Oh, The Children!

I have obtained inspiration from Mistress Kathy’s blog, and have commented on them a number of times. She is a caring and loving leader in her marriage, and a disciplinarian to her submissive husband. She is also good at relating to us the way she sees things. We need not agree with everything she says, but it is fun reading, and she is right most of the time. This time she again inspired me to post by her statement:

“On some level I would like to talk with my daughter. I would like to tell her that as part of her father's love for me he gives me complete obedience. I would like to tell her that I train and discipline him to be a better husband. I want to tell her that sweet, obedient men are truly a gift from God to be appreciated and loved. However, this is a conversation that I can not find the words to start.”

We try to teach our children to do the right thing, so that they survive and prosper. But in Mistress Kathy’s statement there is more. She wants to give her daughter information that, she assumes, would improve the lives of everybody around her. Alas, social prejudices prevail. Pity.

My wife and I don’t blatantly display our lifestyle to anyone. Our children may have some suspicions about who is in charge, but have no knowledge that I get my ass whipped if I don’t behave. In a way, I see nothing wrong with their learning that. We are not imposing our particular lifestyle on them if this became known.

The problems are based on current mores. In a patriarchal society, which is mostly what we live in, the man should be in charge, but not necessarily discipline his wife, and certainly not in an abusive way. It would be equally bad if a wife were to discipline her husband in an abusive way. Justification for either is a matter of subscribing to a degree of D/S.

Another problem we face is that parents are supposed to educate children by example. If the parents are dysfunctional, what does that convey to the children? A man who abuses his children or wife is dysfunctional. He may disagree, but it clearly shows that he does not have the mental capacity to be rational and fair. The same goes for a woman who behaves similarly.

Now, if we step back a bit, and get into kinky stuff, we can rationalize a lot. If a woman loves to submit to a dominant man, and loves to be locked into a cage occasionally, or even receive corporal punishment, is anyone being abused? Her male partner may be doing all that to satisfy her need to be treated that way. Given that, I see nothing wrong with a woman satisfying her man’s need to be dominated in any way to which they both agree. But this is not something that either of them would want to discuss at great length with their children. It’s kind of like not discussing the details of their sexual intercourse: the children know that it happens, but the details are not necessary. I would also have a problem with the children seeing their father's ass whipped by their mother for some assumed misbehavior.

To impart any of this to our children it may be sufficient to demonstrate the basics. For example, how their father behaves with respect to their mother, with his children, and with people in general.

I don’t feel the need to impress anyone. I know that there is always some other person who is better than I am at whatever I am trying to prove about myself. At some point in my life I concluded that my actions speak more about me than any words. I let people make up their mind about me based on what they see me do. In the same sense, our children make up their mind about my wife and me. The nice thing about this is that I never have to explain the reason for whatever I do. If they don’t see it right away, they will in a while given the context.

My wife and I have agreed several times that it would be good to introduce FLR to our daughter and daughter-in-laws. However, we decide not to share this aspect of our life so blatantly. If our actions don’t demonstrate it, they probably would not benefit from it. If they already suspect, then they know more than we assume, and should know what to do with it.

Getting back to Mistress Kathy’s comment, I think that she could tell her daughter the generality of her relationship with her husband. Her daughter need not see it the same way, but it does not matter. Kathy should keep the details to herself, for they are irrelevant to the matter of educating her daughter. This would relive stress all around.