Sunday, December 7, 2008

Am I A Switch?

I could Dominate … To A Certain Extent

Some years ago MW and I were fooling around naked on the bed. I don’t know what compelled me, but I took her wrists and held them over her head in my right hand. I am strong, so I could do that. Getting on top, I had my left hand free to do what was necessary. I mounted her, and had my way with her. For all practical purposes, it appeared that she really got off on being forced. Of course, we did not do anything different from normal, just that I had her wrists confined. When it was over, we both felt good.

Some time later I brought up the situation to find out whether I should do similar things again. She was, at best, noncommittal. She said something like, “I may have faked it.” Even now I don’t know whether she faked it or not. To be on the safe side, I have not tried it again.

I have told MW a number of times that I have the skill, the will, and the commitment to serve her as her dominant, if she ever wants to experience being submissive. When I say this I experience a submissive feeling. The feelings are contradictory in a sense. Dominating a woman in order to serve her is a complex issue. I can visualize a number of scenarios to the smallest detail as she submits to my dominance.

I can see my putting her over my knees, and lovingly spanking her beautifully round buns with my bare hands. Her soft thighs and tummy feel great on my bare knees. I use my fingers to feel the sides of her breast, trace the muscles in her back, and savor the unique dimples just above her butt. She is turned on; her feminine aroma reaches my nostrils and gives me an erection. I put her down on the bed face down, and spread her things. She is wet, and I slide in easily from behind …

Of course, this has not happened. I am not really dominant in the bedroom, or anywhere else with her. What I am is a very sensitive dominant if or when she wants me to be. I know what pushes a submissive’s buttons, for I am one. I can be very emphatic imparting that to her. Even as a temporary dominant, I would be totally dedicated to give her pleasure. Perhaps that is what drives my need to do this.

In my own submission her pleasure is paramount. If I were to dominate her, that would not change. The only difference would be this: instead of her directing what happens next, she would be helpless to just simply experience and enjoy what happens next. The scenario, the extent of pain and pleasure that I impart, would be decided by me based on what I observe of her reaction. Ultimately she would remain in control.

In general I have a hard time accepting a woman being submissive in a D/S relationship. I feel too protective for women to condone it, even when I know for a fact that it is their preference. I happen to know a lovely lady who is that way (A Tantalizing Woman). She is happy with her submission to a trusted man. We exchange light-hearted comments from time to time. I believe she understands my view, and perhaps thinks that I am funny with my idea that women should not submit.

Not that any of this makes a difference, but I wonder: Am I a switch?

Women in Pornography

This is not obviously related to my being submissive or dominant, but it is close to the portrayal of submissive women, which I did bring up.

I run across pornography while searching for full feature movies with sexually charged themes. I have no use for pornography itself. The regular suck and fuck videos and pictures turn me off. There is a lot of female and male beauty that can be shown without getting so vulgar. As much as I love to see women in various stages of undress, I dislike explicit shots of their very private parts displayed in public. Photographs or videos of people with or without clothes can be beautiful, erotic, and very enticing. My objection is when they focus explicitly on genitals or anal areas as a means to grab one’s attention. The context and substance are missing.

Although I am curious, I believe that these shots cheapen and degrade the female beauty, and that sort of view should be reserved between two loving people. Even if she willingly submits to such photography, a woman is being exploited when portrayed doing oral sex, or any kind of sex for that matter. But, I know it is big business, and I am a minority. If these businesses depended on my financial support only, they would be gone in a second. Of course, I am not saying that this business should not exist. As long as there is a market for it, it will persist. I believe in free enterprise as long as we are not dealing with victims of exploitation.

As an attempt to redeem myself on this subject I want to say this. I love to see a fictional movie with a lot of sex between adults, especially including D/S, even when the women are submissive. I like to get involved with the characters, the story, and the plausibility of the portrayed sex. In context, sex is erotic and beautiful. But I find seeing sex just for its own sake cheap, and it is not my preference.

Am I a prude?


mistressusan said...

A prude? No. You have your preferences, and those do not include women being exploited sexually.

Could you be a switch? Most likely, in the context you have presented.

Could you be a bi? In certain situations, yes. You are walking, talking, testosterone.

Anonymous said...

With full apologies to your lovely wife, I must respectfully disagree.

A Switch has always been defined to me as one who can enjoy either role of Dom or sub. Since you are referring to strictly bedroom activities, I am tempted to use Top and bottom.

A Top enjoys being a Top because they hold the power in the situation. Whether this means they are free to "force" their bottom into pleasure services or pleasure the bottom til they burst, the decision is still the Top's. There are "Service Oriented Tops" who take great sexual pleasure in pleasuring their partner...but nonetheless they are still in control.

A bottom enjoys being a bottom because they relinquish their control. Whether this means being pleasured without the ability to choose or pleasuring their Top with or without the promise of sexual reward, the bottom's pleasure is being controlled with the knowledge that they will be kept safe and secure by their Top.

The fact that you would Top your wife for her satisfaction and that your pleasure comes from doing this deed of service signifies (to me, at least) that you are still submissive. Being a Switch would mean that you enjoy both relinquishing the power and having it...when, in fact, your wife holds the power in both situations.

I hope this makes sense. I very rarely get the chance to actively state my many musings.

Best Regards

Susan's Pet said...


Sounds like you have given this subject a lot of thought. You are right, of course. I just want to add that i emphasized that i am a submissive with her. I would prefer to submit to women if she and I did not have a committed relationship. However, If I had run into a woman earlier who was definitely submissive, and wanted my domination, I would have been glad to do it. Instead of a loving submissive, I would have been a loving dominant. Of course, this has not happened, so I don't really know how far my domination would have gone past the bedroom.

Milliscent said...

Like you, I don't enjoy 'hardcore' pornography, but I do enjoy erotic, suggestive visual arts.

I don't though think that all women who work in suck and fuck flicks are exploited. While I imagine that some may be, I presume that they are a small minority, likely a very small minority.

I think that some women truly enjoy it. I think that for others, it is a good way of making a living for them.

Susan's Pet said...

Erotic art? Oh my! One of my favorite is I know, he is stylized, but it just gets me at the most basic level.

On the other subject, I would love to interview a sample of all those absolutely beautiful females of all sizes and ages who do still and video photography for commercial enticement toward female beauty. I don't know this, but guess: many don't have much going for themselves except their transitory beauty. Many have not tried, many will not try, many can't try to be useful in other ways. After all, it is much easier to just bare yourself rather than learn a legitimate profession and practice it. This is why the "industry" persists. This is why some men say, "Once your youth and beauty fades, ..."

I find this sad and wasteful. But women have to learn if they want it fair. Just being female, or just being beautiful, is not enough. They have to use what they have in a positive way. And then what about the not-so-beautiful and older females? If they don't have a plan and implement it, they are just as screwed as any male.