Poster Couple for FLR Part 6 - What if We Give Up on FLR?

I have posted some pontification on this subject five times before. This is the last installment. “Oh what a relief!” you may say. Here is what I have covered already:

1. I Have Given to Her the Authority over Me
2. She is the De-facto leader
3. She Is not Expected to Do or not Do what I Require
4. She Has the Last Word
5. She Is not Expected to Give me a Life of My Fantasy

My last subject deals with the unthinkable: “What if we give Up on FLR?”

There is always the possibility that one or both of us must do so. I can think of some scenarios, none pleasant or taken by choice. I could see the situation occurring as an imposition by a third party, rather than one of us saying, “I don’t want to do this any more.”

As I said, I am an alpha male of sorts. Not the arrogant bastard who will have his way at all cost, more like the guy who will simply have his way eventually. In our marriage of earlier years I used to be really hard assed about getting things done and mostly doing it my way. What lead us into an FLR, is that at some point I decided that my way is causing a lot of strife, and it was driving us apart. I decided that there would not be anything wrong with just letting her do what she wants for a while. I did, and she did.

Glory be! Our marriage did not disintegrate, our family is as strong as ever, she has more fun and less anguish, and I have on occasion lived my fantasy. She is not burdened with satisfying my craving in any way. I think that I am a nice guy. Even if we were to give up this FLR officially, I still would do what I do now: earn a living, maintain the house in all respects, clean the house, wash the dishes, take care of pets, etc. And when she wishes, I give her all the pleasure that she can take. So, in a sense I am giving her all of this whether or not she is the leader.

Then you might say, “If you are already willing to give her all of this, then exiting this FLR will not change anything.”

That is almost true. In an FLR she has the last word. She can decide on anything and I will abide by it. That may be what she would lose if she backed out. Once we are not in an FLR because one or the other broke the covenant, this rule would no longer be binding. I am not really sure though … over the years I have learned to give and to give in just for harmony and out of love. Let’s take a sidetrack here.

We married with great expectations, willing to love, honor, skip the obey part, and raise a family. From day one nobody obeyed anybody. Yes, there was all the other stuff, but the obey part just did not happen. Looking through my jaundiced contact lenses I don’t think that I really expected her to obey, as in, “Now see here, woman. You will do as I say!” Neither did I see myself obeying her commands, since she was not that way.

We survived, and about ten or so years ago, we slowly began to ease into an FLR, although the term had not yet been invented then. The FLR became imposed on our marriage in an insidious way at first.

Don’t think that all is rosy here. I will act like an ass from time to time. She will have an occasional meltdown. Several hours in a day can be ruined by either of us. But we have learned. Several months ago we had such an occasion, and I thought that our FLR was over. The resolution was, that I no longer have an option of backing out of this FLR. She is wiser than me on this subject, and we reinforced her position in this respect: only she has the option to back out. I think that the way it is now, my ass would hurt in a bad way for a while if I tried. Yes, I know that some of you men think this is just what you want, but it is not really about what I want. It is about what is best for MW, because if it is good for her, it is good for me.

To re-emphasize the theme of this post, I will say this:

• I am committed to her, to our marriage, to our life. She is a good person whom I trust and respect. She is the mother of our children. I chose her to be my wife, and that is not a decision to undo because I am angry from time to time.
• I cannot, and would not abandon a person (her) who relies on me for love, support, and sex, given the above declaration.
• Our relationship may change over time, but my loyalty is unfailing. My wife need not worry about my withdrawing my support.
• FLR is a wonderful superposition on an already successful relationship. If or when FLR goes away, it need not destroy the underlying relationship.

If we revert to vanilla for whatever reason, none of the above will change. That is how I see my Female Led Relationship.

How Did Your FLR Begin?

I have been advocating a position which claims that FLRs don’t begin, rather, they are imposed on an already active relationship. I will explain.

Every single submissive man’s dream is to find a woman who will take him as a love slave. If that were to fail, the next best would be to share a life with a woman in an FLR.

Some of you may have been lucky enough to have stumbled onto one or the other. Most of us, and my guess is around 98 percent (to be revised based on the poll that I posted), already had a relationship on which FLR was imposed or assumed. Here is the poll (see the sidebar):

1. You are male
2. You are female
3. Began as FLR
4. Began as Vanilla
5. Advocated by male
6. Advocated by female
7. Currently in FLR
8. Not in FLR But wish to be

To participate, You pick 1 or 2 in order to identify your gender. This does not affect the outcome, but gives us a perspective. Next, choose 3 or 4 depending on how your relationship began. Finally, choose 5 or 6 depending on whose idea it was, or who was pursuing it most.

Say, you are a woman, and you have always felt in control. You meet a very nice but shy man with many qualities you like. He obviously needs education in how to serve you. You would choose 2,3,6.

A more common scenario is that you are a man, you married your sweetheart who is the perfect woman you will ever want. Then when the honeymoon is over, you revert to your needs of serving a woman. She is not too keen on the idea, but you are still in the race. In this case you would choose 1,4,5.

And so on. Does anyone care to predict the outcome? They are the following:

• Most common starting position (FLR or Vanilla)
• Most common gender advocating the FLR relationship (Male or Female)

My prediction is this:

Most common starting position is Vanilla (about 98%)
Most common gender advocating FLR is Male (about 98%)

Please vote, and prove me wrong. I will keep the poll open for a long time, since the issue here is not timely.

About the last two questions, they are just for fun. If you are in an FLR, or were in one but you are between FLRs, please pick 7 (in addition to having picked some above). You may also pick 8 in addition to 7. Those of you who have never been in an FLR but want to be, please skip 1 through 7, and indicate this by picking 8 only.

Seduction of the Innocent

We have been reading notorious headlines and following stories of “young boys” or “young girls” seduced by their teachers. The problem I have with these major headline issues is that a male teacher seducing a female student is essentially up the creek without a paddle, whereas, a similar situation but with reverse gender is allowed to just fade. As for the prosecution of the cases, should they take place universally and automatically?

Ask any fourteen or older boy whether he would like to be seduced by a twenty-five to thirty-five year old female, and he will have an instant orgasm before he gets a chance to blurt, “F’n a-right, man!” I realize that boys that young, even going on thirty-five, still don’t have their mind sufficiently mature to distinguish between committed love and pure lust. It’s just that I know how horny and ready they are. Let me demonstrate.

I was fourteen going on fifteen when my family and I moved to a new town as I was about to start eight grade. I did not know anybody in town or in school. I liked sciences, so I immediately fell into deep appreciation of the curriculum in chemistry and physics. The teacher was a woman of about thirty, average looks, intelligent, and compassionate. She had a male friend about the same age whom I disliked. She realized my appreciation of science and dedication to learning as I participated in laboratory classes and after school discussions and demonstrations of our learning.

Some of my classmates were not as well adapted to science, and were in need of help. My teacher, let’s call her Golden Woman, offered a solution to their difficulty: I was to tutor them in turn for a fair pay for my time. She set it up, and all was well.

I had a good relationship with my mother, and she approved my involvement in tutoring. In a short time Golden Woman and my mother became friends. During this time I began to visit Golden Woman in the adjacent city where she lived. First it was official, then it was educational, and soon it became fraternal. For several months she and I spent many Sunday afternoons at libraries, museums, historical places, theatres, etc.

During this time we took a trip to the country to my place of early youth to visit a dear relative. My aunt seemed to dislike my relationship with my teacher, and she let me and my mother know her feelings. I think that she was wise, but I did not see it that way at the time. On the way back to our home during the train ride Golden Woman and I talked as we could for hours. I chose to tell a joke that hinted of sex. We both laughed, and did no more.

Subsequent to the trip we went to movies where there was relative privacy for a couple to be near. Those were the first times when I experienced the wonderful softness of her female thighs. We did not do more than that. On a couple of occasions we became innocently intimate. In her apartment that she shared with her parents I carried her in my arms from one room to another as part of the fun. Once I lay on the sofa as she put her thigh across my chest. I tried hard to reach her private parts with my mouth, alas, I was too subtle, and she was too shy. She did manage to mistreat my tits then, and on other occasions. I loved it. I wished then and later that I had had the nerve to just worship her orally. It did not happen.

At one point we were sitting on the living room sofa embracing innocently when her father came out of his bedroom and saw us. He turned around silently and went back into the bedroom. We did not have enough privacy to get anywhere. On subsequent outings we did some kissing and fondling, but that is as far as things went. Regrettably the affair was terminated due to a major upheaval in my environment. I lost touch with her after that.

