Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Some Clinical Thoughts on Male Chastity

There is a lot of discussion of this subject, mostly specifics (chafing, how long, pinching, etc.) and ignoring the reality of the implications. You have to decide what you want in the way of male chastity:

  1. Do you want your male to be chaste, such that he has sex only with you?
  2. Do you want your male to be chaste such that he does not orgasm unless you allow and supervise it?
  3. Do you want your male to be chaste such that he does not have access to his private parts unless you allow and supervise it?
  4. Do you want him to have no sex at all?

In a loving FLR any of the above will be an option some of the time. Only in extreme D/S would the scale escalate toward category 4 and for long times.

I have thought about this over the years, and experienced some to a certain extent. MW is not exactly consistent on demonstrating what she wants on this subject, let alone my knowing what she wants. As a result we range from category 1 to 4 not because of plan or purpose, but more because of whims. I am not whimsical. I know what I want and need. But there is nothing I can do about it in our relationship. She is whimsical, and she does whatever she wants or needs. Which is why my chastity scenario ranges from category 1 to 4 with or without affixed devices.

Category 1: Do you want your male to be chaste, such that he has sex only with you?

This is very much like a commitment to a relationship without rules other than marriage vows: “If you stray, I kick your ass out!” In vanilla and some FLR that could mean, “I, female, do what I want, but you, male, are committed only to me,” whether right or wrong,

Category 2: Do you want your male to be chaste such that he does not orgasm unless you allow and supervise it?

This is restrictive in the sense of category 1, but with additional limits: the dominant female wants to insure that the submissive male has no sex unless permitted by her. This implies a deeper commitment, and in some cases physical impairment of the ability to perform sex whether self-induced or shared with an unauthorized partner. Although psychological deterrents work, this is were devices come in. In some cases, such as mine, it is sufficient for the dominant partner to say, “You will have no sex other than what I induce or authorize.” This is what I term psychological deterrent. It implies some sort of punishment if not following the expectations.

In other cases physical deterrents are applied in the form of chastity devices. Why would the dominant partner deem this necessary? Well, some men are weak when it comes to sexual gratification. Some are not committed to their partner. Some crave the illicit gratification and potentially subsequent punishment.

We know that chastity devices are not a cure-all, and can be defeated. For example, see http://exploringtheds.blogspot.com/2007/02/chastitys-chimera.html, and http://mrsclaudia.blogspot.com/2007/02/chastity-reality-or-fantasy.html. There are countless “forums” that deal with this. On the other hand, some devices work for some people, and the only way to know is to try. But before you buy the device, be sure you know your expectations, for not any of them are fully chastity proof.

The severity of needed prevention somewhat dictates the style of the device and the degree of enforcement. For example, some can keep a man from any kind of sex, but allow pulling out of the device and be open to just about any kind of sex at that point. It may not be possible to re-insert the parts without the dominant’s knowledge, but that would be after the fact. Sometimes in the heat of the moment expected consequences are not a deterrent.

There are some devices that prevent any kind of intercourse other than adjacent touch by a vibrator. No apparent evidence of an orgasm is available except immediately after the fact. As I said, none are totally functional given some requirements, but suffice for most situations. Of course, extreme measure can be taken to prevent this, but then it is fringing on Category 3. It is also possible that threat of punishment can be a deterrent, but then the situation reverts to Category 2 with some fun devices for added enhancement.

Category 3: Do you want your male to be chaste such that he does not have access to his private parts unless you allow and supervise it?

This is getting into serious interference with access to one’s parts. Some chastity belts with or without enhancements fulfill this role, and it requires serious commitment on both partners. The submissive must be ready to accommodate the inconvenience of not being able to fondle his parts under any circumstances with the exception of when the female removes the device and allows it. This can be awkward in some social or public situations, and uncomfortable even in private. The female now has the responsibility of limiting the male’s access even when the device is off, say, by cuffing his hands behind his back temporarily. These devices almost completely remove the possibility of self-induced orgasm except in rare and weird cases. If the female is consistent in monitoring her male’s activity, this is about perfect for enforced chastity.

Category 4: Do you want him to have no sex at all?

This is extreme in chastity enforcement and orgasm denial. I will mention but not get into irreversible surgical procedures, which I consider psychological aberrations. What is left is total commitment by both to the rules, but backed up by physical equipment of sometimes more than one variety, and with possible enhancement. In this case the female is really dedicated to monitor and enforce the male’s compliance, for a long term or permanent chastity may be more than any male wants or can endure without strict enforcement.

How to achieve chastity?

Categories 1 and 2 are like a gentlemen’s agreement: he promises not to do certain things. If a device is present as a reminder or some technical limitation, it is understood that it can be defeated with some expected consequences. In some cases enhancements can be added to ease the male’s decision into knowing that straying is not possible without evidence and subsequent repercussions.

Some enhancements make it painful to do, or even think of straying. For example, the devices styled along CBXXXX can have additions, such as the KSD (http://www.keptforher.com/comparison.html) or Points of Intrigue (http://www.chastityplay.co.uk/acatalog/QPointsofIntrigueCB3000Curve.html) beside homemade modifications. Any of these will interfere with and can make erections painful, thereby serving as deterrents to self-gratification. In addition, a female can use it to tease and torment the male simply by inducing erections.

Other enhancements rely on piercings to prevent extended erections, removal, and even self-gratification. In general the piercings are Prince Albert or frenum, but can be other styles. What is common is that the piercing offers a way to attach the chastity device such that it is absolutely not removable without a key or destruction. Of course, to serve this purpose, the pierced flesh must be secured with a locking device rather than removable jewelry, unless one is back to the honor system.

