Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Degree of Submission

The FLR Manifesto

I ran across a posting that was supposedly gleaned from Ms Rika. The posting was at Domestic Bliss and the Submissive Man dated December 18, 2005. It details in explicit terms what a submissive man should do for his love of dominance. I want to give it the name, “FLR manifesto”, in a local sense just so I can refer to it later. You will have to read or skim it before you can appreciate my comments here. I include the text for two reasons: (1) sometimes blogs go away, so if I just link to it, I may be sending you to nowhere, and (2) Ms Rika’s blog appears to have been hijacked, and I cannot access it to confirm this.


1. Cook all meals and clean up afterwards.

2. Prepare a weekly menu and review it with your partner

3. Do the shopping for the food, track food usage, and keep the kitchen stocked.

4. Clean the bathrooms (with brushes and cleanser, not your tongue).

5. Make the beds (including the pillows).

6. Do the laundry, iron, fold and put away.

7. Dust and vacuum and yes, do the windows too :).

8. Put out potpourris, candles, or oils with her favorite scents so that the house is always fragrant.

9. Feed, bathe, and groom the pets.

10. Take the children to school (or bring them to the bus stop).

11. Do home repairs within your capabilities.

12. Take the garbage pails to the curb on garbage nights.

13. Clean the pails after the garbage has been collected.

14. Package the recycling, wrap the newspapers and bring them to the curb on recycling days.

15. Prepare the monthly bills and payments for review and prepare all checks for the domme's signature.

Yardwork :

16. Mow, edge, and trim the yard regularly.

17. Take care of the garden beds and trim the trees.

18. Make certain the lawn and flower beds are watered regularly.

19. Care for the pool and spa.

20. Keep the patio, drive, and garage swept and clean,including cobwebs.

21. Remove the leaves from the gutters.

Nightly Activities:

22. Bring late night snacks while his partner watches TV.

23. Give up the remote! LOL!

24. Go on the Internet and research the Dish schedule (or TV Guide) and print out items which are of interest to the domme.

25. Get on the Internet and read the papers and her magazines to create the equivalent of an executive clipping service... articles of interest with key points highlighted.

26. Take down her bed (including the pillows).

27. Sit on the toilet seat before she needs to go in (in the winter it gets kind of cold).

28. Take her cell phone from her bag and put it on the charger (and then put it back in her bag, turned on, in the morning).

29. Draw the blinds and shades (and open them in the morning).

30. Put toothpaste on her toothbrush.

31. Fill her glass with water.

32. Bring her slippers.

33. Brush her hair.

34. Lay out the clothes she selects and press as appropriate.

35. Light scented candles, and put them out after she is asleep.

36. MASSAGE her back until she falls asleep (every night) :):):)

In the Car:

37. Keep a pager or cell phone so you can be called to pick her up at a moments notice.38. Ask her if she'd prefer to drive!

39. If not, drive her wherever she needs to go and wait for her tocome out.

40. Arrive at the front of the building within 10 seconds of her first step outside the door, 5 if the weather is not good. Keep an umbrella handy and escort her to the car if it's raining.

41. Keep her favorite magazines and CDs in the car.

42. Never, ever criticize her driving or suggest a "quicker way" (unless she requests it).

43. Wash the car regularly inside and out.

44. Preheat and de-ice the car on cold mornings.Around the House:

45. Pee sitting down so that the toilet seat is never up and you don't leave "droplets".

46. Prepare her bath (and the kid's baths, if appropriate) and run the water until it's warm for her showers.

47. Paint her toenails.

48. Pick up her shoes from the front hallway and carry them to her closet, inspect them and polish them as need be (with real polish, not saliva).

49. Keep her favorite magazines, books and CD's ready in her favorite sitting areas.

50. Answer the phone and make phone calls for her (such as ordering items she's marked in a catalogue).

First I want to state that, “It is a great thing a man can do for his dominant partner.” It is just that I had some rebellious thoughts while reading it. For one thing, the situation described is totally lopsided. For the other, “Would she really want all that?” It seems to me a form of manipulation by the submissive. But please, correct me if you think that I am wrong.

