What Is It With Strap-ons?

You can see them prominently on web sites that sell sex toys. You can read about them on blogs, forums, short stories, and books. They must have a value, or else people would not spend their money on them. I wonder, however, what the value is.

I maintain a few dozen blog addresses within the FLR genre that I visit from time to time. A strap-on device has come up in many. I have yet to do some research on how many blogs out of 100, how often, and whether a male or female brings it up. If any of you out there want to do that, or have done it, please let me know. In standard raunchy low-grade pornography a strap-on is essential. Jokes and cartoons deal with it as if it were standard issue to any adult relationship. Even my wife and I have one, although I don’t remember how or when we acquired it.

In view of my observation, I wonder who really uses it, and for what purpose. Sure, I know, it is supposed to simulate a male appendage. I can’t really go by the porno clips, because, with rare exceptions, they are only simulations of what could happen between two consenting or semi-consenting adults.

I can see two women using it on each other when no male member is available or desired. But most often in the FLR blogs it is the man who is obsessed with it and its potential usage regardless the circumstances, methods, or objectives. It is he who wants to be dominated by the wielder of this toy to simulate how a man would otherwise dominate another man or a woman. I can see the symbolic significance as a means of submission. He either does not desire another man to penetrate him such, or does not have a convenient man to do it for him. Next best, of course, is to have a woman strap it on, and then do it to him. I must be fair here. He may never want a real man to do that to him, all he wants is to submit to the woman. As a sign of conquest, she complies with his wishes.

I am not making light of this complex issue. In view of my not having intimate knowledge of the experience, I may not have a right to even mention it. I do it because I find it interesting. Male readers who are into the practice please do not think that I am being judgmental or making fun of you. I am merely curious.

I mentioned penetration without being specific. A woman has a definite advantage in offering three orifices to penetration, whereas a man has at most two. Worse even, the man’s offerings are stilted, unless the conqueror is turned on by the available options: the anus is not as pristine and attractive as the vagina. As for the mouth, well, read on.

Male to male oral penetration makes sense. I suppose it can be as thrilling as male to female oral penetration depending on the circumstances, and when we are talking real members, not simulated ones. However, when a woman dons a strap-on and forces her man to suck it, several thoughts occur to me, none explaining the situation adequately. These plastic or rubber devices have various shapes and sizes, but few look realistic. In addition, they exude an odor that is reminiscent of chemicals, not sex. I assume that the texture and the suppleness may come close to the real thing as long as the man is blindfolded. I just don’t see how he can overcome the smell or taste unless the dildo has been masked in some potent female juice prior to the oral attempt.

The other half of the questionable situation is this: “Why would a woman want to have her man suck a dildo?” Is she doing it because she gets some sexual or power exchange thrill out of it, or is it because her man indicated that it turns him on?

Then we come to anal penetration using a strap-on device. I suppose it could happen between a pair of homosexual men, one of whom can’t get it up, so he relies on a reasonable facsimile. In general, it would be a woman wearing the dildo, and penetrating a man. In this scenario we may disregard the look, smell, or flavor of the device, since the male anus is incapable of discerning any of that. Down there, it is the size that is perceived as the primary descriptor of the prosthetic member. I suppose it is a rare case when the woman is thrilled by this, and she is doing it against her man’s wishes, regardless of what cheap pornography or erotic novels say. So I ask, “What does a woman get out of this act?” It is unlikely to be sexually thrilling in most cases. Sure, her brain may be her greatest sex organ, but I doubt that many women will have their brains stimulated enough to orgasm in this manner, usually because of the loose and distant connection between the device and the brain.

There is one other scenario. I have read about this in supposed real cases. That is when the woman forces the man to put a hollow strap-on device over his penis, and then she uses him as an animated dildo. He is unable to get enough stimulation to orgasm even if she allowed him to achieve one. Yet she can orgasm as many times as she is capable, assuming the dildo feels like the real thing. This assumption may be wrong, because the artificial device does not have the feeling to feed back to the man, and it could irritate her most sensitive parts if staying with it long. Whereas, with the real thing, irritation is seldom an issue. The other thing is, my understanding of female orgasm is that she is less likely to achieve one through penetration by a device, as opposed to manual or oral stimulation with or without penetration by a device or the real thing.

Just to show that I am not entirely a virgin, here is what I have experienced. While having plain vanilla sex, my wife has used her finger to play with and once or twice penetrate me down there just as I was achieving a glorious orgasm. It was not necessary, but it helped, and I liked it. Once before, she tried to use a small dildo as she had me leaning on the edge of the bed face down. She missed her target, and pressed hard anyway. I tried everything to pull away, so she finally stopped. Later she asked me how it was. “You were trying to create another hole down there,” I explained. We have not tried it since then. I would not object if we tried again, but I would have to be convinced that we are doing it because she wants it, not because she thinks that I want it.

I have raised several issues above. I would like to hear from anyone with experience who can answer my questions, or can shed light on the details of the issues. What I especially would like to know, is, whether a woman gets anything out of penetrating a man with a strap-on device, and if so, what it is?