Interestingly, the pierced anatomy lends itself to a very simple chastity approach as suggested by Aradia in a comment at http://destinyandherpetchance.blogspot.com/: have a frenum or Prince Albert and a scrotum piercing done, then join them with a regular lock. This requires thoroughly healed piercings with welded or soldered rings; otherwise the lock itself is useless. Also keep in mind that if the tip of the cock is joined with the bottom of the scrotum, the parts form a loop, which is comfortable only when flaccid. Urination and nocturnal erections do get to be bothersome. This too, is a great source of torment for a submissive male to be administered by a female. Although straying through intercourse is impossible, orgasm is not really controlled. On the other hand, the pain induced by prolonged erection should be a deterrent to self-induced pleasure. As before, this does not prevent the female from teasing and tormenting the male while being handicapped in such manner.

Regardless of your purpose, methods, devices, or rules, with rare exceptions, this is a game that two people play consensually. There is no rule that says you must play. The play may get real from time to time, it may even get out of hand, but don’t take it too seriously. It is fun; it enhances the shift of power in a way that men usually advocate in an FLR. But just like other kinks, such as CBT, corporal punishment, cuckolding, etc., it’s not for everybody, and can’t be permanent.

Looking Through Bars Again

Normally I would not bother posting about this. For most men in a D/S relationship this is like an everyday occurrence, and may be for me from time to time. I just wanted to let you know that MW did as she said she would. After coffee in the morning she buttonholed me (read that as “pulled me to her by my tit”) and said, “After you have finished your outside chores, you will present your cage and put it on.”

I did some work, and then went to town to buy some material for a project. It was after noon when I stopped working outside. I came to her with the CB2000. I asked her about removing the signaling device first, and she agreed. After that I installed the cage. I settled down to work on my income tax return for the next two hours.

She was doing some laundry. Don’t ask me why. I volunteered to do it a number of times. At some point she said that there was no hot water in the laundry room. I checked in the bathroom near by, and concurred. I spent the next couple of hours diagnosing the problem, draining the tank, going to town again, and replacing a heating element. I gave the CB2000 a test in action, as it were. The discomfort was not too bad.

Other than asking me about my comfort a few times, and pinching my nipples, that is all that had happened. This morning I woke with a hard on as usual, and tried to stay awake long enough for it to go away. By the time I managed it to an acceptable state, the time was 3:40, so I got out of bed. The boys are a bit crowded with the addition of the signaling device, but I don’t mind suffering this way for her pleasure. Later we had coffee.


I always like to cuddle with her for many reasons. She lets me do it at her whim, as she did this morning. I tried to avoid hurting her with my hardware enhancements, but since she was in control, all I could do was to minimize the effect.

As we lay on our sides facing each other, my equipment left a mark on her beautiful thigh, as you can see in this picture. I assure you that the mark is temporary, and the thigh is just as kissable as before.

Edging Again

Do as I say, not as I do

During our morning coffee we get to discuss just about any subject. The conversation is usually benign, beneficial, and from time to time entertaining. Once in a while MW gets me started on politics and she practically needs to put me into a straightjacket before I calm down again. But most subjects don’t rile me that much.

I have said in many forms that we, as submissive males to our selected partners must not whine, complain, request, demand, and act like a four-year-old who did not get his second helping of ice cream. In other words, we must not top from the bottom. It may be difficult to distinguish this from occasionally discussing legitimate grievances. However, when you bring up one of your favorite subjects (sex) in contexts such as, “you never …”, “why don’t we ever …”, or “it’s been umpteen days/weeks/months since you …” it is a hint that you are doing it. This is especially true when you are doing it without her asking you about it.

I Am Edging Again

I don’t remember my frame of mind when I said, “We have not done anything since September.” I was referring to MW’s tendency to become stressed by holidays, relatives, tenants, etc., and take the celibate route in general as a result of her preoccupation.

She did not take my comment in the spirit with which it was blurted. She icily responded, “Read your blog.”

I backpedaled at great speed while trying to explain that I was merely referring to some of the kinky stuff that we used to do. As you can guess, I was not very successful.

She appeared to get over it, so nothing else was said about it.

My Early Sins

Over the many years that we have been trying to perfect this FLR I bought several books on the subject. Some were meant to be read by the woman, others by both of the practicing couple (see the sidebar of my post). In every case I took it upon myself to research then purchase these books over the Internet or some other means.

I don’t remember exactly when I first ran across a reference to Ms. Rika’s new book, “Uniquely Rika,” maybe a couple of months ago, but at the time I made a note to research it at my convenience. The note itself was buried under other notes on my desk, so it was not until I read another mention of it, on which I made a comment (see my original reference to the posting and subsequent comment at Why FLRs Are Successful.

My Most Recent Sins

Apparently Ms. Rika read my comment, and we ended up exchanging some low-key email, which I forwarded to MW for her amusement (actually, just to make sure that she will not think that there is anything underhanded going on). A day later MW and I were busy with emails and such on our computers when MW exploded with deep indignation. Among other words I heard “email” mentioned. She left the room. I did not say anything for I felt that it would make things worse for me for the moment. Several minutes later she returned and I approached her with great tact and diplomacy to find out what my latest sin was. The bottom line was, she thought that for the first time she was ahead of me in finding kinky or provocative material on D/S or FLR, and that she sent me an email pointing me to the source. Then she received the copy of my email to Ms. Rika in which I state that I had just ordered the book. This act by me preceded, and indeed, superseded MW’s attempt to do a nice thing for me.