I don’t think that I was hurt by this affair. I could have had full sexual gratification from her, and I would have appreciated it then. Even now I regret that it did not take place.

I am not suggesting that a boy should be seduced in this manner by a female. However, in my case, I experienced nothing but joy and love at the hand of a wonderful female. If you think that I am a biased judge of the affair, ask my Mistress Wife at http://mistressusan.blogspot.com/ about that. Ask her whether she thinks that this has hurt me or helped me to love women.

I am very protective of females in general, so I will say that it is not OK for a male teacher to seduce a female student. The issues are certainly different, and I remember how I would have reacted had my daughter been treated that way. I also disapprove of teen-age girls having sex with boys of similar age, at least while they are young enough to be under their parents care.

It is different with boys. The argument against teen-age boys having sex with an older woman is, “These boys are not mature enough to decide for themselves.” I agree. Neither are they mature enough to make the decision to have sex with their girlfriends. Yet they have their furtive sex in cars, in semi-private unsafe places, and build guilt upon guilt. They get their girlfriends pregnant, contact STD, and take chances on being physically harmed by people who disapprove.

In contrast, some boys having sex with an older woman seems harmless. The woman can provide a safe environment and gentle, guilt free sex with no strings attached. This seems more like an early education that would benefit the boy and his subsequent female partners later in life. She should not be automatically prosecuted under these circumstances.

Emphasis Is on Sex

My assertion is that sex is more of a motivator for men, or women who have masculine tendencies, than for women in general. This means that an entire relationship is likely to be based on sex with strong D/S emphasis for men and masculine women.

I must admit that much of my opinion on relationships and sex is based on what I have read of and by the participants. Aside from my own relationships in my marriage and on the job, I don’t get detailed insight into how two people conduct their daily lives. I get “peeps” as if through a narrow window, and may form instant opinion that could be absolutely wrong.

On the other hand, a lot can be discerned from readers’ comments that are likely more authentic and realistic than blogs themselves in general. The reason is that a blog can range from reality to fiction, and it is hard or impossible to tell for sure, whereas comments are elicited responses to stimuli, like closing one’s eyes against a sudden strong light. Given that assumption I can rely on statistics of certain attitudes in the comments on a blog. This does not mean that I dismiss what I read in blogs themselves, or in stories for that matter. It simply means more reliance on the sincerity of some information versus another.

Now that I have almost dug myself into a hole of obscurity I will go on with my point. As usual, my central theme is sex. For classification purposes I will identify D/S relationships as: male/female (m/f), female/male (f/m), male/male (m/m) and female/female (f/f). I am excluding vanilla relationships regardless of in which category they belong, because on this forum we are dealing with a stronger ratio of dominance scale (see Pontification #2: Relationships).

As usual, I want to present my disclaimer. I am not bashing any style of relationship. In specific, I know that there are successful and loving homosexual relationships with normal and productive partners. This time I choose to skip discussing vanilla relationships of any style.

Female/Male Relationship

We have already established that most FLRs are instigated, started, and their momentum maintained by men. It is only when in this budding FLR the woman has a revelation. She realizes that she can have it any way she wants, and she really becomes involved to the extent of wanting to maintain it. There are exceptions, such as when the woman starts the relationship. Although I find this intriguing, and a lot more interesting, I will not say much about this narrow segment of population for now.

With the above observation I remind you of the other observation that I have covered already in “It's All About Sex,” It is indeed all about sex, but not to the woman. It is to the man. The rest is what I would call “fringe benefits” for both.

If you bother to dig a bit, you will see that, unlike a budding FLR, a successful FLR belongs in the f/m category. The keyword is successful. Although sex is the basic driving force for the man, the woman may or may not feel as strongly about it. She may feel as strong, or stronger, about the other aspects. She may like the power, the freedom, the lack of involvement with daily drudgery, so she will support the relationship. The man still wants to be dominated in the bedroom, living room, closet, garage, etc., but in a sexual way. Even her saying, “Fetch me a drink,” is interpreted by him as a sex act. He can tell because it gives him an erection, especially when other females are present.

The bottom line on this is that the woman is not generally walking around with a hard on, and sex is not utmost on her mind. She may demonstrate her position by blatant dominance that does not need to include sex. She sees the world in a different way than the man who wants to serve her. This is the only category of relationships in D/S where sex is not the prime directive, but an elective fringe benefit.

Male/Female Relationship

I have read novels of this genre, and done a little reading of blogs. As much as I like D/S stories whether fictional or real, I seldom like to see a woman being submissive to a man. This is especially true when the relationship involves corporal discipline. There was one exception of a novel, called, “Patsy Pendleton.” It gave me a number of drippy erections, and I actually liked the story because in it the good guys won, and the bad guys got their due in time. But even with that, I sort of imagined myself in her place all along.

The few blogs that I perused where the female is submissive present the relationship as sexual above all. This is true whether given from the female or male perspective. I assume that this is true because it is the man who drives the relationship, and sex with domination is the number one priority.

In a m/f situation the male is the dominant over the female. We all know what is on his mind. The female happens to need the domination by the male, so she goes with whatever he wants to an agreed upon degree. Issues such as vacuuming, laundry, toilet cleaning, etc., are seldom discussed, and are often irrelevant (contrast this with a successful FLR). In most cases we don’t have an idea who does them. Sex is always there, with the exception of when the participants are ill or dealing with Income Tax. Expect the man to have a constant erection, and the woman feels like a failure if he lets up on his attention to her.

Female/Female Relationship

I have very little exposure to this, since I don’t frequent Lesbian blogs. I have read some short stories and novels that I found arousing. This is because I love females so much. I can’t think of much that any female would do which I would find unattractive.

Based on my limited view I will state that this relationship is also more about sex than not. As a start, one of the partners would be more masculine, and tend to be the dominant. Being sexually charged that way goes without saying. That does not mean that the submissive partner has no sex on her mind, just that she is not the one dictating the style.

One could pervert the issue claiming, “This could be an FLR where the more feminine partner is actually in charge, and the masculine partner plays the role of the submissive male.” Fine. Sex is still the primary issue. Without the sex the relationship is vanilla but lacks the prime human directive of reproduction. You already know my opinion of the 50-50 relationships (see Pontification #2: Relationships and Why FLRs Are Successful).

Male/Male Relationship

I have read very little about this. For one, I am only mildly interested, and there is not enough time in a day. For another, I can tolerate only so much testosterone-bloated sexual scenes before I get bored. This D/S relationship never seems to go past oral or penetrating sex with some whipping thrown in. Everything else seems to be incidental. In other relationships there are issues of real life: family, children, working, politics, religion, health, etc. In this there is only sex and D/S. Even when something real is brought in, it circles back to the main topic.

Another issue is about male homosexual pornography. To me it is a great turn-off. When I see pictures of stylized males in leather and metal harnesses, military gear, Gestapo-style caps, bulging muscles, etc., I hasten past them. You might ask how I end up seeing these, well, you know, sometimes Internet links and titles are misleading. The result is like walking on the lawn after dark: you will step in it.

I know pornography has its place, but it seems to overload one’s senses with its blatantly stylized visual quality. If I ever had thoughts of joining in a m/m liaison, I would be scared off by these portrayals of supposed mainstream relationships. Which supports my claim that it is all about sex.

My First Real Domination

I have always been interested in novels short stories, and letters in certain magazines, whose subject was the domination of a male. Over the years I have collected many such publications, and read and re-read them all. My wife knew of my kink, and may have considered it strictly a sexual orientation. We played with it once or twice, but it never went further than that.

After having produced our optimal number of children, she and I discussed the possibility of my undergoing vasectomy. It was a logical choice between that and her having the analogous procedure, since vasectomy was a minor outpatient surgery, and likely to be reversible. But I had another reason. In my readings of mail into sleazy magazines many such pieces dealt with forced castration, forced chastity, forced servitude, mostly kinky fantasies posed as if they were real. After our discussion of this surgical procedure on me I imagined my wife making an appointment for me at the clinic and driving me there. In a semi-private examination room she would introduce me to a female doctor who was to do the operation. I was told to undress and lie on the examination table…. You know how the rest of it was supposed to go. No, not castration, vasectomy!

