Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Not Much Happening

Coasting On Fumes

Not Much Is Happening in the FLR Sense. I don’t have anything significant to report, so I have kept silent to avoid boring you. Life is good. We are relatively healthy, our son’s home purchase and subsequent move are pending. We are helping people, relatives and friends. We have family gatherings here and there at least once a month that most of us enjoy.

My hard labor keeps me from getting a real job on account of I am dragging my ass when the work is over. Yes, maybe I could get a job doing some office work, of whatever nature. Damn! I thought that I was in good shape with respect to my investments. But as we all know, shit happens. I am not complaining. We are not exactly going hungry. Then again, it would be nice to have all the stuff that we expected at the end of the rainbow.

MW is mostly nice with occasional bitch-in-your-face. I can live with it. We go out to a restaurant about every three weeks when she gets desperate for a served meal. She keeps me going. I am maintaining the household fairly well, and help her in all the things that she does. She cooks excellent meals that we both enjoy. I don’t get enough sex, but then what man does?

I guess that covers it all: FLR, sex, food, and shelter, in that order. What else does a man need? Maybe you could even skip shelter. The bottom line is that she still has the last word, and that is how we both want it.

For your amusement I am including some pontification on the right of a man to stand up.

Real Men Do It Standing

My usual disclaimer: I am not bashing males. I have respect for males, being one myself. I am not a female supremacist, and I don’t believe that all males are inferior. Keep this in mind as you read the rest.

I have heard and read too many times women complaining about men leaving the toilet seat up. I will have something to say about this later, but for now, “Women, if a man can lift the lid, you can put it down. What the hell is the big deal?”

I also have heard and read men bitching about “having to sit” to pee for whatever reason: wearing a chastity device, too many piercings, too much jewelry, etc. The context is always like some formerly wonderful gift that he is forced to give up because of some trivial circumstance. Give me a f’n break!

You so-called men who are used to “stand up and piss” are holding on to your Neanderthal heritage. There is nothing sacred about standing while you piss, you egotistical testosterone driven simpletons! I will tell you what reality is, and pay attention, or I will kick your hairy asses!

Whoa! Excuse me, please. I can really get carried away with this.

All of you men, who think that you have a right to stand and piss in an indoor toilet, listen! Leaving the lid up is just a symptom of your preoccupation with your early inadequate training. You think that your cock, given to you by your mother, entitles you to do certain things. You are wrong. It does not. You are no different from your female siblings who are smart enough to sit to avoid spilling stuff on the floor and splattering onto the walls like you do. The only difference for this purpose is the shape of the orifice. So, get over it!

If you are still with me, you may not be as misguided as many men are. I will explain all of this.

While living in my parents' home I was never offended by the smells in our bathrooms, because my mother kept everything clean. Then I was married, and the situation was the same. My wife did the cleaning, so I was never offended. On one day, my wife and I visited some people. I needed to use the toilet, so I entered the only bathroom in their tiny home. Not disparaging the accommodations, just commenting on the maintenance: there was a smell of urine around the toilet. I guessed how that came about: it was not because the female resident spilled her urine on the wall and the floor while standing up to urinate.

I don’t remember whether it was this episode or something earlier, but I know that after that I had a resolve to sit on the toilet when I urinate. It had nothing to do with being a sissy, being submissive, or being a dominated male. It just made sense. At that point I realized that somebody had to wash the outside of the toilet, the wall, and the floor regularly to keep it clean and to keep it from the offensive smell that males using the toilet deposit. It is not a “male” thing, as such. Female urine is just as offensive in this context. It is the lack of respect for the person who does the cleaning that really pissed me off, to use a pun. I was not one to perpetuate that primitive custom.

At that time, and during subsequent years, my wife was a “housewife” and we were making babies regularly. As my boys became aware of proper custom, I showed them to sit on the toilet while urinating. As profound as this may be, the education took. I doubt that they felt sissified or inadequate as a result of this request from me. They realized what was involved, and gladly complied. It was only after we had male visitors in the house that the floor and the walls had to be scrubbed around the toilet.

Later on I took charge of cleaning bathrooms, and I am still doing that. My wife is spared the chore because I am her servant in this respect. Given that, I resent the hell out of any male who stands at my toilet and marks the area. Leaving the lid up is a symptom, a lack of respect for the person who wants to sit on it, and the one who has to clean it.

So, any of you men, who still feel Neanderthal about having to stand and piss, do it outdoors. If you are not smart enough to know this, remember to turn your back to the wind. Otherwise, you should be made to clean the bathrooms regularly. You should also make your male children to do the same. Why? Because you make the mess!

I admit that I will do it standing up in a public restroom where a urinal is available, that is unless I am wearing some chastity contraption that would cause serious spillage. Considering the condition of some of these restrooms I very much symphatize with people who must always sit to pee.

Monday, March 17, 2008

A Salute to Ms Rika

About Ms Rika

A year or so ago I sent a link to my wife. I guess that MW became interested, for that is when she created my ID for Ms Rika's Site’s “forum”. Subsequent to this, MW was also the creator of my blog so that I can share some of our life with those who are enlightened.

What I find most interesting is what MW said later, “Rika changed my life.”

The meaning of MW’s words need explanation for those who don’t know our background. I have mentioned some of this in my posts, but will summarize it here.

I have had a need to serve women as long as I remember. Earlier in our marriage we talked about it, and from time to time my dear wife agreed to act the part of a strict female. The scenarios were harmless and fun, but unsatisfying for both of us. I did not get what I really wanted, which was to truly serve my lovely wife. She did not feel strict or powerful because it was not her nature. Even in play we just could not get serious about it.

