Monday, September 15, 2008

Male Centered Activities

Tease And Denial

In recent history the consensus by women has been that giving a man all the sex he wants makes him stupid, lackadaisical and non-attentive. It did not take long for one of them to say, “He can go f**k himself before I do it for him again,” and then she decided to do nothing. As we know, divorces and breakups have happened because of that, so the approach may not have been the most expedient on the long run.

The consensus is based on blogs, forums, and some books on very stylized male-female relationships. If you accept that consensus, then you might agree with the principle of tease and denial (T&D), which explains the current big fad in D/S and FLR. As usual, it is a male centered activity promoted by males.

I don’t see what a woman would get out of T&D. Take “tease” as the first half of T&D. Why tease when she is already “denying?” Teasing is just so much extra effort to accomplish nothing, which is denying. After all, if a man wants something, and the woman denies it, nothing is done. Denying is easy. It takes no time, no effort, no money, no involvement.

So why tease at all? Is that going to improve her situation? Is that what she needs?

No. That is what he needs.

Sometimes when denial goes with the tease, it works great for a while, unless the “while” is too long. Then it suddenly doesn’t work. The woman has a sullen, bitter, resentful man or her hands. Even though he is likely the one who instigated the process, he is now totally unsatisfied. If she keeps teasing and denying for long, at some point he will rebel. Where does she draw the line? Well, she could ask him. He would give her an answer, even explicit instructions.

Forced Chastity

There is another issue that seems to go along with T&D. The issue is a matter of forced chastity for the man. The common theme in forums is that the woman forced chastity on the man because he masturbated too much, or he was philandering, or he was inattentive, etc.

Yeah. Right.

Regardless of the insidious method she may have used, I don’t see how a woman could realistically force a man into chastity against his will.

The other way of chastity device application is the man proposing it because he gets off on wearing one. She sort of goes along with it for a while.

One observation emerges from all of this. Assuming that the chastity is legitimate and constant, there is a little bit of irritating factor not mentioned much. Chastity devices cannot be used indefinitely without the keyholder’s attention from time to time.

This means no such thing as “Lock and forget.”

This means that she will have to spend time, effort, and attention to this pesky detail. Make sure the man’s parts are not damaged by long-term effects in some restrictive device. I am not talking “milking”, etc., just some sound maintenance, such as regular cleaning and checking for blood clots and edema and making sure that the dangly bits don’t fall off due to misuse or nonuse. Other issues are hygiene, dealing with bathroom usage, etc.

So why is she doing all this?

“In her own behalf, of course,” at least according to all the forums and blogs.

The “Other” Method

I have come up with a new improved version of tease and denial. It can be implemented with or without forced chastity. I call it, ignore and denial or I&D. Here is how it works.

The man does not tell the woman how to ignore him. After all, he would be silly to say, “Dear, I want you to ignore me. I have always wanted to be ignored by you.” Besides, she already knows how to ignore him.

Are you with me so far? This is definitely not topping from the bottom. This is definitely not male centered. If, or when he brings up the subject, she can say, “What?” and go back to watching her TV show. So far we have covered the first half of ignore and denial.

Next, the woman would be expected to deny the man’s need to be ignored. This too, should be easy for her. She has already practiced that part with the T&D, or vanilla for that matter, so she can apply it to I&D directly. Notice that she does not need permission, direction, or anything. She could take a vacation and be back in two weeks. Her absence would make no difference to the man. Isn’t this perfect? There is no room for complaints from man or woman. The woman is doing the job perfectly by doing nothing, and the man feels absolutely ignored and denied. Just like he wanted it. Only an ingrate would complain.

But wait! This is again centered on the man. Why would she do this if doing nothing already works? Dang! I thought that I had a good idea here.

Disclaimer (again)

Before I quit my tongue-in-cheek pontification, I want to declare some of my observations from my experience and from those writings that I assume to be real.

T&D and forced chastity are interesting games that sometimes satisfy both partners. They are not a way of life except in very rare circumstances. I don’t condemn them, I don’t dismiss them, I don’t care if everybody or anybody practices them. They are fun to read about and to practice. They are fun to be part of one’s bedroom activities. But please, don’t try to claim they are real when they are only a game. Leave that to admitted fiction.


Gilbert said...

Just because a relationship is female led, doesn't mean that the male has to completely submit to the woman.

The male has a right to have his needs and wants met.

One of the desires of relationship partners, both men and women, is to see the other person happy. To put it sexually, to fulfill the partner's fantasies.

Ideally, both the man's and the woman's fantasies are being fulfilled at the same time. Less than ideally, one partner fulfills the other partner's fantasies, and receives pleasure from the fulfillment.

This is the reason that some couples partake of tease and denial. The tease is an important part of fulfilling the other person's fantasies.

There's nothing inherently wrong with male centered activities in a female led relationship. Sometimes, "topping from the bottom" is an important part of letting the woman know what you want. Communication is very important. Just not during the sex play, as that usually kills the mood for a woman.

Anonymous said...

I enjoy T&D with my sub. It turns me on to know that I can arouse him, to get him close to busting. That I control his orgasm, that he has given me that control. It literaly is a catalyst for my orgasm, a huge aphrodisiac. So, I would say, not always male centered. I am a female in my late 30's and think it is great to have found a relationship with a sub that our appetites for frequency are very similar.

Susan's Pet said...


I am glad that you have this satisfying relationship. Enjoy it while it lasts.