It was in this background when I had to have my annual checkup in order to qualify for a medical group insurance. My wife did make the appointment, but the rest of the subsequent events deviated from my fantasy to a certain extent. For example, there was not to be a vasectomy this time.

I arrived at the appointed time, and waited with all the sick people in the waiting room. When the female nurse/assistant summoned me, I watched her shapely ass as she lead me down the hall into an examination room. She left me with the words, “Your doctor’s assistant will be with you shortly.”

Some minutes later after a knock on the closed door a young woman walked in and introduced herself, “Hi, I’m Delilah, physician’s assistant. I will be giving your physical this time.”

I invented this name replace the real one in order to protect her privacy. She was not what I would call exactly my type, namely, she was not as generously endowed as my wife. Still, she was attractive. She reminded me of a sleek healthy animal: muscular and lean with just the right amount of fat to give her femininity. My recent memory of the vasectomy fantasy kicked in and I felt a little strange because of the sudden potential for fantasy meeting reality.

She took notes as we both sat and I was answering her questions. After the interview she asked me to remove my shirt so that she can listen to all those gurgly internal sounds.

I was a few years older than she, but I was in good shape besides being handsome and charming. OK, at least I thought so. I removed the shirt and she did the listening, front and back. In the chilly air-conditioned room I felt the heat of her body on my chest. I smelled her clean breath. Her faint scent of a perfume lingered around me. I had a feeling that I was making too much of all that, but I just relaxed and enjoyed the moment anyway.

At this point I may be disappointing you for not providing the details. Suffice it to say that within the subsequent few minutes she had me walking between two walls of the room as she sat on a stool a few feet away watching me. I was in my natural state, not even a stitch on. All of this was professionally executed, not even a hint of a come-on, sex, or such. Still, somehow she had me undress without a protest one article of clothing at a time. She had a presence that did not need threats or promises. I also admit that the little guy behaved admirably. He was stirring, but did not betray my emotions.

When she was done with the medical examination she left smiling. I was left with the feeling that I did not, and I still don’t know how she did this. I related this to MW at some point, and she seemed amused by it.

I thank “Delilah” for a wonderful memory of my first domination by a female. She did suggest that I begin jogging to strenghten my heart at “my age.” I did start the next day.

Fantasy in Love

Most of the comments on FLR blogs are by men, so I really appreciate it when a woman is interested enough to comment on my blog. A reader made a comment, that “…it is rather disrespectful of your wife to go into fantasy during sex…” I think the meaning was that “I was being disrespectful.” First I want to point out that I am not berating anybody if they happen to have differing opinions on philosophical subjects. Difference of opinion is where all the fun is in conversation. If everybody thinks and feels the same way, then anything to be said would be like repeating a mantra in unison. Under those circumstances nothing really needs to be said. That is why I like to discuss, even argue, sex, politics, and religion, because they bring out the different views. However, I will steer away from politics and religion in this context. Of course, that leaves only sex as the main subject.

I have mixed feelings about fantasies being disrespectful of one's partner. On the one hand, if I were consistently fantasizing about another woman while making love with my wife, I would tend to agree that it might be disrespectful. On the other hand, one's mind is the only safe place left where one does no harm to another person or to self, does not contact diseases, requires no tools or equipment, and there is no mess to clean up afterward. I would hesitate to take that away from a person regardless of his position in power.

This being a philosophical argument, one not based on logic, there is no right or wrong. Therefore, it is entirely up to the individuals involved to form the conclusion on whether or not it is disrespectful. But I have a more compelling argument. Unless FLR was imposed on me against my will, most of it is based on fantasy. It was my fantasy that flamed my needs while reading novels of dominance and submission. It was my fantasy that involved my wife to the extent that she went along with being the dominant in our marriage. It was my fantasy that provided the details, which eventually became routine in our relationship. It is my fantasy that still drives my actions to improve my service while thinking what I will earn in return. Some of these were part of my fantasy but are now reality. Those that are still fantasy may have a chance at becoming real. In addition to the above, I may have fantasies occasionally that are either un-achievable or unlikely to occur, yet I don’t want to dismiss them because they are a safe escape from the bounds of reality.

Fantasy is boundless. There are no budgetary, technological, or legal limitations. There is one exception. I am sure that most of us have limits based on our moral code. As an example, it would not occur to me to kill or even seriously hurt a human or an animal as part of my sexual fantasy. However, we can, and do things that we would never do in real life. I see fantasy as a healthful use of a safety valve by itself or during some very private sexual experience. It promotes pleasure and enhances the onset, duration, and intensity of some experiences that are shared with a partner.

I don’t keep my fantasies secret from MW. In fact, it has been to my benefit to share with her any thoughts that I have had during sex. The reason is that the more she knows about what turns me on, the easier it is for her to make it happen or to prevent it, depending on her purpose at the time. I am more at her mercy than I would be if I had not shared my fantasy. An example is what I brought up in Poster Couple for FLR - Part 5, “…I have thought of MW expecting me to clean up after myself regardless of how I orgasm….” What she has done from time to time is to talk to me about how she will make me do this. She knows that under the circumstances I will find that a tremendous turn-on. Of course, she does not often actually carry out the plan after the session is over. Just often enough to tantalize.

I asked her this morning, “Do you mind my having a fantasy while we are making love?”

She used a metaphor the equivalent of, “I don’t mind. Whatever it takes to get you off.”

When I asked her whether she fantasizes during sex, she said, “Yes.” But she was not willing to share her fantasy with me during or after the situation. This clicks with her being in charge when it comes to sex. She can tell me what to do, and how to do it, so that all I need to remember is to execute the plan to maximize her pleasure. By doing that my pleasure is also served to the maximum extent possible. I don’t need to fantasize during this time, and I feel no disrespect knowing that she is living a fantasy.

There is another area where it is difficult to “not have” fantasies. It is where we can’t have something, or can’t experience a situation, but we find it compelling. I am not giving away secrets here. I just want to illustrate a typical male preoccupation with this matter. Assume that a man is in a heterosexual relationship, and is getting plenty of sex. Suppose he has always wondered about how he would like a homosexual relationship, but he will never try it willingly. This man is an obvious candidate for a fantasy where his female partner may or may not be in it. One can dream up a million scenarios that he can use alone or in the company of his partner. Whether or not he talks about this fantasy should not make a difference. I don’t see how this would diminish a good heterosexual relationship.

End of Poll on "Is http://strictlyfemale.blogspot.com/ fake?"

Thank you all who participated in the poll. The number of participants was not large enough to really do it justice, but it is still somewhat successful. I decided to not renew the poll because of the closing of the blog in question. New viewers, those who had not seen it before it went private, can't make a decision unless they can get in. I tried today, and the blog appears extinct.

Hm. I wonder what that means. Will it come back under a different name and style? I guess the question is moot. Here is what we had as a way of responses:

Is http://strictlyfemale.blogspot.com/ fake?

Yes: 8 (42%)

No : 4 (21%)

Maybe, but I wish I were the man! : 4 (21%)

Maybe, but I wish I were the woman! : 0 (0%)
I am a woman 6 (31%)

Votes so far: 19 Poll closed

It is too bad that the person who ran the blog decided to just bail out. We meant no harm, and we would have gone along with even a good fake, had she(?) decided to continue.

Poster Couple for FLR Part 5 - She Is not Expected to Give me a Life of My Fantasy

Fantasy drives ecstasy. Any of us having sex of any kind will admit to having some kind of thoughts that are not necessarily coincident with the person, situation, frame of mind, scenario, etc., with which we are dealing at the moment. For example, I have thought of MW expecting me to clean up after myself regardless of how I orgasm.

“What’s wrong with that? You say. Nothing. Except that she is not that way. I am fantasizing while having an intimate experience with her. This helps me to get where I will eventually arrive. Contrast this with my trying to convince her that forcing me to clean up after myself every time is really part of FLR, and that I fully expect her to do it, otherwise I am not really serving her. Note the words, “forcing, expect, and serving”. There is nothing in there that benefits her, but a lot about my expectation of pleasure. Yes, I would love all that, and no, I won't have it unless she gives it to me.

This is where most attempts at FLR fail. It is because the whole thing is for the man to get what he craves, and the woman to give it to him. The concept is fraught with holes in several ways, and I may go into that some other time. For now let us say that

• I would love to be her “love slave” in and out of the bedroom
• I would love to be mistreated by her in some erotic way much of the time
• I would love to be in some stylized role acting situation often
• I would love to have infinite number of orgasms at her hands, yet remain extremely horny all the time.
• Etc.