Early View of Female Domination

I ran across an old copy of a magazine, “Assertive Women, March 1998”. Well all right, I bought it way back then. There was not much of quality publication back in those dark ages, and this was a semi-reasonable treatment of man’s addiction to serving women. The so-called “Letters From Readers” to the in-house assertive expert, Alexa, seemed reasonable although contrived. Here is a picture from the magazine.

I don’t think that the magazine exists any more, at least, I could not find any mention of it on the web. Since I no longer frequent porno shops, I can’t say whether or not the magazine is still sold. There is no record of the identity of the photographer, so I could not get permission. Given that, I make an exception of using some other person’s work to illustrate my point.
While I have nothing against anyone liking the scenario in this photo, I find it ridiculous. I find the whole Idea of females doing this very commercial. I think that afterward they go home and take a very long hot shower to distance themselves from the whole idea. They are not being dominant. They are being used. This is totally against FLR.

Back then, MW’s understanding of domination was that she needed the paraphernalia of a stylized dominatrix: rubber, plastic, leather, metal, whip, etc., including humiliation of the man. I, on the other hand, did not need or want much of that. What I really wanted was an emotional and spiritual domination by a woman. That is the kind of domination that one cannot buy from a professional. Sure, I could have my ass whipped, be forced to kiss her boots, be naked while she is dressed. All that may have been sexy and powerful, but truly, it would not have been a long-term solution to my needs. We were both immature in our assessment of this lifestyle.

We evolved over the years, but MW apparently had not seriously accepted the premise that a woman need not be mean, need not perform for her man, and need not go to a lot of trouble to satisfy her man’s fantasy.

And then I ran across Rika’s site, and the rest is history.

Uniquely Rika

I did buy her book, “Uniquely Rika.” I have not read it, because my understanding was that MW would read it first, and then she would say whether or not I should. She is still working on it, and I am next in line if she decides so. I am really looking forward to reading the book, but will go along with her decision. I have posted the title in the sidebar of my blog. It is the only book there that I have not (yet) read. But I trust Rika enough to do this.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Men In Panties

I was reading Mistress Kathy's blog the other day. If you are not familiar with her, and are interested in FLR, you must visit her blog. She is great. The topic of conversation followed her posting Random Thoughts On A Saturday Morning, and subsequent Men in Panties. I was going to add my two-cent’s worth, but then I started thinking that ranting on another person’s blog is inappropriate, yet I needed to elaborate on how I see things. So here I am.

It takes two to have a relationship, whatever works. Please don’t think that I am disparaging anyone as I say the following. I don’t get anything out of wearing panties in general unless it is used under special circumstances (see below). I have put on one of my wife's panties once when we were newly married. It was supposed to be funny. As for a man being humiliated by wearing panties, I don’t see the reason for humiliation, unless the man is one of those macho jerks who think that females are inferior. To me, panties are lovely feminine items with all positive connotations.

Aside from not wanting to wear panties (I don’t want to wear male underwear either), my wife’s beautiful underwear have an effect on me because I know where they have been, and that they contained that wonderful female anatomy which is the center of my being. I love to hand wash them and lay them out for her to wear again. Once in a while she had removed her panties and pulled them over my head while we were in a femdom sex play. One of my favorite wishes is that she uses it as a gag to keep me from being too loud when things get a little rambunctious.

Reading some of the blogs and the readers’ comments I think that there are more men who like to wear panties because they provide a link to the loveliness of a female which they, themselves, are unable to match or provide. I think that the humiliation aspect is less common, and may be misplaced, as in, “not having thought through.”

I realize that a teenage boy or a man being seen in panties in a locker room could have cause for embarrassment or humiliation. There are reasons for that. Some men think of women as sex objects, and have no respect for them as persons. Therefore, any man wearing panties is a sissy which is usually the derogatory term for a female. The other source of embarrassment is more basic to me. As open as I am in this venue, I don’t want to share any of these thoughts with people whom I know or whom I casually meet. Thus, if I were to have a fetish, and wearing panties may be considered such, I would want to keep it private. Even though the fetish or any such odd custom is benign, I would not want to burden another person with the knowledge. Then there is the potential for the unenlightened to try to take advantage of it.

In that sense a man wearing panties could be humiliating. As for my mistress forcing me to wear panties, or anything for that matter, while I am doing housework, I don’t see the humiliation aspect. Between her and me, she can do anything to me, including the wearing of female clothes. I may feel silly doing some of the things, but it would just add to my appreciation of the attention that she gives to me.

You can probably tell that I have been struggling with the justification of what is called “sissy” or “to sissify”. On the one hand, any man can be called a sissy, and everyone would know what it means: weak, unreliable, pantywaist, effeminate, etc.. On the other hand, some of these adjectives are related only by a far stretch of justification.

For example, a woman can be a “pantywaist” and that is all right since women generally wear panties. A man being called that is not all right, because he is supposed to have a cock and balls, and they don’t go with panties.

The other thing that is odd about the above list is that “weak” and “unreliable” are in the same context with “effeminate” which is another word for feminine. Generally that is not implied when talking about a female. A woman can be, and should be considered feminine, but there is no implication that she is by nature weak or unreliable. However, if a man is considered feminine, then ….

So you see my problem with all of this. I like to call a spade a “spade,” not “an implement used for moving crap.” Nothing seems to fit here.

So let’s decide once and for all, and begin to use the proper terms. Is a man wearing panties, or any female clothes, a sissy? Is a sissy a “pussy”, a wimp, an unreliable male with female characteristics? Are females endowed with such negative image that they can be used to present a man in a derogatory way?

Or is a man wearing panties trying to mimic the wonderful aura of a female, and is trying to do tribute to the beauty, softness, caring, sexy gender for whom he would give his life?

