment. It has not happened yet, but it is something that I don’t relish. I have delivered many losers to jail and seen them having to declare and remove jewelry as part of entry into incarceration. Then there is the actual dealing with inmates once inside, which I have seen but not yet experienced. Let’s not get there in this venue.

My currently successful piercing is the Prince Albert. It is a source of fascination for me, and a possible source of irritation for MW. Hardware can be abrasive even when it is smooth, unless there is sufficient lubrication. Since she controls my occasion of penetration by my fully functional part, she also has the option to have me remove the hardware before doing so.

This piercing is useful in other respects. I wear a captive bead ring, but it can be easily replaced with a padlock. In either case, the ring or padlock can be locked or clipped to a chain, which in turn is attached to some other device. The most common device is the CB3000. At the moment we are not in a financial position to spend on acquiring a later model. The reason for the connection is to assure that I don’t accidentally drop the device out of my pants’ leg in case I go limp, or if the plastic fails. Besides, the chain with the connection is an extra kick.

A similar safety mechanism can be provided by using a frenum piercing. I had one, but it became unreliable, because the hole enlarged and could not be trusted to contain the locking device before failing. Those of you who are uncut may have a better chance of using this for its intended purpose.

Getting back to the rim, I am still looking forward to having it pierced in one to three places. Once pierced, a ring of some metal or plastic must be kept in the hole permanently to prevent the body’s tendency to close it. I will love to go with welded gold rings. Once in place, they can be joined with a large ring or padlock that would become a sort of chastity device. Not that I need one to keep me chaste, it’s just that I need one to keep me horny. With the proposed ring/lock combination there would be no possibility of penetrating sex, for the other person would violently object. I suppose that masturbation would still be possible unless enhancements were added. I will address that in a later post.

Silly Capitalization

My usual disclaimer: to each his or her own. I am not in judgment, just venting my frustration.

I was borne and raised in a non-English speaking country. After I realized that I could speak, think, and write in English without translation, I was joyous. I had dabbled in other languages, but never got to the point where I no longer needed translation. Those of you who do not speak another language may not appreciate this epiphany. It happens when one begins to think in the other language.

That is just a bit of background to justify my position. We have heard of religious converts who are more zealous than the ordinary religious nuts. I am kind of that way about the English language. I admit that the language is a horrendous mass of words, customs, grammar, and mystique from many other languages. Still, it has its formality that I learned and came to truly appreciate. It is not as gently flowing as some other languages, but a person with the skill can make it as beautiful in writing as in any other language.

Although I like some poetry, I am not a poet. Prose is my means of communication. There I can excel, challenge, and irritate as I please. I can say things that some readers would not truly understand until some subtle hint in my prose hits a key synapse. Then it becomes hilarious, devastating, or just appropriately beautiful.

With all this appreciation of the English language, I am less than amused by the liberties that some people take using it. Profanity, slang, direct and terse statements don’t bother me much. Contractions are acceptable to a certain extent. I use them only to be colloquial and not to appear tight assed. But I draw the line at some usage. For example, the backwoods American sentence, “It don’t matter none anyhow” is colorful, but is also full of errors that, if used often, will insinuate themselves into the language. Just like the nonsensical phrase, “it’s got”. The use of this phrase amazes me. One has to go out of one’s way to be incorrect in grammar to use it. It is an ultimate corruption of “It has gotten” only even that is being used incorrectly. Why go to the trouble of saying all that when one means, “it has”?

But I digress. My point this time is the gauche usage of capitalization with respect to the assumed female superiority. Some misguided male who had no self-respect came up with this silliness, and others of similar nature follow. I could quote from blogs that are inundated with this virus, but I don’t want to make anyone feel bad. I will, however, show exactly what I mean.

Reading the customary mis-capitalization such as “W/we She, i (as opposed to I), Her, O/our, T/they, T/their, etc.” I am irritated. I understand that some males want to be respectful and even worshipful in writing to and about a cherished woman. I approve, and encourage that. On the other hand, it is not necessary to massacre grammar to accomplish that. I can be very respectful using proper English, at least to the extent that I have the skill. I would not go out of my way to adulterate the language just to show my, ah … assumed relative position. My wife would chastise me if she ever caught me using this silly capitalization rule. Yet she knows that I am always respectful and proper with her and with any female.

Oh well, sometimes protocol is the essence. And protocols are arbitrary. However, politeness and conveyance of respect transcend protocol.

I compare this mis-capitalization to groveling. Some people have a need to grovel, and that is all right as far as fantasies go. I have never had any use for grovelers, be they animals or humans. I have groveled from time to time to accommodate a benign scenario, but not as a life style. Any being has a right to self-respect. When self-respect is given away, no amount of protocol will suffice to replace it. In D/S one person is always assumed to have the power, and may “force” the other to do demeaning things. That is the nature of the game. But when the game is over, we again become responsible and sensible humans with self-respect. Constant groveling is not an endearing feature even for a real slave.

I have two large dogs. One is a dear, sweet, loving animal who scares the pants off anyone outside the fence, but he would never hurt me. He is not a groveler. The other, well she is as big, gentle or fierce given the occasion, and would not hurt me either, but she is something else. I try to bolster her self-image, but I don’t speak dog, so it is difficult. It is kind of like people who have to demean themselves in order to feel whole. She is just not all there.