But none of that is what my concept of FLR is. All of the above is great if I can have it. My real fantasy (I know, it is an oxymoron) is that I can fulfill my position of serving her, and that she is happy with my service. However she demonstrates her happiness, satisfaction, or dissatisfaction is up to her, and I am happy with that. Yes, I need and would love to have more sex in any fashion, but lack of my momentary satisfaction must not get in the way of our covenant.

I will be dissatisfied from time to time thinking that we could do more of “this and that”. Surely we will, if or when she decides to do so. I try to keep in mind that this whole thing was my idea imposed on her. I like to be kind, so giving her more responsibility without her asking for it is not what I do.

Keeping UP with the CB2000

My son’s SO has some daughters who are between apartments, and are staying in the house temporarily. This dampens MW’s enthusiasm in displaying much noisy D/S that could possibly result in vocal appreciation on my part. The other intrusion is that even when indoors I still need to be dressed as any normal civilized person. My guess is that MW does not want to share the view of me wearing the CB2000.

So, it was with some enthusiasm when she announced, “There is no reason why you should be wearing clothes,” shortly after noon. “Yes everybody is gone.”

I dropped all of my clothes on the spot, and returned to working on our income tax again. Having seen the preview, I was a little unhappy about state of our financial affairs. It appears that we will owe both the Feds and the State this year.

Earlier MW instructed me to install Yahoo IM on my machine so that she can contact me any time. I commented, “That’s rather perverse, considering that you can practically reach me from where you sit.” I guess she wants to reach me when I am immersed in listening to music over my earphones.

Around four o’clock she said, “Dinner in two minutes.”

I went into the kitchen, saw that there were no preparations on the table, I figured that I was a bit early, so I returned to the IM installation.

A few minutes later she approached, “So you’ve decided to ignore me.”

I knew from experience that no matter how I respond at this point, it would make the outcome worse for me, so I silently followed her into the kitchen.

“I will do something about that later. You can rely on that,” she added with some sinister tones in her voice.

We ate amidst pleasant conversation. After dinner I collected the plates, emptied the sink, and began to wash dishes. She was busy for a while with putting away the leftovers. At some point she leaned over my arms and pulled a spatula out of the stack of utensils. She hefted it meaningfully and made some comments apparently to herself, but for my benefit, explaining the history and potential use for the device. The tool is rather long, has a good grip, and the business end is made of some semi flexible plastic. She positioned herself behind me and took a tentative practice swat at my butt.

I have become somewhat accustomed to her loving corrections, not that they occur regularly, often, or too severely. It’s just that I seldom need to worry about her over doing it. Still, this bugger stings, and she was just getting started. I continued washing the dishes, she continued swatting my ass, changing sides and positions to find a best fit between instrument and target. My skin must have been displaying some interesting marks, for she went to get the camera. After taking some pictures, she gave me a few more swats, and left me to get over it while I completed my chores.

Nothing about this was said for the rest of the afternoon and evening. Late in the evening I turned away from her bedside light as I decided to go to sleep. I was in that delicious state of being nearly asleep when I felt some serious scrapes on my butt. I had no idea what it was, but knew that MW had to do with it. Not having been given orders, I stayed on my stomach with my butt pointed toward her.

“You are ignoring me again,” she said. She can be very arbitrary, but then in a D/S situation the “D” person can be anything that she wants to be. I turned over trying to minimize my offense.

“Don’t try to take away my toy,” was her response to my move. I knew that there was nothing that I could do right, so I remained quiet and took the treatment that was now being applied to my balls.

“You went to sleep without kissing me and saying ‘Good night’.”

Yes, I did that, just like I had done hundreds of times before over the years. The boys were really feeling whatever device she was using on them, mostly due to the stretched and already irritated skin from wearing the CB2000. I looked at the device. It was a hair curler with long prickly nylon bristles. When she raked my balls, it felt like hooks digging into the skin. By this time the little guy was at full attention and straining the confines of the cage.

She felt around to see the result, and asked, “Where does he go when there is no place to go?”

I tried to explain about virtual space, but did so without much success. I am not sure that she really was interested in the answer. She was just toying with me. After noticing that some of the prickly spines drew blood, she suggested that I don’t get any on the bed sheet.

I kissed her nether lips and said ‘Good night’. I took a long time to fall asleep this time.

It is now early morning as I sit at my computer. The cage and the signaling device are crowding the boys and stretching my skin. I will have to suggest to her to inspect the goods to make sure that we are not doing major harm. At the risk of “topping from the bottom” I could bring up the subject during coffee this morning.

Update:

It is now two days later. The night before last she had me remove the cage to check for damages. There were none, and she generously allowed me the night free. I fully expected to be caged again this morning, but things were going on that required hers and my attention, and the thing was either forgotten or postponed. The boys and the little guy have all recovered, with the exception of some still tender skin. Otherwise everybody is ready to go again wherever MW wants to take us.

Some Clinical Thoughts on Male Chastity

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Looking Through Bars Again

Normally I would not bother posting about this. For most men in a D/S relationship this is like an everyday occurrence, and may be for me from time to time. I just wanted to let you know that MW did as she said she would. After coffee in the morning she buttonholed me (read that as “pulled me to her by my tit”) and said, “After you have finished your outside chores, you will present your cage and put it on.”

I did some work, and then went to town to buy some material for a project. It was after noon when I stopped working outside. I came to her with the CB2000. I asked her about removing the signaling device first, and she agreed. After that I installed the cage. I settled down to work on my income tax return for the next two hours.

She was doing some laundry. Don’t ask me why. I volunteered to do it a number of times. At some point she said that there was no hot water in the laundry room. I checked in the bathroom near by, and concurred. I spent the next couple of hours diagnosing the problem, draining the tank, going to town again, and replacing a heating element. I gave the CB2000 a test in action, as it were. The discomfort was not too bad.

Other than asking me about my comfort a few times, and pinching my nipples, that is all that had happened. This morning I woke with a hard on as usual, and tried to stay awake long enough for it to go away. By the time I managed it to an acceptable state, the time was 3:40, so I got out of bed. The boys are a bit crowded with the addition of the signaling device, but I don’t mind suffering this way for her pleasure. Later we had coffee.


I always like to cuddle with her for many reasons. She lets me do it at her whim, as she did this morning. I tried to avoid hurting her with my hardware enhancements, but since she was in control, all I could do was to minimize the effect.

As we lay on our sides facing each other, my equipment left a mark on her beautiful thigh, as you can see in this picture. I assure you that the mark is temporary, and the thigh is just as kissable as before.

Edging Again

Do as I say, not as I do

During our morning coffee we get to discuss just about any subject. The conversation is usually benign, beneficial, and from time to time entertaining. Once in a while MW gets me started on politics and she practically needs to put me into a straightjacket before I calm down again. But most subjects don’t rile me that much.

I have said in many forms that we, as submissive males to our selected partners must not whine, complain, request, demand, and act like a four-year-old who did not get his second helping of ice cream. In other words, we must not top from the bottom. It may be difficult to distinguish this from occasionally discussing legitimate grievances. However, when you bring up one of your favorite subjects (sex) in contexts such as, “you never …”, “why don’t we ever …”, or “it’s been umpteen days/weeks/months since you …” it is a hint that you are doing it. This is especially true when you are doing it without her asking you about it.

I Am Edging Again

I don’t remember my frame of mind when I said, “We have not done anything since September.” I was referring to MW’s tendency to become stressed by holidays, relatives, tenants, etc., and take the celibate route in general as a result of her preoccupation.

She did not take my comment in the spirit with which it was blurted. She icily responded, “Read your blog.”

I backpedaled at great speed while trying to explain that I was merely referring to some of the kinky stuff that we used to do. As you can guess, I was not very successful.

She appeared to get over it, so nothing else was said about it.

My Early Sins

Over the many years that we have been trying to perfect this FLR I bought several books on the subject. Some were meant to be read by the woman, others by both of the practicing couple (see the sidebar of my post). In every case I took it upon myself to research then purchase these books over the Internet or some other means.

I don’t remember exactly when I first ran across a reference to Ms. Rika’s new book, “Uniquely Rika,” maybe a couple of months ago, but at the time I made a note to research it at my convenience. The note itself was buried under other notes on my desk, so it was not until I read another mention of it, on which I made a comment (see my original reference to the posting and subsequent comment at Why FLRs Are Successful.

