Sunday, June 26, 2011

Stand Like a Man! A Tongue-in-cheek Look at Manly Urination

Lest you think that I have lost my sense of humor I respectfully submit this treatise to demonstrate otherwise. I generally don’t dwell on the subject of male urination, but since many of the blogs I frequent are into chastity devices for men, the subject comes up often. I felt it was time to address it from my point of view. The subject is “Should men stand or sit while urinating?” First I cover a bit of history.

The Early Days ...

Before the early man came out of the trees, he could do it while sitting on a branch, just as a woman could. Still, he had the equipment to direct the spray so that it missed his dangling legs. On the long run this may have become a manly thing. Meanwhile the woman probably had to squat even on the branch just to avoid the salty liquid drying on her legs and eventually cause itching. Keep in mind that I am seeing this from a man’s point of view whose exposure to the outdoors have been through camping in the back yard with his children.

This was the beginning when men were distinctly identifiable from women. Men could stand while whipping the little guy side to side as they scanned for predators, whereas the lowly women had to squat and not be afforded the panoramic view from behind the tall weeds. This had to be part of evolution. Man: tall protector. Woman: squat protected. Consequence, man stands. Only a wimp or a woman would squat. One must admit, there is a magnificence attached to the scenario. I am surprised that we see so little of this in cave art and modern TV advertisements.

Privatizing the Action …

With formalized religion oozing out of the witch doctor realm sin was invented. One of the sins was urinating in public: you had to get it indoors. The term “outhouse” is a euphemism for the means for sitting on a hole while doing number one or number two. There is bucolic charm to the idea of a tiny wooden shack with a half moon cutout above the door. When you really have to go, almost any place will do. Naturally you don’t want to do it in your house, so there was the outhouse alternative. With all that, men still stood outside to scan for predators while swinging the little guy even as predators became scarce. Women had to sit on the hole behind the half moon whether parting with number one or two. In the summer the odors were ripe, the flies kept busy. In the winter one tended to freeze the somewhat private parts unintentionally. Washing of one’s hands afterward took second place to buttoning up the clothes.

Industrial Revolution …

Large towns with paved streets became less able to accommodate public urination. The issues ranged from modesty to the objection of the city burghers to the stench on a hot summer day. This was the beginning of privatization of the activity. Men would still stand over a hole in the floor; women would squat over their own hole in the floor. A modicum of privacy was offered by partitions between the sexes mainly to shield the shy female bladders from the ogling by curious males. This era also introduced the need to clean up after the users. The job description of the attendants of these public dumps required the ability to wield a bucket of water and a scrub brush, much like today’s college graduates who still live with their parents. No formal education was needed, college graduates needed not apply. The labor supply was endless, and the users remained oblivious to the result of their use and misuse of the facilities. At the end, men still stood.

Modernization of Indoor Pplumbing …

Whether public or private, porcelain made the difference. When combined with tightly coupled water source and drain it made the users glad that they did not have to fight the flies in the summer and the freezing of their thingies in the winter. There was still an issue with odors, so vents and windows were supplied. At this point the men no longer had to stand to scan for predators. In the privacy of the wash closet they could sit and take care of business, and no one would call them wimps for doing the equivalent of womanly squatting. As we very well know, this did not happen. There were two reasons for the continuance of this primitive but manly custom. One was the illusion of maintaining the manliness of urination; the other was the invention of the urinal.

I am not sure whether the urinal was invented to support the manly illusion, or the manly illusion was maintained because the urinal was invented. Regardless, any man would feel foolish to walk into a public restroom used by modern barbarians and sit on a filthy toilet seat when a perfectly good, albeit filthy, urinal is available. Why, even women have succumbed to the lure of inventions that make it possible for them to avoid using the filthy toilets just to urinate.

While I am on the subject I want to point out an interesting fact. Many travelers when using public toilets make themselves at home so to speak. They shit and piss on everything. Of course, that makes it less desirable for subsequent users, especially women who can’t stand up while doing it.

Next installment: "The modern Man and Indoor Plumbing"

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Retaliation to Witholding Sex

Tamara in her post of June 19, 2011, "Subs need no sex" poses some questions embedded in her experience with the withholding of sex. I tried to answer her questions in a comment to that post. At the same time I realized that there are still some explanations needed on my recently revealed situation.