A Wife Is Only a Servant

Let’s backtrack to the dark ages, and assume that some well-disciplined and all-knowing older matron is describing the role for a young married woman. Just substitute "he" for "she", "him" for "her", etc. in the FLR manifesto, and you get the suggested role reversal. She is doing all of this for her husband. There is an assumption on this suggested male-led-role-reversal, and that is, he, the husband, earns a living for both of them, and all her real needs are met. By real needs I mean food and shelter. Anything else is luxury. Aside from the unstated assumption that she is expected to produce (husband participates in this to a certain extent), nurture, and raise several children, her role in life is well defined within the limits. He is in charge, she does the work, and as often as the husband requires provides sexual pleasure for him.

A Husband Is Only a Servant

In the referenced link nobody said anything about earning a living. This is another unstated assumption. The trouble with this assumption is that it is based on a variable that can be troublesome. If the couple under discussion has enough wealth such that their living expenses are covered, then earning a living is not an issue. That frees a lot of time for one or the other to do domestic and personal duties to and for the dominant person.

Alternatively, if the woman works outside the home and earns enough to keep them financially stable, then the situation is workable. In this scenario the female led relationship makes as much sense as the male led relationship does in the above MLR example. Sure, she is still expected to produce children, but the nurturing, raising, etc., revert to the husband.

To make the comparison more simple, we can subtract the part having to do with children. In that case, one partner works outside the home to earn a living, the other stays at home and is barely above the status of a slave, or at best, a servant. He or she may not receive recognition for service, and his or her life as the submissive partner becomes one of permanent drudgery. Whether MLR or FLR, the situation is the same. The dominant partner lives the life of a decadent tyrant at least at home. There may be some fringe benefits given to the slave/servant, but not guaranteed. Other than that, it can still be considered a consensual marriage or partnership.

My Point Of View

As the head kinkster in the family I could visualize myself being the submissive partner here. I could live with it for a few days, or maybe a couple of weeks. But I can see even before getting into it hip-deep that there would be unrest among the ranks of the submissives, maybe even protests! I can abide drudgery and lack of pay for a while. But if I am so damn good as to satisfy the FLR manifesto, then I want some recognition for it. Having a life sentence of servitude without redemption and rewards is not satisfying for me.

I know that there are degrees or submission. There are men who consider themselves sub human when compared to any woman. They may feel totally worthless, and hope that some woman will give them a break and allow them to serve her. I have just one problem with that: why would any woman want a totally worthless man to serve her when she can get a man who has value? But I don’t want to get sidetracked here, so I will drop the question.

There are men who don’t feel worthless or sub human, nevertheless, they feel it their duty and destiny to serve a woman to any extent that she desires. That is fine, if the man in question can and will actually do that unconditionally. But there is the rub: there are always conditions attached to this unconditional service. Skip the conditions, and you have slave rebellion in the making.

I am not one of those men who feel worthless and want to serve unconditionally. Let’s say that I had to work for a living, and was still willing, or be drafted to satisfy the FLR manifesto. I would immediately have some unresolved issues with respect to getting enough sleep, have time to keep in shape, and taking time to relax once in a while. If, in addition to that, my female partner spent her day lounging around with no tangible result of her hours awake, I would be resentful after the first few days. She could be the ideal dominatress, and treat or mistreat me in any way that satisfied my kink, and I would still become distressed at the inequity. Let’s just say that I would not make an ideal slave except in short bursts, such as when we are on a vacation away from home.

In conclusion I want to state that whether in FLR or MLR, the dominant partner has responsibilities to satisfy the submissive partner, otherwise the relationship is doomed. As to how to provide this satisfaction, well, that depends on the particular relationship. As long as they are both happy with it, anything goes. Even in the far-fetched fantasy scenario presented by whoever is posting this stuff there is a need for mutual satisfaction, otherwise one or the other partner will call it quits, and for a good reason.

Now, if it were true slavery, then only one partner needs satisfaction. But we are not really considering that.


Ms. Catherine said...

I have to admit I got bored with the manifesto less than half way through. I skipped over most of it to the rest of the blog.

So if I rebelled against the reading of it, I don't think I could bear to have my slave perform it. I enjoy his service but I also enjoy him not being a partner and not some awful drudge.

Any meaningful relationship should be multifaceted. There is more to an FLR than mindless service.

Patty said...


I have to go along with Ms.Catherine. I half read and mostly scanned your post.

"There is more to an FLR than mindless service".

Glad you are back.

helpmate hubby said...

I thought the list was full of great ideas myself, but perhaps these Women know best!