Or is it something between the two? But be careful of your attempt at justification of your answer. Be precise.

In my (less than humble) opinion a man wearing anything feminine is no worse or different than a woman wearing anything masculine. If it is done for deception, as by male or female transvestites, I still try to keep an open mind about it. I know that at some point the ruse will fail, and they will have to deal with it. If the purpose was for fun, and nobody was hurt, then I think that it is great. If it was done only for the joy of it, it is even better. I don't want to do it. If I tried, I would make a very unattractive "female." I just don't see the problem with it or with the humiliation aspect.

Friday, March 14, 2008

Just a Thought

I appreciate your participation in the "How Did Your FLR Begin" poll. I am still curious to see how it will turn out.

I did notice, that as of today, there has been one voter who checked the "Began as FLR" box. I hope that there will be more.

By the way, if you are one who has checked this option, I am sure that we all would love to read your story. As I said, it is every submissive man's dream. You are welcome to write it as a comment on any of these posts.

Hanging In There

Those of you who have been reading my blog know that I am very much an advocate of “tease and denial” in sex play. MW and I communicate freely on the subject of sex. She knows my kinks better than I do. She is also very supportive of this particular kink, that is, she has denial perfected. However, she still needs to work on the tease part.

We have not been doing much lately in the sex department. She had me in the CB2000 on and off, but that is as far as things went. Which is why I have not been bragging about the fantastic sex scenes that we create occasionally.

We are still working on some version of the “real estate project” that she began to advocate a couple of months ago. The somewhat altered but still desired outcome of this project will be that our son and SO will be moving out upon fruition of MW’s efforts, thus leaving us to do more kinky stuff without observers. For example, that upper story deck that I repaired (see Free Fall) is now open for enjoyment. We have a grand view of one of the most famous mountains in the USA, just a half-mile away. We can sit there in the early morning hours sipping coffee, or in the late evening sipping mint julep. There is one aspect of limitation: we can be seen by those below us in the neighborhood. Even though the homesteads are sparse, binoculars have been known to be used for peeping on neighbors. I have suggested to MW to put an opaque or translucent curtain on the rail to prevent direct observation of my sexy physique below the waist. The neighbors and passers by already know that I am mostly naked most of the time. They see me outside in work boots and short pants. The pants are used only to avoid being arrested and jailed for indecent exposure.

I am still doing hard labor, although not as much of it as I used to do in my younger days. Somehow fatigue sets in after climbing the scaffold to the top (about twenty-five feet) each time I need another tool or some material to complete the task. A few hours of that gives me a hint to quit the sweaty job for the nonce, take a shower, pour a glass of wine, and feel like I have accomplished something good. Of course, I feel guilty for my bailing out early. Still, life is there to enjoy as long as we are around, so why the hell waste it on nothing but drudgery?

Post Script

I wrote the above early in the morning while MW was still asleep. At some point I felt the summoning effect of the signaling device, and went to see her. She was ready for my company and my fresh coffee. In a few minutes the coffee and company were provided. We talked for an hour or so. As usual, I maintained an erection and the thought, “It would be nice to snuggle up to her and feel those wonderful female curves under my fingers, and smell the clean feminine scent of her skin and more private parts.”

At about the time we usually break and talk about making breakfast she noticed the not so little guy, and commented, “It would be a shame to waste that….”

It did not take me long to be alongside her and living my earlier thoughts. Oh my! She was truly generous to me. Time to reset the DWO counter to zero.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Poster Couple for FLR Part 6 - What if We Give Up on FLR?

I have posted some pontification on this subject five times before. This is the last installment. “Oh what a relief!” you may say. Here is what I have covered already:

  1. I Have Given to Her the Authority over Me
  2. She is the De-facto leader
  3. She Is not Expected to Do or not Do what I Require
  4. She Has the Last Word
  5. She Is not Expected to Give me a Life of My Fantasy

My last subject deals with the unthinkable: “What if we give Up on FLR?”

There is always the possibility that one or both of us must do so. I can think of some scenarios, none pleasant or taken by choice. I could see the situation occurring as an imposition by a third party, rather than one of us saying, “I don’t want to do this any more.”

As I said, I am an alpha male of sorts. Not the arrogant bastard who will have his way at all cost, more like the guy who will simply have his way eventually. In our marriage of earlier years I used to be really hard assed about getting things done and mostly doing it my way. What lead us into an FLR, is that at some point I decided that my way is causing a lot of strife, and it was driving us apart. I decided that there would not be anything wrong with just letting her do what she wants for a while. I did, and she did.

Glory be! Our marriage did not disintegrate, our family is as strong as ever, she has more fun and less anguish, and I have on occasion lived my fantasy. She is not burdened with satisfying my craving in any way. I think that I am a nice guy. Even if we were to give up this FLR officially, I still would do what I do now: earn a living, maintain the house in all respects, clean the house, wash the dishes, take care of pets, etc. And when she wishes, I give her all the pleasure that she can take. So, in a sense I am giving her all of this whether or not she is the leader.

Then you might say, “If you are already willing to give her all of this, then exiting this FLR will not change anything.”

That is almost true. In an FLR she has the last word. She can decide on anything and I will abide by it. That may be what she would lose if she backed out. Once we are not in an FLR because one or the other broke the covenant, this rule would no longer be binding. I am not really sure though … over the years I have learned to give and to give in just for harmony and out of love. Let’s take a sidetrack here.

We married with great expectations, willing to love, honor, skip the obey part, and raise a family. From day one nobody obeyed anybody. Yes, there was all the other stuff, but the obey part just did not happen. Looking through my jaundiced contact lenses I don’t think that I really expected her to obey, as in, “Now see here, woman. You will do as I say!” Neither did I see myself obeying her commands, since she was not that way.

