Saturday, August 9, 2008

The Need to be Dominated

The Prime Directive of a Submissive Male

I will be blunt. I have said a lot of significant things wrapped in gentle hints before. This time I will say it the way it is. Or at least, the way I think it is.
Most of the male’s desire to serve a female can be distilled to wanting to be sexually dominated by the female.
Go ahead, challenge me on this. Tell me all about it.

I have come to where I am in a relationship with females in a circuitous way, but I always had a recurring theme: I wanted to be taken sexually, which is what I call “prime directive one.” My journey started at age six with that, continued, and it is still that way. All the other things I have done were to achieve prime directive one. There! Now you know all you need to know about me, and use it for your own gain and pleasure, or against me.

Is there a true submissive out there?

Show me the altruistic slave to a female, and I will show you a horny bastard who is willing to give anything to be used and abused by a female, but on his terms. You heard me, “on his terms”. Not that it will necessarily happen, but in his fantasies it will, and he will agree to about anything to make it so.

Let’s propose a hypothetical but common scenario that I have read often over the last few years. A man is into serving a woman. He may be into forced chastity, tease and denial, corporal punishment, etc. This covers maybe ninety percent of the submissive men. When he is “allowed” to masturbate, or to have sex with his Mistress, what do you think he is thinking about? Is he thinking about cleaning the kitchen? Maybe removing the kitty litter or taking her dog for a walk? I think not. More likely some kinky stuff that has to do with very sensual body contact with his female or another, in a way that he seldom or never gets. He can still be a perfectly good submissive to her in a real sense, just that he, and most men, including me, usually don’t get all that we want from our Mistress. So, we take what we can, and rely on fantasy for the rest. Not that the Mistress is likely to be much different as far as that goes.

A Primitive Analogy

A cart that carries a heavy load needs good axles that are lubricated by good quality axle grease. When all is well and working flawlessly the driver or owner can ignore the axles for a while. Then, after some heavy load, especially under severe conditions, the lubricant wears off. The axles begin to squeal. The noise can be ignored for a while, but it is not the real problem. The noise is just an indicator of some deeper need that requires immediate attention. Without further lubrication the axle will fail.

So much for “Service, true service, and nothing but service for a deserving female.” There may be all that, but that is just part of the whole. It is an admirable goal that not many men will attain, not even for short periods of time. At least, not without robust sexual domination by the woman of their attention as a payment for services. Think of it as the lubricant for a hard working axle.

Extreme Cases

We are aware of the sad fact of rape against women. It is constantly in the news, it is in our history, and it is in our future. I will try to control myself about elaborating on this, for it would take a book or two to do it some justice. I will say, however, “Women can be raped with consequences, whereas men can not.” There have been isolated cases of man claiming to have been raped by a woman, and even less often being able to bring prosecution against her. I would have loved to be on the jury of that trial. I would love to know exactly what is meant by rape in this case. Aside from the prurient interest, I would love to learn how a woman could rape a man without his cooperation. I suppose that an elaborate exception could be imagined and executed, just that I don’t see it in real life. Some of the questions by me would be “Why would she rape him?” and “How would she rape him?”

On the other hand, a woman can be raped by a usually stronger man, or a man of determination, skill, and dedication. I don’t see a woman getting off on being raped. I don’t see a woman advocating to be raped. I see rape as a personal insult, a harmful act, and a serious crime. While I could see a man being raped in the same light, I insist that implementation is unlikely.

In Summary …

Getting into the kinky stuff, it is many men’s fantasy to be raped by a woman or women. They don’t necessarily want it to happen, and would probably try to prevent it if it were to come up for real. Nevertheless, it is a powerful fantasy that drives the man’s need to submit to a woman. Yes, men will do cleaning, dusting, driving, and even boot licking, etc., just to get the favors from their object of desire. All this is valid. It is a way to get some kinky attention that we men crave. But let’s get real. It is all about wanting to be sexually dominated by a woman. The rape of a male is usually without consequence unless one is into frequenting clientele of unsavory pedigree: sexually transmitted disease, psychotic S/M practices, and indulging in drugs as part of the act are not addressed here.

