What Do You Mean By "Sex"?

I like to sort things so that I understand them. It also helps me to explain or convey ideas to others. I will try to explain sex, as in “doing it”, rather than a noun.

Visual:

Viewing material that is conducive to subsequent sexual acts. Somewhat like foreplay, either shared or solo.

Aural

Same as Visual, except a different set of senses come into consideration; also a desired style of monolog or dialog may be coveted.

Tactual

Running one’s hand, tongue, or other protuberance over the body parts of one’s partner. This is wide-open to interpretation.

Oral

Facial contact with the parts of the partner. Lips, tongue, teeth, mouth, and genitals, may be in use in any circumstance from either partner.

Impact

Application of tools that cause pain, resulting in sounds at the moment of impact and also as a result of the above.

Silent intrusion

This covers a wide range. It could be bondage, insertions, confinement, and application of tools, deprivation or application of senses-related issues, and others I don’t wish to cover but you are welcome to do so.

Blatant sexual intercourse

I am sure that you know all about this.

Other

I will skip over these for the nonce. Feel free to add your preferences to your response.

My opinion of sex, as described above, is “Bring it on!” I can do solo, which is not very satisfying, or I can do duo, which is excellent as long as my partner subscribes to open-minded sex. Yes, there is also more than duo situation, and I could accommodate that willingly. Sure, there may be a limit, but I have never reached it.

Assuming you are of age and a bit past childhood you have experienced most of what I presented above. So, when you say, “We have sex”, what do you mean? What do you want? What do you need?

When The Momentum Is Gone

A student of physics will learn that a body will continue on its present course based on momentum. So will a man subjected to FLR.

Momentum is described in many terms depending on the context. If a body is subjected to a force that would deter it from its path, the body will spend its momentum to resist the force. Unless another force is applied to the body to compensate, the momentum will be spent, and the body will become a captive of the prevailing force, or another interesting term, entropy. Entropy is the absence of opposing forces once all energy is spent. It is a total lack of energy.

While humans, except in rare cases, are not subject to entropy, losing momentum is common. It is a result of having no input into the energy reserve.

A human relationship is described as “A romantic or sexual involvement” among other things. If either the romantic or the sexual part is not reinforced periodically, the relationship will lose momentum to the point of entropy.


I may have lost some readers here, but those of you who remain will realize the truth. No matter what the relationship is, the needs of the participants must be reinforced by rewards in order for the relationship to survive. Whether you are master, slave, dominant, submissive, lover, or just lustful, there must be some pay for your love, caring, devotion, and service. At the same time, you must put your care, your love, your effort into the relationship in order to reap the benefits.

So, what do you do if you get no pay?

A Philosophical Dilemma of the Need to Serve

Kink Is Great, But It Will Not Endure

What do you want? Do you want her to be truly in charge, or do you want her to do what you think you need?

Some of us feel the need to be controlled by a woman. We go to the Woman Store, and shop. On the shelves are excellent and enticing products ranging from gently-guiding to raging sadists, all are females of accommodating nature to our needs. We wish that we could try all of them, but we need to be realistic about the price. We must choose one, for it will require expenditure in time, effort, finances, and emotions. It will require one-at-a-time commitment. It is not something that we can take home and use for one night, then exchange like a rented movie. Once we are into the relationship, we need to see it through for longer than one night.

The Woman Initiates the Relationship

Forget the Woman Store. Get realistic about the relationship that you think you have. By far the easiest would be when she says, “Here is the way we are going to have it. Take it or leave now.” You take it, and live with it. If you don’t like the result, well, tough shit. You have asked for it.

Even though this option was offered to you and you took it, you bitch about the result. She does not give you enough cock and ball torture. She does not deny and entice you enough. She does not cuckold you and use you to clean up afterward. She does not dress you as a maid and force you to serve her girlfriends. She does not put you over her knees and spank you.