We survived, and about ten or so years ago, we slowly began to ease into an FLR, although the term had not yet been invented then. The FLR became imposed on our marriage in an insidious way at first.

Don’t think that all is rosy here. I will act like an ass from time to time. She will have an occasional meltdown. Several hours in a day can be ruined by either of us. But we have learned. Several months ago we had such an occasion, and I thought that our FLR was over. The resolution was, that I no longer have an option of backing out of this FLR. She is wiser than me on this subject, and we reinforced her position in this respect: only she has the option to back out. I think that the way it is now, my ass would hurt in a bad way for a while if I tried. Yes, I know that some of you men think this is just what you want, but it is not really about what I want. It is about what is best for MW, because if it is good for her, it is good for me.

To re-emphasize the theme of this post, I will say this:

  • I am committed to her, to our marriage, to our life. She is a good person whom I trust and respect. She is the mother of our children. I chose her to be my wife, and that is not a decision to undo because I am angry from time to time.
  • I cannot, and would not abandon a person (her) who relies on me for love, support, and sex, given the above declaration.
  • Our relationship may change over time, but my loyalty is unfailing. My wife need not worry about my withdrawing my support.
  • FLR is a wonderful superposition on an already successful relationship. If or when FLR goes away, it need not destroy the underlying relationship.

If we revert to vanilla for whatever reason, none of the above will change. That is how I see my Female Led Relationship.

Monday, March 10, 2008

How Did Your FLR Begin?

I have been advocating a position which claims that FLRs don’t begin, rather, they are imposed on an already active relationship. I will explain.

Every single submissive man’s dream is to find a woman who will take him as a love slave. If that were to fail, the next best would be to share a life with a woman in an FLR.

Some of you may have been lucky enough to have stumbled onto one or the other. Most of us, and my guess is around 98 percent (to be revised based on the poll that I posted), already had a relationship on which FLR was imposed or assumed. Here is the poll (see the sidebar):

  1. You are male
  2. You are female
  3. Began as FLR
  4. Began as Vanilla
  5. Advocated by male
  6. Advocated by female
  7. Currently in FLR
  8. Not in FLR But wish to be

To participate, You pick 1 or 2 in order to identify your gender. This does not affect the outcome, but gives us a perspective. Next, choose 3 or 4 depending on how your relationship began. Finally, choose 5 or 6 depending on whose idea it was, or who was pursuing it most.

Say, you are a woman, and you have always felt in control. You meet a very nice but shy man with many qualities you like. He obviously needs education in how to serve you. You would choose 2,3,6.

A more common scenario is that you are a man, you married your sweetheart who is the perfect woman you will ever want. Then when the honeymoon is over, you revert to your needs of serving a woman. She is not too keen on the idea, but you are still in the race. In this case you would choose 1,4,5.

And so on. Does anyone care to predict the outcome? They are the following:

  • Most common starting position (FLR or Vanilla)
  • Most common gender advocating the FLR relationship (Male or Female)

My prediction is this:

Most common starting position is Vanilla (about 98%)
Most common gender advocating FLR is Male (about 98%)

Please vote, and prove me wrong. I will keep the poll open for a long time, since the issue here is not timely.

About the last two questions, they are just for fun. If you are in an FLR, or were in one but you are between FLRs, please pick 7 (in addition to having picked some above). You may also pick 8 in addition to 7. Those of you who have never been in an FLR but want to be, please skip 1 through 7, and indicate this by picking 8 only.

Sunday, March 9, 2008

Seduction of the Innocent

We have been reading notorious headlines and following stories of “young boys” or “young girls” seduced by their teachers. The problem I have with these major headline issues is that a male teacher seducing a female student is essentially up the creek without a paddle, whereas, a similar situation but with reverse gender is allowed to just fade. As for the prosecution of the cases, should they take place universally and automatically?

Ask any fourteen or older boy whether he would like to be seduced by a twenty-five to thirty-five year old female, and he will have an instant orgasm before he gets a chance to blurt, “F’n a-right, man!” I realize that boys that young, even going on thirty-five, still don’t have their mind sufficiently mature to distinguish between committed love and pure lust. It’s just that I know how horny and ready they are. Let me demonstrate.

I was fourteen going on fifteen when my family and I moved to a new town as I was about to start eight grade. I did not know anybody in town or in school. I liked sciences, so I immediately fell into deep appreciation of the curriculum in chemistry and physics. The teacher was a woman of about thirty, average looks, intelligent, and compassionate. She had a male friend about the same age whom I disliked. She realized my appreciation of science and dedication to learning as I participated in laboratory classes and after school discussions and demonstrations of our learning.

Some of my classmates were not as well adapted to science, and were in need of help. My teacher, let’s call her Golden Woman, offered a solution to their difficulty: I was to tutor them in turn for a fair pay for my time. She set it up, and all was well.

I had a good relationship with my mother, and she approved my involvement in tutoring. In a short time Golden Woman and my mother became friends. During this time I began to visit Golden Woman in the adjacent city where she lived. First it was official, then it was educational, and soon it became fraternal. For several months she and I spent many Sunday afternoons at libraries, museums, historical places, theatres, etc.

During this time we took a trip to the country to my place of early youth to visit a dear relative. My aunt seemed to dislike my relationship with my teacher, and she let me and my mother know her feelings. I think that she was wise, but I did not see it that way at the time. On the way back to our home during the train ride Golden Woman and I talked as we could for hours. I chose to tell a joke that hinted of sex. We both laughed, and did no more.

