Thursday, November 1, 2007

Where We Began

I feel the need to present some more background information on what is to follow in subsequent posts. I promise that from time to time there will be more interesting material than this. If you get bored here, please skip ahead. You can always come back to this posting to learn why I am doing this.

We have been married long enough to have adult children. During most of our marriage I stayed in charge of most things. It came naturally to me based on how I was raised. My wife was compliant to a degree, but had a passive resistant trait that defeated most of my attempts at having things done the right way (my way). We discussed the hell out of this, but got nowhere. Occasionally we had some bad experiences because of her tendency to self-destruct, and to become abusive toward me due to depression.

For many years I have been interested in reading novels whose theme was one or more females putting a male into a subservient position, and using him to their advantage. I was hungry to read and fantasize about all of this. But the most impressive theme by far, was what dealt with heterosexual marriage where the wife took charge of all aspects of her husband’s life. This led me to buy and study instructional and inspirational books published by female authors (see the list of books on the sidebar). I was still interested in D/S, power exchange, mild S/M, but it was mostly within a loving marriage where the wife was a strict disciplinarian. I guess that most of my fantasy involvement was in the sexual implications of the relationship.

During this time I made the books available to my wife. She may have riffled through them, but otherwise showed no interest. I was disappointed. Keeping in mind that I had made a vow to never request anything from her in order to avoid those bad episodes, our sex life took a downturn and stayed low key. I wanted sex but did not initiate it. If she wanted sex, I had no way of knowing because she would not suggest it. We remained intimate, but it was a miracle if we got together once a month for more than just a kiss and a feel.

My fantasies were not new to her. We talked about them over the years, but it was always in a sexual context. Problem was that neither of us felt natural about them. She was a “good girl” and good girls don’t do that. If I had to ask her, then I felt like I was dealing with a prostitute, which was an immediate turn off for me. Other than an occasional mild and short scenario we never got into anything meaningful.

At some point in the last two years some of the teachings of Ms. Rika and other strongly motivated women finally got through to me. It was not “requesting a certain treatment from my wife,” but “offering to her the benefits of my love and subservience in most things.” We even discussed the implications. My wife may have been skeptical, but went along with it. It did not take long for me to make a radical change in my attitude to make this possible. At the same time I did not expect her to change, at least not much. More on this later.

In the last two years another significant change took place in my life that was not related to this subject. This change enabled me to spend more time at home and with her. The rest of my posts will deal with our newly acquired freedom to practice a wonderful Female Led Relationship within our marriage.

2 comments:

Knight-in-Waiting said...

SP - I've started to read your blog slowly, from the beginning as oppose to skimming through quickly to get the "general idea".

It's going to take time but I'm enjoying it very much. I'll feel more qualified to comment on your more recent posts once having familiarised myself with where you've come from.

Susan's Pet said...

Knight,

I appreciate your interest. I try to write our experiences in a way to convey their reality, yet avoiding some private issues. It is a fine balance between boring and titillating. In many cases the writing helps me to clarify my own thoughts, consequently, some of these earlier conclusions may change over time.