What she does is what she wants to do, namely, use you for her purpose, which was the original intention only you did not see it. She has you work your ass off. She has you clean her house, cook her meals, and serve them to her. She has you work for a living, mow the lawn, wash her car, and make payments on it. What you get out of it is at her whim. From time to time you connect with her needs and yours, but mostly it is not with your needs. She is complacent in knowing that she has a schmuck who is willing to do anything for her in return for her just enjoying it. In an extreme case this might work. In general it will fail. The reason is that you expect compensation for your devotion, your hard labor, and your commitment. If all she does is take and not give, you get bored, then you get angry, then you want to quit.

You Initiate the Relationship

You are having a normal (vanilla) relationship with an attractive woman. Things develop to where both of you are ready for more than just dating once a week. You both commit to something long term. All is well until your questionable submissive needs surface again, and you need to do something: see a professional, suppress and ignore your feelings, or convince your woman that you need this serving a woman kink.

Seeing the professional would take care of the problem periodically. Suppressing your problem would eventually erupt in worse ways than you have it now. That leaves convincing your partner that she must change to accommodate your needs. Then you lay down your rules. She will have to force you to serve her in kinky ways. She will dress you in maid’s uniform, she will whip you for infractions, she will tie you to the bed and rape you, she will install a chastity device and keep you horny for years, she will bring home boyfriends and girlfriends to use you as a sex slave, she will use electrical devices on you, she will use a dildo to rape your ass, etc.

What if she does not want to do all or any of that?

Can you see the common theme in the two alternatives that I posed?

It’s all about your needs. In the first case she decided, but you don’t really want to do it her way. In the second case you are forcing her to do it your way even though none of that was her idea.

What Now?

There has to be a way to satisfy both of you, and that is where most relationships break when one or the other is unwilling to compromise. I read a rather involved posting on a blog at She Is In Charge in which the man said, “Far too much emphasis is put on what you think she would find desirable, and not what it is that she actually wants.” This is a general statement that, for once, I will endorse given the context of what a man wants. You think that she wants to be served, pampered, adored, and given total authority over you. Ideally, if you both support that notion, you are in hog-haven. The pisser is, things don’t work that way for longer than, well it depends: a few days, weeks, or a month. Things change, and you must change with them. Besides, did you ask her what she needs?

Relationships will work for a while. Even a one-night-stand qualifies. Longer commitments work when mutual needs are satisfied. Long-term relationships need basic support that most of us can’t give except in rare circumstances. Not all of us are lip-locked with kinky D/S material, which is the stuff of most of these blogs. Mutual needs will suffice for a while. However, when the kink or the sex goes, the relationship fails unless it was based on love and care.

Kink is great, but it will not endure. Stylized female led relationship is kink. Form your own conclusion.

Jesus To A child

Don't tell me that I am not a romantic!

Music is in the mind of the beholder. To some, rap is crap (I happen to agree). To some, music like this is ho-hum. To me, this is penetratingly beautiful. The video is not impressive. However, the singing, the music, and the lyrics are devastating. Sadness and hopeless love permeate the utter joy of the rendering in vocal and musical accompaniment. You may want to read the lyrics (below) as you watch and listen. This is not a trivial piece of production. This has meaning produced by one who has gone through the agony of losing love. It is sad, hopeless, yet endearing to the point of your wanting to hug the person. Enjoy!

Jesus To A Child -- George Michael 

The lyrics are below:

          Kindness in your eyes

I guess you heard me cry
You smiled at me
Like Jesus to a child

I'm blessed, I know
Heaven sent and heaven stole
You smiled at me Like Jesus to a child

And what have I learned
From all this pain?
I thought I'd never feel the same
About anyone
Or anything again

But now I know
When you find love
When you know that it exists
Then the lover that you miss
Will come to you
On those cold, cold nights

When you've been loved
When you know it holds such bliss
Then the lover that you kissed
Will comfort you
When there's no hope in sight

          Sadness in your eyes

No one guessed, or no one tried
You smiled at me
Like Jesus to a child

Loveless and cold
With your last breath you saved my soul
You smiled at me
Like Jesus to a child
And what have I learned
From all these
I've waited for you all those years
And just when it began
He took your love away
But I still say
When you find love
When you know that it exists
Then the lover that you miss
Will come to you
On those cold, cold nights
When you've been loved
When you know it holds such bliss
Then the lover that you kissed
Will comfort you
When there's no hope in sight

