Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Rika Revisited

In spite of what I say in this post, the book, “Uniquely Rika” is worth reading. I have had it on the side bar to say exactly that. However, you will have to weigh its implications, for your future is at stake.
When first reading it I was on a hormonal high with a fully established FLR. I read and understood what I thought she was saying in her book. I remember liking the book much when I first encountered it. I remember feeling that I could be hers in a fantasy scenario as she described her views. Now, over three years later, things are different. I have a logical base from which to assess her presentation of the subject. I have re-read the book with a clear mind.

Rika in the first page of the book says, “ … many couples have attempted to establish working D/s relationships. Surprisingly, most fail in the long run. Why should this be?”

Have you asked yourself? Have you come up with an answer? I have some answers.

Uniquely Rika is based on a flawed assumption that men want to be submissive, but are fixated on the assumed ideal of a pornography mistress of whip and stylized femdom-wear. They cannot distinguish between their fetish and their innate submissiveness. She will set that straight so that the men will know right from wrong. Right. Exactly as she sees it.

Some men are confused on that subject. They may be addicted to the shallow unattractive females portrayed by the media in artificial background and no substance. They have not developed a relationship with an understanding female. All they have is their fantasy even when married and with children. I despise the stereotype dominatress, and maintain that my personal fetish does not support the porno industry. I find it disgusting and boring. At the same time I don’t diminish any man’s wishes for fantasy fulfillment as long as it is non-injurious to self or others. They are no worse than any women’s wishes for the same or for benign romantic play. So, starting with the flawed assumption I will elaborate on the book.

Contrary to Rika’s claim, a man needs more than to simply satisfy his need to serve and subsequently be allowed to do so by a woman. Rika’s service oriented submissive is happy just to serve even though his original needs and whishes are not met or even addressed. That is a gross assumption by her, and nowhere substantiated by her or in literature.

She is talking about the supposed fetish that men have for being whipped by a skinny abrasive woman clad in ridiculous leather and rubber outfit. Such man would be a fool to want that and to try to live with 24/7/365. Still, in spite of my aversion to the stereotypical whip-wielding dominatress, I believe that if a man needs just that, he should get it from time to time. As for the simple solution of transforming a man into Rika’s service oriented submissive, it might work on one who is at heart a submissive and has no higher aspirations. It is also easy when her household is simple: up to three bedrooms, no pets, no yard work, few if any children. In other words, an hour or so a day keeps the home clean, rest of the time can be devoted to full-time servitude to the mistress of the home. It is good if one can afford it. Alas, few of us can be kept servants without working for a living on the side. When having to work for a living, personal service for the mistress cuts into sleep time. I know how it is to sleep three hours a day for months without a break.

The “Deal” in chapter three of the book (on page 47 of printed version) is neat and seems fair: he serves, she enjoys. That is what the basic premise is supposed to be, also assumed to be a submissive man’s dream. Alas, nothing is as simple as she presents it. Her rules work in her case only and maybe in some few cases with truly submissive men and the women who are cold and calculating about taking advantage of it.

She talks about making routines to allow her dealing with fewer responsibilities and him more things to do. She says, ”The obvious benefit is that we end up with an ever-expanding, prioritized list of tasks for him to do and a schedule for him to follow to get them done. Once on the list, he can put the task out of his mind. … frees up his time to take on more tasks.” I think that her message is appropriate for young people where the man has not taken responsibility for much, he tends to waste his time on games and video entertainment, and wifey is stuck with the work. For more responsible males already doing realistic home maintenance it is a farce. As much as some of them might want to do personal service for the female in charge, there is only so much time in a day, and one must sleep to survive the next day.

Full time service without compensation is unreal regardless of how kinky the man is. Lack of compensation is Rika’s prime directive. She talks of gifts to be bestowed on occasion just to keep the slave from rebelling under the yoke of her imposed tyranny, but not giving him the idea that he is rewarded for good behavior. Some of us have a problem with that.

Rika simplifies the control that she offers over what she assumes to be submissive men. In her experience it worked. Her experience with submissive men may be limited to one or two possibilities. One possibility is that she is or was a professional dominant whom men pay for her services. Her exposure to and control and observation of these assumed submissive men were limited only to her workplace. It would be limited to these customers who were returning for the coveted mistreatment. That would be mistreatment that she dismisses as undesirable fetish by men that should be channeled into service oriented submission to a woman. She does not know how these men performed on the long run on their own. In addition, an assumed submissive man performs a certain way with a professional, but that is no indication of how he will perform with a personal partner in real life. Now, if she is talking about real experience with respect to her husband, I am somewhat confident that she is telling the truth. That may be where she has collected all of this wisdom, albeit, limited in scope. If true, the problem is, this particular experience is based on one man. We are all different. What worked between her and her husband does not make a general rule. Some of her rules may apply over a short time, but they are not applicable to all men all the time, not even to her husband that she claims to love. There is no such rule.