My Most Recent Sins

Apparently Ms. Rika read my comment, and we ended up exchanging some low-key email, which I forwarded to MW for her amusement (actually, just to make sure that she will not think that there is anything underhanded going on). A day later MW and I were busy with emails and such on our computers when MW exploded with deep indignation. Among other words I heard “email” mentioned. She left the room. I did not say anything for I felt that it would make things worse for me for the moment. Several minutes later she returned and I approached her with great tact and diplomacy to find out what my latest sin was. The bottom line was, she thought that for the first time she was ahead of me in finding kinky or provocative material on D/S or FLR, and that she sent me an email pointing me to the source. Then she received the copy of my email to Ms. Rika in which I state that I had just ordered the book. This act by me preceded, and indeed, superseded MW’s attempt to do a nice thing for me.

I tend to show less emotion about matters of importance that don’t deal with life and death, but I was very sympathetic with her attempt to do something nice for me and my botching it by extremely bad timing. Several apologies by me and a few hours of groveling later I think she had overcome her anger and disappointment, and we settled down to our evening routine.

Smoldering Ashes

Early in the morning of the day when all this took place I was up, and as usual, installed the signaling device so that she can summon me when ready. When I brought our morning coffee to her she said to leave the device on. This was unusual, because I was planning to work on some landscaping later, but I complied. Later in the day we had our encounter (my sins above), and the eventual wind-down in the evening. I removed the device to shower, but did not put it back, thinking that we will be sitting side by side, and there was no need. After I passed out she stayed up to watch a movie on television.

A couple of hours later she came to bed and started playing with the boys. Being as sensitive as they are, they take offense easily, and only the little guy responded with appreciation. It did not take her long to explain to me that the signaling device should have been left on, because she did not tell me to take it off. After several pleasantly painful minutes she had me do some trivial chores, then said, “In the morning present yourself to me, and then I will decide what device you will be wearing during the day.”

My response of “Ok” appeared to be wrong, for the boys continued to suffer. It was not until a, “Yes Mistreatess,” stopped her imparting of this loving corrective action. At the time of this writing I am anticipating some uncomfortable devices to be applied later this morning.

My Early Need to Submit

While reading one of the current posts dealing with FLR I was reminded of how I got started in my need to submit. I may have been about four years old.

Our house was a place where anybody who knew us wanted to visit and stay. My mother had her female friends come on cold winter evenings to join in shared warmth and friendly companionship. They would sit around a large trestle table for hours, sipping tea and conversing on subjects that I don’t recall. They worked on crafts, such as embroidery, crochet, etc. just to fill gaps in conversation.

These women were different in age, way of dressing, way of grooming, their demeanor, and how they approached life. I learned to appreciate the wide vista of female charm in their presence. I would carry on conversations with them, and everybody seemed to love me. In turn, I was awed by these females who had such interest in me.

This was a time and a place where entertainment as we know today was temporarily unavailable. I must have been a cute little guy. I could sing, and they must have thought that I was funny, for they often asked me to do so. I was shy. I had agreed to sing, but only if they did not watch me. I don’t remember the details, but somehow I ended up under the big table as a way of becoming invisible to them. Apparently the routine worked, for on subsequent evenings I was again asked to perform. It did not take me long to realize that I was looking forward to it.

From my position, which was totally different from anybody’s point of view, I was in a magical place. Being invisible I could look but could not be seen. I had a view of many female legs. I could see some bare knees, which even today are some of my favorite things to cherish. Occasionally I had a glimpse of an inner thigh. Although I never saw anything past that, I was curious. Alas, my curiosity was not satisfied until much later in a different venue. But this set me on a path of loving anything female. It became natural to me to succumb to their charm, and in my mind, remain a slave to women.

I have never acted on the slave part, but it is still fueling my fantasy. I don’t feel that women, in general, are superior to me. But I understand that they have qualities that can make me feel good. They have a way to make everything all right. They can make me do
things that no man could. They can command, ask, or even hint, and I comply. They elicit in me feelings that are pure (and often kinky, but that’s another subject). I want to love, protect, and to serve them because I feel it appropriate.

My feelings are mostly centered on MW now, although I don’t claim that I am unaffected by most other females. I have this sense of loyalty that gets in the way if I am ever tempted. Even last night I had a vivid dream in which a woman charmed me to the point when she kissed me passionately, and I reciprocated. While still in the dream, I began to analyze the issues, and could not justify proceeding with the seduction of me. Pity.

I am convinced that if MW allowed me access to other females, I would happily comply with any demands that they would have on me. I am highly sexed that way, and it would be fulfillment of some recurrent fantasies. I also know that in spite of my willingness on this subject, neither will MW allow or suggest that I do that, nor will I undertake it without her approval. Pity again.

Is This Fake?

I must admit that having read the blog http://strictlyfemale.blogspot.com/ gave me some juicy thoughts. I am not realistically into such extremes except in my fantasy. I don’t want to bias your thinking about the blog’s veracity, so I will not say more about it.

I did, however, insert a poll to get your opinion. It is set up to run about ten days, but I might extend it or re-instantiate it later. I may also have something to say about my conclusion of it.

If the "Results" box covers up the alternatives, click on "Vote" and the text comes back full.

Why FLRs Are Successful

I don’t really think that FLRs are more successful than vanilla relationships. What I observe is that the beginning of any relationship is intense, charged with sexuality, and that at least one of the partners is really working at it to make it succeed. Not necessarily in a positive way, but more in a way to satisfy his or her basic needs. I admit that this is indeed a jaundiced view, but then, we are all adults and know that there are avaricious people out there.

In a budding FLR most of the time it is the man who starts it. If it succeeds at first, it is because he puts in the time and the effort, and provides the incentives to the partner to begin and to continue the affair. Of course, the female has to participate to whatever extent is necessary. This is a time of trial, turmoil, and interesting experiences. It can fail for many reasons, most of which are caused by selfishness of either partner. But when it succeeds, it can be very satisfying for both partners. Regardless of claims to the contrary, an FLR is a D/S relationship.

A D/S relationship, regardless of who is in charge, is different from vanilla in the sense that one partner is committed to serve the other. The submissive still has expectations, but the very act of doing something for the partner is self serving and feeds back to the needs of the submissive. It is somewhat like masturbation, only doing it remotely. I challenge anyone to provide real experience where this is not true.

Without D/S the relationship reverts to vanilla where the dominance scale approaches, but seldom reaches 50-50. Read that as “nobody is in charge”. It can still work, but it is seldom an achievable match where both partners are satisfied with the idea. The traditional patriarchal relationship is usually from 60-40 to 90-10 with the man in charge. When it works, it is because the woman does not mind giving up freedom in exchange for protection and security. The man seldom has the opportunity to say, “Yes, I will be in charge, and she will be under my protection.” It has been simply understood that that will be the case.

That is why it is so unusual when the female becomes the leader through her own implementation of her needs. Here too, both have to support the idea, because it is against tradition, and it is unusual for the supposed stronger partner (the male) to give up leadership. By the way, if the usually stronger partner is the male, he is not necessarily more fitted to be the leader. If the woman is more intelligent or smarter than the man, it may be very hard on her to live with the submissive position unless she is or wants to be submissive naturally. I have known men who are not fit to lead a pack of roaches, yet they are supposed to be in charge of the family. Some of these men may not be smart enough to realize that it is the “little woman” who is the true leader, and that he is just a figurehead. With too much ego and testosterone these men cannot relinquish their position without feeling like a failure or a “sissy”. Yet these are the men who should definitely be in an FLR.

The ego issue is perhaps the most compelling for unenlightened people to oppose FLR. Listen to the bravado of macho males and you get the idea that they would rather die than give up their position, and that any hint that the woman is in charge is an insult to them. The adjectives, “henpecked” and “pussywhipped” are not applied in a benign way and face to face to a man. Yet both adjectives imply some level of FLR.

From my perspective it takes strength of character for a man to admit that he wants or needs his woman to be in charge of him. Sure, any man with bedroom fantasies will admit to wanting the woman to take charge during sex from time to time. But that is mostly unrelated to freely admitting to the unenlightened that he is submissive to his partner. It is like a homosexual who never comes out of the closet for fear of embarrassment.