So the words you could not say
I'll sing them for you
And the love we would have made
I'll make it for two
For every single memory
Has become a part of me
You will always be
My love

Well, I've been loved
So I know just what love is
And the lover that I kissed
Is always by my side

Oh the lover I still miss
Was Jesus to a child

Yeah, Yeah, More Friggin' Heroes

I know that I have been harping about the police, how much they are unappreciated, etc. so I introduced another subject on one of my favorite people, the so-called firefighters. I call them firemen or firewomen.

I did not want to be too tedious in my prior post, so I limited it to the essence. But there is more.

You could be driving along and get the stuff scared out of you as you suddenly hear the siren and various warbles of the emergency vehicle over your stereo blasting crap (sorry, I meant rap). The monstrous vehicle whizzes by you, blowing you off the road in its wake: all red and yellow, with lights flashing around. You gather your resources and get back into traffic.

The men and women in that monstrous mechanical device are getting their thrills. That is why they are in that line of work. They want more from life than 8-5 flipping burgers or scanning code at some cash register. Aside from the fact that it pays well, usually has good retirement benefits, and they can go home after the event is over, it is a glamorous job that requires balls, male or female. I am not talking “entertainment glamour” here, for which I have little use. These are real people with commitment, strength of body and character, hard continual training, and abstaining from some things that most of us partake on a whim. They put in their time in education, training, and on the job with the real thing, and continuous re-training. They also put up with politically correct crap, and often politically correct discrimination based on arbitrary rules of the current fad by asinine politicians. They persevere, for the rewards are worth it. They are firefighters in the current politically correct terminology.

They are the warriors of fire who whiz by you on the way to … well, I don’t want to get into that. Much of the time it is a low-key or a false alarm, and they end up with someone else cleaning up the mess while they stand around looking glamorous, then drive back to the station to re-stack their equipment for the next call. That does not mean, however, that all is a piece of cake. They get into some danger, and some lose their life as a result. Compare that to what you do or are required to do daliy, and quit bitching about hardship and annoyances.

I have worked with them side by side for years. Some I know intimately, some are friends, and some are schmucks, just like real people. On the average they carry more than their weight, and are more trustworthy than the regular citizens. I would not want to be without them. I appreciate them. Of course, there are exceptions.

So, when you feel relatively safe in your home, or in your vehicle out there, remember that these firefighters are there to rescue your ass when you end up in a mess. Make sure that you vote for improving their benefit package. Most of you could not or would not want to do what these people do daily. You need them more than you need the shallow images of humanity thrust into your face by the entertainment business. These are real people. Some of them are your neighbors. Some of them are your family. Some of them are you.

Sex Idols

I keep running across women, including MW, who idolize firemen. You know, the tall, muscular, in-good-shape-benign-creatures, who will give them mouth-to-mouth resuscitation (they wish!) when rescuing them from the abuse of their no-good boyfriend’s excesses. In a small way I feel jealous. These firemen don’t have to do anything to be the target of women’s fantasies, they just are. Sheesh. Where have I failed?

Responding to emergencies as a police officer we get the detail and we hightail it to the scene. I have never arrived at a true emergency situation before these firemen had their comfortable home-away-from-home humongous rice-rockets already parked at an angle across the road with the friggin’ strobing lights all over the place. I don’t know what it is. We get the 911 results from the dispatcher just the same. Maybe after the mandatory delay … as it were.

In spite of all that I don’t resent firemen. They are always civil, helpful, and stand there like they own the place while we, lawmen, say, “Hm.. Yes, that’s right, we’ll get to it,” and do what the hell ever we are supposed to do, like directing traffic away from the scene.

In all my years I have not heard of any nutcase shooting a fireman. But there have been many shootings, stabbings, clubbings, and vehicle slaughter of policemen. Why? Are the citizens feeling guilty for which they have to hate the police but love the firemen knowing that the firemen don’t arrest them?