I tend to show less emotion about matters of importance that don’t deal with life and death, but I was very sympathetic with her attempt to do something nice for me and my botching it by extremely bad timing. Several apologies by me and a few hours of groveling later I think she had overcome her anger and disappointment, and we settled down to our evening routine.

Smoldering Ashes

Early in the morning of the day when all this took place I was up, and as usual, installed the signaling device so that she can summon me when ready. When I brought our morning coffee to her she said to leave the device on. This was unusual, because I was planning to work on some landscaping later, but I complied. Later in the day we had our encounter (my sins above), and the eventual wind-down in the evening. I removed the device to shower, but did not put it back, thinking that we will be sitting side by side, and there was no need. After I passed out she stayed up to watch a movie on television.

A couple of hours later she came to bed and started playing with the boys. Being as sensitive as they are, they take offense easily, and only the little guy responded with appreciation. It did not take her long to explain to me that the signaling device should have been left on, because she did not tell me to take it off. After several pleasantly painful minutes she had me do some trivial chores, then said, “In the morning present yourself to me, and then I will decide what device you will be wearing during the day.”

My response of “Ok” appeared to be wrong, for the boys continued to suffer. It was not until a, “Yes Mistreatess,” stopped her imparting of this loving corrective action. At the time of this writing I am anticipating some uncomfortable devices to be applied later this morning.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

My Early Need to Submit

While reading one of the current posts dealing with FLR I was reminded of how I got started in my need to submit. I may have been about four years old.

Our house was a place where anybody who knew us wanted to visit and stay. My mother had her female friends come on cold winter evenings to join in shared warmth and friendly companionship. They would sit around a large trestle table for hours, sipping tea and conversing on subjects that I don’t recall. They worked on crafts, such as embroidery, crochet, etc. just to fill gaps in conversation.

These women were different in age, way of dressing, way of grooming, their demeanor, and how they approached life. I learned to appreciate the wide vista of female charm in their presence. I would carry on conversations with them, and everybody seemed to love me. In turn, I was awed by these females who had such interest in me.

This was a time and a place where entertainment as we know today was temporarily unavailable. I must have been a cute little guy. I could sing, and they must have thought that I was funny, for they often asked me to do so. I was shy. I had agreed to sing, but only if they did not watch me. I don’t remember the details, but somehow I ended up under the big table as a way of becoming invisible to them. Apparently the routine worked, for on subsequent evenings I was again asked to perform. It did not take me long to realize that I was looking forward to it.

From my position, which was totally different from anybody’s point of view, I was in a magical place. Being invisible I could look but could not be seen. I had a view of many female legs. I could see some bare knees, which even today are some of my favorite things to cherish. Occasionally I had a glimpse of an inner thigh. Although I never saw anything past that, I was curious. Alas, my curiosity was not satisfied until much later in a different venue. But this set me on a path of loving anything female. It became natural to me to succumb to their charm, and in my mind, remain a slave to women.

I have never acted on the slave part, but it is still fueling my fantasy. I don’t feel that women, in general, are superior to me. But I understand that they have qualities that can make me feel good. They have a way to make everything all right. They can make me do
things that no man could. They can command, ask, or even hint, and I comply. They elicit in me feelings that are pure (and often kinky, but that’s another subject). I want to love, protect, and to serve them because I feel it appropriate.

My feelings are mostly centered on MW now, although I don’t claim that I am unaffected by most other females. I have this sense of loyalty that gets in the way if I am ever tempted. Even last night I had a vivid dream in which a woman charmed me to the point when she kissed me passionately, and I reciprocated. While still in the dream, I began to analyze the issues, and could not justify proceeding with the seduction of me. Pity.

I am convinced that if MW allowed me access to other females, I would happily comply with any demands that they would have on me. I am highly sexed that way, and it would be fulfillment of some recurrent fantasies. I also know that in spite of my willingness on this subject, neither will MW allow or suggest that I do that, nor will I undertake it without her approval. Pity again.

Is This Fake?

I must admit that having read the blog http://strictlyfemale.blogspot.com/ gave me some juicy thoughts. I am not realistically into such extremes except in my fantasy. I don’t want to bias your thinking about the blog’s veracity, so I will not say more about it.

I did, however, insert a poll to get your opinion. It is set up to run about ten days, but I might extend it or re-instantiate it later. I may also have something to say about my conclusion of it.

If the "Results" box covers up the alternatives, click on "Vote" and the text comes back full.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Why FLRs Are Successful

I don’t really think that FLRs are more successful than vanilla relationships. What I observe is that the beginning of any relationship is intense, charged with sexuality, and that at least one of the partners is really working at it to make it succeed. Not necessarily in a positive way, but more in a way to satisfy his or her basic needs. I admit that this is indeed a jaundiced view, but then, we are all adults and know that there are avaricious people out there.

In a budding FLR most of the time it is the man who starts it. If it succeeds at first, it is because he puts in the time and the effort, and provides the incentives to the partner to begin and to continue the affair. Of course, the female has to participate to whatever extent is necessary. This is a time of trial, turmoil, and interesting experiences. It can fail for many reasons, most of which are caused by selfishness of either partner. But when it succeeds, it can be very satisfying for both partners. Regardless of claims to the contrary, an FLR is a D/S relationship.

