Sunday, February 15, 2009

It’s Not Easy Being Me

As often happens, I get my inspiration from Mistress Kathy. She brings up the idea of men having to hide their submissive feelings, etc.

I have expressed my admiration for today’s women. It is not easy to be one. Not that I know the details, but I have a few insights. For example, look in her purse. She may have keys, nightstick, pepper spray, lipstick, makeup, mirror, various ache remedies, tampons, notepad, tissues, wallet, coins, breath mints, … the list is endless. She needs all that to get through any day.

She gets up in the morning, takes care of children, selects fashionable clothes, puts on makeup, dresses perfectly, drives the highways to get to work, worry about being hijacked or mugged while walking form her car to the building. Then at work she must look prim and fresh, smart but sexy. She must appear enticing but not whorish. She must be smart but not appear smarter than the boss. She must take time for trips to the restroom to touch up her makeup, always having to wait for an available toilet stall. She will have a green salad without dressing for lunch. At the health club she must don the sexy outerwear yet be able to shed heat of the exercise, not to appear like a slut but be attractive, and so on. Let it be known that I appreciate all of that.

Then, one would say, “It is easy to be a man.” He can roll out of bed, belch or fart, stumble to the bathroom and do his thing. He shaves, puts on his Levi’s and some non-descript shirt, He stuffs his wallet and keys in his pocket, then goes to work. He need not worry about being intimidated in any way while driving. Nobody wants to mess with a man. At work he does whatever he is supposed to. He will go to the restroom and stand to piss. He will have his hamburger and french-fries for lunch while ogling the females, and as long as he is not overt, no problem.

There is a lot more, of course. What I have presented is a stereotype of both gender roles. All of it is true in some cases, but does not really show the whole picture. Much is missing from both gender roles. I could write a book about this, but for the current venue I must limit my temptation. You may thank me now. Let’s take the genders in turn.

Being a Woman

I love feminine women. But, being feminine is not makeup or fashion.

I love powerful women. But, being powerful is not kicking men in the balls physically or figuratively.

I love strong women. But, being strong is not being dressed in leather or plastic, or micro-managing a man’s life. It is not being sluttish, vulgar, crass, or mannish.

It is up to you what kind of woman you want to be. If you have the skill, education, and the incentive, you could become who you want to be. There are many examples in real life. But not every woman has all that. Some will have to limit their goals to realistic levels. Some don’t have the means to do much other than being a wife or a girlfriend. Some don’t have those qualities, and go through life searching for a niche in which they excel. These are facts of life.

So, I urge women to be themselves, and make the best of what they are. Even within already chosen roles they can’t be everything.

There is no need for apologies if a woman chooses to be “only a wife”. There are degrees of wives, and she can be wherever she wants to be with all of its implications. She can lead or follow. She can make or break a marriage. And all that time she can be feminine, powerful, caring, loving, charming or a bitch, to any extent she wants. Just skip the stereotyping, and do your own thing.

Being a Man

In my stereotypical parody above I alluded to the assumption that being a man is as easy as stepping on a cow-pie. For some men it is just that easy. It could be terminal insensitivity or stupidity. He would not be bothered by anything unless he is horny (which is most of the time), hungry, or have a need for a beer. And, oh yes, his manhood must not ever be challenged. Other than that, he is all right.

In general, some of us men have a little more on the brain than sex, food, and beer. For example, we might have a plan for the rest of our lives, responsibility for our actions, caring for family and country, etc. Adding to that our expected stereotypical behavior in today’s society, we have some conflicting directives. Then there are our kinks.

Today, a man is expected to be sensitive. He must not grope females in general, and should cry when watching certain movies. He must be well groomed and fit in with peers. See for example, the metro sexual man. He must be strong to take care of roadside emergencies such as changing a flat tire or taking out the garbage or a would-be mugger. He must be nurturing toward his children yet not raise a hand when one of the little buggers refuses to listen to the word “no!” He must be caring for his wife, but not be a sissy. He is to be chivalrous, and take charge in the bedroom, but only when the wife is known to be receptive. He is expected to have male friends to watch games on TV, but not allow anyone to trash the living room. The list is endless.

Then There Is Kink

If the kink is the woman’s idea, the man is likely to go with it. After all, he is usually horny, except immediately after ejaculation, so this is a piece of cake. A kinky woman is a treasure, and she can’t do wrong. Well, I don’t want to cover all kinks, but in general …

If the kink is the man’s idea, then both of them may have a problem. Say, he wants to “dress up”. Does she allow him to do so? Does she allow him to go outside dressed as a woman? Does she allow her friends and relatives to learn of this?

Or, let’s say that he wants her to lead. Some people have no problem with that. Others will go ape: a man is not supposed to follow a woman. Will he be automatically forced to scrub the toiled, piss sitting down, and give up financial control?

Or, let’s assume that he wants to be dominated, but only in the bedroom. Is he being dominant or submissive, or just friggin’ kinky?

Can’t I Be Just Me?

Both men and women can ask this question. Back in history when men were expected to be men and women were expected to do as told, the rules were more simple. Today they are outrageous.

I often feel the need to justify my being apparently subservient to my wife, and then say or do something that shows I still have balls. Less and less so over the years, but the urge is still there. Likewise, my wife still has a problem demonstrating her power over me when it comes to family and friends. I am just supposed to be the nice guy who will shut up and do what is necessary. Then everybody is happy. So we continue acting like everybody else in our respective female and male roles: me with balls, she with boobs, I stand to piss, she sits, etc.

I don’t really have a complaint here, although you might have guessed otherwise. I can handle my end of it just fine. For one thing, I don’t give a sh*t about what most people deduce based on my behavior. I try to be civil, gentle, caring, and will kick some guy in the teeth when he deserves it. About the subservient-to-my-wife role, I don’t flaunt it. I let people make their own conclusion. Just that, I am still judged by the complex rules. And sometimes it pisses me off.

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