She advocates communication. That is a platitude, no different from saying, “I like nice. Nice is nice.” Some people are incapable of communication. They are capable of yelling, berating, hurting, whining, playing victim, etc., but communication to resolve issues is beyond them. That leaves out a large segment of the population. Sure, it is best to try to communicate. Did that work in your case?

She explains Rules of Engagement:
  1. You [the female] decide if and when you play
  2. These are gifts you’re giving him …
  3. They should never be confused with his service to you …
  4. When you’re done playing, things go back to normal …

This is fine if you are giving him gifts and that is all he will ever want. If he is a true slave, than his feelings are of no concern. Otherwise, he will falter. Not many of us are true slaves.

At the end I think that she is more warped than the professional dominatresses. Professionals do it for the money. She does it, if she is honest, from conviction. She wants service. She promises nothing. Only a foolish man would go into such relationship with her. Despite her claim to love her husband, her words refute them. Her manipulations in chapter 5 (starting on page 66) are cold. They simply treat a symptom that she would rather not, but realizes that one must pay the bills. There is no love, not even liking in her description of what a woman should do to her submissive man on “Simple Gifts” (page 68 an on). She says, “ … [in] D/s relationship the focus is on what the man can do for the woman rather than what the woman does to the man. In this context the concepts of limits and safe-words do not apply …” I am not much for safe words, for I don’t care for role acting where “no” means “yes”, etc. However, completely detaching herself from what the man wants and needs is perverse. She may as well hire some schmuck from skid row to mistreat and not deal with the continuous education of her in-house submissive man. I know, some of you men out there think, “Hey, that’s exactly what I want!” Right. You might want that for a sex scene or maybe for a weekend before you return to your normal life. As for living with it, well, maybe, if you are bent that way, which is not true for most of us.

I am disillusioned with her book and her view. Although both have some useful qualities, she destroys the good with her cold execution of her rule. You can use the book as an instruction manual for many things in D/S and have fun on the short term. In chapter 6 and subsequent she presents many scenarios that can be kinky fun for both partners, but not in her ice-queen setting. As for applying it to your “submissive” man as a lifestyle, it is very unrealistic. Even if he is truly submissive he will have a problem with the execution of his sentence and consequently will rebel. I have my extreme and weird fantasies, but this is not one. I am strange when it comes to D/S, but I want to relate to and with a woman who has feelings for me, rather than just for herself. I guess you can call me a non-submissive.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Loving And Being In Love

I follow many blogs. A favorite, one of the astute FLR advocate bloggers who goes with the moniker, She's a wonderful wife, elaborates on love and being in love although not with the purpose of distinguishing between the terms. Among other things he says, “Just seems to me that people who are married should be in love to the point where doing things for your significant other is what makes you happy! Ever since we've been married, I've done things for her that I only did because I knew she liked it.“

I feel his genuine wanting to please his wife. It is great when long married people feel that way, rather than looking outside of marriage to fulfill their needs to love and to serve.

I was in love before I married my sweetheart. That feeling may have precipitated my committing to love and honor her in our subsequent marriage forever as long as we both shall live. I have kept that feeling, but there are other issues as we mature in a relationship. The all-powerful feeling of being in love is no longer a driving force in our life. Love is. We do things for each other out of genuine love whether it is a partner, children, or close friends. Those things range from mundane through tedious to unpleasant. The sexual favors are just the icing on the cake when it comes to doing it between committed partners.

I could live and die doing sexual favors for her. She turns me on just by her presence, and then some. I crave giving her pleasure in any way that she desires. However, I don’t equate that with love or even being in love. Most of that is lust; the rest is a willingness to trade my sexual service for some attention from her. Of course, I also get a tremendous thrill out of seeing her beauty, getting high on her pheromones, feeling her softness under my fingers, and tasting her on my lips and fingers long after our love session is over. Truly, that enjoyment is all wired in my DNA and beyond my ability to control even if I wanted to do so. But I don’t think that is love. It is more of an addiction.

I am not suggesting that she is just a sex object. She is precious, she is my life, and she is the reason for my being. I cannot truthfully say that about any other woman. I cannot imagine being happy without her. However, serving her sexually is just what I said. It fuels my need to be subservient to her, and there is no more private and sensual way than giving her what she wants under all circumstances. Whether she reciprocates is up to her. Her loving me is not questionable. Her willingness to do some things that I would like is. We get together from time to time, but in spite of the many words of explanation over the years, we are still missing some meaning. Why else would we not make each other perfectly happy all the time?

Friday, April 15, 2011

Oh, I Am Chaste!

For the last two and a half years she has not initiated sex with me. What that means is that we have had no sex together. She has had no sex, and I have been doing no more than occasional self-gratification.

About a week ago she found a book that I purchased maybe three years back, “Male Chastity a guide for keyholders”, and asked me “Did you leave that out for me?” Well, no. It has been under her nightstand all that time gathering dust. Interestingly, she started making prurient comments about chastity and such, and even said that she would follow up on it.

