Reset

After our most recent bump in the road Another Bump In the Road to FLR MWs behavior has been reserved. The evening before last she refused my application of our regular leg and foot massage with the comment, “I have not been the Mistress whom you deserve, so I don’t think that I deserve this.” I try to be an easygoing fellow, so I just joined her in bed without comment.

The problem is that whatever causes these negative spikes in our FLR don’t just go away without being addressed and doing something about the underlying issues. Much has to do with perception and that ever-thoroughly-fucking-useless-and-destructive human emotion, self-righteousness. According to my understanding of her statement, she will not continue these nice perks of our FLR until she does more of what I expect her to do.

Strange. If she were to do all that I expect, then she is either a professional whom I hired, or a submissive to me. By conclusion, if she is not doing all that I expect, then she should not be paid for the service.

That is totally backward from what we have been trying to do all along, which is: I serve her, she enjoys it, and I don’t ask for payment. Sure, I would like something in return once in a while, but that is not a requirement or a condition of my serving her. Let’s not confuse this with normal human emotions exhibited by either of us. I did not say that I will never be hurt, or that I will always behave in a way that she expects me to behave, assuming that I would know what that is. But I did say that she has the power to correct my behavior in any way that is deemed appropriate by her. She keeps forgetting this, and on the rare occasions when she remembers, she thinks that I might not take it in the spirit in which it is given.

She is still very tentative about resuming our loving FLR thinking that she is not doing her part. Maybe she needs to decide and define what her part is, so that we can agree that she is or is not doing it. I am not looking for a written contract, but it would be good to know how she sees her obligations. One of these obligations should be a clearly stated escape clause: she has the right to do nothing in return for my services. At times like this I could point to it and say, “You are doing exactly what you agreed to do, therefore, you are blameless.”

Let’s not kid ourselves. I will say again “It takes two to have a relationship.” I am not the naïve submissive who claims that she does not ever have to do anything except enjoying my service. I don’t work in vacuum. I need some feedback and a feeling that what I do is valuable. But that does not mean that I have list of stuff that she must do otherwise the deal is off. I know that there are things that she wants to do that turn out to be too difficult for her. There are times when an ordinary act can become impossible for her. I acknowledge that, and try not to hold a grudge. I am here to help. At other times let’s just do what feels good or feels right, and not worry about protocol, obligations, or expectations.

The wonderful aspect of voluntary FLR is that it is given freely and with love, not guilt. Guilt should be neither a motivator nor a detractor. I don’t want to feel guilty, and I don’t expect MW to feel guilty. We will make mistakes, and we must get over them without breaking this loving thread that binds us together.