Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Speaking of Reality

Why Do FLR Blogs Go Away?

I can cite several blog addresses that deal with D/S and FLR where all appears to go well without a hint of problems, or maybe just a very subtle shift in emphasis. Then suddenly it is over. Some give a hint of the reason, others remain silent, and still others just go away completely. The common thread in all of this is the feeling of “here and now”. Some are more realistic, but I seldom see any true plan for handling adverse events and the uncertainty of the future.

I read a very interesting thread of conversation at a blog. It is the result of a posting. The conversation is at http://maybemaimed.com/2007/04/08/the-sex-trade/#comments. The various and often clashing opinions are provocative enough for me to make a comment here. What is missing in all of the views are two bits of realism. This is also a trend, an overlooked but very important subject in novels, short stories, movies, blogs and websites. I dare you to be truthful and tell me whether you have thought of this, and if so, how you would have handled it. I need your input on this, for it is a very real and compelling subject for all of us on the long run.

The comment that set me off on this bit of pontification is made by the writer of the blog. He said, “I shower … (my Mistress) with gifts all the time. But if she couldn’t make a living on her own, completely without my financial help, in this world, I wouldn’t be submissive to her. She wouldn’t deserve it."

I don’t fault him for saying that. From his position I find it very appropriate. It supports and is mostly consistent with his posting on which this comment is made. All of what he says supports his argument logically, but of course, some are based on his unshakable principles, so they can be refuted by those who have different principles. This is not to say that one principle or the other is wrong, rather, they are different.

If you read the original posting, you will see that the author values a personal relationship as opposed to a professional. Like the author of the above blog, I feel the same when it comes to something as deeply personal as submission to a female. On the other hand, I have nothing against anyone seeking professionals for fulfillment of a need as long as both parties are satisfied. I have never done it, so I am not really a judge of the quality of service provided by theses professionals. The reason why I have not done so is out of my own principle, which I will not describe here.

That is not to say that I am naïve about what services are available. In my modest experience I have seen a lot, and dealt with some in person. I know the personal, psychological, financial, medical, and legal consequences of the profession and of the customers.

My emphasis in this pontification is on two subjects: loyalty and reality. In both cases I limit the scope of my comments to the relationship of a man submitting to a woman.


I will first deal with loyalty, for it is the basis of many things that follow. Loyalty is its own reward. If you feel to be loyal, and you are, you are rewarded by your own feeling more often than by the subject of your loyalty.


Sounds like submission to me.

If you are a submissive, and have no loyalty in your plan and attitude, you are a selfish bastard who is out to get what he wants and to screw the object of your submission. You will do less damage if you deal with a professional. Maybe that is over-generalization, so I will give you a “what if” to clarify my statement.

Assume that you are in an FLR and do all the typical male submissive stuff to satisfy your needs. Your female partner is more or less happy with it, or even, relies on it. Good so far, right? What if she becomes a victim of something that may or may not be her fault, and cannot continue the lifestyle that you expect? For a short time you deal with it. But what if it is more long term, or heaven forbid, permanent? Do you bail out? Do you abandon her? Do you suddenly switch your submission to some other female who is currently able and willing to satisfy your needs?

Merriam-Webster defines Loyal as
1: unswerving in allegiance: as a: faithful in allegiance to one's lawful sovereign or government b: faithful to a private person to whom fidelity is due c: faithful to a cause, ideal, custom, institution, or product
From this definition I would say that if you bail out, you are not loyal, and you are a shallow person who has been trying to satisfy your fantasy without regard to your partner.


The next subject is reality. I have read many novels that deal with various degrees of submission. Some are realistic, endearing, loving, others range from ridiculous to extreme violation of body and soul. Novels, in general, are fantasies. One does not harm another through fantasies unless one tries or forces to act a fantasy at the expense of self or other participants.

Let’s separate fantasy from reality. Reality is what we will live eventually. It is when we find out that our fantasy is not entirely practical, too expensive to support, illegal and we don’t want to take the chance, etc. Even if all goes well, the one thing in common with the termination of an attempt to live a fantasy is growing old.

I have done some writing (outside of this blog), and from time to time dealt with that aspect of our life. Regardless of how good a relationship may be, it will not last forever. At some point we will have to allow for frailties onset by age and disease. I know that most of us don’t want to face this. I don’t, but I am a realist, so I know where I am heading. I also realize that it is not a subject as provocative as “what I did in the bedroom last night,” so we don’t write much about it.

Getting back to the quote from the blog comments above, the writer says, “…if she couldn’t make a living on her own, completely without my financial help, in this world, I wouldn’t be submissive to her. She wouldn’t deserve it ….” I am sure that he was not thinking about loyalty and reality, but only in terms of his premise with respect to paying for a service. Still, one cannot remain cocky for long without running into the obligations to loyalty and reality.

I have read several postings on various blogs where short-term loyalty was demonstrated, so I know that it is not exactly rare. Going along with my constant attitude of commitment to my obligations in a relationship, I ask you, “As committed as you think you are, will you stay with your partner ‘… through sickness and health ‘till death do you part …’?”

This is why I always advise males or females in search of an FLR to “Find a partner who can share love and commitment with you. The D/S part should be tried after that.” If the D/S part does not work, you still have an option of something that you would want to keep, or of moving on. On the other hand, if you search and find a partner who is a perfect fit for FLR, you are most likely to find that loyalty (commitment) will be missing when truly tested, and on the long run.

I know that dealing with frailties is depressing and not to be thought of just for the fun of it. But give yourself a fair evaluation of your future. Ask yourself where you will be or want to be umpteen years from now. Ask yourself how long can you afford to remain cocky on account of your beauty, strength, health, and other resources.

Can you visualize the circumstances when you realize that it’s over?

Do you want to be alone because you were disloyal?

What about the person who has provided you with partial fulfillment of your fantasy over a long time? Do you owe her or him more than just a “so long”?

Are either of you now alone because one of you became frail and your relationship was abandoned?

Living your fantasy is fun, but do be real, and most of all, be kind. Otherwise you may as well stick with professionals.


maymay said...

There's no question that the so-called relationships that the clientele of professional dominants experience are a fantasy and not the reality they want so desperately to believe it is.

Thanks for reading my blog.

Susan's Pet said...


Thanks for the comment. Your blog is interesting, full of insight, and I enjoy reading it. I am just working up from the bottom, which is why I was commenting on an older post.

I hope that you don't take offense at my comment. I believe in "live and let live" especially when it comes to choice in lifestyle, as long as this attitude does not harm anyone. My purpose here was to point out the often overlooked path that we all take eventually. I believe that we all need a reminder once in a while.

maymay said...

Don't worry, I don't feel offended by anything you said.

Reminders are typically very helpful things.

helpmate hubby said...

Brillant insght Susan's Pet. To many sub males are genuinely only loyal to themselves.