A D/S relationship, regardless of who is in charge, is different from vanilla in the sense that one partner is committed to serve the other. The submissive still has expectations, but the very act of doing something for the partner is self serving and feeds back to the needs of the submissive. It is somewhat like masturbation, only doing it remotely. I challenge anyone to provide real experience where this is not true.

Without D/S the relationship reverts to vanilla where the dominance scale approaches, but seldom reaches 50-50. Read that as “nobody is in charge”. It can still work, but it is seldom an achievable match where both partners are satisfied with the idea. The traditional patriarchal relationship is usually from 60-40 to 90-10 with the man in charge. When it works, it is because the woman does not mind giving up freedom in exchange for protection and security. The man seldom has the opportunity to say, “Yes, I will be in charge, and she will be under my protection.” It has been simply understood that that will be the case.

That is why it is so unusual when the female becomes the leader through her own implementation of her needs. Here too, both have to support the idea, because it is against tradition, and it is unusual for the supposed stronger partner (the male) to give up leadership. By the way, if the usually stronger partner is the male, he is not necessarily more fitted to be the leader. If the woman is more intelligent or smarter than the man, it may be very hard on her to live with the submissive position unless she is or wants to be submissive naturally. I have known men who are not fit to lead a pack of roaches, yet they are supposed to be in charge of the family. Some of these men may not be smart enough to realize that it is the “little woman” who is the true leader, and that he is just a figurehead. With too much ego and testosterone these men cannot relinquish their position without feeling like a failure or a “sissy”. Yet these are the men who should definitely be in an FLR.

The ego issue is perhaps the most compelling for unenlightened people to oppose FLR. Listen to the bravado of macho males and you get the idea that they would rather die than give up their position, and that any hint that the woman is in charge is an insult to them. The adjectives, “henpecked” and “pussywhipped” are not applied in a benign way and face to face to a man. Yet both adjectives imply some level of FLR.

From my perspective it takes strength of character for a man to admit that he wants or needs his woman to be in charge of him. Sure, any man with bedroom fantasies will admit to wanting the woman to take charge during sex from time to time. But that is mostly unrelated to freely admitting to the unenlightened that he is submissive to his partner. It is like a homosexual who never comes out of the closet for fear of embarrassment.

I have read an “interview” by one of the best bloggers at http://vanillaedge.wordpress.com/2008/02/13/rika-does-vanilla/#comments.
The person being interviewed is Ms. Rika, whom I admire greatly. As I have been advocating the true submission to women, this quote, out of context, is telling:
“…D/s is about what he does for me, not what I do to him. We judge the success of the D/s dynamic on how satisfied I am; and on how good a job he does in anticipating my needs and fulfilling them….”
Indeed, it is not about my need, but about her need that my submission should exist. This is what most men in what they assume to be FLR fail to understand. This is why budding FLRs fail. This is why most males just go into a tailspin after “they do all they can and the female just does not see the rewards or benefits of what they have so selflessly given.”

Men, read Ms. Rika’s writings, and you might get a clue. If, after reading all of her writings and the question/answer blogs you still think that you are slighted by your female partner, you may not be what you profess to be. I don’t take away from your need and willingness to submit, just that you need to become real. You need to understand and admit the truth. I am not advocating rules, contracts, etc. They are just fun trivia. What I am advocating is understanding your needs and wants, and those of your partner. All else is like frosting on a cake.

There is one more point to present before beating this subject to death. Some women are not capable, or are not willing to be in charge, which is what is definitely required in an FLR. A man who is trying to develop an FLR in relationship with such woman must at some point admit that. It is not necessarily the end of the world as far as he is concerned. If the relationship is strong and loving otherwise, the two can still play FLR from time to time. He can still remain as good as he was while he thought that he was in an FLR. She can accommodate some of his kinks and still receive the benefit. The adapted relationship is not as blatant as he may have expected, but it can still be fun and satisfying for both. This is especially true when considering the alternatives: complete abandonment of FLR, reverting to a resentful vanilla relationship with who-knows-who-is-in-charge, or divorce and subsequent search for a more agreeable partner.

In closing I return to the premise of this posting. FLRs, when successful, are so because at least one of the partners is committed to make it work at almost all cost. The other partner, if she or he buys into the relationship, need not do quite as much. Nevertheless, it does take two to have this relationship. This may be true for vanilla relationships, but as I said, the closer the D/S gets to 50-50, the less chance there is that it is viable.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Reset

After our most recent bump in the road Another Bump In the Road to FLR MWs behavior has been reserved. The evening before last she refused my application of our regular leg and foot massage with the comment, “I have not been the Mistress whom you deserve, so I don’t think that I deserve this.” I try to be an easygoing fellow, so I just joined her in bed without comment.

The problem is that whatever causes these negative spikes in our FLR don’t just go away without being addressed and doing something about the underlying issues. Much has to do with perception and that ever-thoroughly-fucking-useless-and-destructive human emotion, self-righteousness. According to my understanding of her statement, she will not continue these nice perks of our FLR until she does more of what I expect her to do.

Strange. If she were to do all that I expect, then she is either a professional whom I hired, or a submissive to me. By conclusion, if she is not doing all that I expect, then she should not be paid for the service.

That is totally backward from what we have been trying to do all along, which is: I serve her, she enjoys it, and I don’t ask for payment. Sure, I would like something in return once in a while, but that is not a requirement or a condition of my serving her. Let’s not confuse this with normal human emotions exhibited by either of us. I did not say that I will never be hurt, or that I will always behave in a way that she expects me to behave, assuming that I would know what that is. But I did say that she has the power to correct my behavior in any way that is deemed appropriate by her. She keeps forgetting this, and on the rare occasions when she remembers, she thinks that I might not take it in the spirit in which it is given.

