Friday, March 7, 2008

Emphasis Is on Sex

My assertion is that sex is more of a motivator for men, or women who have masculine tendencies, than for women in general. This means that an entire relationship is likely to be based on sex with strong D/S emphasis for men and masculine women.

I must admit that much of my opinion on relationships and sex is based on what I have read of and by the participants. Aside from my own relationships in my marriage and on the job, I don’t get detailed insight into how two people conduct their daily lives. I get “peeps” as if through a narrow window, and may form instant opinion that could be absolutely wrong.

On the other hand, a lot can be discerned from readers’ comments that are likely more authentic and realistic than blogs themselves in general. The reason is that a blog can range from reality to fiction, and it is hard or impossible to tell for sure, whereas comments are elicited responses to stimuli, like closing one’s eyes against a sudden strong light. Given that assumption I can rely on statistics of certain attitudes in the comments on a blog. This does not mean that I dismiss what I read in blogs themselves, or in stories for that matter. It simply means more reliance on the sincerity of some information versus another.

Now that I have almost dug myself into a hole of obscurity I will go on with my point. As usual, my central theme is sex. For classification purposes I will identify D/S relationships as: male/female (m/f), female/male (f/m), male/male (m/m) and female/female (f/f). I am excluding vanilla relationships regardless of in which category they belong, because on this forum we are dealing with a stronger ratio of dominance scale (see Pontification #2: Relationships).

As usual, I want to present my disclaimer. I am not bashing any style of relationship. In specific, I know that there are successful and loving homosexual relationships with normal and productive partners. This time I choose to skip discussing vanilla relationships of any style.

Female/Male Relationship

We have already established that most FLRs are instigated, started, and their momentum maintained by men. It is only when in this budding FLR the woman has a revelation. She realizes that she can have it any way she wants, and she really becomes involved to the extent of wanting to maintain it. There are exceptions, such as when the woman starts the relationship. Although I find this intriguing, and a lot more interesting, I will not say much about this narrow segment of population for now.

With the above observation I remind you of the other observation that I have covered already in “It's All About Sex,” It is indeed all about sex, but not to the woman. It is to the man. The rest is what I would call “fringe benefits” for both.

If you bother to dig a bit, you will see that, unlike a budding FLR, a successful FLR belongs in the f/m category. The keyword is successful. Although sex is the basic driving force for the man, the woman may or may not feel as strongly about it. She may feel as strong, or stronger, about the other aspects. She may like the power, the freedom, the lack of involvement with daily drudgery, so she will support the relationship. The man still wants to be dominated in the bedroom, living room, closet, garage, etc., but in a sexual way. Even her saying, “Fetch me a drink,” is interpreted by him as a sex act. He can tell because it gives him an erection, especially when other females are present.

The bottom line on this is that the woman is not generally walking around with a hard on, and sex is not utmost on her mind. She may demonstrate her position by blatant dominance that does not need to include sex. She sees the world in a different way than the man who wants to serve her. This is the only category of relationships in D/S where sex is not the prime directive, but an elective fringe benefit.

Male/Female Relationship

I have read novels of this genre, and done a little reading of blogs. As much as I like D/S stories whether fictional or real, I seldom like to see a woman being submissive to a man. This is especially true when the relationship involves corporal discipline. There was one exception of a novel, called, “Patsy Pendleton.” It gave me a number of drippy erections, and I actually liked the story because in it the good guys won, and the bad guys got their due in time. But even with that, I sort of imagined myself in her place all along.

The few blogs that I perused where the female is submissive present the relationship as sexual above all. This is true whether given from the female or male perspective. I assume that this is true because it is the man who drives the relationship, and sex with domination is the number one priority.

In a m/f situation the male is the dominant over the female. We all know what is on his mind. The female happens to need the domination by the male, so she goes with whatever he wants to an agreed upon degree. Issues such as vacuuming, laundry, toilet cleaning, etc., are seldom discussed, and are often irrelevant (contrast this with a successful FLR). In most cases we don’t have an idea who does them. Sex is always there, with the exception of when the participants are ill or dealing with Income Tax. Expect the man to have a constant erection, and the woman feels like a failure if he lets up on his attention to her.

Female/Female Relationship

I have very little exposure to this, since I don’t frequent Lesbian blogs. I have read some short stories and novels that I found arousing. This is because I love females so much. I can’t think of much that any female would do which I would find unattractive.

Based on my limited view I will state that this relationship is also more about sex than not. As a start, one of the partners would be more masculine, and tend to be the dominant. Being sexually charged that way goes without saying. That does not mean that the submissive partner has no sex on her mind, just that she is not the one dictating the style.

One could pervert the issue claiming, “This could be an FLR where the more feminine partner is actually in charge, and the masculine partner plays the role of the submissive male.” Fine. Sex is still the primary issue. Without the sex the relationship is vanilla but lacks the prime human directive of reproduction. You already know my opinion of the 50-50 relationships (see Pontification #2: Relationships and Why FLRs Are Successful).

Male/Male Relationship

I have read very little about this. For one, I am only mildly interested, and there is not enough time in a day. For another, I can tolerate only so much testosterone-bloated sexual scenes before I get bored. This D/S relationship never seems to go past oral or penetrating sex with some whipping thrown in. Everything else seems to be incidental. In other relationships there are issues of real life: family, children, working, politics, religion, health, etc. In this there is only sex and D/S. Even when something real is brought in, it circles back to the main topic.

Another issue is about male homosexual pornography. To me it is a great turn-off. When I see pictures of stylized males in leather and metal harnesses, military gear, Gestapo-style caps, bulging muscles, etc., I hasten past them. You might ask how I end up seeing these, well, you know, sometimes Internet links and titles are misleading. The result is like walking on the lawn after dark: you will step in it.

I know pornography has its place, but it seems to overload one’s senses with its blatantly stylized visual quality. If I ever had thoughts of joining in a m/m liaison, I would be scared off by these portrayals of supposed mainstream relationships. Which supports my claim that it is all about sex.


Urmel said...

Very interesting, almost academic research.

I have been looking into sub-female/dom-male blogs and I find it curious how different the attitudes are. Many of the sub-females want exists just for their owner's pleasure. Punishment is to adjust train them and adjust their behavior. Personally, I can relate to this far more than to many of the suppressive fantasies of my male fellows.

Susan's Pet said...


I consider myself somwhat of a switch, although I have never dominated a female. I could do it, but in very much of a loving way. For example, if I had a female slave, and I would love to have one, I would do everything to give her what she craves. But as I always say, I dig in so far that I come out the other side. So, would I be forcing her to serve me? Or would I be serving her? It does not really matter as long as it works. The only thing that I can't abide is a man mistreating a woman without her absolute and unmistakable consent.