Sunday, November 16, 2008

Taking Control

MW is able to take and remain in control when all is well, and there is no contention from me, or irritating circumstances from all around us. Ours is a nurturing FLR, the nurturing part is mainly from me. It is because I want it so much, and she is generous enough to provide it when all is well.

The ways that we get derailed are basically caused by two things. First, there is her tendency to crash occasionally due to external pressures or hormonal imbalance. That takes her mind off FLR, just to fix things. This is a natural defense mechanism that nobody should hold against her. Second, given that she is not naturally dominant, any perceived challenge to her authority tends to cause her to back off and then hold a grudge until the situation is resolved to her satisfaction. This is mostly my fault, because I am the one who wants her to be in charge, whereas she would have been OK with being vanilla if I had not brought up my kinky desire for FLR. This is not saying that she does not enjoy being in charge in general. She loves it, she loves to use me, and she loves the apparent power that she has.

I have tried to work around the first problem by helping her to overcome the pressures of the particular situation. I have a lot of love invested in her, and so my support is a given. The problem here is that from time to time I am the one who triggers the crash. Even worse, there are times when I give her logical solutions, rather than what she needs. We work it out eventually, but the entire angst mitigation is wasted or at best, delayed. I need to be better at this. The problem will not go away, but my approach to handling it should improve.

The solution to the second problem is more in her realm. I can help by continually reassuring her that I mean to be her support group under all circumstances, and that she has complete authority over our relationship. I trust her to do the right thing, and to not do anything illegal or harmful. Everything else is not a consideration by me. It is all hers to resolve in any way that feels good for her.

She has power over me. I have been in love with her since we met many years ago. I have been lusting after her just as long. And, for the last several years, I have wanted to serve her as her consort, protector, and most of all, pet. The “pet” part is her favorite definition of who and what I am under our FLR. She takes care of her pet. She receives enjoyment from her pet. Her pet is dependent on her. Her pet is trained to do what she needs. Her pet is lower on the scale of importance than she is. Her pet exists to make her life more pleasurable.

Her pet being human, can take verbal, written, and physical cues about what she expects. He is not perfect, but he can learn. He is dedicated to be all that she wants him to be. This includes the vanilla husband obligations.

This is why she needs to feel comfortable about using her position for the benefit of both of us.

I ran across a passage in one of my favorite blogs, The writer, Kathy, made a statement that describes the situation with her husband, John. She describes him as her slave. If he is really that, it is by his choice. Here is the quote in pieces,

“When I snap my fingers, he drops to the ground. To me this is a very basic command that any submissive male should be taught by his wife.”

From my vantage as a submissive to MW this is a very desired conditioning. It has sexual, spiritual, and very practical implications. It does not demean me, at least in my opinion. I did agree to serve MW in any way that she wants me to serve, and this is trivial when compared to some other, mostly drudgery things. I get a thrill just writing about this, knowing (actually, wishing) that she can put me on my knees with a snap of her fingers.

“As a mistress you can use it any time, almost any place, for any purpose. If a man sta[r]ts to argue with you, a quick snap of the fingers puts him in his place.”
This is one of the tools that MW could use when there is even a hint of contention. My rendering of the restaurant scene in The Last Day of Her Vacation could have been handled using this. She could have snapped her fingers, and I would have gotten up from my chair and dropped to my knees before her. I can imagine the stares of the customers and the staff, and the amused curiosity of her two lady friends.
“If you want him out of the way, and you don't have a kennel, this command brings him to the floor. In that position John is required to be absolutely silent unless mistress asks a specific question. He is required to stay in that position, very still, until mistress allows him to rise.”
I consider this a holding pattern as is done for an aircraft that cannot land due to local conditions. It does not matter what the reason is, or how I feel about it. What matters is that she wants me to be on hold until further notice.

If she so desires, she could go out and do whatever she likes, and be back hours later. Meanwhile I would probably tire and just sit on the floor. But I would stay there, because I know that eventually she would be back and would release me. If subsequent punishment were involved, I would accept it, as I try to accept everything that she does. If I act angry because I think that the holding pattern was unjustified, she has the right to correct my attitude until I learn that her way is the right way.

It is strange that rationally I don’t want any of this, but I am thrilled to experience it. It is also strange that all this is supposed to be for her benefit, yet it is basically to thrill me at a primal level. I don’t dispute the object of the benefit or the thrill. If it works for both of us, we have a great FLR. If it is for only one of us, the relationship will not last. What we have is not perfect, but it seems to work for both of us.


All For Her said...

I'm often confused by my feelings of terror and thrill, which go hand in hand, of course.

I've reached a point where I'm afraid to encourage my wife or let her know how much more I'd submit to her. The idea of kneeling for hours while she went about her business is not appealing at all... but the thrill of such submission balances it out.

Susan's Pet said...

I am with you on "The idea of kneeling for hours while she went about her business is not appealing at all... " which is why I said that I would end up sitting while waiting for her. I have not experienced this, so I can't really say one way or the other. However, the idea is thrilling, knowing that she has such power over me. Also keep in mind that this is by mutual agreement. As such, it should satisfy my needs as much as hers. If she does not care about this, I would not want to try. If she really needed this sort of control, I would be happy to oblige.

whatevershesays said...

I totally understand and agree with the concept of a "holding pattern" at least certainly in that the day-to-day of our marriage is fairly vanilla, not wife-led. Great blog.

doll said...

That last paragraph resonates with me. My rational being is very strongly against the injustices I perceive with submission, I rage at some of the submissive posts I read. But a word, a touch, a look and the rational being is gone replaced by the primal being that simply wants to serve.

Susan's Pet said...

In my case being in lust helps.