She is still very tentative about resuming our loving FLR thinking that she is not doing her part. Maybe she needs to decide and define what her part is, so that we can agree that she is or is not doing it. I am not looking for a written contract, but it would be good to know how she sees her obligations. One of these obligations should be a clearly stated escape clause: she has the right to do nothing in return for my services. At times like this I could point to it and say, “You are doing exactly what you agreed to do, therefore, you are blameless.”

Let’s not kid ourselves. I will say again “It takes two to have a relationship.” I am not the na├»ve submissive who claims that she does not ever have to do anything except enjoying my service. I don’t work in vacuum. I need some feedback and a feeling that what I do is valuable. But that does not mean that I have list of stuff that she must do otherwise the deal is off. I know that there are things that she wants to do that turn out to be too difficult for her. There are times when an ordinary act can become impossible for her. I acknowledge that, and try not to hold a grudge. I am here to help. At other times let’s just do what feels good or feels right, and not worry about protocol, obligations, or expectations.

The wonderful aspect of voluntary FLR is that it is given freely and with love, not guilt. Guilt should be neither a motivator nor a detractor. I don’t want to feel guilty, and I don’t expect MW to feel guilty. We will make mistakes, and we must get over them without breaking this loving thread that binds us together.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

Another Bump in the Road

Early in the Day

We sat at our computers on a rainy afternoon, and it occurred to me to play a CD that has her favorite style of music. Being somewhat careless I failed to control the volume as the music started. The sudden onset of noise startled her. Her reaction prompted a response from me, which in turn a response from her. The rest was worse.

In the Evening

Later in the evening she tried to make amends. I did not respond well. The consequence was that she left me in our bedroom, while she went to spend the night, and the rest of her life away from me.

Even in my best moments I find it difficult to deal with emotional attitude of others. I was not in my best moments last night. I did not deal with anything. After spending some time reading I turned off the lights. I had plans of doing and not doing certain routine things in the morning because of the change of situation at hand. I fell asleep with those troubled thoughts.

Restitution In the Early Morning Hours

Some hours later I was awakened with the world’s most beautiful breasts draped across my face. I reached out with my free hand and found equally beautiful parts attached to the breasts. Considering my position I had to assume that all of those parts belonged to MW. She stayed for several minutes while I sported an erection and fondled all of her that I could reach. At some point I suggested,

“Come back to bed.”

She silently stepped back, then went to the bathroom. Afterward she left the bedroom. I assumed that she was going to retrieve her pillows and join me. Several minutes later I realized that she was not coming back. I got my naked ass out of bed and went to find her. She was lying on the living room sofa with some cats for company. We straightened the misunderstanding: I wanted her to come back to bed, and she needed firm reassurance that I meant it.

Back in bed we felt each other like new lovers for maybe a half hour. She could not fail to notice the little guy muscling in between us, so at some point she made the overtures for me to help out. I gently pushed her onto her back, and she generously spread her thighs for us.

We spent a long time feeling each other before she took the little guy in hand and escorted him to the center of my being. Not being in a hurry I took my time to enjoy her to the hilt. She mentioned buying a CB3000 “because it looked sexy”. She knew that I consider the idea erotic. While pinching my ON/OFF buttons she talked of my acquiring “more protein in my diet” after the inevitable, obliquely referring to my cleaning up after myself. That usually gets me going like nothing else. Eventually the little guy took control, regardless of the implications, while I abandoned mine to a glorious orgasm.

Resting on one elbow or another I remained on top breathing her scents and feeling her softness. It took a while for us to settle down to some more fondling, kissing, licking, and feeling, then parting. She did not follow through on the hinted “protein snack”. At the time I was happy with it. In retrospect I wish that she had tested me. But I can’t complain. It's something to which I can look forward.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

TheVeracity of Blogs

What is a Blog on FLR?

Let’s say that I have a fertile imagination (I do). Let’s say that I have a fair skill of literary style and the use of the English language (I do). Let’s say that I am horny as hell (I am), and other than manual self-satisfaction I have no sex life (not true). Let’s say that I would love to be dominated in the bedroom (extremely true). Let’s say that I could spend the rest of my life lovingly serving a woman (I do). Let’s say that she may or may not be all that my fantasy requires (true). Let’s say that I am male (I am).

If I were to throw all of those into a plot of erotic adventures, I would come up with one hell of a story. But our context here is neither a novel, nor a short story. It is a realistic interaction with humans who are attuned to similar ideas, and like to read and deal with real life scenarios from like-minded people. I have just described hundreds of FML blogs, including mine. I have never played a video game, but I imagine that this is somewhat analogous to them. The difference is that the players are real in every way, and in most cases so are the scenarios.

How Can We Tell Fantasy from Reality?

First I want to say that fantasy has its place in reality (you will have to think about that a bit). I am not dismissing fantasy at all. It can be fun during otherwise boring idle moments, say when you are waiting to have one of your molars extracted. If all you can afford is fantasy, then go for it! Just don’t try to sell it to us as your life. It may amuse you to fool some of us some of the time. But when it’s over, all you still have is your fantasy, while the rest of us have moved on with our real lives.

Reality sucks, and I am not making excuses about it. I would love to be able to write about my perfect FLR, and be the envy of all. It is not going to happen. So, will I embellish just to juice it up enough to keep prurient interest alive? Neither will that happen. I will tell you when what I write is not real. I have never taken an identity that I did not actually possess. My aversion to faking my self borders or encroaches paranoia. I don’t ever want to be “found out as a fake”. I would rather just write my fantasy and present it that way.

