Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Stand Like a Man! Indoor Plumbing and the Modern Man

I have lived in and traveled Europe and the Orient. During those times I saw and practiced widely varying modes of personal cleanliness, and was exposed to wide variety of personal waste disposal customs: as the transliterated saying goes, “When in Rome, do as the Romans do.” I have not seen it all, but I have seen and done a lot. After I settled in the USA I was and remained in euphoria over the opportunities I had to keep myself clean to my satisfaction, and to use the indoor toilets that we have. This is a much wider subject than the basic theme of my post, but I needed to zero in on the pressing issues in a controlled fashion: from a broad scope to the narrow, somewhat like the function of a urinal.

We have all heard jokes and anecdotes about how men leave the toilet seat up. The assumption is that men are wired for standing to urinate, and no millennia of evolution or nagging by the women is going to change that. As for not learning to put the lid down, some men have said, “I have learned to put the lid up. Why don’t the women learn to put the lid down?” Seems fair, but that is really not the issue here. The issue is standing to urinate. I listen to a radio station that changes hosts a number of times during the day and night hours. One of the hosts is a feisty little man with strong opinions. He is smart and witty and has a sense of humor especially when the joke is on someone other than him. I imagine him strutting around like a rooster to make sure everyone knows he is all man without a doubt. In his opinion, stated a number of times, “Only a wimp or a woman would sit to urinate. Men do it standing!” Right. It is how men are raised even in today’s metrosexual society. If they could get away with doing number 2 standing, they would. That would be manly.

During my early years in one of the wars we often heard a phrase, “collateral damage”, usually uttered by liberal reporters who were safely sipping coffee at their desks while writing about how we were killing civilians. I liken the fallout of a man’s standing while urinating to collateral damage. I am not saying that his aim is not true. I am not saying that he misses on purpose. I am saying that when I am down on the floor with my face inches from the toilet and the surrounding walls, I am offended by the smell. I hate to clean up after inconsiderate males.

I was dating a girl who had three younger brothers. On one of my visits I asked to use the bathroom, and one of the boys pointed to a powder room off the hall. The condition of the place was shocking. Later it came up in conversation with my girl friend. She said that powder room was referred to as “The black hole of Calcutta,” basically used only by the boys. When I stay in someone’s house or in a hotel, I eventually have to use the bathroom. Sweet smelling deodorizers notwithstanding my nose tells me when someone has repeatedly missed the toilet bowl. In a hotel I can call housekeeping and have them remedy that. In someone’s home that would not be appropriate, so I grin and bear it. All of this is a result of the demonstrated manliness of the users of the facility.

It was not until I was married that I began to clean bathrooms. My wife and I shared the workload of raising children, so I did whatever I could to help. That is when we both decided, at the risk of raising wimps and sissies, to teach our boys to sit on it. At home they were encouraged to sit while urinating. If they missed, we showed them how to clean up. By the latest census they are still virile males without doubts about their manliness.

There are, however, mitigating circumstances. In an unclean restroom, whether private or public, I choose not to sit, so I appreciate the ability to flip the lid and let go. If there are urinals, I use them. My objection to standing is strictly based on consideration for the person who has to clean up after me. At home that would be me.

A few years back my wife and I decided that I should have a Prince Albert piercing. You can see one of the pictures at My Pierced Member. Before the piercing I could stand and hit a cup at six feet with my stream. With the jewelry in place the stream was more like a hose nozzle set at wide spray. I quickly realized that I might have reduced control of the stream while standing and using a urinal. The other item of more problematic nature was the occasional use of a chastity cage, which also manifested itself only while I had to stand. The obvious answer to both problems was to sit. This brings me to the amusement that I get while reading the blogs of men who are in a chastity relationship. At some point they realize that they have to sit. Well, if that does not turn them into sissies, what does? That should at least make it easier for them to clean the bathrooms. Sissies do clean bathrooms? Don’t they?

There is nothing wrong with a man standing under the circumstances. It is a small enough pleasure that should not be begrudged by anyone. This is especially true if they are the ones cleaning the bathroom regularly. I am just not convinced that standing makes a man more manly. Can any of you give us a good reason to stand other than the ones I have stated?