From Her Point Of View Continued … session 2

If I had to guess, I would say this:

• She likes to be in charge as long as being in charge does not increase the stress on her.
• She does not want the responsibility that comes with being in charge, but likes the power.
• She would love to keep the power, but delegate the details, unless the details have to do with something with which she is currently involved by choice.
• She does not want the constant drain on her attention that deals with all the things a leader in FLR needs to monitor: running the household, maintaining the health and welfare of the dependents, keeping the submissives happy, etc.

Most of the above involve work. Mental and sometimes physical work, which tends to take away from the attraction of being in charge. Well, at least for some people, and I think that she is one.

Each of us is unique in the way we see our roles in an FLR. I did say that MW’s role as a leader was bestowed upon her. She did not ask for it. For all I know, she did not, and still does not want it. She has not said one way or the other. Knowing her as I do, I would say that she is doing an admirable job of it under the circumstances. I can see her as a would-be monarch who suddenly inherited a queendom through succession rather than ascendancy. She did not choose her position. It was thrust upon her. As such, she makes the best of it, but don’t anybody complain, for she never asked for it or agreed to do it.

Given the above, I question, “Who in reality is in charge? The monarch or the steward?” I wish that she would let me know. From time to time she gets my attention with a course correction that has lasting effect. But even then, I am not sure whether she does it to reinforce her position as a leader, for her own kinky gratification, or to give me a token of what I crave.

Before you think that I am off on a negative thread, I assure you that is not true. I am curious, I would like some answers, and at the same time I fear finding out the answers. It may be better to let things go as they are, and never find out the whole truth. I am mostly happy with our relationship. I would change some components, but as I said, I may not be smart enough to make a change and know the total outcome, so I tend to leave things alone. It's the unintended consequences issue.

Poster Couple for FLR Part 2 - She is the De-Facto Leader

In a prior post I began to explain my views on the covenant between MW and me:

1. I Have Given to Her the Authority over Me
2. She is the De-facto leader
3. She Is not Expected to Do or not Do what I Require
4. She Has the Last Word
5. She Is not Expected to Give me a Life of My Fantasy And one final issue based on the above,
6. What if We Give Up on FLR?

This is part 2 elaborating on her as the leader.

Leadership is taken by force, earned, or bestowed. All three work, but they each require different maintenance methods. In our case leadership was bestowed upon MW. I wish that it had been taken by her, but she was just not that way. Given all of her desirable qualities, I would not want to take a chance on changing anything about her. A personal relationship is very complex, and I am not smart enough to even wish for a change, knowing that any change will cause other unforeseen changes. In war and politics this is often called unintended consequences.

MW does well as a leader in most cases, and when not, nobody questions her except herself. That does not mean that she will not ask me for advice, or will not listen to my input when or where she thinks it is appropriate. The meaning of appropriate here depends on interpretation, but there too, she decides, and I follow. All of this is predicated on my previous admittance, “I have given her the authority over me.”

I wish sometimes that she would take a more active lead. I am very pleased when she decides things that she, I, or we together will do. I want to be lead by her. I also know from experience that being a leader is a strenuous task. I can do it, and on the occasions when she chooses not to do it, I am there for her. But that does not change anything in our FLR.

Without trying to get kinky I wish to point out a powerful force in my life. I absolutely succumb to her female charms, be they visual, oral, aural, or based on pheromones. I also admit that most of this is based on sex. After all, I would never have married her without the sexual attraction. It is a good assessment of her charms that she keeps my mind riveted to her after so many years of marriage. We change in appearance over the years, and look different as we age. She remains my lover of past, present, and forever.

Getting back to the maintenance methods of leadership, there is one thing in common: one must reinforce it from time to time. Without reinforcement the underlings (I in this case) become lackadaisical, lose focus, produce less than they are capable or are expected of doing so.

A leader may have to rely on followers for many reasons. In our case it is seldom a matter of life or death, so we are more mundane. Still, when it comes to, say, time to clean the mistress bathroom, and it was not done when it was due, the leader needs to impart a reminder to the submissive.

Even when all is done perfectly, a demonstration of the power of one’s position is in order just to keep leadership in perspective. And that is part of the joy of serving in a loving FLR. Of course, this is only from my perspective.

The final point is perhaps the most important in the minds of submissives: sexual service. It is the driving force of all males in an FLR regardless of what they claim. They start with it; their attention is focused on it. They may sublimate their sexual desires from time to time, but it tends to pop up in unexpected places and in ways. More on this subject later.

Some might argue this, and you are welcome to comment. Show me a “selfless” (by his own description) male submissive in an FLR, one who is willing to serve without expectations, and I will show you a male who has all kinds of kinky thoughts on what he is getting or expecting to be getting out of his service. As I said before, with the rare exceptions of convenience and economics, sex is behind all relationships, be they FLR or vanilla.