And there is the rub!

How can you tell that anything I say is not just a literary creation based entirely on my thoughts? That brings me to the essence of this pontification.

The Turing Test

I am interested in psychology, logic, computer science, and history. One of the outstanding aspects is an overlap of the disciplines. It has to do with research on human and artificial intelligence. I will not bore you with the detail; you can look it up in a number of sources. I will just give you the essence: Alan Turing proposed a simple test in 1950 (before most of you were born). Paraphrasing the test, “A human judge conducts a textual conversation with a human and a machine. If the judge can not have a reliable way to distinguish the two, then the machine passes as intelligent.”

Many have accepted this as “Of course! That makes sense.” But when one begins to analyze the implications, one runs into problems with it. There are many things wrong with the test, the assumptions, and the definitions, and I will not go into them in detail to save space. Suffice it to say that today there is no known test that can be applied and to succeed consistently. Maybe there will be one in the future. If you want to ask me about the details of why it fails, send me an email and I may elaborate.

Parlor Games

There is a party game that has a certain similarity to the Turing Test. A man and a woman are the test subjects hidden from the judge. The judge is expected to decide which of the two subjects is man and which is woman via textual communication. During the test each subject is trying to convince the judge that he or she is the other gender. It is a fun game, and as before, no true test can do it justice.

Blog Veracity Tests

This brings us to the blog test: “Is this blog describing the author’s reality or fantasy or both?” As discussed in the previous two tests, there are a lot of undefined elements for which there is no true test that will succeed in telling reality from fantasy. But it is fun to try! My previous entry, "Extremes" dealt with the subject of a blog being so good, that it could be fantasy.

“The better it sounds, the less real it tends to be.” Consider this a rule of thumb. It is unscientific, likely to fail, and may be unjust to apply. And we will never know whether our conclusion based on it is right.

Then again, as we have heard, “Truth can be stranger than fiction.” I admit that I have a tremendous imagination, but am I also humbled by some folks who make a tongue-in-cheek comment on my pontifications and thereby making mockery of it. So, all you smart and intelligent readers, please propose some rules with appropriate definitions that will be successful in this nascent "Blog Veracity Test." There can be any number of rules, but try to be precise in your definitions. For example, words like “reasonable”, “fairly good”, “mostly”, etc., are not precise and likely to be useless for this purpose.

Let’s hear some good rules. If there are some, I might put them together and publish them here, so that we can all use them, and adjust them over time.

Saturday, February 9, 2008

Extremes

I have been given a link to a blog http://strictlyfemale.blogspot.com/ during one of my readings of current posts here and there. I did check it with some misgivings based on the preview that the person who referenced it presented. The blog is straight out of “Extreme male fantasy 101.” I did get turned on reading it, and will likely return to see what develops. But, as you may have guessed already, I have a somewhat jaundiced view of some so-called relationships. Don’t take that comment as a criticism, rather, as a question in “how real is it?”

I don’t mind repeating my aphorism, “The more you dig in, the more you are likely to come out the other side.” This person sounds like she (?) is totally in charge of a male husband who is devastatingly enslaved by her with respect to sexual nonexistence. While I can see an extreme view of a female dominating a male, especially in the given context, I can at the same time visualize a male fantasizing to this extreme and writing his supposed scenario.

Could it be that this is no more than most of the stuff that is fodder for erotic novels? Please give your opinion. I doubt that you will insult anyone if you think that the blog is fake. If it is a fake, it is a very good fake. If it is legitimate, the author should rejoice in knowing that it is so good that it appears to be too good to be true. Not that I would really want to be the subject of her [un]desires. For fantasy, it is great. For real, I don’t want to go there.

Poster Couple for FLR Part 4 - She Has the Last Word

FLRs go from one extreme to the next. Some have rigid rules about what the male may not do, or must do, what the consequences are, etc. Much of that depends on who has initiated the relationship.

If the male set up the whole thing, and is telling his female partner what all she is expected to do to or for him, it is likely to be a very short-term relationship. It may even terminate a marriage. In any case, he comes with a wish list that she is expected to fill over time. If she is nice enough, she will do some, she may even grow into her new role and enjoy it. But the rules of the game are likely to be few because the more or stricter his self-imposed rules are, the more she has to track and adjust.

If the relationship was initiated by the female, it is more likely to be strict and restrictive of the male’s activities. This is because it is she who wants it a certain way, and is willing to go to the trouble to enforce it. She knows what she wants. She is already in the proper mind set for it. No matter how many rules she forces on him, it is her doing, so she should not feel as if she is doing him a favor. It is the male who must adjust his attitude and expectations for the relationship to thrive. Some of us might say, “lucky fellow”, “I wish that I were in that situation,” etc. Maybe. What if he does not want that sort of thing? But we are not really talking about those rare cases here.

A very relaxed FLR is where there are few rules. I will get to those in the last part of this series, “What if We Give Up on FLR”. All I have to say here is that in our case MW is in charge. You may make of that what you wish. The bottom line is that she is the one who makes the rules, and can be as arbitrary as she pleases. I am not advocating that particular aspect, just trying to point out that it is within her power to do it. I do get annoyed occasionally when she gets too arbitrary, and I show it. Sometimes she takes it in stride, sometimes she shuts down, and at other times she punishes me for it. We are dealing with humans here, not programmed machines. We adjust. When the perturbation is over, we go back to where we were, but usually wiser and stronger.

