Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Where Are All Those Dominant Women?

Are There Any Real Dominant Women?

There is a lot of material on the Internet about dominant women. I can’t help but run into it while I am searching for my subject of interest, Female Led Relationships. Much of the material is fantasy, business oriented, or borderline and true pornography. I define pornography for the present purpose as “material that does not try to convey an idea or a message, just simply presents mindless acts of sexual and D/S nature”. All of this can be lumped under “femdom”, although FLR is only a subset of that.

If one were to take a clinical view of the subject, it would be an easy conclusion to say, “Male driven. It’s not what a woman wants, but what a man expects and she provides.” Ok, it’s just an opinion on my part. I can’t prove anything other than offer my feelings and needs, which I will not do to a full extent. However, I can ask some questions, and offer answers on them, based on my not-so-humble opinion.

Female Led Relationship

I have had a couple of those silly polls on my blog for close to a year. The first asks the question whether you as a reader are male, female, or other. Males are 81 percent, females are 13 percent, and the rest are undecided or wise guys.

Think about that: male readers outnumber female readers 6:1, assuming the responses are honest and accurate. That implies six times as many males are interested in femdom than do females in general. I Don’t think that all the people were stricitly looking for FLR when they found my blog, which is why I used “femdom” in my conclusion.

The second poll asks, “Who initiated the Female Lead Relationship in your life?” Males 29 percent, females 16 percent. The rest are split between those who are not in FLR and those who don’t wish to be in one. This is another reason why I think that my blog shows up under “femdom” more often than under FLR. Only 45 percent of the respondents were into FLR in specific.

There are different ways to play with these statistics. One is, of the females who are interested enough to read about this (13 percent of readers), only 16 percent initiated FLR. This gives us 2 percent of the female population who is interested in and initiated FLR. I admit that the survey was not what I would call scientific, just based on the people who are willing to read this drivel admit to it. Still, 2 percent is small. This indicator seems to go against the feminist and female supremacist theories and advocacy that appears to be overtaking civilization.

I think that most women are comfortable with not having to make so many explicit decisions, taking charge, and being held responsible for the results. They would rather leave it to their men, and just work from behind. That does not mean that they are not mostly in charge, just that they don’t admit to it. Very few women wear the tee shirt in public with the message, “I have the pussy, so I make the rules,” but we all know it is true. It is subterfuge, working under the radar, manipulating from behind the lines. How can they lose? Of course, they can’t take credit openly for being in charge, such as being leaders, being “Goddesses” etc.

There are those few who can, and are quite vocal about it, such as pro-dommes and active feminists. But we really don’t know how they are in their private lives. Maybe they, at least some times, like to find a man who takes charge and makes them feel like a helpless woman. Even the women who are really in charge, such as Corporate executives, business owners, judges, etc., don’t necessarily go home and spank their husbands for not having dinner ready. In fact, I believe that they would rather be pampered and made love to as opposed to running the household.

The 2 percent of women mentioned above are the actual leaders, the true advocates of FLR. They appear to thrive on the power, the details, and the results. The others who are interested do it for the advantage it offers them, not for the dominance or the thrill of the leadership and responsibility. They compromise.

D/S by Femdom

I have seen the typical D/S Femdom pornography. There are a number of themes: whipping, spanking, humiliation, CBT, trampling, face sitting, forced masturbation, etc. I don’t even want to mention some of the less savory fetishes. Once you see a few seconds of one of these, you have seen them all. Some you don’t want to see again or even in the first place.

“What have all these in common?”

“Is it that women want to put on fetish costume, i.e. ridiculous makeup, rubber suits, harnesses, lace up boots with impossibly high heels, platform shoes from which they could fall an break an ankle?”

“Do they really want to go to all that trouble just to manipulate the male member to orgasm?”

“Do they themselves orgasm while manipulating a man’s needs?”

I don’t think so. All this is strictly catering to some man’s needs. Women do this because they get paid for it somehow: pro-domme, actress, or a wife who goes with it because of a number of reasons: hubby pays the bills, he does extra chores in exchange for the thrill, and, as kinky as he is, the next husband could be even worse. It’s still a man’s fantasy coming true from time to time.

The 2 percent of the women who initiated FLR may actually enjoy D/S by Femdom, and do it for just the fun of it. I would love to meet them. But there may be as many, or more, who enjoy D/S where they are the submissives. I did not ask that in the poll.


Giles English said...

I think on average men think... obsess, more like... about about sex and sexuality more than women do. And, even nowadays, women feel certain imperatives towards being "nice".

So, I'm not surprised that men mostly initiate the kink, and that the dominent females are mostly *not* surfing your blog :)

Miss Jaye said...

In my experience men focus on the sexual aspects of a D/s relationship. It isn't that are submissive as much as manipulative in wanting to be spanked, whipped or whatever turns them on.
"I am submissive" translates into "I want you to do these things - here's the list - now dominate me to fulfill my fantasies."
I enjoy your blog because it an example of a true, and rare, D/s relationship in which there really is a submissive man willing to serve his wife. Not just a man who has only sexual fantasies to fulfill.

Susan's Pet said...

Thanks. Of course, I don't mean that I would refuse to be sexually dominated.

Please take me!

Just kidding. My wife would never allow it.