I am in charge of cleaning our huge house. Since I expected to be in uniform (my natural state) all the time when at home, I clean the house as such. During the winter and early spring I tried to avoid any housework that includes the use of water where it could splash on me. Now that the weather is in the seventies, I have less resistance to wet house work. This morning she reminded me that the mistress bathroom needs cleaning, and that I would be wearing some chastity device. She suggested for me to get the old CB-2000. Wow! This is new.

We have played with chastity devices over the years: Kali’s Teeth, CB-2000, CB-3000, and some lesser toys. Kali’s Teeth is not a long-term device by any means. If you don’t believe, try it. The CB-XXXX is ok, and works, just that I could not keep it on for longer than a week or so for extreme pain conditions, and the unhealthy swelling of my foreskin. Even with that, the device had to be removed every couple of days for thorough cleaning so that I don’t end up smelling like a public men’s urinal.

In the last few months of our sparse sex play I bought a PA-5000 after having read some comments by happy users. I did email her a link to the web site where I bought it, but she did not comment on it. When the device arrived in the mail I tried it on when I knew I had a few hours alone, and I liked it. Since I am usually in uniform, I could not keep it on with her around. For that reason I had the device in the closet for a few months. A week ago she went on a two-day trip. I took that as an opportunity to try the PA-5000. I felt guilty, but also thrilled with it. I wore it for about 48 hours continuously. Here are the conclusions.

  • The measurement instructions on the web site followed, I got the proper size, so it fits as it is supposed to.
  • There is no discomfort such as the burning balls, swollen foreskin, and bulging and pinched skin through the gaps that I experienced with the CB-XXXX.
  • There is no need to remove it for cleaning. When I shower I simply wash the little guy as usual, and all is clean. A hand-held shower spray does a fine job.
  • When urinating with the CB-XXXX standing up (in a public restroom) I always worried about dribbling onto my legs or onto the floor, since the project no longer had the “fire hose” attribute. With the PA-5000, things work as if I had the little guy free: straight out into the urinal, no dribble, no mess.
  • At home I always sit to urinate. Afterward I splash some water over the captive cock, and all is fresh and clean subsequently.
  • There is no pain due to nighttime erection. Sure, I had tremendous hard-ons with this device on, but there is no pain.
  • It does not feel like I am not wearing anything down there. It has weight, the tip of the little guy does not touch things as much as if it were free, and when I lie face down, such as in exercising, I need to manually move it to avoid trouble. Other than that, it is just a mild thrill to wear it. Of course, there is the mind-fuck that goes with it. There is no chance of masturbation, blowjob, or penetrating intercourse with it on. An orgasm is strictly one way, pointed away from me.

Day one

After her declaring that I will be in chastity while working on the bathroom, I tentatively suggested that we might have a better device than the CB-XXXX. She asked, and I explained what I had done. She told me to fetch it. We sat on the edge of the bed while she watched me put it on. She took the key to the embedded lock. I explained that there is no way to remove it without the key or breaking the device, and that I have not found a way to masturbate with it on. She said it looks good, and she wants to take some pictures. I suggested that the pictures would be more dramatic with my erection, but that erections have been scarce lately except during the nights. She said she could come up with one for the occasion.

I spent about two hours cleaning the bathroom, not that it was that filthy, but it is large, and has many thing in it, so it takes a lot of time. It is now several hours later, and I am happy that finally I can wear the device with her knowledge and request.

Day two

I have a large room in which I have gathered a fair amount of weight lifting equipment over the years. I usually work out at home. The last two weeks I have gone to a public place where they do physical therapy for rehabilitation and strengthening relevant parts of the body. I have had some back problems, so I followed a strict regimen of exercises under the supervision of the therapist in addition to my normal daily heavy duty weight lifting at home. There was no problem with the PA-5000, nevertheless, I was concerned. One exercise involved rolling face down over a huge exercise ball. When my encased cock was between me and the ball, I thought that the plastic device might break, and embarrass me by the pieces falling down my pant legs. It did not happen. The other concern was when the therapist was manually stretching my legs and indirectly putting weight on my crotch. I expected a “crunch” any second. That too, did not happen. Maybe I worry too much.

MW was awake when I was about to get out of bed this morning. She took off her shirt and displayed the world’s most beautiful pair of breasts. I already had a semi erection, and that helped to keep it alive. She began to tease my on-off buttons (sometimes referred to as tits) to create a magnificent albeit captive hard cock. She was regretful that she did not have her camera on hand. It so happens that mine was there from last night, so she took a couple of pictures. Alas, my erection began to subside due to the shift of her attention, and the pictures did not do it justice. I might publish some anyway.

She is still planning to brand my ass. I mentioned that the therapist usually applies a couple of patches to my butt as part of an electrical stimulation. Well, it stimulates me in other respects too. She is one of those women who look absolutely healthy. She is trim and feminine, but looks strong. Her wide hips are encased in jeans that appear is if painted on. She wears tight shirts to equally great advantage. If I were young and single I would try something.

Back to the patches, I mentioned the placement of such to MW, and pointed out that I would find it embarrassing to try to explain the brand on my butt. She said something about applying a band-aid to the fresh burn. A huge band-aid. We will see.