Sunday, February 17, 2008

Reset

After our most recent bump in the road Another Bump In the Road to FLR MWs behavior has been reserved. The evening before last she refused my application of our regular leg and foot massage with the comment, “I have not been the Mistress whom you deserve, so I don’t think that I deserve this.” I try to be an easygoing fellow, so I just joined her in bed without comment.

The problem is that whatever causes these negative spikes in our FLR don’t just go away without being addressed and doing something about the underlying issues. Much has to do with perception and that ever-thoroughly-fucking-useless-and-destructive human emotion, self-righteousness. According to my understanding of her statement, she will not continue these nice perks of our FLR until she does more of what I expect her to do.

Strange. If she were to do all that I expect, then she is either a professional whom I hired, or a submissive to me. By conclusion, if she is not doing all that I expect, then she should not be paid for the service.

That is totally backward from what we have been trying to do all along, which is: I serve her, she enjoys it, and I don’t ask for payment. Sure, I would like something in return once in a while, but that is not a requirement or a condition of my serving her. Let’s not confuse this with normal human emotions exhibited by either of us. I did not say that I will never be hurt, or that I will always behave in a way that she expects me to behave, assuming that I would know what that is. But I did say that she has the power to correct my behavior in any way that is deemed appropriate by her. She keeps forgetting this, and on the rare occasions when she remembers, she thinks that I might not take it in the spirit in which it is given.

She is still very tentative about resuming our loving FLR thinking that she is not doing her part. Maybe she needs to decide and define what her part is, so that we can agree that she is or is not doing it. I am not looking for a written contract, but it would be good to know how she sees her obligations. One of these obligations should be a clearly stated escape clause: she has the right to do nothing in return for my services. At times like this I could point to it and say, “You are doing exactly what you agreed to do, therefore, you are blameless.”

Let’s not kid ourselves. I will say again “It takes two to have a relationship.” I am not the na├»ve submissive who claims that she does not ever have to do anything except enjoying my service. I don’t work in vacuum. I need some feedback and a feeling that what I do is valuable. But that does not mean that I have list of stuff that she must do otherwise the deal is off. I know that there are things that she wants to do that turn out to be too difficult for her. There are times when an ordinary act can become impossible for her. I acknowledge that, and try not to hold a grudge. I am here to help. At other times let’s just do what feels good or feels right, and not worry about protocol, obligations, or expectations.

The wonderful aspect of voluntary FLR is that it is given freely and with love, not guilt. Guilt should be neither a motivator nor a detractor. I don’t want to feel guilty, and I don’t expect MW to feel guilty. We will make mistakes, and we must get over them without breaking this loving thread that binds us together.

3 comments:

At all Times said...

It always amuses me to hear different submissive’s views about what it is that they should or would like to receive back from their wives in a WLM. Because it invariably is the man who has asked for this type of relationship, and by definition is submitting to his wife, many seem to feel that they should give service, and worship their wife unconditionally and in some cases expect nothing in return, save for the right to serve her. If you are anything like me, this will almost certainly not be enough. It is one thing to serve your wife, to pamper her, to follow her lead, to be a good husband, but unless there is a certain level of recognition, a certain expectation, a certain air of recognition from your wife that she is in charge and enjoying her power then I don’t believe that a man can sustain a significantly consistent level of service necessary to fulfil his own desire or fantasy on his own.

I agree that it is a two-way thing and that you can’t rely on guilt as a motivator to elicit some form of reaction. It has to come from a mutual understanding of what it is that both of you feel happy with, but most importantly how comfortable your wife can be taking charge and expressing it.

If you cant sit down and discuss this openly, then it will have to come overtime slowly as either you adapt your own expectations and desires or until your wife starts to express herself in ways that will make you feel that you are controlled. The latter is of course more frustrating and can take much longer but I belive that it is possible to get quite along way without the need to express yourself to clearly, and risk spoiling what you have. I will be talking a bit more about this in my next entry.

One thing that I have learned to accpet is that even when your wife accpets her position of power, there are still significant peaks and troughs in my daily WLM life as life, kids, moods, illness etc etc seem to conspire and get in the way.

Susan's Pet said...

At All Times,

My friend, I agree completely.

whatevershesays said...

Great post. I really enjoy your down to earth blog.

at all times: I agree.