I have read an “interview” by one of the best bloggers at http://vanillaedge.wordpress.com/2008/02/13/rika-does-vanilla/#comments.
The person being interviewed is Ms. Rika, whom I admire greatly. As I have been advocating the true submission to women, this quote, out of context, is telling:

“…D/s is about what he does for me, not what I do to him. We judge the success of the D/s dynamic on how satisfied I am; and on how good a job he does in anticipating my needs and fulfilling them….”

Indeed, it is not about my need, but about her need that my submission should exist. This is what most men in what they assume to be FLR fail to understand. This is why budding FLRs fail. This is why most males just go into a tailspin after “they do all they can and the female just does not see the rewards or benefits of what they have so selflessly given.”

Men, read Ms. Rika’s writings, and you might get a clue. If, after reading all of her writings and the question/answer blogs you still think that you are slighted by your female partner, you may not be what you profess to be. I don’t take away from your need and willingness to submit, just that you need to become real. You need to understand and admit the truth. I am not advocating rules, contracts, etc. They are just fun trivia. What I am advocating is understanding your needs and wants, and those of your partner. All else is like frosting on a cake.

There is one more point to present before beating this subject to death. Some women are not capable, or are not willing to be in charge, which is what is definitely required in an FLR. A man who is trying to develop an FLR in relationship with such woman must at some point admit that. It is not necessarily the end of the world as far as he is concerned. If the relationship is strong and loving otherwise, the two can still play FLR from time to time. He can still remain as good as he was while he thought that he was in an FLR. She can accommodate some of his kinks and still receive the benefit. The adapted relationship is not as blatant as he may have expected, but it can still be fun and satisfying for both. This is especially true when considering the alternatives: complete abandonment of FLR, reverting to a resentful vanilla relationship with who-knows-who-is-in-charge, or divorce and subsequent search for a more agreeable partner.

In closing I return to the premise of this posting. FLRs, when successful, are so because at least one of the partners is committed to make it work at almost all cost. The other partner, if she or he buys into the relationship, need not do quite as much. Nevertheless, it does take two to have this relationship. This may be true for vanilla relationships, but as I said, the closer the D/S gets to 50-50, the less chance there is that it is viable.

Reset

After our most recent bump in the road Another Bump In the Road to FLR MWs behavior has been reserved. The evening before last she refused my application of our regular leg and foot massage with the comment, “I have not been the Mistress whom you deserve, so I don’t think that I deserve this.” I try to be an easygoing fellow, so I just joined her in bed without comment.

The problem is that whatever causes these negative spikes in our FLR don’t just go away without being addressed and doing something about the underlying issues. Much has to do with perception and that ever-thoroughly-fucking-useless-and-destructive human emotion, self-righteousness. According to my understanding of her statement, she will not continue these nice perks of our FLR until she does more of what I expect her to do.

Strange. If she were to do all that I expect, then she is either a professional whom I hired, or a submissive to me. By conclusion, if she is not doing all that I expect, then she should not be paid for the service.

That is totally backward from what we have been trying to do all along, which is: I serve her, she enjoys it, and I don’t ask for payment. Sure, I would like something in return once in a while, but that is not a requirement or a condition of my serving her. Let’s not confuse this with normal human emotions exhibited by either of us. I did not say that I will never be hurt, or that I will always behave in a way that she expects me to behave, assuming that I would know what that is. But I did say that she has the power to correct my behavior in any way that is deemed appropriate by her. She keeps forgetting this, and on the rare occasions when she remembers, she thinks that I might not take it in the spirit in which it is given.

She is still very tentative about resuming our loving FLR thinking that she is not doing her part. Maybe she needs to decide and define what her part is, so that we can agree that she is or is not doing it. I am not looking for a written contract, but it would be good to know how she sees her obligations. One of these obligations should be a clearly stated escape clause: she has the right to do nothing in return for my services. At times like this I could point to it and say, “You are doing exactly what you agreed to do, therefore, you are blameless.”

Let’s not kid ourselves. I will say again “It takes two to have a relationship.” I am not the naïve submissive who claims that she does not ever have to do anything except enjoying my service. I don’t work in vacuum. I need some feedback and a feeling that what I do is valuable. But that does not mean that I have list of stuff that she must do otherwise the deal is off. I know that there are things that she wants to do that turn out to be too difficult for her. There are times when an ordinary act can become impossible for her. I acknowledge that, and try not to hold a grudge. I am here to help. At other times let’s just do what feels good or feels right, and not worry about protocol, obligations, or expectations.

The wonderful aspect of voluntary FLR is that it is given freely and with love, not guilt. Guilt should be neither a motivator nor a detractor. I don’t want to feel guilty, and I don’t expect MW to feel guilty. We will make mistakes, and we must get over them without breaking this loving thread that binds us together.

Another Bump in the Road

Early in the Day

We sat at our computers on a rainy afternoon, and it occurred to me to play a CD that has her favorite style of music. Being somewhat careless I failed to control the volume as the music started. The sudden onset of noise startled her. Her reaction prompted a response from me, which in turn a response from her. The rest was worse.

In the Evening

Later in the evening she tried to make amends. I did not respond well. The consequence was that she left me in our bedroom, while she went to spend the night, and the rest of her life away from me.

Even in my best moments I find it difficult to deal with emotional attitude of others. I was not in my best moments last night. I did not deal with anything. After spending some time reading I turned off the lights. I had plans of doing and not doing certain routine things in the morning because of the change of situation at hand. I fell asleep with those troubled thoughts.

Restitution In the Early Morning Hours

Some hours later I was awakened with the world’s most beautiful breasts draped across my face. I reached out with my free hand and found equally beautiful parts attached to the breasts. Considering my position I had to assume that all of those parts belonged to MW. She stayed for several minutes while I sported an erection and fondled all of her that I could reach. At some point I suggested,

“Come back to bed.”

She silently stepped back, then went to the bathroom. Afterward she left the bedroom. I assumed that she was going to retrieve her pillows and join me. Several minutes later I realized that she was not coming back. I got my naked ass out of bed and went to find her. She was lying on the living room sofa with some cats for company. We straightened the misunderstanding: I wanted her to come back to bed, and she needed firm reassurance that I meant it.

Back in bed we felt each other like new lovers for maybe a half hour. She could not fail to notice the little guy muscling in between us, so at some point she made the overtures for me to help out. I gently pushed her onto her back, and she generously spread her thighs for us.

We spent a long time feeling each other before she took the little guy in hand and escorted him to the center of my being. Not being in a hurry I took my time to enjoy her to the hilt. She mentioned buying a CB3000 “because it looked sexy”. She knew that I consider the idea erotic. While pinching my ON/OFF buttons she talked of my acquiring “more protein in my diet” after the inevitable, obliquely referring to my cleaning up after myself. That usually gets me going like nothing else. Eventually the little guy took control, regardless of the implications, while I abandoned mine to a glorious orgasm.

Resting on one elbow or another I remained on top breathing her scents and feeling her softness. It took a while for us to settle down to some more fondling, kissing, licking, and feeling, then parting. She did not follow through on the hinted “protein snack”. At the time I was happy with it. In retrospect I wish that she had tested me. But I can’t complain. It's something to which I can look forward.

TheVeracity of Blogs

What is a Blog on FLR?

Let’s say that I have a fertile imagination (I do). Let’s say that I have a fair skill of literary style and the use of the English language (I do). Let’s say that I am horny as hell (I am), and other than manual self-satisfaction I have no sex life (not true). Let’s say that I would love to be dominated in the bedroom (extremely true). Let’s say that I could spend the rest of my life lovingly serving a woman (I do). Let’s say that she may or may not be all that my fantasy requires (true). Let’s say that I am male (I am).

If I were to throw all of those into a plot of erotic adventures, I would come up with one hell of a story. But our context here is neither a novel, nor a short story. It is a realistic interaction with humans who are attuned to similar ideas, and like to read and deal with real life scenarios from like-minded people. I have just described hundreds of FML blogs, including mine. I have never played a video game, but I imagine that this is somewhat analogous to them. The difference is that the players are real in every way, and in most cases so are the scenarios.

How Can We Tell Fantasy from Reality?

First I want to say that fantasy has its place in reality (you will have to think about that a bit). I am not dismissing fantasy at all. It can be fun during otherwise boring idle moments, say when you are waiting to have one of your molars extracted. If all you can afford is fantasy, then go for it! Just don’t try to sell it to us as your life. It may amuse you to fool some of us some of the time. But when it’s over, all you still have is your fantasy, while the rest of us have moved on with our real lives.