I really don’t hold a grudge. Maybe some decades ago I could have chosen to be a fireman, and learn to love the job. Then, I might have realized that I really wanted to be police, and not miss most of the fun. As they say, “The grass is always greener on the other side.”

One side has danger, but in most cases, glamour. The other side has glamour, but in most cases danger. What do you choose: glamorous life, or glamorous death?

I still have my police skills, but I doubt that I could get a job as a fireman at this point in my life. One must stay in shape. I am in relatively good shape, but I couldn’t compete with those tall muscular young men applying for the same position.

Then there are those firewomen, to coin a term. Yes, I know, the politically correct term is firefighter, leaving gender identity out of the picture. That is, unless you are on the scene. Damn, I don’t want to leave gender out of the picture. I have met some wonderful firewomen on the scene, and I would love to see more of them. But, that’s just me, the horny male who loves women. That is why MW keeps me controlled. I must not give away the store, so to speak. It is her store, and I know it. Still, I love to see those firewomen.

Oral Justice

Oral justice is a tribute to the female.

Whether male or female doing it, a female getting justice via oral service by a submissive is what I call the ultimate thrill of the giver. This has nothing to do with my rantings about a female needing a brain to be in charge. This is primal, way below what we assess as intelligence. She is female, therefore, she needs and deserves oral justice! Her self, demeanor, education, and intelligence are superimposed on this, and spread over all of femininity. But it does not change a thing.

Females have all this in common. Imagine yourself tossed into a room and looking at a woman. You get no questions answered, no option of what to do, just appreciating the target of all humanity, the female of creation. With your hands tied behind you, you are at her mercy of pleasure and pain. You are dismissed or used. You are worthless or worthy to her. You give or you get. You take what she decides to give you or take from you. Even without your hands tied you will go with it, because she is woman.

I expect that some of my readers will disagree. I would like to argue with you. Those of you who agree, please comment. Your words would amplify my and the readers’ feelings on this. I have a terrific imagination. I have written much, including books. Doing justice orally to a female is the basis of all that. I was borne of female, and will die serving one. Meanwhile, oral service to her is the greatest thrill I crave.

Yeah! Put Her In Charge! That'll Work

Sheesh, I may be harping on this subject too long, but it is so tempting to exploit that I will do it anyway. I am addressing those of you out there who think that females should be in charge at all cost, no qualifications needed other than being born with a vagina. In other words, no brain is necessary. This is similar to the reasoning that some people use to decide that a man should be in charge on account of his hairiness, somewhat muscular features, and oh yes, the thingies dangling between his thighs. I could puke thinking about these, but I will spare you the disgusting details.

If you need convincing evidence that females are not the superior gender, take a gander at pornography. Regardless of your preferences, you will find those who will disgust you. Of course, you need to remain somewhat realistic in agreeing that females in pornography are generally stupid.  If this were not so, they would not try to make a living selling their pathetic looking forms to sleasy producers. If they had the assumed intelligence, they would be bosses in some private business where they can kick male and female ass. The whip-wielding skinny rent-a-cunt females for two-bit videos need not apply when it comes to assessing intelligence. If they had any, … like I said, they would really be in charge.

This is not saying that females should not be in charge. What I am insisting is that the job depends on the individual. If she or he can provide what it takes, by all means take charge. As for the rest of us, well, you know… We will follow orders even if it means pretending to be in charge with whips, chains, rubber, and such.

She Gave Me A Rose

She is a nurturing female. She cares for humans, animals, plants, even for gadgets. She is the counterpart of me. I would be empty without her.

I listen to Roger Whittaker’s “Honey” and I cry for the emotion that it evokes in me as I think of her. She is most of my life. Without her I would be empty or dead.

She gave me a rose today, one of those that she raised from a stick. Her gesture is devastatingly loving. I could die for her.

The Denial Tool

There is a lot of discussion on the blogs about the value of denying a man his orgasm and how much more ardent he becomes in turn, blah, blah, … A reasonable discussion of it I have read at Hormonal Urges.

