Thursday, October 8, 2009

Still Another Approach To Chastity

I know what it means to be celibate. I spent three years in the U. S. Army away from home. Two years of it was in various places in the Orient, the rest moving around the country on assignments. None of that was conducive to finding a suitable female friend who would be willing to have sex with me. For months at a time I was in remote areas where I saw no females. On rare occasions when I was near some town, I did not want to go there and pay for sex. The consequence was, no sex. I was young. I knew that I had many years ahead of me during which I could regain some of that loss. It is different now.

A little over a year ago I posted Problems with Sex. MW had made a decision to have elective surgery that would enhance her physical well-being. She wanted to lose weight before going through with it. That would take some time. Then something happened that was not planned. The events drew her deeply into depression.

Many months went by until she came out of her depression. She is doing well now, but she still faces the desired weight loss and the surgery.

In over a year we have had oral sex twice by my pleasuring her, see Her Pleasure and After The Dust Settles, and one bout of penetrating sex (Just Love) but without consummation. We also achieved one male orgasm by her loving hand. No more than that. In the earlier months I had left hints, I talked of other ways to have sex, I assured her that I was there to do all that she needed. It changed nothing.

Perhaps as a substitute, she had provided sessions of cock and ball torture, tit torture, spanking and whipping, and on and off chastity control. If that is sex, then we have had it. As for orgasms, we have not, other than the three occasions I mentioned above.

MW and I are no longer in our early twenties. We have adult children who have children in turn. Consequently, what I miss now in sex is not something that can be made up later. I have fewer years to live, my sex drive may diminish, my ability at some point will be history. Missing a year or so of sex at this point is not something that I take lightly.

MW mentions occasionally that once she has the surgery, we will again … do something. That’s fine with me. But she was not all that charged with sex when we were doing it regularly. If she is thinking that we will pick up that same pace, I have already lost most of what I could have had.

I don’t understand why she has shut down this way. We could have daily sex in spite of not being able to have penetrating sex for now. I know what some of you think, “Talk to her. Communication is important.”

No, I cannot talk to her. It would arouse guilt in her, and that would do bad things to her, and in turn, to me. She knows that I am willing and able. She also knows all of my kinks, and how happy it would make me to do any and all. Yet she does nothing.

Only one thing is certain. Regardless of how good she can be after this surgery, we will never make up for what we have lost in the meantime. At this point I am not even sure that she will have the surgery, or if she does, she would resume any kind of sex with me afterward.

I may sound like an ingrate. I know that her situation is more dire than mine at this point. I don’t begrudge her holding back on some things. I would never do anything to hurt her. Still, as I said, time is ticking, and any opportunity not taken is wasted. It is something that will not come again.


subservient-husband said...

loss of sexual intimacy in a marriage is a sad situation. I can feel your frustration. I do not know if this would work for you, but there was a period where my wife had no desire for sex due to a prolonged medical reason. During this time, I would only relieve myself at night, in bed, next to her. This was a way I could feel intimacy in the marriage, but not force her into a pattern she did not want. For us, it worked well. I was happy, she felt no guilt because she saw I was satisfied, and she did not have to force herself to be sexual when she had no desire to.

Anyway, I do hope you find someway to improve the situation.

charlie said...

I feel for you. I was married for 26 years where my ex went from some sex drive to almost no sex drive. I heard for years, "when I ...." and those days really never came. I think that this lack of intimacy was one reason why our marriage failed. She couldn't see a problem with the lack of sex, which was another problem with the lack of communication. Like you said, but what about today. Worry about tomorrow tomorrow.

doll said...

Part of the problem may be that it is very relaxing as a woman not having any sexual urges. I have been through a period where due to ill health my libido plummeted and I can say that it is almost blissful not being suject deranged lust. Now I have taken steps to ensure that my libido returns to how it was and it is driving me crazy. I know the sex will be subliminal but that will be for just a fraction of time and the rest of the time I will be pulling myself apart fighting the urge for pleasure when there are so many others things to achieve in life.

That aside I feel for you. I do hope that your need to touch and be touched is being met by hugs and little massages. You might have to invest in some strong anumal pheremones and see if they can provoke a response.

Susan's Pet said...

Thank you all for your warm and constructive comments. I will try something. Still, she knows how I am. We used to joke about my being a "three times a week man", and I have not changed in that respect.

Maybe she is holding back something of which I am not aware. I know that we are wasting our chances, but I will have to give her the responsibility to decide.