Reality sucks, and I am not making excuses about it. I would love to be able to write about my perfect FLR, and be the envy of all. It is not going to happen. So, will I embellish just to juice it up enough to keep prurient interest alive? Neither will that happen. I will tell you when what I write is not real. I have never taken an identity that I did not actually possess. My aversion to faking my self borders or encroaches paranoia. I don’t ever want to be “found out as a fake”. I would rather just write my fantasy and present it that way.

And there is the rub!

How can you tell that anything I say is not just a literary creation based entirely on my thoughts? That brings me to the essence of this pontification.

The Turing Test

I am interested in psychology, logic, computer science, and history. One of the outstanding aspects is an overlap of the disciplines. It has to do with research on human and artificial intelligence. I will not bore you with the detail; you can look it up in a number of sources. I will just give you the essence: Alan Turing proposed a simple test in 1950 (before most of you were born). Paraphrasing the test, “A human judge conducts a textual conversation with a human and a machine. If the judge can not have a reliable way to distinguish the two, then the machine passes as intelligent.”

Many have accepted this as “Of course! That makes sense.” But when one begins to analyze the implications, one runs into problems with it. There are many things wrong with the test, the assumptions, and the definitions, and I will not go into them in detail to save space. Suffice it to say that today there is no known test that can be applied and to succeed consistently. Maybe there will be one in the future. If you want to ask me about the details of why it fails, send me an email and I may elaborate.

Parlor Games

There is a party game that has a certain similarity to the Turing Test. A man and a woman are the test subjects hidden from the judge. The judge is expected to decide which of the two subjects is man and which is woman via textual communication. During the test each subject is trying to convince the judge that he or she is the other gender. It is a fun game, and as before, no true test can do it justice.

Blog Veracity Tests

This brings us to the blog test: “Is this blog describing the author’s reality or fantasy or both?” As discussed in the previous two tests, there are a lot of undefined elements for which there is no true test that will succeed in telling reality from fantasy. But it is fun to try! My previous entry, "Extremes" dealt with the subject of a blog being so good, that it could be fantasy.

“The better it sounds, the less real it tends to be.” Consider this a rule of thumb. It is unscientific, likely to fail, and may be unjust to apply. And we will never know whether our conclusion based on it is right.

Then again, as we have heard, “Truth can be stranger than fiction.” I admit that I have a tremendous imagination, but am I also humbled by some folks who make a tongue-in-cheek comment on my pontifications and thereby making mockery of it. So, all you smart and intelligent readers, please propose some rules with appropriate definitions that will be successful in this nascent "Blog Veracity Test." There can be any number of rules, but try to be precise in your definitions. For example, words like “reasonable”, “fairly good”, “mostly”, etc., are not precise and likely to be useless for this purpose.

Let’s hear some good rules. If there are some, I might put them together and publish them here, so that we can all use them, and adjust them over time.

Extremes

I have been given a link to a blog http://strictlyfemale.blogspot.com/ during one of my readings of current posts here and there. I did check it with some misgivings based on the preview that the person who referenced it presented. The blog is straight out of “Extreme male fantasy 101.” I did get turned on reading it, and will likely return to see what develops. But, as you may have guessed already, I have a somewhat jaundiced view of some so-called relationships. Don’t take that comment as a criticism, rather, as a question in “how real is it?”

I don’t mind repeating my aphorism, “The more you dig in, the more you are likely to come out the other side.” This person sounds like she (?) is totally in charge of a male husband who is devastatingly enslaved by her with respect to sexual nonexistence. While I can see an extreme view of a female dominating a male, especially in the given context, I can at the same time visualize a male fantasizing to this extreme and writing his supposed scenario.

Could it be that this is no more than most of the stuff that is fodder for erotic novels? Please give your opinion. I doubt that you will insult anyone if you think that the blog is fake. If it is a fake, it is a very good fake. If it is legitimate, the author should rejoice in knowing that it is so good that it appears to be too good to be true. Not that I would really want to be the subject of her [un]desires. For fantasy, it is great. For real, I don’t want to go there.

Poster Couple for FLR Part 4 - She Has the Last Word

FLRs go from one extreme to the next. Some have rigid rules about what the male may not do, or must do, what the consequences are, etc. Much of that depends on who has initiated the relationship.

If the male set up the whole thing, and is telling his female partner what all she is expected to do to or for him, it is likely to be a very short-term relationship. It may even terminate a marriage. In any case, he comes with a wish list that she is expected to fill over time. If she is nice enough, she will do some, she may even grow into her new role and enjoy it. But the rules of the game are likely to be few because the more or stricter his self-imposed rules are, the more she has to track and adjust.

If the relationship was initiated by the female, it is more likely to be strict and restrictive of the male’s activities. This is because it is she who wants it a certain way, and is willing to go to the trouble to enforce it. She knows what she wants. She is already in the proper mind set for it. No matter how many rules she forces on him, it is her doing, so she should not feel as if she is doing him a favor. It is the male who must adjust his attitude and expectations for the relationship to thrive. Some of us might say, “lucky fellow”, “I wish that I were in that situation,” etc. Maybe. What if he does not want that sort of thing? But we are not really talking about those rare cases here.

A very relaxed FLR is where there are few rules. I will get to those in the last part of this series, “What if We Give Up on FLR”. All I have to say here is that in our case MW is in charge. You may make of that what you wish. The bottom line is that she is the one who makes the rules, and can be as arbitrary as she pleases. I am not advocating that particular aspect, just trying to point out that it is within her power to do it. I do get annoyed occasionally when she gets too arbitrary, and I show it. Sometimes she takes it in stride, sometimes she shuts down, and at other times she punishes me for it. We are dealing with humans here, not programmed machines. We adjust. When the perturbation is over, we go back to where we were, but usually wiser and stronger.

If there is any doubt in any confrontation about what to do next, it is easy for me to decide: whatever she wants. If she cannot decide, we decide together. The above covenants exist in our minds, not in writing. Although we could write them into a contract, it would not change a thing. If she says, “Do this,” I “do this.” If she says, “Don’t do that,” I “don’t do that.” This is also very easy on me, because I never have to think about whether I should or should not do something involving her or what she has already defined. If I do it, I might earn some benefits. If I don’t do it, it begins to gnaw at the relationship, and leads to potentially bad things.

I know that this sounds like I am “pussy whipped”. Maybe I am. At least, I wish that I were. But this also leaves me open to free thinking, decision-making, and autonomous action within our simple scope of FLR.

Contrast this with the wish of many submissive males who have a need to be totally dependent on their owner, who don’t want to make decisions, who absolutely need detailed instructions on their daily behavior. This is total sexual, marital, social, and financial domination. As I said in the leading paragraph, I am discussing extremes here, and not judging any one’s relationship. In fact, some of this occurs daily in any FLR. The differences are in the duration, degree, and frequency.

In summary, I emphasize this: MW has the last word. I am allowed to think what I want, I have a lot of latitude in decisions, but I also know where I am heading, and for whom I work. I like that. It makes some of my decisions simple. It also puts some burden on MW, so I am not surprised when she turns it around and says, “You decide!” That’s kind of funny, because that puts me in charge of those situations. As I said earlier, “The more you dig in, the more you are likely to come out the other side.”

We Are (not) Playing Again

After coffee this morning I carried the dishes and cups from last night’s snack and this morning into the kitchen. Upon my return MW was again lying across the bed on her front. I always accept that as an invitation to make love to her bottom, and I did so. Her thighs, the dimples about her buns, her sides, her knees were not neglected either. I moved on to give her back a full massage.

Some half hour later she declared that it was time to start the useful part of the day, and that I would be getting back to more strenuous and rigid schedule of house cleaning, etc. I was silly enough to suggest that I would help her to clear the floors of some items that we have been casually storing there. It was to make it easier to clean the floor. The consequence was several jolts with the signaling device. She was going to follow this up with some corporal adjustment, but could not find her tools. No matter, somehow she ran across her formerly favorite cane. It is no longer her favorite because the tip broke off during use, and the sharp edge tends to leave cuts on my butt. But it was all right to use this time, which she did.

I must admit that she was kind to me, and gave me only a dozen or less across my cheeks. The signaling device remained on and has been used many times today.

In the evening she cooked one of my favorite meals for dinner. We really enjoyed it.

