Saturday, February 21, 2009

Holding Pattern

We have been in the mode of an aircraft unable to land: holding pattern. MW flipped out of normal existence back in October. It had to do with her family. Sickness, and such. On her part, guilt and anxiety.

I know, this is not the mark of a woman in charge. But give her a chance to set it straight. A lot of things descended on her then, and remained to this day. We get by. She is on some medication to mitigate the stress. Alas, they also mitigate the thrills. She is down.

Today she slept several hours when she would usually be awake. It is not good, but we try to work through it.

I don’t mean to be selfish when I say that this time should come to an end. At least, the causes should come to an end. She does not deserve this torture.

I try to stay rational and supportive. She needs a strong person. She needs a frame of stable reference, a place where she can feel safe. That is our home, that is me, her life support.

Yet she is still doing all she can to take care of the familial obligations. Real soon now, we will be back to normal. Have I said this before?


Miss D said...

It is difficult not express selfish actions/thoughts when someone is retreating from a lifestyle that gives you much pleasure and security. However, admitting that you feel that way is a true strength and your MW is very lucky.
Pretending to be 'alright' with everything is a lie and I have the upmost respect for you.

All my best to you and yours

Miss D

Susan's Pet said...

Miss D,

Thank you for your kind words. MW is the one who deserves the credit in this, for she is the one fighting for what she had before it all went away. My supportive role is easy compared to what she experiences.

Her comment on this post was, "I know this is as hard for you as it is for a different way. I hope to get back to our 'normal' ways very soon."

Anonymous said...


I don't know the nature of your wife's guilt, and it is none of my business. But years ago, I watched while Gary tore off any guilt he may have had, and in that act changed me.

My mother was very here, do this, so forth and so on.
We had just gotten back from a long stint at school, when she demanded that we be there for a function. Gary, told her, in no uncertain terms....NO!

Mom freaked and screamed and yelled...Gary just stood there, listened to the rant, said, "Are you through?", turned around and left. No one had ever done that to her, and she never bothered him again. She had been big on "guilt trips".

While Gary is submissive to me, he is not to anyone else. As he says, get rid of the guilt, and the rest is easy.


Susan's Pet said...


Guilt is like a heavy weight that we carry. It serves no discernible purpose, but it affects everything that we do, and makes our lives difficult.

I like what you qoute of Gary, "As he says, get rid of the guilt, and the rest is easy." Getting rid of guilt is what I want to do. In view of what I said above, it would make a difference in our enjoyment of life. The difficulty is that sometimes we are not sure what the guilt is. Thinking about it seriously may or may not help. I don't have much use for psychoanalysis, but from time to time it comes in handy to identify the source of problems. MW is not guilty of anything as far as I am concerned. But that does not relieve her from feeling so. And there is the problem.

There is some similarity of the event in Gary's life with MW's life. She also confronted her parents about some things, and it changed their behavior to a more rational manner. But at some basic level MW still feels that some of these are her fault. There are layers of feelings ...

Anonymous said...


No doubt, but the shit that's in the past, is in the past. No way to make up for it...keep on movin' on.

Man, guilt is something that people try to put on you because they want something that you don't want to do, or want to give. It's a selfish motive on the part of the other guy.

My mom got all tore to pieces by some of my relatives, just like Patty says with hers. I finally went down there and had a confab about what would and wouldn't be happening..."come on outside" and all that stuff. It stopped.

Gotta learn to say no, and screw them.

First time I've been allowed to answer a blog in ages.

Patty's Gary

Susan's Pet said...

Patty's Gary,

I am glad to hear from you. Your Patty must be a powerful woman. You are lucky man.

As for fixing things, I am like you in that respect. I figure out what needs to be done, then do it. Alas, some of us are not wired that way. That makes our lives interesting.

Anonymous said...


Interesting is one thing, but problem solving is another.

Good news for me, is that I'm allowed to look at and respond to your site, along with At All Times and Whatever She Says. Patty likes those.

Patty is powerful, but it was me that pushed her over the top. 'careful what you wish for, my friend.