Tamara’s partner withdrew from sex at some point in her relationship. She said,
“… I let him feel that I was missing something important. I was frustrated and grumpy, I reproached him, and, when it lasted for a longer period of time, I started to put emotional distance between us. I just could not help it. Even when I wanted to show patience, because I knew that my grumpiness made him even less inclined to having sex with me, I just couldn’t help it. My frustration showed through…”
I think that her response was very human, very natural. It was not a solution to her problem, but a means of dealing with her feelings. Alas, this approach seldom works.

In the earlier days of our marriage I was caring but immature. Regardless of how much sex we had, it was not enough for me. In my lack of satisfaction I did push my wife. She complied some of the time, but the result was not what I had expected. Years later, when I reached my epiphany, I changed my approach to avoid all requests of her of any nature, especially sexual. Amazingly, she became calmer, and began to enjoy sex more. I was still unsatisfied, but that was just the mismatch of our libidos.

As for holding a grudge or becoming distant, well, I recognize the feelings that prompted me to do them in the past. They are destructive behaviors, which I no longer practice especially with her. Having sex with others is not an option that either of us would contemplate. Our commitment to each other is supreme in all respect, of which sex is just one.

I am not a submissive man. I have taken charge most of my life. Still, my very strong preference in sex is to submit, and to submit to any extent that my wife could demand. Our relationship in or outside of the bedroom can be described to an extent but not one hundred percent, as D/S where I am the S part by choice, and only between the two of us. My submissiveness covers most of our lives together, and my dominance surfaces only in rare circumstances where I must take clear and immediate action. This may sound like a lot of unnecessary explanation by the guilty. I just want to be sure to demonstrate that my submission to her is not entirely based on sex. There is a difference. When a man submits to a woman only because of the kind of sex he receives in return, he is happy. If she withholds that kind of sex, at some point he reverts to his own D/S standing, and the submission to her is officially over.

MW and I have an understanding: I serve, she enjoys. There is no contract, there is no threat of consequences (although I wish there were), and there are no fights or arguments. Under the circumstances I don’t spend all day serving her with no time left for myself. Quite the opposite. Most of my work is done on time, and if not, there is always tomorrow. This relationship does not preclude anything that she or we decide to do at any time. She hints about sex play, spanking, and such, and I don’t discourage her. If she is not taking action, she will do any or all when she is ready, assuming I am still able to comply.

She has problems that are outside the scope of our D/S relationship, but have major impact on it. Without first solving those problems, more than just sex will suffer. She is working on it, and I try to be supportive. Meanwhile I try to enjoy all the other good things in life.

Saturday, June 18, 2011

What Is Left?

We spend a lot of time together when we are free to do so. We enjoy each other’s company. We have fun. When we are free she does what she wants, and I do what I want to a certain extent. For example, she does not restrict my Internet access to any site or to any time or length of time. She lets me do my work at my pace and my convenience, for she knows that all will be done. She does not want to be in charge, she just prefers to have her way since I make it possible.
She is not throwing crumbs at me as gifts, a-la-Rika. But that goes much deeper. I miss our all-inclusive FLR of a short three years ago. What we have left is like a former priceless work of art displayed on a pedestal. At some point it fell and shattered. We could put some of the pieces together and the result would be a reasonable approximation of the original. However, with the small pieces missing or beyond repair, the result would never be as good. Erosion succumbs to entropy. The longer we wait, the less chance there is of finding the crucial pieces that would make things work.
It’s not that we could not still have fantastic sex without resuming the old customs. Even vanilla people, whom we have become sexually, can have that. During our best days she was satisfied with occasional sex, whereas I was driven by it daily. I never insisted, never gave her a hard time about our differences. She knew how I felt and we often joked about it.
I said earlier that I have some guesses about her view of things. At first she was regretful about not being able to have penetrating sex. Then she began to feel guilty, which transferred to any other kind of sex that we used to have. She was waiting until she was perfect again to try. With her, perfection is in everything she does. If it is not perfect, she abandons it. Later on she could not decide how to resume any of the old activities, and that just added to her regret and guilt. Now she is embarrassed about beginning anything related to sex. We talk freely, never fight, and don’t even have an argument. If I don’t agree with something I say so, and take it no further. We don’t talk about sex. I don’t want to cause her stress over it, and she does not bring it up for the reasons I guess and explain here.
The years of joy we have missed weigh on my mind. Someone young can begin anew and then get over it. Alas, we are not in a position to do so. We have what we have, and go with it. We can choose to make the best of it, or maintain status quo. One of the commenters on the previous post guesses that ours may be a “service oriented vanilla” relationship. I think he is right. Until three years ago we were fully in an FLR with a fair amount of sex and D/S, as you can read on my early posts. Lately, however, the formal D/S and the sex components have been on hold. I am not sure where we are heading with this.