Much of this is based on fantasy, folklore, and myth. I find it funny to read someone saying how a man is more willing to serve a woman if he is horny, as opposed to being satiated after an orgasm.

Right. So, who is writing this? Is it a man in his dull fantasy, one who has no access to a female whom he can serve, or is it a woman who has everything figured out with respect to how men are, based on one slovenly boyfriend?

I want to set some things straight for the rest of this post. I am a man. I am heterosexual, I love women, and I love to serve women.

As for universal rules, yes, there are some, such as “once you are dead you are dead”, but I cannot, and will not make any here. I will make comments based on my experience and my education, but will avoid trying to give you a rule to live by, such as, “keep him chaste, and he will serve you to the hilt …” Yeah, right.

I admit that I have fantasies that I would love to fulfill just before, or at the time of orgasms, and then no way would I want to encounter them on purpose. Don’t we all?

What does not change, however, is my basic relationship with MW. Regardless of dire circumstances, we are mated for life. We serve each other like we serve no one else. This is based on knowledge, respect, love, and devotion. Sex enters the picture in a grand manner, but it is not the deciding factor.

Many relationships, including marriage, fail because sex is the deciding factor. So, when you talk of chastity, denial, female led relationship, dominance/submission, are you including the basic supporting means of a relationship, or are you just talking sex? If you are just talking sex, then this myth of men being useless unless they are kept horny fits with your understanding.

I am not implying that you cannot have great sex without commitment. You can, which is why condoms were invented. I think that is where the tease and denial idea is best used effectively dealing with a shallow man, or used by a shallow woman. It has been demonstrated by anecdotal experience all over the blogosphere. It is fun under the circumstances. But, don’t try to make it a universal rule.

There are some of us who have commitments deeper than an orgasm.

Oh-Oh! I Am Pissed! Don't Growl!

I am a linguist, and a protector of the language. I become annoyed at slang and bad grammar insinuating itself into proper vocabulary and usage, yet I admit that the trend is simply evolution. Still, I have my limits.

There was a time before speech developed in the human culture. Growls, grunts, and arm waving had to suffice for civil communication. A growl may have meant various things, each not pleasant, so the other person had to beware immediate danger, whereas a grunt may have been a sign of satisfaction. Arm waving may have been used as modifiers, somewhat physically analogous to adjectives. Then, speech was invented to avoid ambiguity, and to allow explicit expression of thought whether prosaic or poetic (I am being farcical on purpose).

So why subvert this wonderful instrument of conveying even the most subtle thought?

Here are some example scenarios of overt subversion:

“Oh-oh!” [Utterance by the controlling person with an expected subsequent query from the controlled person]

“What’s the problem?” [Requisite query from the controlled person as an expected response with sign of worry]

“I think I may have broken a nail.” [Information that could have been conveyed in the first place without wasting time on the first interchange or annoying the other person]

“Oh. I was worried for a second. Silly me. Next time please just say what the hell bothers you!” [Show of obvious annoyance at the interchange]

One of the most useless mannerisms of modern English speaking people is the spontaneous use of “Oh-oh”. It is uttered (growled) when one encounters an undesirable or imminently undesirable event or situation. Here are some examples.

He and she have just finished sex in their bedroom at home. He rolls over to his back and growls, “Oh-oh.” She thinks he is having some medical emergency, soiled the bed sheet, or maybe it is something bad that she had done. He uttered the growl because he smelled something unpleasant that turns out to be a gift left by their puppy-in-training.

She and he are on the road in a car heading for an appointment. She drives through an intersection when she growls, “Oh-oh”. He thinks that she is having a medical problem or car trouble, and is immediately in high adrenaline mode. It turns out that she ran a stop sign, and the police are pulling her over.

He and she are having a pleasant conversation over dinner at a nice restaurant when he growls, “Oh-oh.” Thoughts run through her mind imagining all kinds of bad things taking place. He growled because he spotted an old girlfriend being seated at an adjacent table.

