We have a large family. One of the members is a boy approaching thirty. He is smart, intelligent, and a good person. I love this boy, but I feel that he is a total dud when it comes to choosing female relationship. I will give you an example.
Girl #1: Nice looking, has all the right parts. Uneducated and lacking social skills. Turns out to be schizophrenic. He wants to marry her against my advice. She bails out at the last second. My relief.
Girl #2: Nice looking, but twenty years his senior. Has sub-teenage children who are into drugs and crime. No socially redeeming qualities, no plan for the future. After one too many visits of her home by the police he decides to break off the relationship. I exhale.
Girl #3: Beautiful, charming, very feminine. Everybody loves her, including her two former husbands and her four children, one of whom just gave birth. She tends to drink, and become abusive. After she cleared out his savings account he decided to break with her. I miss her, but that is life.
Girl #4: Sexy. Can do anything, even things that I could not imagine. Renaissance woman, and has a license for all that. Three times divorced, self destructive, “Walter Mitty” approach to life. Nothing to show for years of marriages except one child. We like her, but …
There were other girls equally worthy of his attention as those above.
This boy is not into worshipping a woman as I am. I support his lack of motivation given the quality of females he has allowed himself to befriend. Yet he is not a macho ass who simply uses women. He is respectful, caring, and monogamous for the duration of his relationship.
I would like to set him straight. He thinks that I have everything figured out (the little fool), and he listens to me. That is why I can’t tell him how to find the right woman whom he could serve. The first part is finding the right woman. I have no idea. The second part is serving her. Would she want to be served? Would he care to serve her?
I was older than he when I realized that my life would be fulfilled if I served a woman. Of course, I was already married, so I had no choice about whom I would serve. I am happy that it was my wife, and that she accepted my offer of servitude.
I don’t know about this boy. How will he find the right woman? Ideally she would be a strong woman who will make him do the right thing with his life. Not necessarily in an FLR, although that could evolve. But she has to be a responsible and good person. Any suggestions?
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3 comments:
It wasn't until I was approaching 40 that I came to understand and embrace my own desire to serve my wife. It seems that men who understand and accept this drive tend to be mature.
Does "the boy" lack self confidence? Your description of him reminds me of myself during my youth. I was very respectful of the women I dated, but I also tended to latch on to beautiful women that, frankly, were lacking in characteristics that would nurture a long-term successful relationship. I've always considered this tendency of mine to be due to an earlier lack of confidence.
He has many fine qualities. Alas, self confidence is not one.
He will get there eventually I am sure. My brother dated women with children and abusive ex-husbands. He married one when he was thirty and she is a gem and is perfect for him. She couldn't believe that a kind gentle man existed such was her previous life experience of men.
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