Friday, October 2, 2009

More On Orgasm Control

In my previous post I did not delve into this deeply enough. I don’t want readers to misinterpret my remarks on this subject. I will try to make my point clear this time.

I am sorry to disillusion the fanatics. Few men or women are as simple as what is assumed under the regime of male orgasm control. Neither men, nor women suddenly change behavior in any meaningful and permanent way as a result of being subjected to it. The following are not rules, but rational evaluations of human behavior.

  1. Orgasm control does different things to different people.
  2. There is no single rule that defines a man’s behavior under orgasm control, other than, “he does not get to orgasm” as long as the device or mental conditioning works. Read this as, “He does not necessarily become more subservient, as opposed to the way he would be if he orgasmed at his needed frequency”.
  3. Anyone assuming that any man becomes more docile and willing to serve if his orgasm is limited is making a mistake. All men are not wired that way.
  4. Some will cooperate (see the testimonials on several blog sites),
  5. Some will find a way around the control (hence the search and need for more secure devices)
  6. Some will become belligerent,
  7. Some will strike out,
  8. Some will quit the relationship.

If you base your conclusion on the items 4 and 5 above, it is like reaching into a jar of blue marbles: when you withdraw one, it is likely to be blue. Those of you who think that you have everything figured out about men may need to do some homework. Orgasm control/male chastity is a nice game, but it is just as much of a preferred lifestyle as is a female led relationship. When you try to make it universal, you are defeating the purpose: it is supposed to be under mutual consent. As such, it is always open to negotiations. Corollary: it does not work the same way every time, or for every man or woman. I assume that one can force the relationship in some scenario, but let's try to remain realistic.

I have been the recipient of orgasm control, on and off, and it works just fine. There are several things I can think of in my case, which may be common to many. For example, I am kinky enough to actually put on the device myself, without MW being aware of it, just for the sexual thrill. I would do this sometimes when she is away from home for more than a day. Whether or not that motivates me to be a better sub to her is unknown.

Another issue is with her putting it on me, or ordering me to do it. That is even a bigger thrill. Then, if she remains aware of it, checks it occasionally, even teases me about it, I consider that a lot of attention on my sexuality, so it is a greater thrill. Sure, in gratitude, I would be more subservient to her. Now, if the device were completely secure, that is, unremovable without destruction, the thrill would be even greater for a while. It would be like living a fantasy. At some point, however, especially if the very secure device is ignored, I would become more than a little disappointed. Yes, it takes two to play this game. One to cause the thrill, and one to reciprocate in perceived increase of submission. But, in my case, it would work only for a while unless I received some recognition for my missed orgasms.

In most of these affidavits of the success of orgasm control the lucky recepient of all this sexual thrill has a chance of removing the device from time to time in order to achieve the orgasm granted by the keyholder. In other words, there is hope for orgasms. In some of the more extreme fantasies the keyholder either throws away the key, or does some extreme body modification of the man to the extent that he has no hope of ever achieving orgasm in the expected way. As far as the fantasy goes, it is a great challenge and thrill but only once. When it is over, the thrill and the incentive to serve are also likely to be gone: the carrot dangled before the dupe is no longer there. The woman just lost her effectiveness in control.

The thing we don’t know is how all this would have worked without orgasm control. As a result, there is no way knowing its effectiveness. Urban legends, affidavits, myths, fantasies, as reported on the blogs, don’t mean their weight in beans. Only a scientifically conducted study could determine its true effectiveness, and there is nobody out there to fund it.

For now, let’s enjoy its benefits, and try not to make it the rule, or expect all men or women to behave according to our expectations. As long as you realize that male orgasm control is not a cure for a man's slovenly habits or lack of consideration, you can have some fun and maybe some coveted results. But the satisfaction must be mutual for it to work at all. If it works, fine. If it does not work, try something else.


little bitch said...

i think you hit the nail on the head. It does not work the same for all. It takes two to tango. my orgasm control works well because Mistress knows me, loves me, and cares for me. In turn, i always try to do right by Her and to serve Her. my orgasm control is one aspect of my submission to Her.

i agree that some folks may become belligerent, irritated, or dismissive.

This is what makes us all individuals.

Giles English said...


In general I am dismayed by the way that people try to extend their kink into a general morality, or an all or nothing cross-kink orthodoxy.

Apart from anything else, it sends a false message to novices. Just because you want to be spanked, doesn't mean you must embrace female supremacy, and spend your days as a chaste sissy maid.

subservient-husband said...

mutual consent is essential, but when in use in our relationship, the results are pretty well known and predictable.

Another One said...

This is an intelligent post. Everyone is different and reacts different. Trying to make it universal makes no sense.