Saturday, June 11, 2011

The Events Leading Up To This Scenario

About three years ago I wrote on this blog that she was in need of surgery. The conditions that required it did not allow regular penetrative sex at that point. She said, “When I get fixed, we will be back to normal.” It took close to a year, but she did get fixed. During that time she also put on hold any other kind of sex. No D/S or S/M play, no edging, no masturbation, no kinky stuff. After her surgery she took time to recover, but has been well as far as I knew. However, the sex we used to have is still on hold. It is now close to three years along our one-way trip to entropy. I did report on occasional chastity play. In one instance she actually started sex, and had me enter her in the usual manner. That I could not achieve orgasm, regardless of how horny and hard I remained, was not her fault. I guess I had too many irrelevant issues on my mind. The event was still good, and I would not mind repeating it. She did not critique, did not say how satisfied or dissatisfied she was with my on the spur of the moment performance.

You might say, “Why the hell don’t you talk to her? Find out what she wants!” It does not work that way with her. Either she starts something and I comply, or nothing happens. I will not go into an explanation of why that is to protect our privacy.

Ironically we still have a female led relationship more so than some of the formal FLR’s that we read about. I am polite and respectful, and supportive with her. I never lecture or reprimand. I don’t belittle or make fun. We are spiritually and physically close and compatible. I would do anything for her, and she knows it. Yet, she is missing the pleasure she used to derive from my almost daily full body massages of her beautiful parts. She probably misses the selfless orgasms I used to give her when she was in receptive moods. It may be petty of me to withhold all that, but I am human. I have never been able to be totally selfless for long. At some point I need a reward for my services. That is why this is different from Rika’s service oriented submission.

Final installment: “What Is Left?”

Saturday, June 4, 2011

My Case of Service Oriented Submission

I have not talked about this much on my blog, but the relationship I have with my wife can be called a service oriented submission. It does not resemble to a large degree what Rika had presented. I will present it from my point of view, for I don’t know whether my wife considers this relationship as service oriented submission. In any case, I can only guess about her point of view, which I will mention later.

I do home and structure maintenance, yard work, cleaning, etc. I do new projects, improvements, and all the work for her when she needs help on some art project or such. She never has to prompt me to do such work, it just gets done. Occasionally she points out something that I may not be doing right. Sometimes she does some work because my results may not be entirely satisfactory or up to her standards.

We live in a semi-rural area, outside of town, on a large lot. We have many pets. Twice daily I feed, water, dispense medication, and clean pet areas. Every few days or as often as necessary I do major cleaning. I take pets to the vet for checkups, etc. I keep up with all schedules associated with them, and make plans for someone to do the pet maintenance when MW and I are gone on trips once or twice a year.

We have no opportunity to use public transportation. She prefers not to drive a vehicle in general, so I drive her everywhere. We do all the shopping together, doctors’ appointments, her art business, restaurants, and family visits. At home she has me fetch things for her from downstairs or upstairs, drinks, snacks, loading the clothes drier, folding clothes, etc.

She has no interest in accounting, bookkeeping, investments, tax preparation, banking and such, so all that reverts to me. We do discuss major decisions, but about the details I just give her the bottom line when she asks for it. Everything is available for her to see, but her mind is on other things. I do tell her when we are short of funds between paydays to try to avoid running out. I don’t buy anything for myself without first discussing it with her.

She likes to cook, so she does most of our meals. My involvement in nutrition preparation is limited to barbecues, drinks, refreshments, snacks, and my breakfasts and lunches. She spends her time any way that she wants to. She, for some reason I don’t know, prefers to do the clothes washing, and hand over to me the drying and folding. Fine with me.

I deal with everybody outside the home at her request. Only on rare occasions does she need to participate, typically when her presence is required by a third party. Otherwise I make all phone calls and deal with authorities and vendors.

I am willing to do a lot more, but that would be up to her. When she asks, I comply unless the required action would be grossly impractical, in which case I try to present suitable alternatives.

Now, I ask you, “Which part of the above is not service oriented submission?” I don’t get paid for this, for we live in a community property state, and we are married. As for other compensations, well read on.

Next installment: “The Events Leading up to This Scenario”