Let Us Be Real

I love colors. My memories go back to Christmas candies wrapped in brilliant foils of blue, yellow, green, purple, etc. Of course, my appreciation of colors does not stop there. I am a connoisseur of female underwear.

Whoa! Is there a connection? Well, in a way there is. If you go to a store with national chain establishment you get your basic white or beige female underwear as the available staple.

Oh, before I go further, I will clarify. When I say, “I am a connoisseur of female underwear” I mean on a female person, not me. I would look like crap wearing it, and have no desire to do so. However, I love to see it on women. A matching set of bra and panties on a woman turns up my appreciation to near meltdown. Go figure!

It is no wonder that I want to acquire a set for MW even though there is no pseudo holiday coming up, say, Valentine’s day, mothers’ day, birthday, and so on. I just thought that it would be nice to give her a few new sets that would beg to be hand washed by me because they are so beautiful. Basically it was the colors that turned me on. But then, black (lack of color in scientific terms), and white (all colors in scientific terms) have their appeal when worn by the appreciated female, so I am not picky. It’s just that I love brilliant colors.

It’s no use going to stores that I know. Besides the basics I mentioned above, these stores have nothing. The brilliant hues must be sold by some establishment, and I needed to research, “Enter Internet.”

The first hurdle was running into what I call “stick figure advertisement”. They show unreal women in skimpy stuff that would require 1/10 of a cubic inch (size of a pea) to contain if packing your luggage. I am not giving away my preferences here, but seeing female models who may have been starved to near death before allowed to appear in front of the camera is not my idea of reality. I have not done research on the average weight of females who are willing to pay for underwear, but I am willing to bet my yearly allocation of wine that it is not 78 pounds. I am sure that it is closer to 120, and there is a large camp of 145 and on.

The problem with this is that if I have a favorite female in mind for the gift, and she is larger than the 78-pound emaciated pathetic waif, I have a hard time visualizing the result of my gift. I would like to stomp the idiots who decide that this sort of advertisement is proper.

Maybe I gave up too soon. Aside from the out of proportion models I failed to find the brilliant colors that I set out to acquire. I still visualize MW in these colors with her wonderful endowments enhanced by them. Not that she does not look great dressed only in her freckles, just that, sometimes a bit of decoration does wonders. I need some help here with the colors and size. Where, oh where, do I go?