If there is any doubt in any confrontation about what to do next, it is easy for me to decide: whatever she wants. If she cannot decide, we decide together. The above covenants exist in our minds, not in writing. Although we could write them into a contract, it would not change a thing. If she says, “Do this,” I “do this.” If she says, “Don’t do that,” I “don’t do that.” This is also very easy on me, because I never have to think about whether I should or should not do something involving her or what she has already defined. If I do it, I might earn some benefits. If I don’t do it, it begins to gnaw at the relationship, and leads to potentially bad things.

I know that this sounds like I am “pussy whipped”. Maybe I am. At least, I wish that I were. But this also leaves me open to free thinking, decision-making, and autonomous action within our simple scope of FLR.

Contrast this with the wish of many submissive males who have a need to be totally dependent on their owner, who don’t want to make decisions, who absolutely need detailed instructions on their daily behavior. This is total sexual, marital, social, and financial domination. As I said in the leading paragraph, I am discussing extremes here, and not judging any one’s relationship. In fact, some of this occurs daily in any FLR. The differences are in the duration, degree, and frequency.

In summary, I emphasize this: MW has the last word. I am allowed to think what I want, I have a lot of latitude in decisions, but I also know where I am heading, and for whom I work. I like that. It makes some of my decisions simple. It also puts some burden on MW, so I am not surprised when she turns it around and says, “You decide!” That’s kind of funny, because that puts me in charge of those situations. As I said earlier, “The more you dig in, the more you are likely to come out the other side.”

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

We Are (not) Playing Again

After coffee this morning I carried the dishes and cups from last night’s snack and this morning into the kitchen. Upon my return MW was again lying across the bed on her front. I always accept that as an invitation to make love to her bottom, and I did so. Her thighs, the dimples about her buns, her sides, her knees were not neglected either. I moved on to give her back a full massage.

Some half hour later she declared that it was time to start the useful part of the day, and that I would be getting back to more strenuous and rigid schedule of house cleaning, etc. I was silly enough to suggest that I would help her to clear the floors of some items that we have been casually storing there. It was to make it easier to clean the floor. The consequence was several jolts with the signaling device. She was going to follow this up with some corporal adjustment, but could not find her tools. No matter, somehow she ran across her formerly favorite cane. It is no longer her favorite because the tip broke off during use, and the sharp edge tends to leave cuts on my butt. But it was all right to use this time, which she did.

I must admit that she was kind to me, and gave me only a dozen or less across my cheeks. The signaling device remained on and has been used many times today.

In the evening she cooked one of my favorite meals for dinner. We really enjoyed it.

Relying on Electronic Communication

Back in the dark ages we used to have office mail. It was a service that relied on typewritten or printed material that was often duplicated and passed on through human local mail carriers. We would look in the in-box and pick up all that people left including items and artifacts. We used to get business mail and advertisements the same way. Much of that practice has stopped. I believe that the mechanism still exists in most large businesses, but gets very little use. Unless it comes to delivering objects that need a physical container, we rely on email and instant messaging. Some of us carry this to extremes. For example, MW sends me email at one or more of my addresses. The fact that her computer is in the same room as mine, and that we sit about ten feet apart does not interfere with usage.

It is with this spirit that she uses the signaling device to have me fetch her drinks, objects, or to remind me to bring the laundry from the dryer. She could talk to me, and she does that too, but the first attention getter is a zap rather than a more traditional, “Oh dear? …”

Yesterday being a blustery Sunday, I stayed indoors except during a few unavoidable chores. As you can guess, all I wore was the device the rest of the day. She was still using it after we had settled down to watch a movie and were sitting side by side. I guess that she wanted to be sure that I was paying attention before she said something. Before I excused myself to pass out I asked her whether I should turn off the device, hoping she will say, “Yes, and take it off.”

No. It was just "Turn it off." It was not a great handicap. Like Kali, it gets in the way only under some circumstances, such as when I sit, wear tight pants, or when I develop an erection. As a result I was able to sleep without the usual pains. I did have the last little problem, but it was not to such extent as it would have been with Kali. At least she did not have me wear both simultaneously. She can be very nice to me.

They Find You Wherever You Are

I used to get IMs on the job from “Bobbi-Joe”, ”Meredith”, and their sisters with offers of hot dates, large boobs, blow jobs, and kinky sex. I kept changing my moniker, and they kept finding me. I guess my responses exuded that sexuality that never fails to impress the average mortal, were they really females or just masquerading as such. That was one reason why I no longer use IM. Those poor things out there suffered too long with my coveted manly presence being there but without giving them satisfaction.

Now days I use one of my email addresses just between MW and me. Only once or twice a year ago I inadvertently send email from there to somebody other than her. Someone picked up the address. As a result, I still get advertisements from unknown assholes that want to sell me the usual crap. The volume is a small percentage of what I get on my business email, but is still annoying.

Some of these are funny. For example, I got one this morning with a splashy banner that I will not duplicate here (after all, I don’t want to help this schmuck sell his stuff). It is from “Maxwell C. English” probably from Africa or Pakistan. “…WonderCum allows you to have multiple orgasms! … Doubles, Triples, Quadruples and MORE!… not just the volume of …” and so on. One good thing I can say about this guy is that for "advertise-talk" his grammar is fair, unlike most that are scattered in my direction. Way to go, “Maxwell C. English!” You appear to be more educated than most of those that use this annoying practice.

