I have been reading some blogs where, probably with some justification, the writer is just bitching about his wife not being dominant in the way he would like it.
After some years of practice and achievement of wisdom (by virtue of getting old enough) I can see where I made mistakes. My wife wants me to be her lover. She wants me to be strong and manly. She wants me to initiate sexual activities as a lover would. So I try to do all that. She is not naturally dominant. Being in charge 24/7 is not on her agenda. Given that, there is a lot of territory that we can share. I will elaborate.
We share love, companionship, closeness, interests, so the situation is prime for occasionally each of us giving to the other. Whether for love, sex, or duty, it does not matter. For example, she is not a sadist, but she is perfectly happy to whip my ass until it shows very distinct marks. Sometimes for fun, sometimes for her own enjoyment, sometimes because she thinks that I would appreciate the attention. This is not necessarily FLR. It is just playing in the bedroom. But at the same time I understand that if I don’t fold and put away the freshly laundered clothes, my ass will sting. See for example Punishment For The Crime. Well, my ass will probably sting anyway, but that is not the point. Now, that is FLR!
We have resolved our issues. (1) I am and will remain horny regardless of what she does or does not do to or for me. (2) I will serve her regardless of what she does or does not do to or for me. (3) She enjoys my service in the bedroom, in the car, or in any public or private place. (4) She appreciates my keeping the house in top shape.
She is safe in knowing that I am hers to use and to love. She knows that I am her protector, and her safe harbor in all circumstances. I am very comfortable with that. She needs not perform a role at any time. Yet she feels good about giving me little pleasures often, great pleasures from time to time, and discipline when she thinks it necessary. I may be disappointed with the degree or frequency, but that is just my own failure.
My real message here is that my expectation of how she should behave as a dominant woman will remain as a wish. She will do as much or as little as she wants, and I am fine with that. I may not get some of my fantasies acted out, but let’s get real. Unless I pay a professional, I will have to settle for some plain loving relationship with my wife.
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1 comment:
I think that your post is exactly correct, and can serve as very good advice for all those guys who feel sorry for themselves that their wife 'isn't dominant enough.'
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