Monday, August 31, 2009

What About Cuckolding?

What Prompted This Treatise?

Reading a recent post at Cuckolding Q+A the author said, “Is it just me or is there a sudden uptick in the number of women seeking cuckold relationships with submissive men?”

I am not concentrating on the subject although I do follow a few blogs whose theme includes or deals with it to a large extent. I think that the above quote shows a symptom of perception rather than a real trend of the underlying cause. More people are willing to talk in this relatively anonymous fashion of blogging. It may have theraputic values so what’s the harm?

Whether the trend is true or not, threre are some problematic relationships posted in blogs. Some blogs have gone extinct as the problems among the players escalated. Others persevered, and yet, new cuckold relationships have been proposed, fantasized, and implemented.

I have left comments on several of these blogs, and may have stepped on some toes with my assessment. This is a fun subject, so I am willing to deal with it to a small exent on this posting.

What Is Cuckoldry?

The simplest definition of the word cuckold is by Meriam Webster: A man whose wife is unfaithful.

It is obvious that the meaning has changed since the time this definition was made. But let’s try to find some reasons why the wife would be unfaithful in any sense of the word. By the way, I am not treating this broad subject to cover any relationship other than between a married man and wife. I also want to point out a fact: cuckoldry has to do with sex, and only sex.

Why Cuckoldry?

  1. Her husband had been unfaithful, and therefore, she no longer feels committed to be true.
  2. Her husband is long-term, or terminally ill, and incapable of providing her need.
  3. She once loved her husband, but in the mean time, another stud came along who could provide all the sex she wants (but not necessarily the support for her present and future well being).
  4. She was never serious about her husband, and hurting him in this way does not matter to her.
  5. She has always wanted more than one sex partner, and being married had not changed that.
  6. Her husband is sexually inadequate.
  7. Her husband has hinted, maybe even helped her to becoming a cuckold.
  8. Her husband has insisted that she help him fulfill his fantasy of being a cuckold.
  9. Her husband went along with his own or somebody’s fantasy of his wanting to be humiliated, and be used by both his wife and the man who gives her sex.
  10. Et. Cetera.

The above list is arranged in order of the severity of lack of a good excuse for cuckoldry. With the first few the woman may have an excuse, and the man may or should condone her acts. After that, the situation takes a different direction. Based on the incomplete list, cuckoldry is not necessarily a positive situation. The items starting with number 6 are fodder for the blogs whose theme, or at least partial theme, is cuckolding. It is also where fantasy enters the picture, whereas the first 5 items are based on reality.

I am not suggesting that items 6 and on are necessarily fantasy. What I mean is that the action of the partners involved is a result of fantasy. If they act on it, it becomes real.

Where The Rubber Meets The Road

A young couple, married or not, can do experimentation in sex covering a wide sort of excesses. They may learn from it, and become wiser. Some will continue the mistakes. What they have is enough chips to play the game for a while. The problem is, people don’t generally remain young, and able to pursue strange games without repurcussions. There are dsyfuncional people who try, and they end up in emergency rooms without funds to pay the cost, or worse, in the morgue.

Cuckoldry is not that dangerous, but it is right up there on the scale of the irresponsibility factor. As we age, we lose more of our chips in the game. The time comes when we need to be responsible for more than just ourselves. And that is when cuckoldry becomes potentially destructive to anyone around. That is when fantasy no longer should drive our actions. Sure, we can still play, but everything comes with a price. When all the chips are gone, it is time to stop playing.

About Item 6 above, give me a frigging break! This appears to be a common theme in the cuckoldry blogs. This is also a pathetic reason for cuckoldry. I know that there are still married couples that had not shared sex before marriage, but they are a dying breed. Most people today shared their little secrets, so if a man was inadequate, i.e., had a tiny cock, the woman would have known that. So why did she marry him if that was an issue? In addition, if it was not an issue then, why has it become an issue later?

About Items 7 and 8, unless she wants to have extramarital sex, this is an issue for a marriage counselor, and eventually for a divorce lawyer.

About Item 9, it seems that there is mutual satisfaction, so if nobody outside the three players is hurt as a result, then all is well. Then again, there is always more than what one assumes at the start. There are petty jealousies, hurt feelings, broken promises, unwarranted expenses, social embarrassments, sexualy transmitted deseases, unexpected pregnancies, etc. As long as you can sail through these rapids, you are all right, but watch your ass when they hit the rocks below.

When three people are involved, it is easy for two to take sides against the third. Regardless of how submissive or commited that third person is, he has a breaking point. There are some things that once broken, cannot be mended.

But Wait, There Is More

In all fairness, I have to admit that there are benign relationsips that persist, and need not result in pain and destruction. Even when a couple has young children this is a possibility. But then the relationship shifts from cuckoldry to a threesome or foursome, or just a stable relationship among friends with mutual respect and higly sexual expectation where nobody is truly being hurt or humiliated. The sumbmissive man in the relationship may still have to “serve” his wife or the other male, but that is part of the scenario to which all agreed. If it lasts, it is because they all want it to last. It is almost like a marrige between two men and a woman.

But this is not a situation when the wife finds some horny men over the internet, and the two or three of them end up in an overnight stay at a cheap motel while hubby is fantasysing at home. He waits for wifie to return to ride his face so that he can clean out the other men’s juices. It’s great to imagine while one is masturbating, but not to actually experience. Usually, life has some nasty surprises around every corner, and there is a very good chance that the nasties will show up more often than not.

1 comment:

doll said...

My own ex-husband strayed out of our marriage and one of the reasons was that he felt that he had missed out by only ever having had sex with me. I have recently encountered another man who at 50 has suddenly decided he doesn't want to die only ever having had sex with his wife. I know that we get the impression that men and women are all madly rooting like rabbits but there are still people out there who have only ever had one sexual partner and who might feel that it was a good reason to experiment outside their marriage.