Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Be All who You Want To Be ... Maybe

Doing Dishonest Things Makes You Dishonest

I may have a suppressed memory from childhood that makes me almost paranoid about my pretending to be anyone other than what I am. I don’t remember. Then again, if I tucked a bit of nasty stuff under some other accumulating garbage in a seldom-used recess of my mind, I just might not remember because of that.

I have gone to school. I have never cheated. I have never cut a class. I think that all this was because of what my parents instilled in me: “Do your best, and enjoy the result. If you get what you want by dishonesty, you are a dishonest person when you get it.” The thing is, I had to work my balls off all of my life to get what I wanted, because I am not as smart as those of you who need not work that hard. Yet, my parents’ warning stayed with me. I will now get to the point of this pontification.

I was reading a post once, in which the writer said something about what he and his wife did, and then said that “We are not really that way.” I commented that, “If you do it, then you are really that way.” It is because we are what we do, not what we claim to do.

I have enjoyed reading a particular blog in which the writer likes to cross-dress. He also professes to be a submissive, and he demonstrates that by his postings. Married to a moderately dominant woman he does a lot of housework, and then serves her in any way that she will let him. So far it is as expected.

At some point, he apparently decided to escalate the demonstration of his yearnings for domination and to be considered female. The blog was reasonable until then. With today’s common theme of extreme FLR, cuckolding had to enter his realm. He writes very well about it, and the story is plausible. But I see a patina of fantasy on this new beginning. His previous very real posts have taken a turn toward every closet homosexual male’s needs and desires. He has had some “dates” with his wife’s boyfriend’s male friend. It was all arranged for him, so he is blameless in his encounters.

I admit that I did get some thrill out of following the details. Most of my thrills were the assumed domination by the wife, such that he had to submit to her boyfriend also. But I have a bit of a problem with the other part that I will detail in a moment. Aside from the very likely fantasy presented as real, he will have a problem in real life: life is not like fantasy. It can be very cruel.

I truly have no problem with a man giving up to his homosexual needs, and acting on them. If you have to admit it, go ahead. It does not make you a lesser person. It does not diminish you in my presence or my opinion. You can still be my friend, and I can still trust you with my life if I would have done so otherwise. In fact, I would trust you more, because you are not hiding something from me. And there is the rub.

Cross-dressing is OK for fun. I am not into it, but I can see how it could be a thrill. But this takes me back to my introduction on this subject: be all you can be, but not somebody else. If this cross dresser enjoys being with and around people pretending to be a female, and they all know he is just playing the part, then all is well. He is a female wannabe, and we should give him a chance. It is harmless, and often helpful to real females. If he keeps it within his close relationship, then anything goes, and all know that he is pretending.

That is where a problem can arise. If he goes outside the relationship, people may not know that he is pretending. That is like taking credit for something that he is not, or he has not achieved. I don’t think that I would be vindictive if I were duped by him (see this post Is She Real?). But some people are not as easy going as I am. My real problem is with the pretense for real. As interesting, fascinating, and sexy as the story may be, I could not justify it because of my urgent need to be true.

With all that I am not saying that I have never lied. We have thresholds for behavior, and circumstances always have strong effects. For example, I have done undercover police work where telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth would have been counterproductive to my job. If I had a problem with that, I would not have gone into law enforcement. But that is not what I am saying here. How could I dress as a woman and expect to be accepted as one? To what extent would the acceptance go? At some point the rubber meets the road, and I don’t want to go there.


Patty said...

Susan's Pet,

I know who you are talking about, and I agree.

Anonymous said...

Well written and intelligent, thank you.

doll said...

Not having read the posts it is a little difficult for me to understand this one. I think that it is not so easy for a crossdresser to fool people into thinking he is a she. Those that I have met all still have a masculine musculature that gives them away. In addition they are proud of coming out (which has to be very hard to begin).

Susan's Pet said...

Sweet Doll,

That is exactly why I said that at some point this person's blog took a turn into fantasy.

I did not comment on his blog, because I don't want to be negative. But some other people did recently, and they told him exactly what I felt. Now the author of the blog has back-pedaled in order to cover his transgression to some extent. If you want to know the address of this blog, please email me. It is not a secret, just that I try not to be destructive.