Tuesday, September 30, 2008

A Woman Wants To Dominate: Part Two

Stealth Domination

Secretly she wants to dominate. It turns her on sexually. It also turns her on in a way that transcends sexuality. She wants to kick ass. She wants to be in charge 24/7. She wants to say to her male partner, “I want you to submit to me in all ways, from now on, forever.” The trouble is, her male partner is not submissive by nature or experience, and it seems unlikely that he will simply say, “Yes Ma’am,” and go along with her request and expectations. What is she going to do?

She could sneak up on him and tell him what to do from time to time, and see how he behaves. Doing this often enough may slowly and gently move him into a submissive mindset. After a while he might find it natural to follow her orders, to submit to her imposed dominance, and to put her interests before his.

I cannot continue this line of thought without resorting to sarcasm, such as:

“After all, it is in his interest to do what she tells him, and there is no reason why he should object to following her orders. He is receiving all the benefits of doing everything for her, and it is only she who must work 24/7 to maintain the pressure on him. He can just relax and enjoy serving her.”

Obviously the stealth approach in this scenario has some flaws. It may work when the submissive partner applies it, but not in this case.

Overt Declaration of Intent

She can’t stand the vanilla relationship any more. She comes out of hiding, and declares to her partner that she has always had dominant tendencies. She had fantasized about her needs to dominate, and that she wants to apply them for real here and now. She tells him that he can be a perfect slave for her. She explains that she is totally superior to him for reasons of her gender and other important characteristics. She forces him onto his knees and accepts his obeisance that is due her.

He asks her to elaborate on his expected role. She lists some rules:

  • She will take charge of the family finances.
  • He will continue to earn a living, but will be given an allowance of only a few dollars.
  • He will assume all cleaning and maintenance of the household.
  • He will hand wash her underwear, keep her shoes and boots shined, and give her daily foot massages while he worships her feet.
  • He will not leave the house without her permission.
  • Sex will be only when and where she allows it. Only her pleasure will be considered, his will be at her convenience. He will not masturbate, so a chastity device is in his future. He will be disciplined or punished when she deems it necessary.
  • And so on…

There are many ways in which this scenario can continue. I will pose only two somewhat extreme possibilities: one in which the man is not the least naturally submissive, the other in which he could become submissive willingly. I will explore the first case first.

Aside from the instant sexual thrill he gets from being forced to his knees by his partner, he is hesitant. He is thinking that her behavior is bizarre. He is not sure whether she is joking or just wants to play D/S, but he is willing to give her an opportunity to develop the game, if it is a game.

Since he is not naturally submissive, he has a hard time accepting the 24/7 real submission that she just proposed. Even if he were to go along with the game, he can’t really adapt to the situation full time, since that would take all his energy and more. Paying attention to full time slavery expectations gets in the way of his reality, but he wants to indulge her, because he loves her enough to try to satisfy her needs. He is not certain about how to begin. There is a conflict between his kinky side and the reluctance to do housework. He does not want to give up his freedom. He does not want to ask permission to watch the games when he feels like it. Except during rare play scenarios he wants to remain in charge of sex. The idea of a chastity device should be applied to a female, not to a virile male. Even if she backs off from some of her demands, the whole idea is wrong. No person should be a slave to another.

The other possible thread proposed above is when he is willing to submit to her. He realizes that she had proposed dramatic changes in their relationship. Even if he were a complete submissive, the changes would be overwhelming, unless dished out one at a time. But the new relationship has possibilities. He may not be the perfect submissive. He could be selfish. He could be expecting certain rewards for his service, rewards that she may not be willing to provide. He could get tired of the game and want to call it off when he realizes that it is just too much work. He could resent “her getting all the benefits all the time.”


miss aj said...

This is rather a conundrum. Do you think that she really would want to go the full distance to begin with? I suspect that there will be areas that are very appealing to her others not so. I tend to think that there will be a creeping dominance. Slowly adding layers as confidence grows in her and he can begin to see real value for him.

