Saturday, October 17, 2009

What Would I Do?

I Am A Writer, Not A Viewer

The power of books, as opposed to movies is blatant. Whereas movies present it all without interpretation and with no room for imagination, books set you up to imagine the scenario and live it as you wish. You can put the book in you lap and think about what you would have done in the place of one of the characters. You learn things from books. You remember specific episodes as if you had been there. You change your life based on what you have seen and learned. You remember words, phrases, and statements. You remember the attitudes, the features, and the purpose of the characters. You become part of the story.

None of this is possible while watching a movie. The movie may be riveting, fascinating, memorable, but you cannot get involved in it to this extent. It moves too fast, and you can’t pause or you miss the next episode. It may give you nightmares, but in a few hours the effect is gone. Whereas, having read a book, its results remain with you, and steer you in way that you may not have imagined, but after having learned it you allow.

I have written many short stories that I submitted only to MW. As you can guess, they all are of the prurient nature. I have almost finished a book, which I am planning to submit for publication soon. One might say, "I am full of it."

I think that I have covered some of this earlier, but I can’t find it, so I will say what I want to say again. I am not homosexual. I am not even a closet homosexual. Now that I have gotten the compulsory disclaimer out of the way, I will get to the point.

What Am I?

I believe that few of us are exactly heterosexual with no give either way.

I believe that we all have some needs that are not completely satisfied with a completely heterosexual relationship.

We do rationalize a lot, and even condemn others, at least in our minds. Yet, when the lights are off, and we are in our private fantasy space, we do think of situations that are counter to our expected behavior. We don’t act on these thoughts, for they might be considered abominations by some, even by ourselves. Yet, there is the recurring, even compelling fantasy that haunts us, even gives us the need to release the pressure by whatever sexual outlet we have available to us. During the release we may think of the fantasy, and not necessarily of our partner who is providing the thrill for the moment.

I hope that I have not destroyed the illusion that only your partner can satisfy you. Yes she can, but there are other ways. your mind is one of them …

I see us as beings on a teeter-totter leaning this way and that to keep our minds focused on doing the right thing, but the point of balance for each of us is a matter of our being. Our fantasies can be theoretically limitless, but even in fantasy, we stay within our private limits. I know that even in my wildest fantasies there are things that I would not do, therefore, I don’t dwell on them. My fantasies go only as far as my limits would allow if I pushed hard. Once admitting that, I feel free to explore the region that I have defined. That is where the fun is. The variations and combinations are endless. All I need to do is to give it thought, and maybe put it into writing, and it becomes real. Well, maybe not permanently real, but at least while I am writing or reading it.

The point of this posting is a bit elusive. It has to do with “what would I do if my wife forced me”. Actually in my case it is easy. She is not into heavy kink, so I am really safe. But, if I were to sink into some fantasy …

As I have said, I can’t see a man and think, “I would love to give him a blow job.” I can’t even think of kissing him on his lips, or running my tongue along any part of him, as I would love to do with a woman. I would find it repulsive, offensive, and repugnant. Putting that aside, I can imagine that MW had set us up with a woman and man couple as playing partners. The man in the other couple is submissive. MW and the other woman want to have some fun at the men’s expense.

Not that I am suggesting, but what if MW decided that the man and I were to have some kind of sex? Holy cow! That would mean homosexual sex, no doubt about it. Here I am, not ever seeing a man whom I find attractive that way, but now having to deal with MW’s orders. Do I enter him from behind? Do I make myself be available to his cock in any way? Do we share intimate feeling, licking, sucking as I would with a woman? I don’t know. What I do know is that if I am forced to do this, I am absolutely obligated to follow. This is where fantasy meets reality. On the reality side, I do no such thing. On the fantasy side, I follow MW’s orders, whatever they may be. It is the same as my taking no responsibility, making no decision, because I was following my dominant wife’s orders.

Well, take that as you wish. This is no different from the response to the charges during the Nuremberg trials: “I was following orders.” What is different is that in my fantasy, all that took place within the limits I have set to myself. These limits are certainly different from what I would meet when I am in charge.

Don’t take this wrong. I have no objection to a so-called straight man blowing another man in some context. What I am saying here is that I would not do it as part of my plan. However, if it happens, so be it.


subservient-husband said...

Way to go on the book project. I can imagine that was a ton of work.

I do pretty much agree with you concerning following through with demands of the wife, but I have limits / safe words type of stuff. I think I very well may use it for homosexual sex. Underage sex is another. Maybe even sex with another woman. It is hard to construct a hypothetical for that one. x-dressing, most likely a no. Serving her while she is enjoying sex with another man or woman, I do not think I would have too much of a problem with. These are just my limits though.

Susan's Pet said...

I think you have summed up in your own words pretty well what I was trying to say. We have our limits. Even in our fantasy we are free to explore them, but still stay within these limits. This is why I would not feel comfortable even writing about anything that would be much beyond my limits. Yes, I could do it, but I would feel like a traitor to my own principles.