Relying on Electronic Communication

Back in the dark ages we used to have office mail. It was a service that relied on typewritten or printed material that was often duplicated and passed on through human local mail carriers. We would look in the in-box and pick up all that people left including items and artifacts. We used to get business mail and advertisements the same way. Much of that practice has stopped. I believe that the mechanism still exists in most large businesses, but gets very little use. Unless it comes to delivering objects that need a physical container, we rely on email and instant messaging. Some of us carry this to extremes. For example, MW sends me email at one or more of my addresses. The fact that her computer is in the same room as mine, and that we sit about ten feet apart does not interfere with usage.

It is with this spirit that she uses the signaling device to have me fetch her drinks, objects, or to remind me to bring the laundry from the dryer. She could talk to me, and she does that too, but the first attention getter is a zap rather than a more traditional, “Oh dear? …”

Yesterday being a blustery Sunday, I stayed indoors except during a few unavoidable chores. As you can guess, all I wore was the device the rest of the day. She was still using it after we had settled down to watch a movie and were sitting side by side. I guess that she wanted to be sure that I was paying attention before she said something. Before I excused myself to pass out I asked her whether I should turn off the device, hoping she will say, “Yes, and take it off.”

No. It was just "Turn it off." It was not a great handicap. Like Kali, it gets in the way only under some circumstances, such as when I sit, wear tight pants, or when I develop an erection. As a result I was able to sleep without the usual pains. I did have the last little problem, but it was not to such extent as it would have been with Kali. At least she did not have me wear both simultaneously. She can be very nice to me.

They Find You Wherever You Are

I used to get IMs on the job from “Bobbi-Joe”, ”Meredith”, and their sisters with offers of hot dates, large boobs, blow jobs, and kinky sex. I kept changing my moniker, and they kept finding me. I guess my responses exuded that sexuality that never fails to impress the average mortal, were they really females or just masquerading as such. That was one reason why I no longer use IM. Those poor things out there suffered too long with my coveted manly presence being there but without giving them satisfaction.

Now days I use one of my email addresses just between MW and me. Only once or twice a year ago I inadvertently send email from there to somebody other than her. Someone picked up the address. As a result, I still get advertisements from unknown assholes that want to sell me the usual crap. The volume is a small percentage of what I get on my business email, but is still annoying.

Some of these are funny. For example, I got one this morning with a splashy banner that I will not duplicate here (after all, I don’t want to help this schmuck sell his stuff). It is from “Maxwell C. English” probably from Africa or Pakistan. “…WonderCum allows you to have multiple orgasms! … Doubles, Triples, Quadruples and MORE!… not just the volume of …” and so on. One good thing I can say about this guy is that for "advertise-talk" his grammar is fair, unlike most that are scattered in my direction. Way to go, “Maxwell C. English!” You appear to be more educated than most of those that use this annoying practice.

We Are Playing Again

Last Friday being hard labor day, I passed out midway into the evening. MW tried to revive me by telling me to install the CB2000. I was too wasted to comply. Generously she let me get away with it. When I woke up the next morning I started thinking right away. That is usually a sign that I would not be able to sleep any more. I was getting out of bed as I remembered her last order to me. I did not want to take it upon myself to act in this manner, so I grabbed only the signaling device and left the room.

We were alone in the house, so I did not need clothes except that I was cold. We like to keep the main heater off most of the time, especially at night, because it tends to dehumidify the air and disturb our sleep. When I settled down at the computer with my espresso I turned on a portable heater. Did some work until MW summoned me some hours later.

I like the way she makes her rear available for me to kiss. There was already some daylight, so I could zero in on her delicious buns right away. Of course, she expected it. It is funny that the term, “Kiss my ass” has a different meaning between us than when I hear it in general. You know, in general it is not a nice thing to say. Between us I consider it a gift, and respond with a kiss and a “Thank you Mistress.”

I brewed fresh coffee for us and brought it to her. We discussed my failure last night, and she hinted that the device is still in my immediate future. She also mentioned that she might allow me to remove it temporarily so that she can use me to her advantage in the evening. We were planning to go to a family party in behalf of a son-in-law. I guessed that I would be wearing the cage even when we are out. She told me that it was all right to put on clothes when I need to go outside.

After coffee she told me to install the cage. She instructed me to add a spring-loaded latch to be hanging on the Prince Albert ring that protrudes between the bars. Another latch to hold the cage together. She did not have me install a lock. Since my masturbation is never an issue, there is no need to lock the cage. I would not remove it unless she instructed me to do so. We are not really using it as a chastity device, although we could. We are just playing with it, as she likes to show her power over me. I, on the other hand, get a large thrill out of being in my natural state but enhanced by the device while she is fully clothed.

Early afternoon I was getting ready for our outing. After I showered, I put on some decent clothes (I can’t be going out in my natural state). When done, I checked with MW about the looks of my crotch in the tight Wrangler pants. We agreed that it was just too suggestive for a family gathering, so she told me to remove the cage and put on Kali.

I don’t know who or how many among you know about this devilish device. It was sold under the name “MCD”. The cost was around $30 three or four years ago. It is also called Kali’s teeth bracelet. It is a strip of plastic about an inch wide that wraps around the male part, and is tied shut with one of those plastic ties that have become ubiquitous from electrical wiring to prisoner transport. You know, whenever you want to tie up something but not use a rope. It is kind of prickly fun when first put on. Under my tight pants it was a frequent source of discomfort, but not much pain. I had made a mistake in the past. In my enthusiasm to comply I made it too tight. Not this time. Over several hours while driving, or sitting I suffered a bit, but again, it was within tolerances of good clean CBT.

It was late in the evening when we returned home. I was about to step into the shower when MW showed up in the bathroom ready to shower. She, of course, took priority. Afterward I dried her and we returned to the bedroom so that I could do her massage. She was ready, but sent me off to get her dessert first. I did, and then we got down to business. She kindly let me get my shower after that.

We needed to unwind, so she popped a movie into the player. The plot was based on reality, the acting good, but it was just a bit too serious. Amazingly I stayed with it. During this time I asked her whether she was planning to leave Kali in place knowing how much pain it can cause. She said yes. She also said that I should wake her during the night, but only after some suffering. She can be so nice to me.

After the movie we tried to sleep. It took me a long time. It was around 3AM when I was awake again. The device has triangular teeth arranged in rows sort of like shark's teeth. They are small, but pointy. As usual, my little guy was doing his own thing without consulting me, and as usual, he was in trouble begging me to bail him out. Alas, I was powerless to do so. The problem with this device is that it is insidious. After installation if he manages to remain flaccid, there is no problem. Then, upon being teased, provoked, or turned on in any fashion, the little guy reacts. For example, MW would use my ON/OFF switches just to see what Kali’s teeth do to me. At first the pain is delicious enough to feed back and in turn create a more massive erection. The consequence is more pain, then more erection. I think that the process ends with more pain, because the erection can be only so big, whereas the pain can increase. The same process occurs while I sleep. Those nasty little buggers bite, and then I am awake. In the past I used to get up, walk around, and think of some bad things, like collection agency lawyers, roof repair, etc. to get my mind off the little guy and pain. It usually worked after a while.

This time I did what it takes to awaken MW following her instructions from last night. She faked sympathy and expressed admiration for the size, shape, color, etc., and then sent me to fetch the side-cutters to cut the plastic tie. The process itself was painful, but I quickly got over that. The teeth left a nice pattern that you can see in the next picture. From time to time they penetrate the skin, so I end up with neat rows of tiny scabs for a few days. This time it was not that bad.

I Am Alive!

Judging by the number of comments on my roof repair effort (read that as “zero”) I would say that I could have died and nobody would notice. All right, some people would have deleted my blog address from their frequent re-visits after a while, and then go on with whatever they were doing. The thing is, I was up there being a fucking hero. You all go on with your lives feeling good or bad depending on what you encounter, but you just don’t see my peril. Or maybe you don’t give a shit. Yeah, that’s it. Because I don’t pose a challenge with respect to my relationship, I don’t exist. I am boring, as in “He has nothing to complain about. Why is he wasting bandwidth on the internet?”

I am alive and nobody cares.

Whew! That felt good.

Ok, I am over it now.

Well, not really. I will sulk for a while, so there!

If I don’t post for the next few hundred years somebody will comment on my blog saying, “Maybe we should have said something. Anything. Poor schmuck.”