I know where I would begin and it adds pleasure to my romantic daydreams.

miss aj said...

With longer to reflect I also see a problem with point number 4. Even when I had comprehensive household help I did my own silks. My under wear is precious to me clean or dirty. It would be a long while before I trusted a mere male with them. I think this one might speak of male fantasy.

Susan's Pet said...

Oh, Miss AJ!

I think that you may be taking some of this seriously. Well, that's good, because some of this is serious, whereas others are "tongue-in-cheek".

I can also see your point about "I know where I would begin and it adds pleasure to my romantic daydreams." Indeed, it has the seed of wonderfully romantic fantasy that could become real.

I could not take the chance on boring everyone by more fully exploring the possibilities, so what I have written is a bit threadbare. But I think that I have touched the important issues. In a submissive male advocated D/S situation there are two general ways to go: overt or stealth. That is what I was trying to mimic here, but with the dominant woman wanting the D/S situation.

There is more to come, so please keep reading.

Susan's Pet said...

Miss AJ,

Thank you for your comments. I can appreciate how important personal items can be. I have two issues to present here.

First issue is a common theme in FLR fantasies and realities, that of the man hand-washing the woman's underwear. It can be considered humiliating or endearing, depending on the person and his or her point of view.

The second issue is a matter of trust. Volunteer D/S must rely on trust. For example, I would not let just any woman tie me and whip me or abuse me in any way, unless I trusted her. Trust is a major part of this relationship. Given that, a woman, who is trusted by her submissive, must also trust him to be gentle and caring with her precious personal items. He is assumed to love them because they are hers, and they have her personal scent on them.

This is really deviating from the point I was trying to make in the post, which was a stylized and general presentation of a scenario. Nevertheless, I find it very interesting. Your admitting that you did not trust the "help" with your underwear is totally appropriate. But a trusted and loving submissive is different.

miss aj said...


I also speak from watching my parents. Even after 40 years and since his retirement full time submission by my father there are somethings he simply doesn't meet the required standard for no matter how much he might want to. My mother gives him the opportunity to improve and then becomes frustrated and takes things away from him for a while before beginning to retrain him. It's not a matter of trust but that she can do it better. I guess I was just being cautious with something that I feel would have to be earnt.

Susan's Pet said...

Miss AJ,

I am not being critical with you, just want to point out an observation based on what you have said. In specific, as you said, "It would be a long while before I trusted a mere male with them," referring to your private possessions. I was not going to say anything until you also presented your observation of your parents: "... Even after 40 years and since his retirement full time submission by my father there are somethings he simply doesn't meet the required standard for no matter how much he might want to."

I suspect that your mother had high standards that your father tried to meet, but could never do. I also suspect that you have learned from your mother, and continue to expect the same high standards.

This presents a wonderful scenario in my mind where you do meet an adequate male who is truly willing to try to satisfy you, and you keep pushing him until he does.

By the way, how and when did you recognize your parents' relationship? I love to read about successful, long term, and true FLRs. This appears to be one.

miss aj said...

Well I always knew that my mother was dominant and my father submissive but it wasn't until I had my mother in tears one day explaining that she wasn't the bitch everyone thought she was but that was the way their relationship was because HE wanted it that way that I became clearer. She would have been the more dominant anyway but it had to go deeper than that and society is hard on women that demonstrate their dominance. The men get lots of support for being such wonderful husbands and the women are vilified (my local paper did a blog last year on 'nagging' wives and it was scary to see what came out of the woodwork).Mmm that gives you an indication of how I felt for my mother who I think is wonderful and how I felt about my father manipulating her.

Reading the FLR blogs has really helped me to become less judgmental about it and to now be able to approach my father with a degree of respect that I have never previously had.

You could be right about high standards. I certainly apply them to myself so why would I settle for anything less in my mate?