During most of Christmas day she was avoiding me, so I was avoiding her back. In the evening she said something like, “If you are determined to avoid and ignore me, then I will remove myself.” She then moved out of our bedroom into a spare room downstairs. What moving out entailed is not being in our huge bed when we usually settle down for the night.
Meanwhile I stayed with my reading and listening at high volume to soul-crushing love songs from my music library. Thoughts of harming myself kept popping up. I got royally drunk. Not to the extent of falling down, but enough to feel really sorry for myself.
Then I started to feel sorry for my sweetheart. At that point it did not take me long to go to her. I asked her to please allow me to be with her again. I admitted that I made a mistake, and that I was anxious to do anything to correct it and to make up for it.
She was very gracious. Aside from feeling perhaps as bad as I, she admitted that she wanted to be rescued from her own folly. She knew that she backed herself into a corner, and said that I did the right thing by apologizing and not holding her reaction to “no Christmas gift” against her. I was too happy to avoid taking a chance on elaborating on my own stupidity, so I just kissed her all over, and asked her to come back to our bed.
Later in bed it was a magical healing time. We did not have sex, but I understood that she was not only the catalyst but the main ingredient in the compound which we tried to make: she the queen, I her servant and totally committed lover.
It has been some days now. The nuclear winter may be waning into the possibility of a spring. It is hard to say. I have not made amends, and I don’t yet know what it will take. She is noncommittal about where we are heading. She is close, but there is not even a hint of sex. Then again, we have not had sex for a while, so that is not unusual. As to where I stand (or kneel) it remains to be seen.
I have received encouraging comments from some ladies of knowledge in female domination, and I will take them seriously. You can see these comments on my prior post. But this situation is not in the realm of dominance, or FLR. This has to do with the Men/Women Mars/Venus thing. I know that I cannot give up and think like a woman. That is because I have balls. I am wired in a different way. But, given an incentive, and this may be one, I can create a fantasy scenario where I pretend to be a woman, and ask myself, “One woman to another, what would you mean when you say no?” Maybe I will get an insight into that wonderful place that creates the center of my being.
I could use some help. Anyone?
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6 comments:
Alas I fear that I have no good advice for you at this point, but I am happy to read that things are improving a bit.
Our two loving mutts would be happy to share their place in our sheltered carport in case I am still in the doghouse. It looks as if they may miss my company this time. We will see.
i would think flowers, jewelry (not big, but from "you") and/or chocolate could go along way to improve the temperature in the house about now.
All women like to feel special. It's not the "thing" it's the fact you made the effort. It's one of the reasons we submissives cling to our collars and such. They are a gift from the important One in our life.
Trust, me...it's not too late to repair this misstep. Flowers and champagne (if that's appropriate!)sparkling cider, if not...truffles or some other sweet token will help to bring in a sweet New Year for the two of you.
May you welcome it on your knees before Her.
All the best in 2009!
MJ's slave nik
Dear nik,
I appreciate the tip. We may have an opportunity coming up during which I could implement your suggestion.
Mar/Venus -- I'm listening to the book now. I drove along a few days ago, in tears. It just all seems so hopeless that there can ever be empathy or understanding. It all seems like such a cruel joke on men and woman. WHY are we soooo very different, so little commonality.
Dear Rosie,
We do have our differences due to our different psychological construction. But I try to have a positive outlook about this. If we had "sameness" life would quickly turn dull. But because of our differences our male/female parts, physical and spiritual, seem to fit together perfectly, like Leggo pieces.
As much as I regret not understanding my wife, I love the way she solves problems and concludes issues. I will never be like her, but I love the way she is.
Please be happy with your differences. All it takes is one loving person who will appreciate them.
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