Subsequent to the trip we went to movies where there was relative privacy for a couple to be near. Those were the first times when I experienced the wonderful softness of her female thighs. We did not do more than that. On a couple of occasions we became innocently intimate. In her apartment that she shared with her parents I carried her in my arms from one room to another as part of the fun. Once I lay on the sofa as she put her thigh across my chest. I tried hard to reach her private parts with my mouth, alas, I was too subtle, and she was too shy. She did manage to mistreat my tits then, and on other occasions. I loved it. I wished then and later that I had had the nerve to just worship her orally. It did not happen.

At one point we were sitting on the living room sofa embracing innocently when her father came out of his bedroom and saw us. He turned around silently and went back into the bedroom. We did not have enough privacy to get anywhere. On subsequent outings we did some kissing and fondling, but that is as far as things went. Regrettably the affair was terminated due to a major upheaval in my environment. I lost touch with her after that.

I don’t think that I was hurt by this affair. I could have had full sexual gratification from her, and I would have appreciated it then. Even now I regret that it did not take place.

I am not suggesting that a boy should be seduced in this manner by a female. However, in my case, I experienced nothing but joy and love at the hand of a wonderful female. If you think that I am a biased judge of the affair, ask my Mistress Wife at http://mistressusan.blogspot.com/ about that. Ask her whether she thinks that this has hurt me or helped me to love women.

I am very protective of females in general, so I will say that it is not OK for a male teacher to seduce a female student. The issues are certainly different, and I remember how I would have reacted had my daughter been treated that way. I also disapprove of teen-age girls having sex with boys of similar age, at least while they are young enough to be under their parents care.

It is different with boys. The argument against teen-age boys having sex with an older woman is, “These boys are not mature enough to decide for themselves.” I agree. Neither are they mature enough to make the decision to have sex with their girlfriends. Yet they have their furtive sex in cars, in semi-private unsafe places, and build guilt upon guilt. They get their girlfriends pregnant, contact STD, and take chances on being physically harmed by people who disapprove.

In contrast, some boys having sex with an older woman seems harmless. The woman can provide a safe environment and gentle, guilt free sex with no strings attached. This seems more like an early education that would benefit the boy and his subsequent female partners later in life. She should not be automatically prosecuted under these circumstances.

Friday, March 7, 2008

Emphasis Is on Sex

My assertion is that sex is more of a motivator for men, or women who have masculine tendencies, than for women in general. This means that an entire relationship is likely to be based on sex with strong D/S emphasis for men and masculine women.

I must admit that much of my opinion on relationships and sex is based on what I have read of and by the participants. Aside from my own relationships in my marriage and on the job, I don’t get detailed insight into how two people conduct their daily lives. I get “peeps” as if through a narrow window, and may form instant opinion that could be absolutely wrong.

On the other hand, a lot can be discerned from readers’ comments that are likely more authentic and realistic than blogs themselves in general. The reason is that a blog can range from reality to fiction, and it is hard or impossible to tell for sure, whereas comments are elicited responses to stimuli, like closing one’s eyes against a sudden strong light. Given that assumption I can rely on statistics of certain attitudes in the comments on a blog. This does not mean that I dismiss what I read in blogs themselves, or in stories for that matter. It simply means more reliance on the sincerity of some information versus another.

Now that I have almost dug myself into a hole of obscurity I will go on with my point. As usual, my central theme is sex. For classification purposes I will identify D/S relationships as: male/female (m/f), female/male (f/m), male/male (m/m) and female/female (f/f). I am excluding vanilla relationships regardless of in which category they belong, because on this forum we are dealing with a stronger ratio of dominance scale (see Pontification #2: Relationships).

As usual, I want to present my disclaimer. I am not bashing any style of relationship. In specific, I know that there are successful and loving homosexual relationships with normal and productive partners. This time I choose to skip discussing vanilla relationships of any style.

Female/Male Relationship

We have already established that most FLRs are instigated, started, and their momentum maintained by men. It is only when in this budding FLR the woman has a revelation. She realizes that she can have it any way she wants, and she really becomes involved to the extent of wanting to maintain it. There are exceptions, such as when the woman starts the relationship. Although I find this intriguing, and a lot more interesting, I will not say much about this narrow segment of population for now.

With the above observation I remind you of the other observation that I have covered already in “It's All About Sex,” It is indeed all about sex, but not to the woman. It is to the man. The rest is what I would call “fringe benefits” for both.

If you bother to dig a bit, you will see that, unlike a budding FLR, a successful FLR belongs in the f/m category. The keyword is successful. Although sex is the basic driving force for the man, the woman may or may not feel as strongly about it. She may feel as strong, or stronger, about the other aspects. She may like the power, the freedom, the lack of involvement with daily drudgery, so she will support the relationship. The man still wants to be dominated in the bedroom, living room, closet, garage, etc., but in a sexual way. Even her saying, “Fetch me a drink,” is interpreted by him as a sex act. He can tell because it gives him an erection, especially when other females are present.

The bottom line on this is that the woman is not generally walking around with a hard on, and sex is not utmost on her mind. She may demonstrate her position by blatant dominance that does not need to include sex. She sees the world in a different way than the man who wants to serve her. This is the only category of relationships in D/S where sex is not the prime directive, but an elective fringe benefit.

Male/Female Relationship

I have read novels of this genre, and done a little reading of blogs. As much as I like D/S stories whether fictional or real, I seldom like to see a woman being submissive to a man. This is especially true when the relationship involves corporal discipline. There was one exception of a novel, called, “Patsy Pendleton.” It gave me a number of drippy erections, and I actually liked the story because in it the good guys won, and the bad guys got their due in time. But even with that, I sort of imagined myself in her place all along.

