Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Blue Balls, Chastity, etc.

There is this myth of “blue balls”. I am somewhat amused and just a bit bored when reading some man’s writing about the subject. He describes “swollen balls”, “aching balls”, “constant erection”, and so on. It is even worse when a woman is writing, and she assumes the symptoms based on the writings of men before. Contrary to fables, a normal man does not go through life with blue balls, constant erections, or constant pain because of lack of frequent orgasms. He may crave sex, but I just don’t see the pain.

I admit that I have never had the urge to masturbate, or copulate, several times a day. Well at least, not after the first or second orgasm of the day. I am sure some men have had the urge, but I doubt that they are the norm. I had the opportunity to have several orgasms in a day early in my marriage. Everything and everybody was ready, willing, and able. I did. After that, I could not keep up the practice or an erection for even another day. I needed to be recharged before I could pick up the pace again.

I don’t want to dwell on my own [in]adequacy, so I will just say that three or four times a week would suffice, even satisfy me. I could live with that. I would love to live with that. Now, if I were forced to …. But that is another subject.

Alas, I don’t get it three or four times a week. My wife is not that sexually charged, and she does not feel compelled to “do me” just so I get my frequent satisfaction. That leaves me with the option of satisfying myself without her. In a way that is not a bad thing. I am still attentive to her, regardless of the myth of “Orgasm denial will make a husband like a boy friend”. There is some truth to that, but trust me on this: it is not a universal truth. I can have an orgasm, and be just as attentive to my wife as I was before. On the other hand, if I were an asshole after orgasm, I would remain an asshole while horny. Being an asshole is a chosen attitude, not a matter of orgasm.

Being attentive to my wife is a matter of motivation. I don’t want her to ever think that getting me off will cause me to become a slob. I would do anything to prove that to her.

So why don’t I satisfy myself often? Good question. One answer is, “I don’t want to cheat on her.” Yes, I know, in view of the above, would she know? Would she care? I don’t know. The other answer is, “I want to be sure that if or when she wants me erect, I can perform.” I don’t feel inadequate, but there have been times when it took me twenty or so minutes before I could get it up again after a strenuous sexual encounter with her. I guess maybe she never really challenged me, so I can’t be sure.

In a way I think that I am wasting my opportunities. She does not need to use my tool often. So if I use it, does it take anything away from her? After all, this is not a limited resource except very temporarily. I am sure that I could get her off orally immediately after I got mine, so that is not an issue either.

I also know that when one does not use some body part, it atrophies. I am talking about muscles, but the subject may cover sexual organs as well. I don’t mean that my cock will go away, just that it may become a single-use object, and orgasm is not the one. What I say here is not really in support of the frequent male fantasy of milking. Just a matter of maintenance of a seldom used organ.

To add some selfishness to the issue, I ask, “What is the harm in my self satisfaction between the times that my wife needs and wants me to perform?” It would feel good. I would not blame her for not doing it for me, since not doing it for me is already a fact [see Ignore and Denial (I&D)]. So, if I were to whack off a few times a week, and get back into practice of frequent orgasms, would that hurt anyone?

The above question is moot for those men who are into female induced orgasm denial. Whether or not they participate voluntarily, the fact remains: physical barrier to doing his thing. Much of the writing out there with respect to chastity and orgasm denial is wishful thinking and outright fantasy by men. Those who are really into it are directly self-imposed or through a hired key-holder. Others asked for it from their partner who grudgingly went along with it. In a few cases it turns out to the advantage of the female or male key-holder, but usually it us just to satisfy the would-be chaste man’s cravings.

My wife and I have played with forced chastity. It is great turn on for me. She seems ambivalent, probably just trying to give me a good time. My chastity in a device never lasts more than a week or so for various reasons, none of which have to do with her trying to keep me chaste. I am chaste because she wants me to be chaste. Case closed. No device is required. After all that, I still wonder why I am not into frequent self-gratification.

As much as I am intrigued by chastity devices, I find them totally useless on the long run, unless there is someone other than the chaste man who benefits from it. And there is the rub. If a woman (or man) has to go out of her way to keep a man chaste via a device, and maintain that device, it seems to me that it is not working its (assumed) intended purpose.

If the would-be chaste man needs a device to keep him from messing with other people, he should have his thing whacked off, or his butt kicked out of the relationship.

On the other hand, if the idea of the device is a turn on for both partners, then go for it! That is the only situation that I find viable for the use of a device to enforce chastity.

Any other is just playing games for the benefit of one person or the other, and it is temporary. A bolt cutter or even a pair of pliers will remove the device without the need for a key. Sheesh! I should not dispel myths. People will hate me for it.

2 comments: said...

Well for me blue balls are VERY real. My finacee/mistress denies me orgasm for weeks at a time and when blue balls arrive it is always very painful. I personally hate it because I do want to go longer without orgasm - but there is no escape. I tried to wait for it pass but the pain get exponentially worse every minute and the only way out is a very painful masturbation followed by a unenjoyable orgasm. My balls are not swollen during a BB episode, but they are incredibly sensitive to the touch - sensitive as in very painful. According to some sources - moving around, like walking on steps should also alleviate the problem but I am close to fainting from pain if I try. Obviously blue balls come after repeated erections and long periods of denial - but in my case always occur long after erection has subsided and I have no psychological desire for a relief. Just my $0.02.

Susan's Pet said...

I don't claim to speak for all men. I guess I am lucky for not having experienced Blue Balls. I have gone without orgasm for long periods of time when I was in the Army. Sure I was horny, and could have orgasmed at the slightest provocation, given the chance. I did not have the chance. Being in combat creates other priorities. But I had no painful balls either, just the longing.

We are all different, but I still maintain the premise of what I said in this post. Much of the writing about this stuff is fantasy.