Thursday, December 25, 2008

When a Woman Says “No” She Means “Yes”

There have been court cases demonstrating, or trying to demonstrate this issue. They were usually over sexual harassment, and in some cases rape. Well, don’t get excited. This post is not about either in particular “No means yes” scenario. It is about another, which is not illegal, but perhaps it should be.

MW and I discussed the annual hassle of the obligatory Christmas presents. We agreed to give no presents except to the people whose name we drew from a basket in our last family get-together. We bought the items we decided to give as gifts, and the targets of our giving were happy with it. That left Christmas morning without a gift for MW.

Have you read about nuclear winter? It gives you an idea.

The problem is bigger than any apology can undo. Hell, I could die, and that would not undo the damage, just make it worse. So I will try not to die just yet. But the idea is tempting.

I don't mean to be destructive, but, you know, if I am not here to deal with it who gives a shit? Still, I just don't want to leave a mess. I have dealt with too many in my background in law enforcement. Shit. This is pitiful.

We don’t have a doghouse as such, so I will not be joining our two mutts tonight. Maybe. Maybe I will be told to sleep with them anyway. Of course, that will not fix my thorough misunderstanding of the word “No”, but at least it will excise it from my vocabulary.

Self-flagellation will not work either. It would hurt like hell, and she might not care even if she noticed it. Maybe I can just stay on as the servant who takes care of nasty, undesirable chores. Yes, I think I will do that. The problem is, I don’t know where I stand or kneel with respect to her. If she wants any of my service, how can I provide it with this totally impersonal relationship into which I fell? Or is there a relationship left?

This may be my last post. After all, if she is not relating, this is no longer an FLR.


Lady Janon said...

I highly doubt she's given up on you forever--but I can see she's mad, and I can see why.

Pet and I have had a lot of similar incidents (not this precise one), mostly due to mismatched expectations and poor communication of such things.

Whenever pet feels he's fucked up somehow, I generally like it best when he is more submissive. On his knees, doing my chores, serving me in whatever way he can and generally showing me his submission (not, however, apologizing or begging for forgiveness--I hate that.) For him I expect each failure to act a as a learning experience. Maybe you could ask her what to learn from this, in order to please her more in the future?

Sigh, try not to be too despondent, and try to show her how much it matters that you please her. And good luck, I totally know how you feel right now.

Milliscent said...


I can't say that it would be fun to be in your position, but alas, such errors in understanding are bound to happen from time to time.

Now you shall just have to find an extra special late Christmas present!

doll said...


How old are you? How long have you been married? Surely you learned this lesson many, many years ago?

Now I agree she should have been more honest and said that she expects some token of your respect and love but she is clearly a normal woman and hopes that you can work this out for yourself without being told.

Time for an extra special new year's penance i think.

Susan's Pet said...

Dear Ladies,

I appreciate your concern and your comments. I will try to implement your suggestions. I thank you sincerely.