The few blogs that I perused where the female is submissive present the relationship as sexual above all. This is true whether given from the female or male perspective. I assume that this is true because it is the man who drives the relationship, and sex with domination is the number one priority.

In a m/f situation the male is the dominant over the female. We all know what is on his mind. The female happens to need the domination by the male, so she goes with whatever he wants to an agreed upon degree. Issues such as vacuuming, laundry, toilet cleaning, etc., are seldom discussed, and are often irrelevant (contrast this with a successful FLR). In most cases we don’t have an idea who does them. Sex is always there, with the exception of when the participants are ill or dealing with Income Tax. Expect the man to have a constant erection, and the woman feels like a failure if he lets up on his attention to her.

Female/Female Relationship

I have very little exposure to this, since I don’t frequent Lesbian blogs. I have read some short stories and novels that I found arousing. This is because I love females so much. I can’t think of much that any female would do which I would find unattractive.

Based on my limited view I will state that this relationship is also more about sex than not. As a start, one of the partners would be more masculine, and tend to be the dominant. Being sexually charged that way goes without saying. That does not mean that the submissive partner has no sex on her mind, just that she is not the one dictating the style.

One could pervert the issue claiming, “This could be an FLR where the more feminine partner is actually in charge, and the masculine partner plays the role of the submissive male.” Fine. Sex is still the primary issue. Without the sex the relationship is vanilla but lacks the prime human directive of reproduction. You already know my opinion of the 50-50 relationships (see Pontification #2: Relationships and Why FLRs Are Successful).

Male/Male Relationship

I have read very little about this. For one, I am only mildly interested, and there is not enough time in a day. For another, I can tolerate only so much testosterone-bloated sexual scenes before I get bored. This D/S relationship never seems to go past oral or penetrating sex with some whipping thrown in. Everything else seems to be incidental. In other relationships there are issues of real life: family, children, working, politics, religion, health, etc. In this there is only sex and D/S. Even when something real is brought in, it circles back to the main topic.

Another issue is about male homosexual pornography. To me it is a great turn-off. When I see pictures of stylized males in leather and metal harnesses, military gear, Gestapo-style caps, bulging muscles, etc., I hasten past them. You might ask how I end up seeing these, well, you know, sometimes Internet links and titles are misleading. The result is like walking on the lawn after dark: you will step in it.

I know pornography has its place, but it seems to overload one’s senses with its blatantly stylized visual quality. If I ever had thoughts of joining in a m/m liaison, I would be scared off by these portrayals of supposed mainstream relationships. Which supports my claim that it is all about sex.

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

My First Real Domination

I have always been interested in novels short stories, and letters in certain magazines, whose subject was the domination of a male. Over the years I have collected many such publications, and read and re-read them all. My wife knew of my kink, and may have considered it strictly a sexual orientation. We played with it once or twice, but it never went further than that.

After having produced our optimal number of children, she and I discussed the possibility of my undergoing vasectomy. It was a logical choice between that and her having the analogous procedure, since vasectomy was a minor outpatient surgery, and likely to be reversible. But I had another reason. In my readings of mail into sleazy magazines many such pieces dealt with forced castration, forced chastity, forced servitude, mostly kinky fantasies posed as if they were real. After our discussion of this surgical procedure on me I imagined my wife making an appointment for me at the clinic and driving me there. In a semi-private examination room she would introduce me to a female doctor who was to do the operation. I was told to undress and lie on the examination table…. You know how the rest of it was supposed to go. No, not castration, vasectomy!

It was in this background when I had to have my annual checkup in order to qualify for a medical group insurance. My wife did make the appointment, but the rest of the subsequent events deviated from my fantasy to a certain extent. For example, there was not to be a vasectomy this time.

I arrived at the appointed time, and waited with all the sick people in the waiting room. When the female nurse/assistant summoned me, I watched her shapely ass as she lead me down the hall into an examination room. She left me with the words, “Your doctor’s assistant will be with you shortly.”

Some minutes later after a knock on the closed door a young woman walked in and introduced herself, “Hi, I’m Delilah, physician’s assistant. I will be giving your physical this time.”

I invented this name replace the real one in order to protect her privacy. She was not what I would call exactly my type, namely, she was not as generously endowed as my wife. Still, she was attractive. She reminded me of a sleek healthy animal: muscular and lean with just the right amount of fat to give her femininity. My recent memory of the vasectomy fantasy kicked in and I felt a little strange because of the sudden potential for fantasy meeting reality.

She took notes as we both sat and I was answering her questions. After the interview she asked me to remove my shirt so that she can listen to all those gurgly internal sounds.

I was a few years older than she, but I was in good shape besides being handsome and charming. OK, at least I thought so. I removed the shirt and she did the listening, front and back. In the chilly air-conditioned room I felt the heat of her body on my chest. I smelled her clean breath. Her faint scent of a perfume lingered around me. I had a feeling that I was making too much of all that, but I just relaxed and enjoyed the moment anyway.

At this point I may be disappointing you for not providing the details. Suffice it to say that within the subsequent few minutes she had me walking between two walls of the room as she sat on a stool a few feet away watching me. I was in my natural state, not even a stitch on. All of this was professionally executed, not even a hint of a come-on, sex, or such. Still, somehow she had me undress without a protest one article of clothing at a time. She had a presence that did not need threats or promises. I also admit that the little guy behaved admirably. He was stirring, but did not betray my emotions.

When she was done with the medical examination she left smiling. I was left with the feeling that I did not, and I still don’t know how she did this. I related this to MW at some point, and she seemed amused by it.

