Thursday, May 20, 2010

What Is It With Strap-ons?

You can see them prominently on web sites that sell sex toys. You can read about them on blogs, forums, short stories, and books. They must have a value, or else people would not spend their money on them. I wonder, however, what the value is.

I maintain a few dozen blog addresses within the FLR genre that I visit from time to time. A strap-on device has come up in many. I have yet to do some research on how many blogs out of 100, how often, and whether a male or female brings it up. If any of you out there want to do that, or have done it, please let me know. In standard raunchy low-grade pornography a strap-on is essential. Jokes and cartoons deal with it as if it were standard issue to any adult relationship. Even my wife and I have one, although I don’t remember how or when we acquired it.

In view of my observation, I wonder who really uses it, and for what purpose. Sure, I know, it is supposed to simulate a male appendage. I can’t really go by the porno clips, because, with rare exceptions, they are only simulations of what could happen between two consenting or semi-consenting adults.

I can see two women using it on each other when no male member is available or desired. But most often in the FLR blogs it is the man who is obsessed with it and its potential usage regardless the circumstances, methods, or objectives. It is he who wants to be dominated by the wielder of this toy to simulate how a man would otherwise dominate another man or a woman. I can see the symbolic significance as a means of submission. He either does not desire another man to penetrate him such, or does not have a convenient man to do it for him. Next best, of course, is to have a woman strap it on, and then do it to him. I must be fair here. He may never want a real man to do that to him, all he wants is to submit to the woman. As a sign of conquest, she complies with his wishes.

I am not making light of this complex issue. In view of my not having intimate knowledge of the experience, I may not have a right to even mention it. I do it because I find it interesting. Male readers who are into the practice please do not think that I am being judgmental or making fun of you. I am merely curious.

I mentioned penetration without being specific. A woman has a definite advantage in offering three orifices to penetration, whereas a man has at most two. Worse even, the man’s offerings are stilted, unless the conqueror is turned on by the available options: the anus is not as pristine and attractive as the vagina. As for the mouth, well, read on.

Male to male oral penetration makes sense. I suppose it can be as thrilling as male to female oral penetration depending on the circumstances, and when we are talking real members, not simulated ones. However, when a woman dons a strap-on and forces her man to suck it, several thoughts occur to me, none explaining the situation adequately. These plastic or rubber devices have various shapes and sizes, but few look realistic. In addition, they exude an odor that is reminiscent of chemicals, not sex. I assume that the texture and the suppleness may come close to the real thing as long as the man is blindfolded. I just don’t see how he can overcome the smell or taste unless the dildo has been masked in some potent female juice prior to the oral attempt.

The other half of the questionable situation is this: “Why would a woman want to have her man suck a dildo?” Is she doing it because she gets some sexual or power exchange thrill out of it, or is it because her man indicated that it turns him on?

Then we come to anal penetration using a strap-on device. I suppose it could happen between a pair of homosexual men, one of whom can’t get it up, so he relies on a reasonable facsimile. In general, it would be a woman wearing the dildo, and penetrating a man. In this scenario we may disregard the look, smell, or flavor of the device, since the male anus is incapable of discerning any of that. Down there, it is the size that is perceived as the primary descriptor of the prosthetic member. I suppose it is a rare case when the woman is thrilled by this, and she is doing it against her man’s wishes, regardless of what cheap pornography or erotic novels say. So I ask, “What does a woman get out of this act?” It is unlikely to be sexually thrilling in most cases. Sure, her brain may be her greatest sex organ, but I doubt that many women will have their brains stimulated enough to orgasm in this manner, usually because of the loose and distant connection between the device and the brain.

There is one other scenario. I have read about this in supposed real cases. That is when the woman forces the man to put a hollow strap-on device over his penis, and then she uses him as an animated dildo. He is unable to get enough stimulation to orgasm even if she allowed him to achieve one. Yet she can orgasm as many times as she is capable, assuming the dildo feels like the real thing. This assumption may be wrong, because the artificial device does not have the feeling to feed back to the man, and it could irritate her most sensitive parts if staying with it long. Whereas, with the real thing, irritation is seldom an issue. The other thing is, my understanding of female orgasm is that she is less likely to achieve one through penetration by a device, as opposed to manual or oral stimulation with or without penetration by a device or the real thing.

Just to show that I am not entirely a virgin, here is what I have experienced. While having plain vanilla sex, my wife has used her finger to play with and once or twice penetrate me down there just as I was achieving a glorious orgasm. It was not necessary, but it helped, and I liked it. Once before, she tried to use a small dildo as she had me leaning on the edge of the bed face down. She missed her target, and pressed hard anyway. I tried everything to pull away, so she finally stopped. Later she asked me how it was. “You were trying to create another hole down there,” I explained. We have not tried it since then. I would not object if we tried again, but I would have to be convinced that we are doing it because she wants it, not because she thinks that I want it.