I am trying to be in a Female Led Relationship. I love it when my wife takes over. If it is non-sexual, I think that it will be, given time. If it is sexual, I want more, I want to escalate it. The real problem is when we need to address reality on the long term. Things like earning a living, dealing with the law, raising children, honoring family obligations, serving the country, etc. It can be done. But some aspect of the relationship will suffer, and we must be willing to work with that. A female can lead as well as a male, but when it is to satisfy a male’s fantasy of sexual domination, the real issues are not being addressed.


Urmel said...

Interesting read and I am fully with you. Much of our FLR desires is about bringing sex into everyday life. Everyday domination is then also sexual domination.

I think you don't even need to bring up rape. Think about corporal punishment. In many cases the men is physically stronger than his Mistress, but he accepts to be punished, even though he could easily prevent it.

But then, even if FLR and submission is about sex - is there anything we can do about it?

Susan's Pet said...


I am glad to see you back.

I brought up the subject of rape because it is extreme when done to women, whereas a mind game when supposedly done to men. There is a lot of non-vanilla behavior between this extreme and straight sex. Read any FLR blog and you will find a lot of variety, which tends to support my theme, that the prime directive of FLR is about sex from a man's point of view. Everything else is just there to support that need.

About your question, I hope that you and others have some good answers. I have two answers. One is, "Deny it, and pretend it is not so," which is rather like trying to tuck a cat into a burlap sack.

The other answer is, "Live with it, and enjoy the attention given to you by your partner while you serve her."

It does not really matter who in the relationship claims victory as long as both are more or less satisfied. You can guess which answer I prefer.

Some women who are successful in having trained their submissive partner to serve them might object to my conclusion on the grounds that a successful FLR is primarily to serve the woman, and what the man wants or what he feels is less important or entirely unimportant. It would be fun to argue about that.

Urmel said...

SP, I am with you again. Denying your very drives does not work. They are even hard to influence. And this is our dilemma: If it is already so difficult to change ourselves, it is certainly much more difficult to change our partner.

We not only must accept our own nature, but we must also accept our wife's nature.
All we can do is make our wife discover what is already there. If she discovers her dominant nature, we are lucky. But she may as well discover that domination is against her own desires. This is what happened in my case.
Whatever happens, we must accept how we are and seek happiness in what we both love and desire.

Susan's Pet said...

My friend, you have demonstrated the very things you state. You have a need to serve your wife, but you are willingly serve her in the way that she wants. That is true devotion, and you could not do better.

I do want to submit to my wife. But, if she asked or insisted that I be dominant in our future relationship, I would happily do it either in the bedroom or in general, knowing that I am serving her as she wishes.

That is why I suggested that playing FLR may be the only satisfaction of one of your basic needs. She will help you with that if you let her. Life is not perfect, but there is a lot of joy to be had between bad and good. I will say that you are doing all right.

doll said...

I think it is simpler to say that the one that wants sex the least is the one that sets the amount. Otherwise I wish I had known about FLR sooner so I could have changed the dynamics in my marriage to meet my sexual needs.

But even as a submissive female I don't get as much as I would like but I get what my dominant wants.

Susan's Pet said...


I am with you on your statement that "Who wants sex the least sets the amount." This is true in my relationship. I am way more in need of sex than my wife is.

The funny thing is, that I am willing to serve in different ways. I am not a switch, but if she were to choose to be submissive, I would be willing to give here all that she wanted in being dominated. My purpose would not be to serve my own needs, but to serve hers. I doubt that anyone could tell the difference, but I would know it.

Rosie said...

You've said what I suspected. That no matter what the rhetoric this is still a relationship focused on male sexual needs. Yes, he can be denied, but then the woman receives no service, or respect. The man doesn't do household tasks in order to win her over.

My hope was that a Female-Led-Relationship actually could exist and it would have the woman and her needs as the focus. I've been wanting to try, and probably still will do so, since I have found someone to 'serve' me.

Susan's Pet said...


I am glad that you have found someone who is willing to serve you. An FLR is more likely to succeed if the woman is the one who advocates it for any reason: sex, service, livelyhood, power, etc. She still must add something to the relationship, but the rewards can be very satisfying for both. Give it a try, and please let us know how it goes for you. Good luck to you and your partner.