She and he are walking back to their car after dinner. The parking lot is dark and creepy. She growls, “Oh-oh.” He does not know whether to wet his pants or get his gun out of his concealed holster. The reason she growled is that she just remembered leaving her expensive lipstick in the ladies’ room as she was touching up her lips before leaving.

What would you say is common in these examples aside from their insipidity?

What is common is the obfuscation of the intent to convey the very information that is still to be conveyed. The reason for the “Oh-oh” utterance in each case is prompted by the situation. The execution of the utterance in each case is unnecessary, unproductive, time wasting, annoying, irritating etc. So why do it?

Why indeed? It conveys no information other than some source of worry from the one who does the growl, which in turn causes more worry in the other person’s mind. The information that should have been conveyed in the first place still needs to be done. Now the other person either waits for it, or asks about it. If he has to act on the situation, it is now some seconds later which could be significant in the success or failure of his response. I remember the scene from Mad Max when the creepy little girls says, "Oh-oh, we're dead meat!" Obiously that required a question and then a subsequent answer. Useless.

This is one of those social habits that would be best deleted, for it has no purpose unless one wants to irritate the person who would hear the utterance.

If I succumb to being verbally baited, the other person is controlling me, as in the contrived introductory scenario. As I age I have learned to avoid being baited under any circumstance. The result is that I ignore any utterance of "Oh-oh". A sensible way to see that introductory scenario is as follows:

“I think I may have broken a nail.” [Information conveyed by a non-controlling person, not necessarily requiring a response]

“Sorry dear, I would love to repair if for you.” [Offer supplied in response by a caring person]

I know that the scenarios I have presented are contrived, but they are based on reality. You could substitute your own experience to demonstrate the uselessness of this growl especially when used in dire situations where every second is significant.

Let Us Be Real

I love colors. My memories go back to Christmas candies wrapped in brilliant foils of blue, yellow, green, purple, etc. Of course, my appreciation of colors does not stop there. I am a connoisseur of female underwear.

Whoa! Is there a connection? Well, in a way there is. If you go to a store with national chain establishment you get your basic white or beige female underwear as the available staple.

Oh, before I go further, I will clarify. When I say, “I am a connoisseur of female underwear” I mean on a female person, not me. I would look like crap wearing it, and have no desire to do so. However, I love to see it on women. A matching set of bra and panties on a woman turns up my appreciation to near meltdown. Go figure!

It is no wonder that I want to acquire a set for MW even though there is no pseudo holiday coming up, say, Valentine’s day, mothers’ day, birthday, and so on. I just thought that it would be nice to give her a few new sets that would beg to be hand washed by me because they are so beautiful. Basically it was the colors that turned me on. But then, black (lack of color in scientific terms), and white (all colors in scientific terms) have their appeal when worn by the appreciated female, so I am not picky. It’s just that I love brilliant colors.

It’s no use going to stores that I know. Besides the basics I mentioned above, these stores have nothing. The brilliant hues must be sold by some establishment, and I needed to research, “Enter Internet.”

The first hurdle was running into what I call “stick figure advertisement”. They show unreal women in skimpy stuff that would require 1/10 of a cubic inch (size of a pea) to contain if packing your luggage. I am not giving away my preferences here, but seeing female models who may have been starved to near death before allowed to appear in front of the camera is not my idea of reality. I have not done research on the average weight of females who are willing to pay for underwear, but I am willing to bet my yearly allocation of wine that it is not 78 pounds. I am sure that it is closer to 120, and there is a large camp of 145 and on.

The problem with this is that if I have a favorite female in mind for the gift, and she is larger than the 78-pound emaciated pathetic waif, I have a hard time visualizing the result of my gift. I would like to stomp the idiots who decide that this sort of advertisement is proper.

Maybe I gave up too soon. Aside from the out of proportion models I failed to find the brilliant colors that I set out to acquire. I still visualize MW in these colors with her wonderful endowments enhanced by them. Not that she does not look great dressed only in her freckles, just that, sometimes a bit of decoration does wonders. I need some help here with the colors and size. Where, oh where, do I go?