Thursday, February 18, 2010


This has little to do with the eternal controversy of evolution versus creation. My current emphasis is on this definition by Merriam Webster: “ Evolution is the process of developing”.

I have done a lot of pontification since I started this blog. Some of it may have made sense. I have learned a few things since then. I can sum them up in this statement: “Nothing remains the same, whereas, everything changes.” You may have to think about that a bit.

When you think that you have an FLR figured out and it is working just fine, stuff happens, and the “just fine FLR” is derailed, or at best, shuttled off to some seldom or never used spur. Before you know it, all things having to do with FLR don’t seem that important any more. You have real things to do that don’t care who is in charge.

There is the other aspect of FLR, the basis of the whole scheme: sex play. Interestingly, you can have one without the other, and never get involved in the movement for female leadership. It can just happen. However, in most FLRs you end up in the doldrums without the sex play dominated by the female. Then it is over. You don’t have it any more, and when you read from other people who are still struggling to steer it into the wind, you lose patience. You see what you used to do. You see what they are doing wrong. You see the doldrums ahead for them too.

Some escape the inevitable. Those are the ones where the woman is naturally dominant, and the man is at least somewhat submissive. As for the rest, well, I am sure you have seen many FLR blogs come and go. They speak for themselves.

This is what I meant by evolution. We don’t maintain status quo for long. That is reserved for well-maintained machines. Humans evolve even within the lifetime of a short relationship. That is why many end up in separation. Those who prevail will change anyway. What was terribly urgent and important last year may be passé this year. Love will overcome some of the difficulties, but things will be different. You cannot go back to the way it was in your initial enthusiasm. You cannot make up for hurts, things missed, and the inevitable changes that life imposes on responsible people. Things will be different henceforth. If you are lucky you will still have the loving relationship with which you began.

Some of you will not survive.


Her Majesty's Plaything said...

Wow! This is a great post! There is so much truth in here. I used to search bulletin boards and blogs for new ideas I could apply to my relationship to make it a better more "authentic" FLR. Over time I have stopped doing that. For one thing it's a bit like the blind leading the blind. For another rules and structure don't help very much in human relationships. Things will always change just as you say and what worked today very well may not work tomorrow.

The best advice I can give others (and myself) is to keep it loose, keep it real and don't try to force a square peg in a round hole. Do what feels right and what comes naturally. Don't try to force your relationship to be like some preconceived notion in your head. Be sensitive to the other person's wants and needs. And don't be afraid ask for what YOU want and need from your partner. Don't assume you are a second class citizen just because you assume the submissive role in the relationship. Asking for what you need is not "topping from the bottom".

There really is a large sexual component to all of this. So if the sexual/romantic flame goes out and the passion dies in your relationship you will probably find that your FLR dies with it. It's up to both parties to keep the home fires burning!

Awesome post SP! ;-)

doll said...

HMP....I think your comment in reply is excellent too. It is always good to be reminded to keep real, act naturally and be sensitive to the others needs.

SP...even though things evolve the trick must be to be able to keep the initial building blocks in view and use them for continued stability. To not allow the changes to obscure what remains fundamentally important.

Peter said...

Interesting, thoughtful essay. Well done!


All For Her said...

When regular life gets too hectic and I'm feeling down about our relationship I try to remember that if it weren't for the doldrums the good times wouldn't be as good. If we were to have things run perfectly each day we would soon lose interest as it would become so routine and repetitious. There are no good times without bad times.
Of course this goes for life in general, not just a wife led marriage.