Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Some Clinical Thoughts on Male Chastity

There is a lot of discussion of this subject, mostly specifics (chafing, how long, pinching, etc.) and ignoring the reality of the implications. You have to decide what you want in the way of male chastity:

  1. Do you want your male to be chaste, such that he has sex only with you?
  2. Do you want your male to be chaste such that he does not orgasm unless you allow and supervise it?
  3. Do you want your male to be chaste such that he does not have access to his private parts unless you allow and supervise it?
  4. Do you want him to have no sex at all?

In a loving FLR any of the above will be an option some of the time. Only in extreme D/S would the scale escalate toward category 4 and for long times.

I have thought about this over the years, and experienced some to a certain extent. MW is not exactly consistent on demonstrating what she wants on this subject, let alone my knowing what she wants. As a result we range from category 1 to 4 not because of plan or purpose, but more because of whims. I am not whimsical. I know what I want and need. But there is nothing I can do about it in our relationship. She is whimsical, and she does whatever she wants or needs. Which is why my chastity scenario ranges from category 1 to 4 with or without affixed devices.

Category 1: Do you want your male to be chaste, such that he has sex only with you?

This is very much like a commitment to a relationship without rules other than marriage vows: “If you stray, I kick your ass out!” In vanilla and some FLR that could mean, “I, female, do what I want, but you, male, are committed only to me,” whether right or wrong,

Category 2: Do you want your male to be chaste such that he does not orgasm unless you allow and supervise it?

This is restrictive in the sense of category 1, but with additional limits: the dominant female wants to insure that the submissive male has no sex unless permitted by her. This implies a deeper commitment, and in some cases physical impairment of the ability to perform sex whether self-induced or shared with an unauthorized partner. Although psychological deterrents work, this is were devices come in. In some cases, such as mine, it is sufficient for the dominant partner to say, “You will have no sex other than what I induce or authorize.” This is what I term psychological deterrent. It implies some sort of punishment if not following the expectations.

In other cases physical deterrents are applied in the form of chastity devices. Why would the dominant partner deem this necessary? Well, some men are weak when it comes to sexual gratification. Some are not committed to their partner. Some crave the illicit gratification and potentially subsequent punishment.

We know that chastity devices are not a cure-all, and can be defeated. For example, see http://exploringtheds.blogspot.com/2007/02/chastitys-chimera.html, and http://mrsclaudia.blogspot.com/2007/02/chastity-reality-or-fantasy.html. There are countless “forums” that deal with this. On the other hand, some devices work for some people, and the only way to know is to try. But before you buy the device, be sure you know your expectations, for not any of them are fully chastity proof.

The severity of needed prevention somewhat dictates the style of the device and the degree of enforcement. For example, some can keep a man from any kind of sex, but allow pulling out of the device and be open to just about any kind of sex at that point. It may not be possible to re-insert the parts without the dominant’s knowledge, but that would be after the fact. Sometimes in the heat of the moment expected consequences are not a deterrent.

There are some devices that prevent any kind of intercourse other than adjacent touch by a vibrator. No apparent evidence of an orgasm is available except immediately after the fact. As I said, none are totally functional given some requirements, but suffice for most situations. Of course, extreme measure can be taken to prevent this, but then it is fringing on Category 3. It is also possible that threat of punishment can be a deterrent, but then the situation reverts to Category 2 with some fun devices for added enhancement.

Category 3: Do you want your male to be chaste such that he does not have access to his private parts unless you allow and supervise it?

This is getting into serious interference with access to one’s parts. Some chastity belts with or without enhancements fulfill this role, and it requires serious commitment on both partners. The submissive must be ready to accommodate the inconvenience of not being able to fondle his parts under any circumstances with the exception of when the female removes the device and allows it. This can be awkward in some social or public situations, and uncomfortable even in private. The female now has the responsibility of limiting the male’s access even when the device is off, say, by cuffing his hands behind his back temporarily. These devices almost completely remove the possibility of self-induced orgasm except in rare and weird cases. If the female is consistent in monitoring her male’s activity, this is about perfect for enforced chastity.

Category 4: Do you want him to have no sex at all?

This is extreme in chastity enforcement and orgasm denial. I will mention but not get into irreversible surgical procedures, which I consider psychological aberrations. What is left is total commitment by both to the rules, but backed up by physical equipment of sometimes more than one variety, and with possible enhancement. In this case the female is really dedicated to monitor and enforce the male’s compliance, for a long term or permanent chastity may be more than any male wants or can endure without strict enforcement.

How to achieve chastity?

Categories 1 and 2 are like a gentlemen’s agreement: he promises not to do certain things. If a device is present as a reminder or some technical limitation, it is understood that it can be defeated with some expected consequences. In some cases enhancements can be added to ease the male’s decision into knowing that straying is not possible without evidence and subsequent repercussions.

Some enhancements make it painful to do, or even think of straying. For example, the devices styled along CBXXXX can have additions, such as the KSD (http://www.keptforher.com/comparison.html) or Points of Intrigue (http://www.chastityplay.co.uk/acatalog/QPointsofIntrigueCB3000Curve.html) beside homemade modifications. Any of these will interfere with and can make erections painful, thereby serving as deterrents to self-gratification. In addition, a female can use it to tease and torment the male simply by inducing erections.

Other enhancements rely on piercings to prevent extended erections, removal, and even self-gratification. In general the piercings are Prince Albert or frenum, but can be other styles. What is common is that the piercing offers a way to attach the chastity device such that it is absolutely not removable without a key or destruction. Of course, to serve this purpose, the pierced flesh must be secured with a locking device rather than removable jewelry, unless one is back to the honor system.

