Thursday, October 1, 2009

Orgasm Control By The One In Charge

At first I was thrilled reading web logs and forums on the subject. I still get some thrill under selected circumstances. But in general, the thrill is not as intense as it used to be.

In an analogous fashion to the old adage, “There are no old jokes, just old people who have heard them already,” I want to add: “Orgasm control is thrilling, unless you have read or experienced it all.”

Now that I have alienated most of the newbe’s I will get down to the meat of the matter. In a female led relationship all participants’ orgasms should be up to the female if she chooses so. Note that this is not a rule, just a reasonable suggestion. Her orgasms, without question, should be approved and requested by her. Otherwise it would not be an FLR. She can play vanilla if she chooses, but it is still her choice. Have I made myself clear?

Now we are getting to his orgasms or the lack of. Here is where we can get really weird, kinky, or just plain mean. Some of us (well, maybe not me, see Ignore and Denial) males get off on being denied. I don’t begrudge the idea or the experience. It is great fodder for fantasy. Some men have written books about it. I, myself, like to play it for a while on and off.

Now, my input: I don’t want to be “ignored and denied”. I would occasionally love to be teased and denied, even repeatedly, but only to a certain extent. At some point I get pissed off, and the deal is off. Unless I am in some sort of secure chastity device, and I have been on and off, I will have my private pleasure, and to hell with guilt.

Some forums concentrate on chastity and orgasm denial. The participants present their pathetic fantasies, and in some better pieces, their realities. Those who rely strictly on fantasy have my pity. It is a shame that they don’t have a woman who can really deny their orgasms, as opposed to their wishing. Nevertheless, I don’t mind the genre as such. It is at least mildly entertaining.

Then there are some real posts. If a man really wants to be denied, for now, for a while, or for ever, hey, who am I to object? I just don’t see the attraction on the long run. It can be fun while playing games. But after a while, damn it, a man just have to get his rocks off! Yeah, I know, it’s a guy thing. Just like a female orgasm is a girl thing. To each his or her own.

MW can have one, more, or several orgasms in a row. I love to give her what it takes to do that. She knows it. Me, I can have one at a time. On rare occasions I had more. But not lately. So, if I don’t begrudge her to have any number of these little deaths, any time, why should she prevent me from having one once in a while? She does not. Forget the drivel about a man being more willing to serve if he is denied orgasm. It's fantasy. I might not be as willing, say, being forced to suck another man's cock immediately after I had orgasmed, wheras, lateer, ... well, who knows. But a man willingly submissive to a woman should do all he can regardless of whether she had allowed him to orgasm half hour before, or a year before. If you disagree, then you are just making judgement on the submissives who are already doing just that: orgasm has nothing to do with being submissive on the long run.

Men bitch about lack of orgasms, or they brag about not having any because the significant other put them in a device or such, etc… I think that all that has to do with what the men want, rather than what the women want. The women mostly go with the men’s fantasy. It’s OK, just that let’s call it what it is. It’s easier for her to take a hint, rather than try to make up stuff that he might not like, and then bitch about it. Let’s write a short story, a novel, or a “submissive male’s user’s manual”, and call it that. Let’s not call it reality unless it is real.

I admit that I get off on weird things such as CBT, orgasm denial, chastity, female domination, etc. I could almost live on that stuff. Well, maybe not, but it would be fun to try for a while. But in my case, the bottom line is, without my orgasms at a more or less frequent interval, the whole thing sucks, but not in a good way. Yes, I could learn to live with it, and yes, I have from time to time, but no, I don’t want to live with it for the rest of my life. If I miss an orgasm today, I can never make it up later.

In some scenario I could end up with a mate who cannot provide any orgasms for me. That is not an uncommon situation. Regardless of her feelings, permissions, customs, or expectations, I would have to consider mine. Life is short. Pleasures are expensive or cheap, depending on your approach and preferences. Only few things in life are freely available, and this is one. What am I to do in this case? My answer would be, “Whatever it takes.” So, as you can conclude, I am not a true submissive by the rules when it comes to orgasms. I would take my own pleasure without permission. Unless MW were to forbid it. Until then, you know …


tightlybound said...

i don't know that i agree with everything you're saying. i know i don't have heaps of experience at the whole submissive role thing and being locked up, but i have found that for me i find myself being more submissive with the lock on the prevent me from cumming on my own whenever i feel like it. i get that not everyone is like that though, but i just wanted to share my two cents worth

subservient-husband said...

for me, the connection between my having an orgasm and my obedient service is obvious. see below links if you wish, but for me I can not be talked out of the connection as it is an experience I have had for myself.


Her Majesty's Plaything said...

Hey SP:

I totally hear you on this one. I think the important distinction here is having your orgasms controlled as opposed to being "ignored and denied." Being ignored for an extended period of time is more than just frustrating. It really hurts! It's an emotional kick in the teeth! I equate sex with love and without some sort of sexual activity I feel unloved in addition to being sexually frustrated.

Her Majesty and I are playing in this realm now and enjoying it very much. I find being slightly frustrated does help me stay in a subbie state of mind. But we have a set schedule. I don't think indefinite prolonged denial would work for me all. We have suffered (together) through menopause and it took a toll on our relationship. She really lost interest in everything sexual (including D/s and BDSM) for awhile so I know what being ignored feels like. That is when I sought out the services of a prodomme. As painful as all of that was we both learned a great deal from the experience.

In our case her controlling my orgasms adds spice and romance to the relationship. She feels like I am giving her something precious and it makes her feel special. I feel loved because her control makes me feel like she is paying attention. Her control includes regular sexual activity and a little bit of frustration for me only heightens the anticipation which makes it better for both of us.

Because of the problems we have been through in our relationship, giving Her Majesty control of my orgasms is an affirmation of trust on my part. I don't push for more than she can give because there are clear limits. She enjoys dominating me more because my heightened arousal makes her feel desirable. It also takes the pressure off her because she also knows there are clear limits. She no longer worries that nothing she does will ever be enough.

Her controlling my orgasms works very well for both of us, probably because she is NOT ignoring me! ;-)