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

We Are Playing Again

Last Friday being hard labor day, I passed out midway into the evening. MW tried to revive me by telling me to install the CB2000. I was too wasted to comply. Generously she let me get away with it. When I woke up the next morning I started thinking right away. That is usually a sign that I would not be able to sleep any more. I was getting out of bed as I remembered her last order to me. I did not want to take it upon myself to act in this manner, so I grabbed only the signaling device and left the room.

We were alone in the house, so I did not need clothes except that I was cold. We like to keep the main heater off most of the time, especially at night, because it tends to dehumidify the air and disturb our sleep. When I settled down at the computer with my espresso I turned on a portable heater. Did some work until MW summoned me some hours later.

I like the way she makes her rear available for me to kiss. There was already some daylight, so I could zero in on her delicious buns right away. Of course, she expected it. It is funny that the term, “Kiss my ass” has a different meaning between us than when I hear it in general. You know, in general it is not a nice thing to say. Between us I consider it a gift, and respond with a kiss and a “Thank you Mistress.”

I brewed fresh coffee for us and brought it to her. We discussed my failure last night, and she hinted that the device is still in my immediate future. She also mentioned that she might allow me to remove it temporarily so that she can use me to her advantage in the evening. We were planning to go to a family party in behalf of a son-in-law. I guessed that I would be wearing the cage even when we are out. She told me that it was all right to put on clothes when I need to go outside.

After coffee she told me to install the cage. She instructed me to add a spring-loaded latch to be hanging on the Prince Albert ring that protrudes between the bars. Another latch to hold the cage together. She did not have me install a lock. Since my masturbation is never an issue, there is no need to lock the cage. I would not remove it unless she instructed me to do so. We are not really using it as a chastity device, although we could. We are just playing with it, as she likes to show her power over me. I, on the other hand, get a large thrill out of being in my natural state but enhanced by the device while she is fully clothed.

Early afternoon I was getting ready for our outing. After I showered, I put on some decent clothes (I can’t be going out in my natural state). When done, I checked with MW about the looks of my crotch in the tight Wrangler pants. We agreed that it was just too suggestive for a family gathering, so she told me to remove the cage and put on Kali.

I don’t know who or how many among you know about this devilish device. It was sold under the name “MCD”. The cost was around $30 three or four years ago. It is also called Kali’s teeth bracelet. It is a strip of plastic about an inch wide that wraps around the male part, and is tied shut with one of those plastic ties that have become ubiquitous from electrical wiring to prisoner transport. You know, whenever you want to tie up something but not use a rope. It is kind of prickly fun when first put on. Under my tight pants it was a frequent source of discomfort, but not much pain. I had made a mistake in the past. In my enthusiasm to comply I made it too tight. Not this time. Over several hours while driving, or sitting I suffered a bit, but again, it was within tolerances of good clean CBT.

It was late in the evening when we returned home. I was about to step into the shower when MW showed up in the bathroom ready to shower. She, of course, took priority. Afterward I dried her and we returned to the bedroom so that I could do her massage. She was ready, but sent me off to get her dessert first. I did, and then we got down to business. She kindly let me get my shower after that.

We needed to unwind, so she popped a movie into the player. The plot was based on reality, the acting good, but it was just a bit too serious. Amazingly I stayed with it. During this time I asked her whether she was planning to leave Kali in place knowing how much pain it can cause. She said yes. She also said that I should wake her during the night, but only after some suffering. She can be so nice to me.

After the movie we tried to sleep. It took me a long time. It was around 3AM when I was awake again. The device has triangular teeth arranged in rows sort of like shark's teeth. They are small, but pointy. As usual, my little guy was doing his own thing without consulting me, and as usual, he was in trouble begging me to bail him out. Alas, I was powerless to do so. The problem with this device is that it is insidious. After installation if he manages to remain flaccid, there is no problem. Then, upon being teased, provoked, or turned on in any fashion, the little guy reacts. For example, MW would use my ON/OFF switches just to see what Kali’s teeth do to me. At first the pain is delicious enough to feed back and in turn create a more massive erection. The consequence is more pain, then more erection. I think that the process ends with more pain, because the erection can be only so big, whereas the pain can increase. The same process occurs while I sleep. Those nasty little buggers bite, and then I am awake. In the past I used to get up, walk around, and think of some bad things, like collection agency lawyers, roof repair, etc. to get my mind off the little guy and pain. It usually worked after a while.

This time I did what it takes to awaken MW following her instructions from last night. She faked sympathy and expressed admiration for the size, shape, color, etc., and then sent me to fetch the side-cutters to cut the plastic tie. The process itself was painful, but I quickly got over that. The teeth left a nice pattern that you can see in the next picture. From time to time they penetrate the skin, so I end up with neat rows of tiny scabs for a few days. This time it was not that bad.

Sunday, February 3, 2008

I Am Alive!

Judging by the number of comments on my roof repair effort (read that as “zero”) I would say that I could have died and nobody would notice. All right, some people would have deleted my blog address from their frequent re-visits after a while, and then go on with whatever they were doing. The thing is, I was up there being a fucking hero. You all go on with your lives feeling good or bad depending on what you encounter, but you just don’t see my peril. Or maybe you don’t give a shit. Yeah, that’s it. Because I don’t pose a challenge with respect to my relationship, I don’t exist. I am boring, as in “He has nothing to complain about. Why is he wasting bandwidth on the internet?”

I am alive and nobody cares.

Whew! That felt good.

Ok, I am over it now.

Well, not really. I will sulk for a while, so there!

If I don’t post for the next few hundred years somebody will comment on my blog saying, “Maybe we should have said something. Anything. Poor schmuck.”