I thank “Delilah” for a wonderful memory of my first domination by a female. She did suggest that I begin jogging to strenghten my heart at “my age.” I did start the next day.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Fantasy in Love

Most of the comments on FLR blogs are by men, so I really appreciate it when a woman is interested enough to comment on my blog. A reader made a comment, that “…it is rather disrespectful of your wife to go into fantasy during sex…” I think the meaning was that “I was being disrespectful.” First I want to point out that I am not berating anybody if they happen to have differing opinions on philosophical subjects. Difference of opinion is where all the fun is in conversation. If everybody thinks and feels the same way, then anything to be said would be like repeating a mantra in unison. Under those circumstances nothing really needs to be said. That is why I like to discuss, even argue, sex, politics, and religion, because they bring out the different views. However, I will steer away from politics and religion in this context. Of course, that leaves only sex as the main subject.

I have mixed feelings about fantasies being disrespectful of one's partner. On the one hand, if I were consistently fantasizing about another woman while making love with my wife, I would tend to agree that it might be disrespectful. On the other hand, one's mind is the only safe place left where one does no harm to another person or to self, does not contact diseases, requires no tools or equipment, and there is no mess to clean up afterward. I would hesitate to take that away from a person regardless of his position in power.

This being a philosophical argument, one not based on logic, there is no right or wrong. Therefore, it is entirely up to the individuals involved to form the conclusion on whether or not it is disrespectful. But I have a more compelling argument. Unless FLR was imposed on me against my will, most of it is based on fantasy. It was my fantasy that flamed my needs while reading novels of dominance and submission. It was my fantasy that involved my wife to the extent that she went along with being the dominant in our marriage. It was my fantasy that provided the details, which eventually became routine in our relationship. It is my fantasy that still drives my actions to improve my service while thinking what I will earn in return. Some of these were part of my fantasy but are now reality. Those that are still fantasy may have a chance at becoming real. In addition to the above, I may have fantasies occasionally that are either un-achievable or unlikely to occur, yet I don’t want to dismiss them because they are a safe escape from the bounds of reality.

Fantasy is boundless. There are no budgetary, technological, or legal limitations. There is one exception. I am sure that most of us have limits based on our moral code. As an example, it would not occur to me to kill or even seriously hurt a human or an animal as part of my sexual fantasy. However, we can, and do things that we would never do in real life. I see fantasy as a healthful use of a safety valve by itself or during some very private sexual experience. It promotes pleasure and enhances the onset, duration, and intensity of some experiences that are shared with a partner.

I don’t keep my fantasies secret from MW. In fact, it has been to my benefit to share with her any thoughts that I have had during sex. The reason is that the more she knows about what turns me on, the easier it is for her to make it happen or to prevent it, depending on her purpose at the time. I am more at her mercy than I would be if I had not shared my fantasy. An example is what I brought up in Poster Couple for FLR - Part 5, “…I have thought of MW expecting me to clean up after myself regardless of how I orgasm….” What she has done from time to time is to talk to me about how she will make me do this. She knows that under the circumstances I will find that a tremendous turn-on. Of course, she does not often actually carry out the plan after the session is over. Just often enough to tantalize.

I asked her this morning, “Do you mind my having a fantasy while we are making love?”

She used a metaphor the equivalent of, “I don’t mind. Whatever it takes to get you off.”

When I asked her whether she fantasizes during sex, she said, “Yes.” But she was not willing to share her fantasy with me during or after the situation. This clicks with her being in charge when it comes to sex. She can tell me what to do, and how to do it, so that all I need to remember is to execute the plan to maximize her pleasure. By doing that my pleasure is also served to the maximum extent possible. I don’t need to fantasize during this time, and I feel no disrespect knowing that she is living a fantasy.

There is another area where it is difficult to “not have” fantasies. It is where we can’t have something, or can’t experience a situation, but we find it compelling. I am not giving away secrets here. I just want to illustrate a typical male preoccupation with this matter. Assume that a man is in a heterosexual relationship, and is getting plenty of sex. Suppose he has always wondered about how he would like a homosexual relationship, but he will never try it willingly. This man is an obvious candidate for a fantasy where his female partner may or may not be in it. One can dream up a million scenarios that he can use alone or in the company of his partner. Whether or not he talks about this fantasy should not make a difference. I don’t see how this would diminish a good heterosexual relationship.

Monday, March 3, 2008

End of Poll on "Is http://strictlyfemale.blogspot.com/ fake?"

Thank you all who participated in the poll. The number of participants was not large enough to really do it justice, but it is still somewhat successful. I decided to not renew the poll because of the closing of the blog in question. New viewers, those who had not seen it before it went private, can't make a decision unless they can get in. I tried today, and the blog appears extinct.

Hm. I wonder what that means. Will it come back under a different name and style? I guess the question is moot. Here is what we had as a way of responses:

Is http://strictlyfemale.blogspot.com/ fake?

Yes: 8 (42%)

No : 4 (21%)

Maybe, but I wish I were the man! : 4 (21%)

Maybe, but I wish I were the woman! : 0 (0%)
I am a woman 6 (31%)

Votes so far: 19 Poll closed

It is too bad that the person who ran the blog decided to just bail out. We meant no harm, and we would have gone along with even a good fake, had she(?) decided to continue.

Sunday, March 2, 2008

Poster Couple for FLR Part 5 - She Is not Expected to Give me a Life of My Fantasy

Fantasy drives ecstasy. Any of us having sex of any kind will admit to having some kind of thoughts that are not necessarily coincident with the person, situation, frame of mind, scenario, etc., with which we are dealing at the moment. For example, I have thought of MW expecting me to clean up after myself regardless of how I orgasm.

