Thursday, November 27, 2008


You may call me "simplistic", or even "simple" for that matter. I am not a psychologist, so what I propose here is not authoritative, just genuine: anyone who hates women has a few loose bricks... Just like those of you out there who hate cats, or fat men or queers (sorry, in behalf of political correctness, I meant to say "gays"), hatred is just irrational. Yes, one can develop hatred to some people based on being the victim of repeated abuse. I would call that rational hatred. This is something else.

One submissive man on his blog was saying that his Mistress “… believes most subs are truly misogynists at heart because its their expectation that they see a Domme as a mean to their own end.” Mistress, according to the writer is a retired pro Domme. Hmm.

This assumed belief begs to be examined in the light of rational reasoning. It is also open to heated debate of extreme points of view.

There are men who hate women, so some men who visit pro Dommes are misogynists. There are women who hate men, so there are pro Dommes who hate men. But hate is not a requirement for the relationship. Rather, there is a symbiotic relationship between them similar to physical therapy, psychological therapy, carpet cleaning, plumbing, prostitution, etc.

If this Mistress does indeed believe what the man says, it appears that she has a low opinion of men who visit her for professional services. Or maybe men in general. Maybe she hates men. Is there a word for "hating men"? Going with the reasoning of this particular “retired Domme” we can also conclude “all pro Dommes hate men.” This is just as absurd as saying, “All subs who visit pro Dommes hate women.”

The “pro Domme–submissive client relationship” is benign. There is no need to scratch at it like one would scratch at a scab. I would love to get a treatment of female domination as much as any man, but I would not consider visiting a pro Domme for that purpose. Yet I see nothing wrong with another man doing so. There are situation in which that is the only way that a man’s primal need can be satisfied. He may be in a totally committed relationship that does not provide that need. Should he sacrifice the satisfaction of his need? What if it was the woman who needed such, and the man could not provide it? Should she just grin and bear it?

I don’t criticize men who use a pro Domme's services. And I definitely don’t believe that these men do so because they are misogynists. A professional Domme may have gone into business for the monetary rewards, for sexual thrill, or for revenge against earlier offense. It could be a combination. I condone the first two. The last, however, needs to be treated. Hate in any context is not a constructive attitude.


Milliscent said...

I believe that truly amazing bdsm encounters, professional or not, are the result of something quite akin to a dance.

The dominant and submissive must both cooperate with the rules of the dance, and more importantly must throw their whole beings into the dance.

Such and encounter is a thing of great intimacy and bonding.

As a result I do not believe that a great bdsm encounter can be gained from an outlook of hatred. A dominatrix who 'hates men' or a submissive who 'hates women' will never be able to provide his or her partner with a level of intimacy required to craft a truly amazing bdsm scene.

Susan's Pet said...

All you said is true, and is like icing on the cake. But the cake itself must be made of trust.

The main reason why I have a hard time hiring a professional (plumber, pshychologist, etc.) is because I don't trust people without some assurance that they are who and what they claim to be. Walking into an intimate relationship, such as professional D/S, must rely on trust on both sides.

I have not experienced this particular relationship, but I can certainly imagine it. The bonding, or dance as you have put it can be quite strong, somewhat like love, only on a different plane. Either person can be hurt when the other turns out to be less than expected.

A person with hatred may fool anyone, at least for a while.

A slightly different slant on the subject is the matter of being a gentleman or a gentlewoman. The term is not a matter of one's coming into inheritance or suddenly acquiring wealth. Rather, it is a matter of demeanor, and it cuts across economical, educational, and racial lines. I can visualize a Dominatress and her client as being one of this class. In this case hatred is not an option.

Miss AJ said...

I have only met two pro-dommes (to my knowledge) and it is clear to me that they love and adore men. They simply find that they can earn an income from their particular kink.

Misandry is the counterpoint to misogyny.

Susan's Pet said...

Miss AJ,

Thank you for the word.

It is great when a person can earn a living while loving what she or he does. Being a professional Domme is one possibility for an intellingent and sensitive woman.