Sunday, November 15, 2009

Dominant or Domineering?

Please check the post at  Difference Between Being Dominant And Domineering. This woman has it figured out. I was going to comment on her post in length, but came to my usual conclusion that I can do it more justice if I elaborate on it on my blog. I give her credit for my inspiration on this subject.

The domineering, whiney, and bitching people seldom make a good impression on peers or subjects. If they are mistakenly given a supervisory position, most of the coworkers despise them. A submissive may go along with it for a while if he is in need of repeated humiliation or craves crass and impersonal mistreatment. This is not a virtue or detriment of female or male characteristic. Any person of either gender has the same chance of making something of the position, or mucking it up beyond repair.

Much of the attitude has to do with confidence, and later on, the development of skill. Some never develop either, they just cash in on whatever someone made available to them. Then there are others who are borne with confidence, and learn the skill as necessary. On the long run, intelligence and compassion win, whereas, screaming and violence lose. One can be strict, formal, dominant, respectful, and loving without being vulgar or violent.

I have never dealt with professional dominas, so I am a bit handicapped with respect to evaluating their behavior. However, I have met some dominant women who had a way of getting their will done on the job. It was their attitude that convinced me that I would work for them under any circumstance. They could be leaders in any venue. They never had to scream or use obscenities or threats. They were just natural leaders.

I am not what anyone would call a submissive man. But that is just a matter of scale and situation. I have, and would again submit to others in a professional and political arena when I meet one who is above me in whatever stature is under consideration.

Then there is a matter of submitting to a worthy woman, which is my true directive in my life. In the latter case sex is very much part of it in my mind and my needs. Yet, it is not unconditional. She has to be intelligent, considerate, and rational, not necessarily sexy, young, wide, flat, or whatever. A screaming vulgar violent person gets her way with some, but with me she or he would meet resistance. Resistance is not a desirable trait of a willing submissive. Regardless of preferences, we must meet on agreeable terms.

Dominant people have a metaphorical stature of a cone or a pyramid: stable, reliable, and in no need of constant and repeated subjugation of their charges. Domineering people, on the other hand, tend to be the same, only their perceived stature is upside-down. Because of their unstable position they are constantly in need to reassure themselves, else they fail not only in their own esteem, but also in the eyes of their pitiable subjects.


Giles English said...

It's an interesting distinction.

However, doesn't the domineering bitch make a more interesting *fantasy*?

Susan's Pet said...

Obviously I am talking about real people here.

But, you are right about domineering in fantasy potentially being more interesting. In fantasy, lucky for us with fertile imagination, anything goes. That is where books of erotic theme come in.

It works as long as we don't try to make it real.

Giles English said...

That's interesting. On the one hand, a lifestyle with somebody like that would be self destructive. It would also be potentially exploitative, since the sub is enabling and eroticising somebody else's mental health issues.

On the other, you couldn't authentically visit a D&S relationship with a domineering bitch with whom you were in a vanilla relationship, because somebody that toxic would be unlikely to be that playful or cooperative.

Her Majesty's Plaything said...

Hi SP:

I heartily agree with this distinction. A true alpha female (or male) leads from a position of quiet strength and self confidence. Screaming, bitching and/or whining is a sure sign of weakness.

I have played with some pros and found most to be warm, playful and flirtatious in their approach. There was one Mistress I had the privilege of meeting who was a natural dominant down to her toenails. All she had to do was look at me to put me under her control. Physically she is quite small, very petite. But power emanates from her like a force of nature.