Saturday, February 9, 2008

Poster Couple for FLR Part 4 - She Has the Last Word

FLRs go from one extreme to the next. Some have rigid rules about what the male may not do, or must do, what the consequences are, etc. Much of that depends on who has initiated the relationship.

If the male set up the whole thing, and is telling his female partner what all she is expected to do to or for him, it is likely to be a very short-term relationship. It may even terminate a marriage. In any case, he comes with a wish list that she is expected to fill over time. If she is nice enough, she will do some, she may even grow into her new role and enjoy it. But the rules of the game are likely to be few because the more or stricter his self-imposed rules are, the more she has to track and adjust.

If the relationship was initiated by the female, it is more likely to be strict and restrictive of the male’s activities. This is because it is she who wants it a certain way, and is willing to go to the trouble to enforce it. She knows what she wants. She is already in the proper mind set for it. No matter how many rules she forces on him, it is her doing, so she should not feel as if she is doing him a favor. It is the male who must adjust his attitude and expectations for the relationship to thrive. Some of us might say, “lucky fellow”, “I wish that I were in that situation,” etc. Maybe. What if he does not want that sort of thing? But we are not really talking about those rare cases here.

A very relaxed FLR is where there are few rules. I will get to those in the last part of this series, “What if We Give Up on FLR”. All I have to say here is that in our case MW is in charge. You may make of that what you wish. The bottom line is that she is the one who makes the rules, and can be as arbitrary as she pleases. I am not advocating that particular aspect, just trying to point out that it is within her power to do it. I do get annoyed occasionally when she gets too arbitrary, and I show it. Sometimes she takes it in stride, sometimes she shuts down, and at other times she punishes me for it. We are dealing with humans here, not programmed machines. We adjust. When the perturbation is over, we go back to where we were, but usually wiser and stronger.

If there is any doubt in any confrontation about what to do next, it is easy for me to decide: whatever she wants. If she cannot decide, we decide together. The above covenants exist in our minds, not in writing. Although we could write them into a contract, it would not change a thing. If she says, “Do this,” I “do this.” If she says, “Don’t do that,” I “don’t do that.” This is also very easy on me, because I never have to think about whether I should or should not do something involving her or what she has already defined. If I do it, I might earn some benefits. If I don’t do it, it begins to gnaw at the relationship, and leads to potentially bad things.

I know that this sounds like I am “pussy whipped”. Maybe I am. At least, I wish that I were. But this also leaves me open to free thinking, decision-making, and autonomous action within our simple scope of FLR.

Contrast this with the wish of many submissive males who have a need to be totally dependent on their owner, who don’t want to make decisions, who absolutely need detailed instructions on their daily behavior. This is total sexual, marital, social, and financial domination. As I said in the leading paragraph, I am discussing extremes here, and not judging any one’s relationship. In fact, some of this occurs daily in any FLR. The differences are in the duration, degree, and frequency.

In summary, I emphasize this: MW has the last word. I am allowed to think what I want, I have a lot of latitude in decisions, but I also know where I am heading, and for whom I work. I like that. It makes some of my decisions simple. It also puts some burden on MW, so I am not surprised when she turns it around and says, “You decide!” That’s kind of funny, because that puts me in charge of those situations. As I said earlier, “The more you dig in, the more you are likely to come out the other side.”

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