Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Hatred and Sarcasm

Occasionally I run out of real-time FLR material, so I do my usual pontification on things that are controversial or at least, bothersome, to me. Here is one.

The theme of my blog is Female Led Relationship. Although some thoughts transcend FLR, almost everything that I post deals with that theme. Consequently, there are some ideas, issues, concepts that can be discussed only to demonstrate a point, but not be part of FLR. For example, I can discuss hatred. It came up in a prior post on Misogyny, and a few times before. But I insist that hatred cannot be part of a rational FLR. I have read of extreme cases where hatred was essential, but they are rare, and tend to give FLR a bad reputation. Somewhat close to hatred in meaning is sarcasm. The latter is less negative in intent, but still destructive.

I have been present in blatant expression of hatred while I was in the Army many years ago, and then later in law enforcement. Anyone can guess the details and would likely hit upon one or more of the issues. Sarcasm is more subtle and requires more thought and intelligence. I will give just one example from my Army days. One of my friends, a kind fellow, did a good deed for one of our mates. The recipient of this good deed responded with, “Thanks, sucker!”

I was within earshot of the exchange, and was very much offended by the ingrate’s comment. My friend, instead of punching the jerk, calmly replied, “That’s all right. I would do that for almost any son of a bitch.”

I have no use for sarcasm, but I admit that it was very appropriate in this instance.

I maintain that hate and sarcasm have no place in FLR. You might wonder why I bring up these two concepts. I have already dismissed hatred as an aberration that seldom comes up. But sarcasm is common. It has nothing to do with FLR specifically. Rather, sarcasm has to do with the person who uses it. I am not passing judgment. My intent is to warn members of benign FLR that sarcasm is destructive.

Why does one use sarcasm? What I have seen is that sarcasm is an attempt at extremely wry humor. The problem with it is that it is often used when it is clearly not necessary.

Humor alone can be, and is usually harmful to someone as the speaker utters it. Humor can be taken well by the object of the statement, but there is no guarantee that it will be so. Even benign humor can cause resentment and loss of mutual respect. Sarcasm is right there on the extreme end of humor.

I will condone sarcasm when it is against the very person who says it, knowing that he is the target of his own remark. It may be funny to an extent, and certainly forgivable, but it still detracts from someone’s stature in a relationship. If I say something sarcastic that demeans my stature, it also demeans the person to whom I submit. Even worse, if my dominant says something sarcastic that demeans me, it is a bad reflection on her choice of a submissive.

In conclusion I will state that using sarcasm is destructive under all circumstances. If the purpose is to hurt someone, then blatant expression of hatred and sarcasm are the tools. Any other time there are ways to express negative feelings (disillusionment, lack of satisfaction, anger, etc.) without being negative. If the purpose is to improve the situation, use anything but sarcasm. Even if punishment is meant, it should be done with a positive attitude. Positive approach never hurts a benign relationship. Negative approach does.


whatevershesays said...

Off topic comment here:

Last post you mentioned the signallling device you wear. Could you elaborate? My wife uses the phone and a bell when she wants me but sometimes I'm too far away to hear either of them. Thanks.

Susan's Pet said...

Bad Boy! Either you have not read my earlier postings, or you are not paying attention. I will forgive you this time. If you do a search on my blog for "signaling device" you will find all the detail that you need. For now, I will tell you.

MW and I acquired a device meant to control dogs. It is supposed to go on a collar around the dog's neck, etc. Needless to say, we never did install it on our big dog. He is just too sweet to be mistreated like that. Me, on the other hand, ... Well, you will just have to follow the prior posts.

If you can't find your answer, send me an email and I will give you the source. Have fun.

whatevershesays said...

Spank me...I was lazy.:)

Susan's Pet said...



doll said...

I saw something in the newspaper recently on some research from the uk that shows the brits rate sarcasm very highly as a form of humour.

Susan's Pet said...

Lovely Doll,

The first time I became exposed to what humor really is when I read a novel by R.A. Heinline, "Stranger In A Strange Land." I don't remember the exact words, but from them I disitilled this: "Humor is always at the expense of someone. Nothing is funny unless someone is hurting."

I do humor, but not really try to hurt another. My humor is usually at my own expense, unless it was started by another person, which I just use as leverage. Wry humor, and its far distant cousin, "sarcasm" are things to be used with care. As they say in television commercials, "Don't try this at home".