I have raised several issues above. I would like to hear from anyone with experience who can answer my questions, or can shed light on the details of the issues. What I especially would like to know, is, whether a woman gets anything out of penetrating a man with a strap-on device, and if so, what it is?

6 comments:

forever hers said...

great topic. First, the mans point of view. I think this is one of those things that is sometimes better left a fantasy. I think lots of subs fantasize about having to give head to there dommes while wearing a strap on or taking it anally. Most guys are afraid to admit that they secretly fantasize about this due to the fear of being viewed as gay or bi.
But often the fantasy never lives up to the reality. I also think that guys like straps ons becuase most of the time they are larger then your real cock and it works for the whole humilation thing.

From a womans point of view I agree, I think its a power trip and one of the ultimate ways a domme can emasulate her sub. Much like many dommes force there subs into panties it's all about power.

I strongly believe most guys even if they do want to try introducing a strap on into thier FLR's will pause due to fear the whole image congers and the preception it brings.

hersforever said...

My wife has told me that what she enjoys about the strapon is the sense of power, and the fact that I am so willingly giving myself to her for it. It's not something we use often (in fact it has been months) but when we do it's a surprisingly intimate act of power sharing between us.

As to me using the strapon on her -- it is an extension of our chastity play. If she decides before hand that she doesn't want there to be any chance of me losing my self control, she will leave me locked and tell me to get the strapon. She gets some good action (although she's told me it's not as good as the real thing), I get the mind trip of having at her without actually getting to feel it and we both share the intimate act of making love albeit with a kinky twist.

It is not meant to replace my member, nor to emasculate, feminize or sissify me in any way.

anna louise said...

Personally i love using a dildo or strap on, on a man.It's amazing how dominant you feel watching a man suck it or having it penetrate his anus.Telling him he isn't worthy of a woman only of a cock.

In fact i've found a huge percentage of men i've chatted to have a big fasination with other men's penis' and with how it would feel having their anus penetrated.But ,they wouldn't want a man to actually do it because then they'd "feel Gay".

(Not that i've chatted to many men LOL)

mysster said...

dildo penetration can very well excite a man, and that's not what a Woman is after. She does want to humble her male.

penetration is humbling. it's also 'homosexualizing', removing male-over-female from the mind of a subservient and making him the 'pussy'.

this is one step from actually having the male servicing another male, providing 'bum service', being 'punked'.

Her Majesty's Plaything said...

Hi SP:

I am not ashamed to admit that I find anal penetration intensely pleasurable. We have a long red dildo (not too fat) that hits my prostate without fail when Her Majesty uses it on me and sends the most delicious painfully pleasurable twinges through my body! On top of feeling great (in a slightly painful way) anal penetration is to me the quintessential submissive act. You really have to relax and surrender to take it. If you tense up your muscles it can hurt in an unpleasant way. That makes submitting to your Mistress a very conscious act. I have been enjoying anal penetration with play partners since I was a teenager. I adore it!

The strap on part is optional IMHO. Her Majesty much prefers to sodomize me manually. The red dildo is hollow in the middle and slips over her finger which is very convenient and much more comfortable for her than strapping a dildo to her body. The strap on harness we have positions the dildo very low making penetration with it somewhat of an awkward aerobic exercise!

BTW enjoyment of anal play has nothing whatsoever to do with being gay. It is simply another sexual possibility that can make a wonderful addition to one's toolkit of kinky sexual possiblities! ;-)

Married Sub said...

For me as a submissive, I enjoy the feeling of her invading me, taking me, violating me. Also, if done right, it (for me) produces physical pleasure in which I am able to enjoy what I like to think are "dry orgasms" or "mental orgasms" in which I do not ejaculate but I experience the same mental reactions as I do when I ejaculate. Often over and over again as in "multiple male orgasms".

I agree that anal play is not gay. Try to tell that to mainstream America though. Try to tell it to yourself. We're all forever doubting ourseleves and being a fan of strapon play is just one more thing in the mix to cause yourself to wonder if you might deep down be gay or bi.

I've had limited experience with it but when a woman is taking me via strapon sex, I am not imagining she is a man but instead, she is a deliciously powerful and dominant woman that has full ownership of me and can display and enforce that ownership however she pleases.

Quite frankly, I think most women do not enjoy strapon play partly because they see their men in a somewhat more feminine role during the play. Also, there is the obvious fact that for the most part, there is no physical stimulation for them. So unless they get off on the power and control and/or the reactions of the man, there is little in it for them other than addressing his anal desires. Watching him moan and groan in pleasure as his ass is invaded is something I think the majority of women find unappealing and can actually have negative effects on their overall impression of him afterward.

To summarize, if he gets off on it and so does she, bravo. However, it's a rare few couples that both enjoy it. As you said, in most cases, she's just doing it to address his desires.