Interestingly, the pierced anatomy lends itself to a very simple chastity approach as suggested by Aradia in a comment at http://destinyandherpetchance.blogspot.com/: have a frenum or Prince Albert and a scrotum piercing done, then join them with a regular lock. This requires thoroughly healed piercings with welded or soldered rings; otherwise the lock itself is useless. Also keep in mind that if the tip of the cock is joined with the bottom of the scrotum, the parts form a loop, which is comfortable only when flaccid. Urination and nocturnal erections do get to be bothersome. This too, is a great source of torment for a submissive male to be administered by a female. Although straying through intercourse is impossible, orgasm is not really controlled. On the other hand, the pain induced by prolonged erection should be a deterrent to self-induced pleasure. As before, this does not prevent the female from teasing and tormenting the male while being handicapped in such manner.

Regardless of your purpose, methods, devices, or rules, with rare exceptions, this is a game that two people play consensually. There is no rule that says you must play. The play may get real from time to time, it may even get out of hand, but don’t take it too seriously. It is fun; it enhances the shift of power in a way that men usually advocate in an FLR. But just like other kinks, such as CBT, corporal punishment, cuckolding, etc., it’s not for everybody, and can’t be permanent.


Knight-in-Waiting said...

Yesterday I spent way too much time researching chastity devices. Because anything like this is not going to happen in my relationship for years. I was considering the idea of stealth chastity but decided it was a stupid idea and besides my wife would no doubt hear the padlock knocking against the device every time I moved, and I'd have to remove it at night.

When I first realised that I wanted to be involved in a WLM I hadn't even considered the notion of chastity. In fact not so long ago I'd written it off as ridiculous. Now, a few months into a stealth submission campaign in the hope to achieve a WLM I'm thinking that given time I can achieve this for real with my wife. I get most aroused by the thought of No. 4 on your list.

My wife once told me that "if I ever fucked about with another woman" she'd kill me. I'll remind her of that conversation when I propose the idea of chastising me with a "Steel Chastity Cock Cage" available from Extreme Restraints. It looks so hefty and adequate and it's made of shiny steel as oppose to plastic.

I have no idea how practical it would be to wear this but I believe I'd be happy to in accordance to No. 4 on your list with very occasional release for intercourse (with my wife naturally).

Susan's Pet said...


My friend, I know how strong a need for this relationship can be, so bear with me, I am on your side.

I think that your wife did not really mean to kill you when she said, '..."if I ever fucked about with another woman" she'd kill me,' yet I believe that she was serious. But that is a long way from acting out chastity scenarios. Considering that you budding FLR is still developing, and if you are fortunate, it will continue to do so, the category 4 chastity relationship to which you refer is a bit abstract for the moment. It may be a wonderful fantasy, but you need to be less expectant until your wife's understanding of your needs matures.

If you have not experienced forced male chastity, I suggest you begin with something on the category 2 level and see how it goes. There are very real issues that you need to suffer before you decide that the lifestyle if for you. Your wife may also be more willing to support that, and then see how it goes. I am not excluding the possibility that she would wholeheartedly embrace your needs from the beginning once introduced to it. Just that it is not likely.

There is a tremendous range of "bedroom domination" that is somewhat apart from FLR, although the two can and often coincide. If you are leaning more toward the former at the expense of the latter, then your approach needs to be different. In either case, your wife needs to understand your needs, and ask you what you are willing to give or give up for it. Just be careful about what you wish. "Category 4" is a powerful fantasy, but it is a heavy duty commitment that I don't think I would want to handle. Enjoy the ride!

helpmate hubby said...

I have done some researh on this and would point out that the medical consesnus is that a man needs to orgasm at least every 4-6 weeks for prostrate health. So in my mind any chastity lifestyle should still be guided by that princpal as people need to be healthy.

Having said that, i would love to live permanently at level 3 as i know it would fortify my submissive attitude greatly.

BTW great analysis Susan's Pet your posts are awesome!

Susan's Pet said...


Thank you for your comment. Interesting about your chosen category 3. Not many males have the balls to admit to that, let alone go with it when the time comes. I sort of swing between 1 and 3, mainly because I just like to feel my parts from time to time. Not necessarily in a sexual way (although I would not exclude that), but just as an appreciation of my endowement and potential.

In some extreme fantasy books category 4 did give me a thrill, but I know that I would be very unhappy with it even if I got a lot of other attention.

As much as I like to dwell in fantasy, for the present, I will take reality with all of its pesky omissions and failures. Later on I might change. Happy category 3 to you!

Knight-in-Waiting said...

Ok, I was dwelling in fantasy when I posted my first comment. Now I'm back in the real world I'd take a combination of 1 and 2 and very occasionally 4.

It would be interesting to get a female perspective on this...

Susan's Pet said...


Welcome back to reality. By the way, you mentioned stealth chastity in your first comment. You might consider what I have done. Over the years, before these devices became the topic of lunch room conversations, I used to experiment with various home made devices applied to my male parts. I got some thrill out of it as long as I remained horny. All this without my wife's knowledge. At some point she may have either seen me with the devices on, or she may have seen the devices. It was not until about two years ago that I sent her some email about somebody's experience with the CB2000. At this point she became interested. We bought it at her suggestion. I could have bought it before, and just play with it when she was not around, and maybe "accidentally" leave it some place where she could see it. As it turns out, it was not necessary.

I still play with devices occasionally when she is away, unless she left me with the cage on already.