“What’s wrong with that? You say. Nothing. Except that she is not that way. I am fantasizing while having an intimate experience with her. This helps me to get where I will eventually arrive. Contrast this with my trying to convince her that forcing me to clean up after myself every time is really part of FLR, and that I fully expect her to do it, otherwise I am not really serving her. Note the words, “forcing, expect, and serving”. There is nothing in there that benefits her, but a lot about my expectation of pleasure. Yes, I would love all that, and no, I won't have it unless she gives it to me.

This is where most attempts at FLR fail. It is because the whole thing is for the man to get what he craves, and the woman to give it to him. The concept is fraught with holes in several ways, and I may go into that some other time. For now let us say that
  • I would love to be her “love slave” in and out of the bedroom
  • I would love to be mistreated by her in some erotic way much of the time
  • I would love to be in some stylized role acting situation often
  • I would love to have infinite number of orgasms at her hands, yet remain extremely horny all the time.
  • Etc.

But none of that is what my concept of FLR is. All of the above is great if I can have it. My real fantasy (I know, it is an oxymoron) is that I can fulfill my position of serving her, and that she is happy with my service. However she demonstrates her happiness, satisfaction, or dissatisfaction is up to her, and I am happy with that. Yes, I need and would love to have more sex in any fashion, but lack of my momentary satisfaction must not get in the way of our covenant.

I will be dissatisfied from time to time thinking that we could do more of “this and that”. Surely we will, if or when she decides to do so. I try to keep in mind that this whole thing was my idea imposed on her. I like to be kind, so giving her more responsibility without her asking for it is not what I do.

Saturday, March 1, 2008

Keeping UP with the CB2000

My son’s SO has some daughters who are between apartments, and are staying in the house temporarily. This dampens MW’s enthusiasm in displaying much noisy D/S that could possibly result in vocal appreciation on my part. The other intrusion is that even when indoors I still need to be dressed as any normal civilized person. My guess is that MW does not want to share the view of me wearing the CB2000.

So, it was with some enthusiasm when she announced, “There is no reason why you should be wearing clothes,” shortly after noon. “Yes everybody is gone.”

I dropped all of my clothes on the spot, and returned to working on our income tax again. Having seen the preview, I was a little unhappy about state of our financial affairs. It appears that we will owe both the Feds and the State this year.

Earlier MW instructed me to install Yahoo IM on my machine so that she can contact me any time. I commented, “That’s rather perverse, considering that you can practically reach me from where you sit.” I guess she wants to reach me when I am immersed in listening to music over my earphones.

Around four o’clock she said, “Dinner in two minutes.”

I went into the kitchen, saw that there were no preparations on the table, I figured that I was a bit early, so I returned to the IM installation.

A few minutes later she approached, “So you’ve decided to ignore me.”

I knew from experience that no matter how I respond at this point, it would make the outcome worse for me, so I silently followed her into the kitchen.

“I will do something about that later. You can rely on that,” she added with some sinister tones in her voice.

We ate amidst pleasant conversation. After dinner I collected the plates, emptied the sink, and began to wash dishes. She was busy for a while with putting away the leftovers. At some point she leaned over my arms and pulled a spatula out of the stack of utensils. She hefted it meaningfully and made some comments apparently to herself, but for my benefit, explaining the history and potential use for the device. The tool is rather long, has a good grip, and the business end is made of some semi flexible plastic. She positioned herself behind me and took a tentative practice swat at my butt.

I have become somewhat accustomed to her loving corrections, not that they occur regularly, often, or too severely. It’s just that I seldom need to worry about her over doing it. Still, this bugger stings, and she was just getting started. I continued washing the dishes, she continued swatting my ass, changing sides and positions to find a best fit between instrument and target. My skin must have been displaying some interesting marks, for she went to get the camera. After taking some pictures, she gave me a few more swats, and left me to get over it while I completed my chores.

Nothing about this was said for the rest of the afternoon and evening. Late in the evening I turned away from her bedside light as I decided to go to sleep. I was in that delicious state of being nearly asleep when I felt some serious scrapes on my butt. I had no idea what it was, but knew that MW had to do with it. Not having been given orders, I stayed on my stomach with my butt pointed toward her.

“You are ignoring me again,” she said. She can be very arbitrary, but then in a D/S situation the “D” person can be anything that she wants to be. I turned over trying to minimize my offense.

“Don’t try to take away my toy,” was her response to my move. I knew that there was nothing that I could do right, so I remained quiet and took the treatment that was now being applied to my balls.

“You went to sleep without kissing me and saying ‘Good night’.”

Yes, I did that, just like I had done hundreds of times before over the years. The boys were really feeling whatever device she was using on them, mostly due to the stretched and already irritated skin from wearing the CB2000. I looked at the device. It was a hair curler with long prickly nylon bristles. When she raked my balls, it felt like hooks digging into the skin. By this time the little guy was at full attention and straining the confines of the cage.

She felt around to see the result, and asked, “Where does he go when there is no place to go?”

I tried to explain about virtual space, but did so without much success. I am not sure that she really was interested in the answer. She was just toying with me. After noticing that some of the prickly spines drew blood, she suggested that I don’t get any on the bed sheet.

I kissed her nether lips and said ‘Good night’. I took a long time to fall asleep this time.

It is now early morning as I sit at my computer. The cage and the signaling device are crowding the boys and stretching my skin. I will have to suggest to her to inspect the goods to make sure that we are not doing major harm. At the risk of “topping from the bottom” I could bring up the subject during coffee this morning.


It is now two days later. The night before last she had me remove the cage to check for damages. There were none, and she generously allowed me the night free. I fully expected to be caged again this morning, but things were going on that required hers and my attention, and the thing was either forgotten or postponed. The boys and the little guy have all recovered, with the exception of some still tender skin. Otherwise everybody is ready to go again wherever MW wants to take us.